Topic: Struggling with depression

[Cochise]

Red Beret - very pleased to see that you're online.

Yep.

I don't really post in this thread but read it quite often because some of RAWKs stars are in here offering advice and an ear to anyone feeling down.

[Red Beret]

I really hope you're not serious there mate.

It's not something I would joke about.  On the other hand drinking myself to death may not be practical.  It would take far too long and chances are I will run out of money first.

I spent most of today in bed praying that my heart would stop.  I'm stunned, in shock... strangely calm.  I don't know if I've been sanctioned... I passed my last sick note to the job centre and I sent my Atos form special delivery.  I know they got it.  My appetite has gone bye bye.  I just feel vacant inside... like there's a void.

[AJS]

I realise it's a bit late, but on the young girl self harming, your best bet is to ensure that she always feels she has you to turn to, and that you are there for her. Going behind her back could do more harm then good, but try and make her parents see sense and get her out of that school. I'm 17 and have struggled quite badly in the past year or so, and the days that are worst are definatly the days when you feel alone and as though no one is there for you.
 I'm incredibly quiet about the struggle I go through almost everyday, due to the way people react to when you tell them you feel depressed at my age. As though it has to be attention seeking, and that I couldn't possibly have any reason to be depressed, as these are supposed to be the best days of my life. It's horrible, and that is what I got from the people who are supposed to know me best and love me the most. My dad genuienly told me to stop being silly and to man the fuck up. 
 It all got to much for me and I tried taking my life on the 15th of August last year. My mum found and stopped me, and it's starting to turn around slowly, although I still have days like today where I get really low, and I the fact I haven't been going to the councilling sessions doesn't help either but I hate talking through my problems as it feels as though I'm just asking for sympathy, and that is the last thing I want. Anyway, I know I've gone on about my problems for a bit, which I apologise for, but just be there for her, it's what she will need the most. I hope I've helped offer an insight into how she might feel, as it has taken a great deal for me to post that, other than my mum, GP and counsellor, nobody knows about me trying to take my life.

[John C]

Red Beret mate, there is a little bar on Rose Lane, Mossley Hill called Pi that sells a range of beers - do you want to meet in the week and I'll buy you a couple of pints and have a chat?

[Red Beret]

Red Beret mate, there is a little bar on Rose Lane, Mossley Hill called Pi that sells a range of beers - do you want to meet in the week and I'll buy you a couple of pints and have a chat?

Wouldn't mind mate, but I'm in college Tues, Weds and Thurs and I haven't got a clue how long it will take to sort this mess out, if indeed it can be sorted at all.

Pauline Daniels is a mate of mine and she's put me in contact with Frank Prendergast to look into this for me.  He has a surgery on Breck Road on Tuesdays but I don't want to skip out on college as my project is due in next week.

[jason42]

Wouldn't mind mate, but I'm in college Tues, Weds and Thurs and I haven't got a clue how long it will take to sort this mess out, if indeed it can be sorted at all.

Pauline Daniels is a mate of mine and she's put me in contact with Frank Prendergast to look into this for me.  He has a surgery on Breck Road on Tuesdays but I don't want to skip out on college as my project is due in next week.

Answer my PM mate....

[John C]

Wouldn't mind mate,

We'll sort it. I'll pm you in a minute mate.

[Red Beret]

I found out why my benefit has been stopped.

It's because the address on my sick note is my mothers which is different from my own address.

I'm registered with my GP at my mother's address because I don't want to switch doctor's. This doctor knows my condition and I don't want to have to start out with a new person from scratch.

I had this argument with them back in October. The dispute team spoke with me. they had assured me it was fine and the records would be updated.

Instead I've been left to worry myself witless for an entire weekend.

Now I have to clear it with the dispute team. Again.

I am getting some big guns involved in this.

Enough is FUCKING. enough.

[Red Beret]

Stupid, small minded, subdivided, box ticking bureaucracy!

So I spoke to lady called Jill at the Benefits Agency. She told me I needed to cross out my mother's address on sick notes and put mine in future. I explained that if I had been told that in October I would have done it. I also pointed out that I'd been handing in sick notes for over two years and this stopping of benefits had only been happening since October, so what had changed?

That's when Jill told me that, as I'm in the ESA work related group, I don't need to be submitting regular sick notes anyway.

It's never been marked down on my record.

Formal

Complaint.

 

[jason42]

Stupid, small minded, subdivided, box ticking bureaucracy!

