Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny (Read 671883 times)

24/7 · « **Reply #6280 on:** August 1, 2021, 12:07:30 pm »

Quote from: B.A. Baracus on August 1, 2021, 11:01:47 am

Fforest-fach sakes.

I got magical Powys....

Welshred · « **Reply #6281 on:** August 1, 2021, 12:31:53 pm »

Quote from: Just Elmo? on July 20, 2021, 08:59:35 am

Had to read that one Caerphilly to spot it.

I really hate it when people butcher how my home town is pronounced just to make it into a pun

24/7 · « **Reply #6282 on:** August 1, 2021, 12:33:13 pm »

Quote from: Welshred on August 1, 2021, 12:31:53 pm

I really hate it when people butcher how my home town is pronounced just to make it into a pun

Wool

Elmo! · « **Reply #6283 on:** August 1, 2021, 04:32:16 pm »

Quote from: Welshred on August 1, 2021, 12:31:53 pm

I really hate it when people butcher how my home town is pronounced just to make it into a pun

That's pretty much most puns though, butchering the pronunciation to make it fit a different word.

I bet you laugh at all the other ones, but get all offended when it relates to you.

jambutty · « **Reply #6284 on:** August 4, 2021, 10:36:32 am »

"How many burgers did you eat at Caesar's BBQ?"

"Et tu, Brutus."

Elzar · « **Reply #6285 on:** August 4, 2021, 10:43:41 am »

Quote from: Welshred on August 1, 2021, 12:31:53 pm

I really hate it when people butcher how my home town is pronounced just to make it into a pun

I used to be the same but I Preston and forgot about it.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #6286 on:** August 6, 2021, 01:05:16 pm »

I just went into my butchers and asked for some tripe.

He gave me a Love Island box set.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #6287 on:** August 6, 2021, 03:38:59 pm »

Quote from: Elzar on August 4, 2021, 10:43:41 am

I used to be the same but I Preston and forgot about it.

Yeah it used to make me Crosby cos people pronounced it wrong for the sake of a joke but I’m over it now.

Buck Pete · « **Reply #6288 on:** August 6, 2021, 04:01:42 pm »

Quote from: Capon Debaser on July 30, 2021, 10:41:37 pm

Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk & asks for a condom. They ask "Shall we put it on your bill" and he replies "are u thucking thupid I'll thucking thuffocate!"

bradders1011 · « **Reply #6289 on:** August 6, 2021, 11:25:21 pm »

The local vicar's gone missing.

We've called Missing Parsons.

farawayred · « **Reply #6290 on:** August 7, 2021, 03:38:59 am »

Got back from work, my wife was watching the Olympics. I asked her what's on now, she said diving.

Told her to turn it off, I can't stand watching United winning trophies.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #6291 on:** August 7, 2021, 03:25:51 pm »

Took the bins out this morning. Worst date ever.

Red Beret · « **Reply #6292 on:** August 7, 2021, 06:13:20 pm »

I was kidnapped by mimes. They did unspeakable things.

Son of Spion · « **Reply #6293 on:** August 7, 2021, 06:34:03 pm »

I went to see a comedian in town last night.

His first joke didn't make me laugh, or his second...

In fact, no pun in ten did.

$:-\$

FiSh77 · « **Reply #6294 on:** August 7, 2021, 09:06:00 pm »

Quote from: Son of Spion＊ on August 7, 2021, 06:34:03 pm

I went to see a comedian in town last night.

His first joke didn't make me laugh, or his second...

In fact, no pun in ten did.

$:-\$

Wasn't Nick was it?

BlackandWhitePaul · « **Reply #6295 on:** August 8, 2021, 08:26:41 pm »

Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.

liversaint · « **Reply #6296 on:** August 8, 2021, 08:43:23 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on August 7, 2021, 03:25:51 pm

Took the bins out this morning. Worst date ever.

That’s rubbish

afc tukrish · « **Reply #6297 on:** August 8, 2021, 08:58:18 pm »

Quote from: BlackandWhitePaul on August 8, 2021, 08:26:41 pm

Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.

Paolo weighing in...

BlackandWhitePaul · « **Reply #6298 on:** August 8, 2021, 09:08:28 pm »

Quote from: afc turkish on August 8, 2021, 08:58:18 pm

Paolo weighing in...

