Topic: Struggling with depression

[Sri Sudachan]

My problem is motivation to go to gym, I started about 3 weeks ago, and have only been twice. I just can't motivate myself properly to get there and do an hour.

 Get a punch bag and go wild on it for an hour or two.
 It's good fun 

[Sean_93]

My problem is motivation to go to gym, I started about 3 weeks ago, and have only been twice. I just can't motivate myself properly to get there and do an hour.

Give yourself a goal mate. Think about what you want to improve like cardio or weight training and take it from there. For example, when I started going to the gym I just wanted to get fitter and boredom began to set in after a while as I didn't feel I was achieving anything or knew what I wanted to achieve. Then it was suggested that I work specifically on strengh to help with my football and the goal of trying to play at higher level kept me focused when in the gym. You could also do a similar thing with running and maybe sign up for a 5 or 10k. Hope this helps mate

[Chakan]

will answer all of these suggestions... just swamped at work, and about to throw our tomcat server through a window.

[Matt8Pie]

Thanks Chakan and Jason for your replies.

Chakan - I know what you're saying...that I'm in a rut and I'm the only one that can get myself out of it. I have people at work that I know and play football with on Tuesday nights which is one of the only highlights of my week. I know a few people from sixth form dotted around London but I was never close enough to them to warrant me messaging them to meet up. I'm not particularly bothered, either.

I've got a few things in the next couple of weeks to keep me occupied enough, but even doing these things most of the time aren't enough and even add to the frustration. I'm going to see a play tomorrow night with Matthew Fox in it from Lost, seeing my dad at the weekend and then going home to my mum's next Thursday-Sunday as I have a dentist appointment and will spend some time there too. I'm also planning with a mate to go up to Anfield for the Spurs match in May which will be the first time I've been since I was like 10 years old. That's one plus of my job - that I've actually got a bit of money.

I struggle to sleep at night most nights because my mind is so unsettled. It's got quite bad this week because work has been pretty rubbish and I find myself taking a long time to be able to fall asleep and waking up at least 6 or 7 times in the night and struggling to fall back asleep each time I do. I believe strongly that I'm made for something else in life and when trivial things like getting less than 4 hours of sleep a night and having to wake myself up at half 6 to go to a place I despise only adds fuel to my frustration. I'm the kind of person who when I want something, I will go and get it without thinking, and on the flipside, if I don't want something then I just avoid it. Going to work at this place is something I don't want and if I was at home and didn't have the responsibility of my own apartment, then I probably would've walked out by now. That sounds childish and ungrateful to the fact that I have a job in this present climate, but that's just the kind of person I am. I reside in the fact that I know it's all temporary anyway. As you said, it's just a rut which I know I'll get out of eventually, it's just playing that patience game.

I really appreciate your message mate so thanks for the encouragement.

Jason - It's good to see that you manage to find positives out of a potentially discouraging situation and I wish you all the best.

They're all questions I've asked myself and I hope I didn't come across as naive in what I said before. I understand that there's a risk factor involved in anything you choose to do and that it may not pay off but I've gotten to the point now where I can't enjoy a lot of things because I'm so focussed on what I need to do for myself. It really is a need and not a want. I walk around London sometimes amongst some great, famous places which people travel down to see, things that I should be in awe of, but I just shrug it off and think to myself "so what?" when I see so many people taking pictures or getting excited about something.

I can't picture myself in a situation where I can settle down with someone because the frustrations I have are just too much and having a girlfriend or a relationship would only slow me down. I know people will say that you can change your whole outlook on life with someone you love but I'd nearly got to that point and things ended sour because we clashed on so many things life related.

Thanks for your message. It has given me something to think about, 100%.

[Chakan]

@Benn Running is never an option for me. I literally hate running. In the gym I sit on a exercise bike rather than go on one of those treadmill thingys. I avoid them like the plague. So running is out. Walking maybe as well. Never been a big walker.

@Sri Punching bag could definitely be an option. Will look into it.

@Sean_93 A goal, interesting. The problem is I don't have a specific weight I want to achieve and I don't know any physical goals. I go to the gym to just say "look at least I do something physical" I used to do rock climbing but since I have moved to the states and with americans being so clicky it's really hard to get a into a group of people who climb (yes I tried, and failed miserably) , so I stopped going because climbing by yourself is boring as...

