Topic: Struggling with depression

[Mr Dilkington]

Yeah I know I need a good woman. Trust me I am working on it.

I also know I am to an extent socially inept. I get along fantastically with people I know. But those are people I have grown up with , and have something in common with. Here in the states it's American Football, which I get bored watching, Baseball which I tried to watch and fell asleep and Basketball, which can be entertaining for about 20 minutes. Hardly anyone here in the carolinas watches footie. So to find a place to go with someone interested in the sport is hard doing.

To the hobby part , i don't have any evidence I just think if I start doing something as a hobby, take scuba diving for instance, I love it , and have considered doing it as a job, but then thinking further the reason I like scuba diving is cause "I" get to do stuff, now if I had to worry say about other people while I am scuba diving it would detract from my experience and I figure I would come to resent taking my hobby and turning it into a job. Just my thinking. Who knows.

The problem right now is motivation. I know what my problem is , it's just making it happen.I've always struggled in the "making friends" part of life. Just way harder for me to do in a country I haven't grown up in.

Anyway I have been going on a few dates with this one girl so hopefully that works out. Who knows.

I can relate to alot of that mate, especially the first paragraph.

[bleedsred1978]

Yeah I know I need a good woman. Trust me I am working on it.

I also know I am to an extent socially inept. I get along fantastically with people I know. But those are people I have grown up with , and have something in common with. Here in the states it's American Football, which I get bored watching, Baseball which I tried to watch and fell asleep and Basketball, which can be entertaining for about 20 minutes. Hardly anyone here in the carolinas watches footie. So to find a place to go with someone interested in the sport is hard doing.

To the hobby part , i don't have any evidence I just think if I start doing something as a hobby, take scuba diving for instance, I love it , and have considered doing it as a job, but then thinking further the reason I like scuba diving is cause "I" get to do stuff, now if I had to worry say about other people while I am scuba diving it would detract from my experience and I figure I would come to resent taking my hobby and turning it into a job. Just my thinking. Who knows.

The problem right now is motivation. I know what my problem is , it's just making it happen.I've always struggled in the "making friends" part of life. Just way harder for me to do in a country I haven't grown up in.

Anyway I have been going on a few dates with this one girl so hopefully that works out. Who knows.

Is it just me or are people who feel this usually the nicest people you could meet in reality.

Anyone who is aware of their own self in this way is also aware of other peoples feelings and as a result are rarely cruel or unkind.

That statement alone makes you alright in my book Chakan.

Hope that does not sound condecending as it's not meant to. (He says showing his own social inneptitude)

[Chakan]

Is it just me or are people who feel this usually the nicest people you could meet in reality.

Anyone who is aware of their own self in this way is also aware of other peoples feelings and as a result are rarely cruel or unkind.

That statement alone makes you alright in my book Chakan.

Hope that does not sound condecending as it's not meant to. (He says showing his own social inneptitude)

Not condescending at all mate. Thanks.

I think knowing ones weaknesses are key to over coming our own problems. Put me in a room full of people I don't know and I will be over by the drinks or the food just keeping to myself. I am not the type of person who actively approaches people and introduces himself. I can't do it.... never have been able to.  Which is the reason I don't make friends easily.

My mom keeps telling me go out and meet people. To me this a complete aberration , I don't mentally know how to "Just go out and meet people". I know it sounds strange but doing this is so foreign to me.

Like when people meet at gym, I have no idea how this happens? Do you just walk up to some stranger and start talking? Do you drop something and someone else picks it up and then a conversation insues? See clueless.

These are the problems I have ... understanding people dynamics I can do as long as it doesn't involve me

[bleedsred1978]

Not condescending at all mate. Thanks.

I think knowing ones weaknesses are key to over coming our own problems. Put me in a room full of people I don't know and I will be over by the drinks or the food just keeping to myself. I am not the type of person who actively approaches people and introduces himself. I can't do it.... never have been able to.  Which is the reason I don't make friends easily.

My mom keeps telling me go out and meet people. To me this a complete aberration , I don't mentally know how to "Just go out and meet people". I know it sounds strange but doing this is so foreign to me.

