Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny

[farawayred]

The Canadian flag is the most embarrassing one. What are they hiding behind that maple leaf?!

[Andy @ Allerton!]

Viagra:

It won't make you James Bond, but it'll make you Roger Moore.

[afc tukrish]

Viagra:

It won't make you James Bond, but it'll make you Roger Moore.

Simply atrocious...

[Sangria]

Simply atrocious...

I thought it was pretty good.

[afc tukrish]

I thought it was pretty good.

So bad it's punny, right?

Atrocious, bad, etc...

I laughed when I read it and all...

[Redwhiteandnotblue]

The bloke who invented predictive text has died.

May he rust in piss.

[SamLad]

The bloke who invented predictive text has died.

May he rust in piss.

saw it coming a mile away, but still laughed.

[gary75]

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials.

He said: 'We've got whale meat, or whale meat, or whale meat...  or we've got the Vera Lynn.'

I said 'What's the Vera Lynn?'

He said 'Whale meat again.....’

[Andy @ Allerton!]

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials.

He said: 'We've got whale meat, or whale meat, or whale meat...  or we've got the Vera Lynn.'

I said 'What's the Vera Lynn?'

He said 'Whale meat again.....’

[afc tukrish]

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials.

He said: 'We've got whale meat, or whale meat, or whale meat...  or we've got the Vera Lynn.'

I said 'What's the Vera Lynn?'

He said 'Whale meat again.....’

"...but I really won't be Inuit when we do..."

[Son of Spion]

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials.

He said: 'We've got whale meat, or whale meat, or whale meat...  or we've got the Vera Lynn.'

I said 'What's the Vera Lynn?'

He said 'Whale meat again.....’

I also once asked a waitress about the specials.

She said they were good in 1979, but lost their way after that.

[24/7]

So, I called the waiter back to complain about the hair in my soup and he comes back with a new soup but in a smaller bowl. I again complain again about the hair and he says, " No Sir, it's a smaller bowl so it must be a rabbit."

Fuck off. 

[Elmo!]

So, I called the waiter back to complain about the hair in my soup and he comes back with a new soup but in a smaller bowl. I again complain again about the hair and he says, " No Sir, it's a smaller bowl so it must be a rabbit."

Fuck off. 

 

I've missed your jokes Jim.... welcome back!

[jambutty]

True story.

In a NYC pub.  Well endowed barmaid asks what I'd like.  'Do you have any cider?" says I.  "I have a Magner's Pear" said she.

"You certainly do" I smiled.

As did she.

[bradders1011]

What kind of fish owns a music shop?

A piano tuna.

[Tesco tearaway]

What kind of fish owns a music shop?

A piano tuna.

Is that because he wants his own plaice?
Or is it because he knows all the scales?

[afc tukrish]

Is that because he wants his own plaice?
Or is it because he knows all the scales?

Piano tuna has many strings to his bow...

a) philanthropist

[Tesco tearaway]

Piano tuna has many strings to his bow...

a) philanthropist

Looks like you've brent over backwards to squeeze that one in 

[jambutty]

I've missed your jokes Jim.... welcome back!

I haven't.

Welcome back. lid.

[24/7]

Nostalgia, eh? It's not what it used to be.......... 

[jambutty]

Nostalgia, eh? It's not what it used to be.......... 

Isn't that a remedy for impacted bogies?

[Andy @ Allerton!]

I'm made up! Got a new job in Liverpool at a bike shop.

I'm their new spokesperson

[jambutty]

When asked to use the word horticulture in a sentence, Dorothy Parker replied, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

[Jake]

When people talk about the holoc....

Actually nah, I'll leave that one to Jimmy Carr

[Tesco tearaway]

My girlfriend disliked my obsession with Japanese food, sushi left me.

[Andy @ Allerton!]

My girlfriend disliked my obsession with Japanese food, sushi left me.

Sounds like you got a raw deal there

[Crosby Nick]

My girlfriend disliked my obsession with Japanese food, sushi left me.

Udon nothing wrong mate. Have a few drinks tonight and you’ll feel a whole lot better once you soba up.

[Elmo!]

We're on a roll here with these puns, but for god's Sake can we stop now.

[24/7]

These puns are so fuckin irritating I'm gonna lose my tempura in a mo.........

[dutchkop]

Jurgen Klopp, Ralf Rangnick, Brendan Rodgers and Mikel Arteta walk into a pub

Jurgen bought them all a drink. Once they had finished, Rangnick got a round in. Then Arteta put his hand in his pocket. Then Brendan Rodgers got the beers in.

Once they'd all consumed 4 beers, Klopp went to the bar, bought a drink for himself only, and sat at the table. They all looked at him before Rangnick said "Excuse me Jurgen. What about us?"

Klopp looked at them and said, "Sorry lads. This is the fifth round and none of you are in it."

[bradders1011]

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminium Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys, Aluminium Man just foils their plans.

[Wabaloolah]

instagram downloader high quality

[67CherryRed]

instagram downloader high quality

Just blew snot out my nose when I read this one 

[24/7]

 

[Fitzy.]

I could never understand gravity. Then the penny dropped.

[67CherryRed]

Decided to surround my house with a high voltage electric fence.

My neighbour's dead against it.

[Tesco tearaway]

Decided to surround my house with a high voltage electric fence.

My neighbour's dead against it.

Shocking! 

[24/7]

Decided to surround my house with a high voltage electric fence.

My neighbour's dead against it.

Evertonian? Imagine the fewms...

[Wabaloolah]

Decided to surround my house with a high voltage electric fence.

My neighbour's dead against it.

[Wabaloolah]

I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials.

He said: 'We've got whale meat, or whale meat, or whale meat...  or we've got the Vera Lynn.'

I said 'What's the Vera Lynn?'

He said 'Whale meat again.....’

crying at that 👏👏👏