I guess I would need to find motivation from somewhere to just go and actually do it. I keep telling myself that I will go this monday or start again this week and then monday comes and I make an excuse not to go. Like this monday I needed to do shopping and that took precedence over going to the gym. It's just a matter of going there and getting it down, and then getting into a routine of going there. The other problem with gym is it's boring. I do 25min on the exercise bike, 60 tummy crunches things, like 40 reps working the arms and shoulders and by that time I am bored stiff and go home.

@Matt no problem happy to help.

[Sean_93]

ah right ok i can see where your coming from and i can imagine moving country can be quite hard in the sense of continuing what you enjoy doing like for instance rock climbing. But this can be a good thing in a way as it can allow you to get involved in other sports that if you didn't move country you wouldn't normally have access to.

There is also the possibility of working out with a friend as you can encourage each other and also compare gains and form and would certainly not be as boring as working out on your own. This would also help in ensuring you go to the gym a set no of times a week as you could both agree to go say 3 times a week and get into a routine.

To ease the boredom try mixing your routine up and maybe focus on a specific body part each session. I found asking the trainers there for advice a great help.

[Lucas21]

Still feel miserable.

The plan to meet up and talk about things with the ex was completely blown off. She seems to be taking advice from a relatively new friend, 6 months. She brought out the worst in my ex. Just immaturity, but after 7 years if she was able to cast me aside like that, really bugs me.

The friend is 30, engaged and her fella wants kids and she's not ready but she really took over our relationship with her problems. Started to turn really bitter about the ex. Her father who I never liked text and said he, the mother and son were devastated and miss me. The mother took a few seizures in the meantime as well. She had an operation Wednesday as well, I feel guilty for not ringing to see how she is. I sent a mass bouquet though.
And I miss the little puppy we had!

[And Could He Play]

yeah, fucking struggling here

[PeterJM]

yeah, fucking struggling here

Paul,spill the beans.

[And Could He Play]

Paul,spill the beans.

long story mate

[PeterJM]

long story mate

get typing then and don't let it fester.

[Matt8Pie]

Lots of people on here have time for you, mate.

[And Could He Play]

get typing then and don't let it fester.

give me five minutes ill pm you.

[Lucas21]

yeah, fucking struggling here

Sorry to hear, man.

[Frank.]

long story mate

I'm always about if you need someone to talk to mate. PM me if you want

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Still feel miserable.

The plan to meet up and talk about things with the ex was completely blown off. She seems to be taking advice from a relatively new friend, 6 months. She brought out the worst in my ex. Just immaturity, but after 7 years if she was able to cast me aside like that, really bugs me.

The friend is 30, engaged and her fella wants kids and she's not ready but she really took over our relationship with her problems. Started to turn really bitter about the ex. Her father who I never liked text and said he, the mother and son were devastated and miss me. The mother took a few seizures in the meantime as well. She had an operation Wednesday as well, I feel guilty for not ringing to see how she is. I sent a mass bouquet though.
And I miss the little puppy we had!

I'm not going to lie mate. You'll be miserable for a while but things will start to look brighter as time goes by. What you really need to try to do is to focus on new things. I know it's a lot easier said than done but thinking about it over and over is only going to do your head in. I can see from your post earlier today that things aren't exactly going your way but for your own sake you need to find a few positives and try to focus on them. Not necessarily big things - could be small things as well - but you need positive things happening for you to get on with things.

It's understandable that you miss your puppy and that you'd want to send flowers to her mother but in order to let go you want to stay out of touch with her family. They'll only remind you of her and it seems she's not coming back from what you write... I know 7 years down the drain is a f*cking long time and I can really relate to your situation but life has to go on. And 2 weeks without a single txt from her + your plans to meet up being f*cked up as well proves something, doesn't it? I know it's not easy to accept but you have start looking at things in this light if you want to move on...

Chin up mate!!

PM me if you need to!

[jason42]

yeah, fucking struggling here

You have to stop letting this thing eat you up. You have to decide which one you are going to believe and then once you have made that decision then you can tackle the outcome head on.

[And Could He Play]

You have to stop letting this thing eat you up. You have to decide which one you are going to believe and then once you have made that decision then you can tackle the outcome head on.

i dont know who to believe, thats the problem mate.

[PeterJM]

i dont know who to believe, thats the problem mate.

Paul,look at it another way........why bother believing either of them and wash your hands of it.Whats done is done and it doesn't affect your life.

[And Could He Play]

Paul,look at it another way........why bother believing either of them and wash your hands of it.Whats done is done and it doesn't affect your life.

its hard though mate, its mentally destroyed me

[mikeinsheffield88]

@Sri Punching bag could definitely be an option. Will look into it.