Like when people meet at gym, I have no idea how this happens? Do you just walk up to some stranger and start talking? Do you drop something and someone else picks it up and then a conversation insues? See clueless.

These are the problems I have ... understanding people dynamics I can do as long as it doesn't involve me

It's better to be like that than make and lose friends easily.

You sound like a normal if slightly reserved person. Fuck all wrong with that.

Lots of people who mingle easily can be a bit shallow in my experience and only want to talk about themselves all fucking day.

I did this and I did that.blah blah blah.

Still waters run deep my friend.

[Chakan]

It's better to be like that than make and lose friends easily.

You sound like a normal if slightly reserved person. Fuck all wrong with that.

Lots of people who mingle easily can be a bit shallow in my experience and only want to talk about themselves all fucking day.

I did this and I did that.blah blah blah.

Still waters run deep my friend.

Yeah that's true some people who are like that can be pretty shallow. Although I have to say sometimes I am really jealous of people like that (not the shallow part) , just the ability to go out and bam you are introducing yourself and making friends and talking to people.

If I am honest with myself I don't think I will ever have that ability, I know it can be taught but it's also a certain frame of mind that needs to be in to achieve it. I don't think I could do it. It just wouldn't be me. But who knows.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

Go out and meet people NOT as in go out onto a street or a party and act like a sunshiny lunatic mate. Like the gym example you gave, the idea is not to force it. Say you might look at a guy's lifting technique and might want to improve yours, so you ask him. If he's kind enough, he'll explain. It'll go from there.

Dropping something... That's a good one.

For me, back in uni, even now, I find it very easy to communicate with the lads I play football with. Another example would be the people I met during French get-togethers (I attended to practise) etc. And also I've made some good acquaintances working on inter-university global projects. But, exactly like you, I'm near useless at any company get-togethers or big group functions. Either tend to stick with the one or two I know, just watch, or best, avoid it all together. I only enjoy company when it's one-on-one or with a few people I know well.

Like the previous guy said, it would be far more worthwile for anyone to get to know someone like you better rather  than a smile to all faker.

[Chakan]

Ah ok the gym explanation is a good one.

But as to the others , those are "forced" situations where you sort of have to communicate with people. Like a football team you not gonna go there play football and leave. Of course you are going to talk to people same as the french one. You are putting yourself in a situation where it's forced communication. I am making it sound like I have no idea what to do in social circles. I mean I go out with friends and drink and have a good time. But all those friends I have met through social situations. Not something where I have actively gone out to meet people. I suppose that's the difference.  Being able to put myself into a social situation with people I don't know.

Yeah it's good advice though looking for someone who has the same interests and ideas and whatnot in order to make a close friend rather than trying to meet a whole bunch of people who I won't get on with.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Another good way of getting in contact with people is to ask for their "help" or their opinion on some matter. Most people will always be willing to help and certainly most people would like to share their opinion on a certain matter. I'm quite easy going and don't have problems talking to people I haven't met before (now) but I can understand people who aren't good (hate that term in this context) at it.

I have improved my contact skills over the years by putting myself in situations where I was a bit uncomfortable and uncertain of what to do / say and I find that I get better at new things along the way when I practice that.

And Chakan - make a list of your "real" interests / hobbies and start finding out where you'll be able to meet people with the same interests. Surely there must be a local footie club in the Carolinas where you can put your skills to some kind of use...?

[Chakan]

It's just that motivation to put myself into those situations that I am having problems with. Its the initial "Alright I am going to go and do this now" unfortunately no-one can force that mind set onto me. Has to be a conscious decision by myself to actually go do it. There in lies the rub

Hmmm the footy league might be an idea. Although it's not really a big thing here in the Carolinas. Seattle and chicago and LA yeah ... on the east coast not so much. But will look into it.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

It's just that motivation to put myself into those situations that I am having problems with. Its the initial "Alright I am going to go and do this now" unfortunately no-one can force that mind set onto me. Has to be a conscious decision by myself to actually go do it. There in lies the rub

Hmmm the footy league might be an idea. Although it's not really a big thing here in the Carolinas. Seattle and chicago and LA yeah ... on the east coast not so much. But will look into it.

