Topic: Arranged and Forced Marriages

[Millsee]

I was reading this article earlier: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4811988.stm

Forced marriage made me suicidal
Emily Buchanan
World Affairs Correspondent

The government is launching a campaign to promote greater awareness of forced marriages, aimed at news media in the UK and abroad.

Legislation is in the pipeline, although a decision has still to be made whether to make forced marriage a criminal offence. About 1,000 cases come up each year in Britain.

Forced marriage is a life sentence, even for those who escape like Khalid - now too nervous to reveal his real name.

Rejecting a forced marriage means dishonouring the whole family.

Khalid grew up in the north of England. When he was just nine years old he was taken to Pakistan to get engaged.

At 17 he was sent back for his wedding.

"I was put in a village mosque and told, 'If you don't get married you will stay here for the rest of your life'."

He refused, but later under huge emotional pressure he agreed to marry his first cousin.

When he brought her back to the UK, he left her.

At a stroke, his family disowned him.

"I realise now why they did it," he says.

"I still love them, but they don't love me because I didn't respect what they were doing."

For women a forced marriage is a prison few escape from.

It affects those mainly from some African and Asian cultures.

At the Doli Project in Birmingham they try and offer a refuge.

In the past three months they have seen 18 cases.

Farida has bright, warm eyes and long dark hair and comes across as a remarkable survivor.

When she was 15 she was sold by her grandfather for £1,000 and sent from North Africa to Birmingham to be married.

She remembers being dressed up and serving coffee to two men who were visiting her family.

One was dressed in a suit and the other was filthy.

She was asked what she thought of the two men and she said: "The one in the suit isn't bad," not thinking this was to be her future husband.

When Farida refused to marry him, her family threatened to send her back home as a prostitute.

"I stayed in the marriage because I had nowhere to go.

"I did try to kill myself with paracetamol, but it just made me sick.

"My husband, who was older than my father, had a virgin - so he was happy."

Nazir Afzal, the director of the Crown Prosecution Service west London sector, says prevention is more important than prosecuting.

"Forced marriage is the beginning of the suffering; a wife will be repeatedly raped, assaulted and suffer a lifetime of abuse," he stresses.

"She is likely to try and commit suicide.

"Sometimes it even ends in murder.

"We want to get involved where there is a potential victim. Then we can intervene and prevent it in the first place."

Mr Afzal is one of the most senior Muslim lawyers in the country.

He dismisses accusations that the media hypes this issue and uses it as another weapon against the Muslim community.

"There is nothing wrong with arranged marriages... what we are talking about is criminal acts," he insists.

"It is about ensuring that we bring justice to those who hide under some kind of Islamic foundation for this... there is no cultural foundation for this."

Many believe the custom holds back progress in these communities as spouses are often under age and uneducated.

So changing the practice can only bring benefits.

Having read this bit: It affects those mainly from some African and Asian cultures., then I saw this poster:



and I'm really puzzled.

PC gone mad? Or something else?

[Kez]

Having read this bit: It affects those mainly from some African and Asian cultures., then I saw this poster:



and I'm really puzzled.

PC gone mad? Or something else?

I'd say PC gone mad...god forbid they use Asian people and thus "sterotype" forced marriage as an Asian thing.

From what I have heard, forced marriage and arranged marriages are very different things. Forced is literally forcing 2 people to get married whereas arranged is where familes set up their children as prospective partners but it's ultimately up to the children to decide who to marry.

Forced marriage is a horrible thing though, akin, as the article says, to kidnap and repeated rape over an extended time. Not something that has a place in a civilised world.

[SMD]

Bang on.

Forced marriages are completely uncivilised and are pretty much doomed to failure. Arranged marriages can work, sometimes better than other marriages, depending on the parents and the prospective spouses.

The stories from the article are all pretty much horror stories and have no place in any culture.

[Chivasino]

Arranged marriges mostly worked out because within the culture they excist, there was far too much to lose if they break down. But things are changing, in the Asian community anyway.

Forced marriges are almost non existant among the Sikh and Hindu communities. Assisted is the new buzz word!

To be honest none of my Asian mates have had a forced marrige. But all have married within their religion.

Too much confusion between arnaged and forced...they are two different things. Arranged are an acceptable part of life, WITH WILLING CONSENT. Forced marriges may have conscent but with huge emotional and/or physical pressure.

[Kez]

Nothing wrong with marrying within your own religion. Ideally I'd want to get married in a Catholic church which rather requires me to get married to a Catholic, or persuade Mr S to get baptised. Think I've got more chance of a bucket of rocking horse poo...

[smicer07]

Arranged marriages are fucking shit, trust me.

[Bullan]

Forced marriages are very much prevalent in Scandinavia these days.
It is mostly related to the Pakistani communities allthough it's known to occur in the Somalian communities as well.

In Norway at least, the forced marriage seems to have a twofold purpose.

1) is to marry a young norwegian born girl to a cousin in Pakistan who then can come into the country along with his family on the spouse rule.
2) used as a tool by first generation pakistanis to stop their children becoming to westernised.

I find this practice to be extremely distasteful as this amounts to abuse in my view , but I am sure there are other examples of a more benevolent arranged marriages.