I guess I would need to find motivation from somewhere to just go and actually do it. I keep telling myself that I will go this monday or start again this week and then monday comes and I make an excuse not to go. Like this monday I needed to do shopping and that took precedence over going to the gym. It's just a matter of going there and getting it down, and then getting into a routine of going there. The other problem with gym is it's boring. I do 25min on the exercise bike, 60 tummy crunches things, like 40 reps working the arms and shoulders and by that time I am bored stiff and go home.

Exercise helped me so much and your right its all about getting into the routine. For me the exercise I chose was boxing, I really enjoy it and it kills two birds with one stone; let your frustrations out on a bag and release endorphins at the same time. I now know a couple of guys at the gym and that helped as well, theres not many people my age I know in my village so it was good to just be around people with similar interests, and like you say exercising/ sports/ gym on your own is so boring. I was going 4 times a week, same time every night meeting mostly the the same people and although not exactly Mr Happy I was no longer depressed.

At the start of March I started a job with a ridiculously irregular shift pattern, I broke my gym routine and I haven't been since. I already hate the job but there's fuck all else about and if I want to reach my increasingly distant goal of going travelling I need the cash. I don't have the time to go to the gym anymore as I seem to be constantly working and if I do have time off (usually early mornings when no-one is in the gym) I lack motivation to go.

I can feel myslef starting to slip back into that trapped feeling but I know the more hours I work the sooner I reach my goal so I am sticking it out for now.

You said about the climbing club being a bit of a disaster, are there any other clubs? Or alternatively any other exercise you enjoy doing?

I don't really know what I am saying here but I guess its just exercise, routine and meeting new people helped me lots, oh and don't work in a call centre/ sales, it's shit   

[Sammy5IsAlive]

@Benn Running is never an option for me. I literally hate running. In the gym I sit on a exercise bike rather than go on one of those treadmill thingys. I avoid them like the plague. So running is out. Walking maybe as well. Never been a big walker.

@Sri Punching bag could definitely be an option. Will look into it.

@Sean_93 A goal, interesting. The problem is I don't have a specific weight I want to achieve and I don't know any physical goals. I go to the gym to just say "look at least I do something physical" I used to do rock climbing but since I have moved to the states and with americans being so clicky it's really hard to get a into a group of people who climb (yes I tried, and failed miserably) , so I stopped going because climbing by yourself is boring as...

I guess I would need to find motivation from somewhere to just go and actually do it. I keep telling myself that I will go this monday or start again this week and then monday comes and I make an excuse not to go. Like this monday I needed to do shopping and that took precedence over going to the gym. It's just a matter of going there and getting it down, and then getting into a routine of going there. The other problem with gym is it's boring. I do 25min on the exercise bike, 60 tummy crunches things, like 40 reps working the arms and shoulders and by that time I am bored stiff and go home.

@Matt no problem happy to help.

I assume that it's not quite the same in the states but are there any footy teams you could join that are local? Given that you are over there, my impression is that womens football is alot bigger in the states so if you find a club to play for you may also meet girls that have a common interest to you?

Even if there isn't a big football scene over your way, if you are around 5'9 or above and no more than 11.5/12 stone you'll be able to get into most half decent teams just by being in decent shape. At anywhere below semi-pro level you would be surprised at how far a little bit of fitness and a desire to throw your foot in gets you.

[Refo]

@Benn Running is never an option for me. I literally hate running. In the gym I sit on a exercise bike rather than go on one of those treadmill thingys. I avoid them like the plague. So running is out. Walking maybe as well. Never been a big walker.

@Sri Punching bag could definitely be an option. Will look into it.

@Sean_93 A goal, interesting. The problem is I don't have a specific weight I want to achieve and I don't know any physical goals. I go to the gym to just say "look at least I do something physical" I used to do rock climbing but since I have moved to the states and with americans being so clicky it's really hard to get a into a group of people who climb (yes I tried, and failed miserably) , so I stopped going because climbing by yourself is boring as...

I guess I would need to find motivation from somewhere to just go and actually do it. I keep telling myself that I will go this monday or start again this week and then monday comes and I make an excuse not to go. Like this monday I needed to do shopping and that took precedence over going to the gym. It's just a matter of going there and getting it down, and then getting into a routine of going there. The other problem with gym is it's boring. I do 25min on the exercise bike, 60 tummy crunches things, like 40 reps working the arms and shoulders and by that time I am bored stiff and go home.