If you start out with small things and get a sense of a win in each situation the motivation for doing bigger things will come automatically mate!

Any footy will do as long as you get outside your 4 walls and start interacting with people would be my call, eh?

[Chakan]

If you start out with small things and get a sense of a win in each situation the motivation for doing bigger things will come automatically mate!

Any footy will do as long as you get outside your 4 walls and start interacting with people would be my call, eh?

Sounds like a plan mate. Where's the best place to try this out?

Will have a look around and see if any footy league exists here. Probably 1 or 2 .

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Sounds like a plan mate. Where's the best place to try this out?

Will have a look around and see if any footy league exists here. Probably 1 or 2 .

Dunno really! Depends on what you consider "big" things... The gym or any similar place would be a good place to ask for help with something. Things might just take of from there! Let us know when you've tried it!!

[Myshkin]

I'm like you Chakan in those social situations with strangers. It's like I over analyse everything, I'm thinking of what to say, how to say it, what other people would think, then if I do start conversations, I'm always monitoring myself AND the other person. I'm a neurotic mess sometimes haha.

However, I have gone through stages of depression and anxiety etc where for periods, I lose the inhibitions, I stop analysing things and stop caring so much about it all. So I know it's possible for me to be 'normal', it's just getting myself in a different mind set. Getting outside of my own head for a while .

I agree with advice of putting yourself in uncomfortable situations more and more. There's a quote that goes something like "Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall."

[gazc23]

Hello all,

I haven't posted in this thread for a long time, although I have lingered around RAWK, helping with the campaign to oust H&G etc, not been fully switched on to LFC untill early December.

Things are a lot better than when I last posted, have moved back in with my folks after a series of long and difficult conversations, been back a work a few months and things going really well professionally actually. Although still have the odd 'off' day on the whole am winning the battle with my numerous and colourful demons. Reason I am writing to all you today is I've just finished my last counselling workshop this afternoon, and one of the final things we spoke about was thanking people who've helped you in anyway on the journey I've been through.

Just having this thread to read, empathise and relate too has been a help beyond which my limited vocabulary cannot articulate.

So to you all a heartfelt, sincere and humble THANK YOU.   

I can honestly save I wouldn't be here without some of you.

WE NEVER WALK ALONE x
Love
Gaz

[adopted_scouser]

Good to see some fellow RAWKites feeling alot better lately.  I never seem to post when I'm feeling good, only when I'm shit!  This week has been strange, went to Huddersfield to watch Carlisle (The team I support for those that didn't know) in the Johnstone's Paint Northern Final, which we held off to a heroic 3-0 defeat (after winning the 1st leg 4-0) so it was enough to get to Wembley, which was amazing.  Then after, I stayed in Huddersfield with two of my best mates that I barely see nowadays, and we went to the Casino after the match, and I walked out a tidy £100 up.  Despite these, I just felt awful.  It's only really come over me this week, too.  It's almost like the feeling of butterflies that you get with excitement/love, in a sense of how it feels inside, but it feels much darker, and miserable.  I was delighted that Carlisle had won, but I still felt this horrible feeling inside, that I haven't felt for about two years.  I've been depressed and that all my life, but this overwhelming feeling of sadness only happens every so often.  It is hard to explain, perhaps there are others on here that can relate though?  I'm down about unemployment and lack of money etc, I have been for the past 6 months now.  I just sat in my room, staring at the floor for about an hour, tears coming from my eyes for no reason at all, I wasn't crying as such, but the tears were coming out.  I have no idea what it was that just suddenly made me so down this week.

[Zappa]

Sounds like a plan mate. Where's the best place to try this out?

Will have a look around and see if any footy league exists here. Probably 1 or 2 .

Sounds really corny - but it's true

Above anything else - love yourself warts and all

If you can you should be able to learn to tolerate others "imperfections" and useful meaningful things will spring from the most unlikely situations with people you may have thought had little to interest you.