So I spoke to lady called Jill at the Benefits Agency. She told me I needed to cross out my mother's address on sick notes and put mine in future. I explained that if I had been told that in October I would have done it. I also pointed out that I'd been handing in sick notes for over two years and this stopping of benefits had only been happening since October, so what had changed?

That's when Jill told me that, as I'm in the ESA work related group, I don't need to be submitting regular sick notes anyway.

It's never been marked down on my record.

Formal

Complaint.

 

So that is some good news then mate? Have they re-instated your benefits with immediate effect then?

[Red Beret]

So that is some good news then mate? Have they re-instated your benefits with immediate effect then?

That's what they've said but I'll believe it when I see it.  Without the letter from the council the first I would have known about it would have been finding an empty bank account this Thursday. 

[Runcornred92]

Hello I have noticed that I'm still unable to send messages I thought I had replied to some messages but after checking sent messages there was nothing in there?

[The 5th Benitle]

Hello I have noticed that I'm still unable to send messages I thought I had replied to some messages but after checking sent messages there was nothing in there?

Hello
Don't worry your messages will have been sent. It's just that your settings were set so that sent messages were not saved - I have changed that now, feel free to test it out by dropping me a test PM.

[Red Beret]

I know we've had a positivity thread but perhaps it's time for a "help and empowerment" thread?

I'm thinking we could do a set of mini documentaries for YouTube, focussing on the positive steps we are each taking in our lives.  My chief aim would be to show we are normal people - not a bunch of demonised, scrounging, junkie alcoholics living off the back of the taxpayers - and as a result inspire other people who are struggling with issues and problems.

We could even go as far as writing songs and making music videos; ideally I could fold this into my Community Union project (which is still alive).

[jason42]

I know we've had a positivity thread but perhaps it's time for a "help and empowerment" thread?

I'm thinking we could do a set of mini documentaries for YouTube, focussing on the positive steps we are each taking in our lives.  My chief aim would be to show we are normal people - not a bunch of demonised, scrounging, junkie alcoholics living off the back of the taxpayers - and as a result inspire other people who are struggling with issues and problems.

We could even go as far as writing songs and making music videos; ideally I could fold this into my Community Union project (which is still alive).

Paul meet Purpose.....
Purpose meet Paul.....
I am pretty sure that the two of you will get along just great and will do great things together...

I think that this is a great idea mate and will be more than happy to help if I can....

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I know we've had a positivity thread but perhaps it's time for a "help and empowerment" thread?

I'm thinking we could do a set of mini documentaries for YouTube, focussing on the positive steps we are each taking in our lives.  My chief aim would be to show we are normal people - not a bunch of demonised, scrounging, junkie alcoholics living off the back of the taxpayers - and as a result inspire other people who are struggling with issues and problems.

We could even go as far as writing songs and making music videos; ideally I could fold this into my Community Union project (which is still alive).

I bet a few of the Usual Suspects in the Alcohol Thread could benefit from that thread / project. Nice one...

[Jonathan Hall ☆☆☆☆☆☆]

No objections from this end. The fact i suffer from depression and work related stress and drink more than i should (though not too bad at the moment) means that anything out of order will be sorted out.

[...]

Feeling really shitty right now, not sure why, getting all philosophical about life and people especially. Is it just me who thinks that people are fucking shit? Alright you get the odd one or two who are genuine and 'good' or whatever but most of us are selfish ****s... and for what reason? I think I'm just having one of those moments where you feel the world is against you, might need to give my head a wobble.

One thing I'm certain of is that you need to live your life around good people if you want to be happy, and that's not possible for most of us.

I'll stop there before I write so much my fingers drop off.

[thegoodfella]

One thing I'm certain of is that you need to live your life around good people if you want to be happy, and that's not possible for most of us.

I will echo that sentiment, so many of us get our days and weeks ruined because of the negativity and shitty nature of people around us.

[jason42]

I will echo that sentiment, so many of us get our days and weeks ruined because of the negativity and shitty nature of people around us.

DO you make the choice to have your days and weeks ruined by other people?

[thegoodfella]

DO you make the choice to have your days and weeks ruined by other people?

It has happened before and it will happen again mate. I'm usually a sponge when it comes to my close surroundings and sometimes I absorb a little too much than I can take. I'm not sure if it is by choice or not...

[jason42]

It has happened before and it will happen again mate. I'm usually a sponge when it comes to my close surroundings and sometimes I absorb a little too much than I can take. I'm not sure if it is by choice or not...

Try to make a resolution that you will not be a sponge any more. I suggest you try reading the One Minute Manager books and the story of the Monkey on My Back....they will help you considerably.
By choice, I mean that are you making a self-conscious decision to let all this affect you? Can you change your way of thinking so that the negative stuff does not bring you down?