Good evening matey. Have you heard there is a coin shortage in America?

They are running out of common cents.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6299 on:** August 8, 2021, 09:10:28 pm »

Quote from: BlackandWhitePaul on August 8, 2021, 09:08:28 pm

Good evening matey. Have you heard there is a coin shortage in America?

They are running out of common cents.

They need to buck their ideas up.

Elmo! · « **Reply #6300 on:** August 8, 2021, 09:23:11 pm »

After the result in the 3rd test yesterday, I couldn't help but feel, the more things change, the Morne Steyn the same.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #6301 on:** August 10, 2021, 10:27:59 am »

Quote from: FiSh77 on August 7, 2021, 09:06:00 pm

Wasn't Nick was it?

Piss off!

Saw this on Twitter earlier and thought it was good:

My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6302 on:** August 11, 2021, 03:54:19 pm »

I got hit with a bottle of Omega 3 tablets yesterday.
Luckily my injuries are only super fish oil.

Son of Spion · « **Reply #6303 on:** August 11, 2021, 04:20:17 pm »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway∗ on August 11, 2021, 03:54:19 pm

I got hit with a bottle of Omega 3 tablets yesterday.
Luckily my injuries are only super fish oil.

afc tukrish · « **Reply #6304 on:** August 11, 2021, 06:19:14 pm »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway∗ on August 11, 2021, 03:54:19 pm

I got hit with a bottle of Omega 3 tablets yesterday.
Luckily my injuries are only super fish oil.

Quote from: Son of Spion＊ on August 11, 2021, 04:20:17 pm

Applauding typical Tesco?

Shirley not...

BlackandWhitePaul · « **Reply #6305 on:** August 13, 2021, 07:05:51 pm »

Do you know the last thing my grandad said to me before he kicked the bucket?

"Hey young - un, watch how far I can kick this fucking bucket."

Medellin · « **Reply #6306 on:** August 16, 2021, 07:28:34 pm »

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6307 on:** August 18, 2021, 04:33:49 pm »

How do you make gold soup?
Use 24 karats.

Son of Spion · « **Reply #6308 on:** August 18, 2021, 11:17:45 pm »

I just told Mrs Spion that one day I'll be a star.

She said, ''you can't be Sirius.''

afc tukrish · « **Reply #6309 on:** August 19, 2021, 02:07:02 am »

Quote from: Son of Spion＊ on August 18, 2021, 11:17:45 pm

I just told Mrs Spion that one day I'll be a star.

She said, ''you can't be Sirius.''

Soleil Moon Frye likes this...

Jono69 · « **Reply #6310 on:** August 19, 2021, 09:26:29 am »

I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #6311 on:** August 19, 2021, 01:58:57 pm »

[on deathbed]

"Tell my Wif... *cough*"

Yes? Tell her what?

"Tell my Wifi provider their broadband speeds were moderate at best"

[dies]

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6312 on:** August 19, 2021, 02:21:06 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on August 19, 2021, 01:58:57 pm

[on deathbed]

"Tell my Wif... *cough*"

Yes? Tell her what?

"Tell my Wifi provider their broadband speeds were moderate at best"

[dies]

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6313 on:** August 20, 2021, 10:42:01 pm »

My daughter shouted at me, "DAD!; you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
I thought to myself; what a strange way to start a conversation.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6314 on:** August 20, 2021, 10:44:28 pm »

The 3 unwritten rules of life are...
1.
2.
3.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6315 on:** August 20, 2021, 10:52:46 pm »

What did the horse say after it fell over?
"Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

bradders1011 · « **Reply #6316 on:** August 21, 2021, 01:05:57 am »

I didn't want to take my old suitcases on holiday and they got upset.

They were just emotional baggage.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6317 on:** August 22, 2021, 11:03:36 pm »

I've got the memory of an elephant.
Ages ago I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6318 on:** September 3, 2021, 10:27:15 pm »

Just like a carpenter who makes stairs; I'm always thinking one step ahead.

Dench57 · « **Reply #6319 on:** September 8, 2021, 11:45:03 am »

I could've been a plumber. Like my father. He could've been a plumber too.