Sometimes the trouble isn't helped by self-image.

Even I'm not perfect -  so hey why should you be

[Raz]

Had OCD for 20 years. I'm 26 now. Been a real struggle and continuing to be now I've finished uni and trying to find a job. Makes it quite a bit harder.

[smarties]

You wake at 3am and feel sick with panic. Your the only one whos awake at that god foresaken hour and your hearts pounding. OMG you got work in the morning and you aint sure if you can hide your symptoms for another day. You absolutely know your train of thought is crazy and makes no sense but you cant stop it and even that fact makes you worse. Christ someones coming to start a conversation, they will see into yout soul they will know you are struggling, you will have to run from the room, fake sickness, faint, lol. I have been there m8. I truly sympathise with you. You can get over this this can. I have been okay for a few years now. Its hard work. Keep at, dont give up. Email/pm me if you wana chat m8. Take care.

[exiledintheUSA]

Yeah I know I need a good woman. Trust me I am working on it.

I also know I am to an extent socially inept. I get along fantastically with people I know. But those are people I have grown up with , and have something in common with. Here in the states it's American Football, which I get bored watching, Baseball which I tried to watch and fell asleep and Basketball, which can be entertaining for about 20 minutes. Hardly anyone here in the carolinas watches footie. So to find a place to go with someone interested in the sport is hard doing.

To the hobby part , i don't have any evidence I just think if I start doing something as a hobby, take scuba diving for instance, I love it , and have considered doing it as a job, but then thinking further the reason I like scuba diving is cause "I" get to do stuff, now if I had to worry say about other people while I am scuba diving it would detract from my experience and I figure I would come to resent taking my hobby and turning it into a job. Just my thinking. Who knows.

The problem right now is motivation. I know what my problem is , it's just making it happen.I've always struggled in the "making friends" part of life. Just way harder for me to do in a country I haven't grown up in.

Anyway I have been going on a few dates with this one girl so hopefully that works out. Who knows.

I can relate to the sport thing mate. In the end I looked up local kids footy clubs and got back into coaching, the kids get into the game, the parents couldn't give a crap but the other coaches involved with the club certainly have a great interest in the game, we now have a saturday morning breakkie club for watching the prem, it's a start.

[El Denzel Pepito]

Anyone ever get SAD/the winter blues? Can't wait for Spring already haha. The dark and the cold are depressing, and Wagner getting voted off The X Factor doesn't help.

My ex had it last year, was a fucking nightmare for her. Had the SAD lamp and that seemed to help.

[Chakan]

Here is sit drunk off my ass, crying my eyes out and I have no idea why.

I went out tonight, people from work, I drank I played pool, I communicated socially with people I hardly know and here I am hours later and all I can think about is my friends back home. Why can't I connect with people here? What am I missing? I mean we talked we jo0ked and for all intense of purposes I had a good time. I ate I drank tequila and arrive home (not fully coherent about how I got here) and there are tears streaming down my face and I miss my friends. I miss people I have a genuine connection with. I miss my real friends, am I pathetic?

God I feel useless am I have no idea why.

[Chakan]

I feel weaker for it and I can't stop

[ItchySpoons]

Chakan mate, we all have times when we feel weak and useless. Alcohol is a depressant so will only magnify the emotions you're feeling. I've laid off the drink recently because I always seemed to end up in a really upset state when I was alone in bed at the end of the night. The important thing is to not punish yourself for feeling like this, it's not a sign of weakness mate it's a sign of humanity. I haven't read through all your posts yet but clearly you're at a point where you need some genuine comfort from somebody who you have a deep connection with. Talking to a friend back home, even briefly, could do you the world of good. Maybe even some encouragement and belief that you can handle all this, which you certainly can. The bonds of affection you want will take time to build with new friends but if you stick it out they will come. I don't know if any of this will help you mate but if you wanna get anything out at all I'll gladly listen.