@Matt no problem happy to help.

What part of the states do you live in Chakan?

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Anyone heard from Paul.I txt him but got nowt back. I know he was bad last night.

[jason42]

Anyone heard from Paul.I txt him but got nowt back. I know he was bad last night.

I sent him a few PMs but didn't get a reply. I suggested to him that you should go up there and sort his mate and his ex out. He gets his situation sorted and you get to bash some heads - everybody wins

[Sir Harvest Fields]

I sent him a few PMs but didn't get a reply. I suggested to him that you should go up there and sort his mate and his ex out. He gets his situation sorted and you get to bash some heads - everybody wins

Tempting that mate

[And Could He Play]

it's all good, carl my phone was on silent mate, just trying to book onto this flight for tonight.

[Chakan]

What part of the states do you live in Chakan?

East Coast North Carolina area

[Spongebob Redpants]

East Coast North Carolina area

Spent a bit of time around Jacksonville a few years back . Nice part of the world !

Would have settled there at the time if I could have got a decent job .

( Sorry - off-topic )

[Matt8Pie]

I was looking forward to going home for the past couple of weeks because it was gonna be a retreat from the routine I'm stuck in. I got home on Thursday and left this afternoon.

My whole time there was shit and uneventful, and immediately after getting home and unpacking for the weekend I realised how little I had to do there and how I was foolish for looking forward to coming back. I spent the majority of my time waiting to leave because I was frustrated being there.

I've just got back to London and really not looking forward to having to go to work again tomorrow or continue this cycle for much longer. I'm keeping in my head what Chakan said that in each day I complete, I am one step closer which is helping. But fuck...all of this is doing my head in and my moods are going up and down all the time.

[Refo]

East Coast North Carolina area

All I can say is, having moved to the states myself, you eventually find your clique.

[And Could He Play]

it's all good, carl my phone was on silent mate, just trying to book onto this flight for tonight.

Had to fly back yesterday , couple of things to sort out. Going back in a few days, ex is there now with the baby. Had a little talk to clear things up, and the point of this post is, i feel a million times better.

[Sri Sudachan]

Had to fly back yesterday , couple of things to sort out. Going back in a few days, ex is there now with the baby. Had a little talk to clear things up, and the point of this post is, i feel a million times better.

 

[PeterJM]

Had to fly back yesterday , couple of things to sort out. Going back in a few days, ex is there now with the baby. Had a little talk to clear things up, and the point of this post is, i feel a million times better.

Paul,where's the situation at now?

[And Could He Play]

Paul,where's the situation at now?

Pretty much the same in regards to me and her, dont think we'll get back together, was staying in different rooms for the two nights i was there. We are talking though, spent time together with the baby and had meals as a family. The thing she said happened didnt. I'm going back over in a few days, i'll stay for a week or two this time and see how it goes.

[Lucas21]

and the point of this post is, i feel a million times better.

Delighted for ya. About time.

[PeterJM]

Pretty much the same in regards to me and her, dont think we'll get back together, was staying in different rooms for the two nights i was there. We are talking though, spent time together with the baby and had meals as a family. The thing she said happened didnt. I'm going back over in a few days, i'll stay for a week or two this time and see how it goes.

Paul,just do yourself a favour and don't pin all your hopes on it all working out the way you'd like it.You've been through enough pain already without more heartache.

[gerrardspetal]

Good to hear!!

[And Could He Play]

Paul,just do yourself a favour and don't pin all your hopes on it all working out the way you'd like it.You've been through enough pain already without more heartache.

I'll be fine mate. If we cant get together the arguing and bitterness finally needs to stop, its gone on for two years. Think this trip will do both us of the world of good, cant wait to get back over but its looking like monday now, i was only there Sunday till yesterday morning, done me head in.

[jason42]

Pretty much the same in regards to me and her, dont think we'll get back together, was staying in different rooms for the two nights i was there. We are talking though, spent time together with the baby and had meals as a family. The thing she said happened didnt. I'm going back over in a few days, i'll stay for a week or two this time and see how it goes.

I am so glad that what she said happened didn't actually happen....get on the blower to your mate and eat a fucking massive piece of humble pie!!!
I am so glad that you are feeling better and that your head is in a better place.
The two of you have a beautiful daughter together and it would be so much better for Eden if her parents can get along even of they cannot live with each other. She will grow up to be a much better person if her parents can get along and are not at each other's throats all the time.