[Flinstone]

Feeling really shitty right now, not sure why, getting all philosophical about life and people especially. Is it just me who thinks that people are fucking shit? Alright you get the odd one or two who are genuine and 'good' or whatever but most of us are selfish ****s... and for what reason? I think I'm just having one of those moments where you feel the world is against you, might need to give my head a wobble.

One thing I'm certain of is that you need to live your life around good people if you want to be happy, and that's not possible for most of us.

I'll stop there before I write so much my fingers drop off.

Yeah i was like that. Stop thinking so much...life get's easier then 

[thegoodfella]

Try to make a resolution that you will not be a sponge any more. I suggest you try reading the One Minute Manager books and the story of the Monkey on My Back....they will help you considerably.
By choice, I mean that are you making a self-conscious decision to let all this affect you? Can you change your way of thinking so that the negative stuff does not bring you down?

Oh I'm working on it a lot more mate, been much better last few months and I don't let thing affect me too much. I keep talking to everyone as well now, telling them how their behavior puts me in a bad place and it seems to be working. And I will read those books you mentioned as well. Ta

How are you doing these days?

[...]

My problem is I've had a shit time over the past 4 or so years and I'm just getting out of it now. No job/work so I've been staying with whatever family will take me - I'm a lazy bastard though so I don't help myself at all, it's just that you can only take so much negativity before it starts to eat away at you. Bottom line is that I need to sort myself out and get out of here.

[royhendo]

George Takei posted a photo yesterday along the lines of "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes".

I suppose you could read that as belittling the condition, but for me it's a starting point that's relevant, because the people you're surrounded with determine how you feel about things a lot of the time. Then Wipe was on last night and Doug Stanhope's section was about how we're fannying around on social media rather than spending time with real people.

The combination of those two things makes it a difficult time for people prone to depression I think. And there's a backlash growing I suspect, where people are thinking about getting together and actually spending time with real people in a positive environment.

Two of the girls and a bloke in our IT department, for example, have complained about being in a rut and signed up for a roller derby team, and it's made a big difference for them, albeit with serious bruising and physical pain.

Then there are sites like http://www.meetup.com/ where you can go on and set up groups and meet actual people in a similar boat to you.

I think we all spend far too much time online and not enough time actually being old fashioned apes. There's a reason monkeys stick together in troops - they're hard wired to do it in their nervous systems and the more basic parts of their brains. We're monkeys too - if we neglect that, we run the risk of suffering more than maybe we would otherwise I think.

That's a scary propsect when you're overwhelmed with depression, I know, but mustering that courage is a big step. We're just out of the habit of doing the things that used to bind us all together, like the church and so forth.

[Red Beret]

George Takei posted a photo yesterday along the lines of "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes".

I suppose you could read that as belittling the condition, but for me it's a starting point that's relevant, because the people you're surrounded with determine how you feel about things a lot of the time.

You're not wrong.

When you feel negative, you radiate it and you attract like for like.  Nobody wants to hang out with somebody who brings them down.  As you develop a more positive outlook, you start to recognise the negativity in the people around you, which leads you to make hard choices about the kind of people you want in your life.

I've been forced to cut off people I regarded as good friends because of their stagnant, negative nature.  I've also encouraged others to develop a positive outlook and they have subsequently recognised the negative people in their lives.

My mortal fear is that my severe relapses will drive the good people in my life away from me. 

Church can be an EXCELLENT way of engaging in positive action.  Don't view it as religious or getting in with the "churchie folk".  The Church can still play an important role as a community hub and anything you can do to help out - for example, finding out which elderly people in the parish can't get out much and could do with a bit of company - can be a big boost to yourself.

When you tidy your own apartment, you're just cleaning up.  But when you help a friend tidy their apartment, then you're helping a friend, and have good company to boot.

[zero zero]

When you feel negative, you radiate it and you attract like for like.  Nobody wants to hang out with somebody who brings them down.  As you develop a more positive outlook, you start to recognise the negativity in the people around you, which leads you to make hard choices about the kind of people you want in your life.

I've been forced to cut off people I regarded as good friends because of their stagnant, negative nature.  I've also encouraged others to develop a positive outlook and they have subsequently recognised the negative people in their lives.

My mortal fear is that my severe relapses will drive the good people in my life away from me. 

Yes, you're right you have to expunge negative people from your life and surround yourself with good people. Good people uplift you without even trying. All your relationships help you to grow. If they don't you must distance yourself from people who bring you don and hold you back.

The good people in you life will recognise the good in you far outweighs the 'bad'. They'll also recognise the difference between your relapses and conscious choice - because they are good people.

And I'll add; I wanted to put this in the "Help Thread" you started, but it belongs here too:

I can't offer much because I'm in the toilet myself at the moment, but I hope somebody can offer suggestions and ideas we can take forward....

It says a lot about you that even when Life has you temporarily on the back foot you find the compassion to help others. Good things happen to good people. You'll be fine.

[The 5th Benitle]

It says a lot about you that even when Life has you temporarily on the back foot you find the compassion to help others. Good things happen to good people. You'll be fine.

Really nicely put that.

[Red Beret]

It says a lot about you that even when Life has you temporarily on the back foot you find the compassion to help others. Good things happen to good people. You'll be fine.

Thank you.  That actually moved me quite a lot.

[AndyMuller]

Not really depressed or anything but this week I have realised as you get older the more you realise the 'friends' you have. Turned into a bit of a loner lately.

[AB LFC]

Not really depressed or anything but this week I have realised as you get older the more you realise the 'friends' you have. Turned into a bit of a loner lately.

Agree with you there. In the space of five years I've gone from having a huge circle of friends to having about 3. Honestly, it's a struggle to even do anything sociable like going to the cinema as there's no-one to call upon. People are so fake and will fuck you over at the blink of an eye if it benefits them. Even the friends I have now, I very rarely call or text them. They just text me every now and then if they want to go for a quick bite but other than that, nothing. Rather be alone than be with people who act like your best friend around you but talk shit as soon as you're gone.

[AndyMuller]

Agree with you there. In the space of five years I've gone from having a huge circle of friends to having about 3. Honestly, it's a struggle to even do anything sociable like going to the cinema as there's no-one to call upon. People are so fake and will fuck you over at the blink of an eye if it benefits them. Even the friends I have now, I very rarely call or text them. They just text me every now and then if they want to go for a quick bite but other than that, nothing. Rather be alone than be with people who act like your best friend around you but talk shit as soon as you're gone.

Deffo mate. I only really get contacted if they need a favour I've text a few this morning who I haven't spoken to in a while and got the response 'Hello lad, whos this?' Be arsed making the effort anymore now rather look out for myself.

[Grobbelrevell]

Not really depressed or anything but this week I have realised as you get older the more you realise the 'friends' you have. Turned into a bit of a loner lately.

I know what you mean with that and I think it's something a lot of people will relate to. As you grow up especially, you tend to lose touch with groups of friends as your direction and interests change.

Personally, I feel extremely fortunate in the fact that I have three people who I would class as my best friends. Two of whom have been consistent since I was four years of age. The third one, i've known since I was 12. Combined, I wouldn't swap them, and besides my parents, they're the three people in the world that I trust implicitly.

[Solomon Grundy]

Can't be arsed anymore. Just feel like giving up. Work is not helping my mood either. Feels like I'm being attacked from every direction at the moment.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

How do you mean mate. There is always a corner to turn with better times ahead.

[Solomon Grundy]

How do you mean mate. There is always a corner to turn with better times ahead.

Just had enough mate. Seems like it's never going to end. Had to put up with this shit for too long now. Since 2011 when my dad got leukemia and then died, then 6 months later me younger brother died. Then I found out his so called 'friends' had got hold of his cash card and had been drawing money out his account days after he'd passed away. Then when I got the key's to clear out his flat. Somebody had already been in and robbed his flat. Then I had to go to his inquest because he died on his own. It's just been a nightmare mate. Add to that the shit I've had to put up with at work over the last 2 years off some absolute pricks. I just don't know how much more I can take. My head feels like it's going to explode.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Shit mate. That is bad. I don't know how to help other than to say Im on the end of a pm if u need me

[cowtownred]

Agree with Karl..  thats shit mate. Also ready for a chat if you like.

[Red Beret]

Just had enough mate. Seems like it's never going to end. Had to put up with this shit for too long now. Since 2011 when my dad got leukemia and then died, then 6 months later me younger brother died. Then I found out his so called 'friends' had got hold of his cash card and had been drawing money out his account days after he'd passed away. Then when I got the key's to clear out his flat. Somebody had already been in and robbed his flat. Then I had to go to his inquest because he died on his own. It's just been a nightmare mate. Add to that the shit I've had to put up with at work over the last 2 years off some absolute pricks. I just don't know how much more I can take. My head feels like it's going to explode.

Really sorry to hear all this mate.  I know what it's like to feel at the end of your rope.  Have you spoken to anybody at all?