[Chakan]

It's also the feeling of being slightly jealous of my friends, they all have someone. As in someone to share their lives with. And no matter how hard I try or don't try I can't seem to be able to make that connecton with someone significant. All my x;s have moved on, All my friends are eiter married or have a girlfriend or something to that affect. I don't know. I keep hearing people say "you're such a nice guy, you are a genuine person " but my underlying thought is that if i am all that why i am still alone? Why for 5 years now have I not found someone to love me back?

fuck i hate being pissed. I become such a wimp. anyway. that's life.

thoughts just come out ... and can't answer them.

[ItchySpoons]

Mate I know that feeling very well. It can be pretty fucking frustrating after a while for sure. You can't try force it though, you gotta be confident in yourself and just be comfortable with where your headed, even if it seems like you're a million miles from the person you want to be. Make peace with yourself and figure out how you want to go forward as a person, that's your starting point. Forget everything before and just move forward from that point, thinking about how things used to be is a useless waste of time, you can only affect the future. Once you're comfortable with yourself, then finding (and keeping) the right girl will become easier.

[Chakan]

yeah I know you can't force it but on the flip side I am tired of waiting for it. I guess one day at a time and all. I am contemplating a visit back home and seeing everyone again but to tell you the truth I am scared shitless of it. I know it will be super hard when I finally have to leave again. It's all well and good trying to start a new but I think the person i am now defines who I am ... i've tried to change myself in the past. Concerterd effort before and it's never come off. maybe I just don't have the conviction to follow it through. Who knows.

I'm not sure what I would say to my friend back home. I know I would talk to him ( my mate of 22 years) and it would make him feel worse me being far away and him not being able to do anything about it. Anyway will probably go to bed and hopefully things will look better in the morning, Alcohol being a depressant like you said. I know this, which is why I generally lay off it .

Thanks for the reply appreciate it... i really do, sometimes all you need is to get it out.

[ItchySpoons]

Yeah I was gonna say it's sort of a catch 22, you can't force it but at the same time the problem comes from waiting so long for it. I can only k
imagine the stuff you're going through being away from home and essentially having to build the major day to day relationships in your life up from scratch. All I can offer is a sympathetic ear and some advice that I think would suit. In the end it's all down to you mate, hopefully you see that as empowering instead of a burden. It's a big challenge but that's what shapes us as people, character is born out of adversity and you'll come out of all this stronger and more confident, I truly believe that.

Anyway probably a good idea to get some sleep, feel free to get in touch anytime pal.
Dean.

[Kashinoda]

Think I've pretty much hit bottom of the barrel, few years ago I was working in Hong Kong, had my own place... some really close friends and was loving my life. Had to come back to the UK for various reasons and got a job in a call center, after a year of going absolutely no where I got myself into University doing a Computing degree... now I'm half way through my second year... I've split up with my girlfriend, my attendance is about 5%, I'm barely passing my course, I've put on 3 stone in as many months and every day I just sit on my computer for 12 hours refreshing RAWK like I have nothing better to do than exist. I'm 25 and I really have no idea where or what I want to do with my life, I know I'm just being a lazy twat but I can't motivate myself to bloody shower let along anything else. I feel suffocated by myself, that's the best way to describe it.

Had OCD for 20 years. I'm 26 now. Been a real struggle and continuing to be now I've finished uni and trying to find a job. Makes it quite a bit harder.

My brother has had severe OCD since he was about 13, forced him to drop out of the school at the same time... it's now 6 years later and after having not left the house for the last 14 months he was admitted to Priory psychiatric hospital down in London as of Monday. He was a promising young footballer and OCD has destroyed every aspect of his life and my mothers, I'd like to say a big fuck you to the NHS who seem to think if the condition isn't physical it's not a priority. You've done fantastic to get through University mate (heck I'm struggling)... don't let it control you, I can't pretend to understand how you feel but I've seen how it works its way in even when things are going fine. Really hope you get a job soon, routine and security are so understated in terms of wellbeing... keep at it.

[Raz]

Think I've pretty much hit bottom of the barrel, few years ago I was working in Hong Kong, had my own place... some really close friends and was loving my life. Had to come back to the UK for various reasons and got a job in a call center, after a year of going absolutely no where I got myself into University doing a Computing degree... now I'm half way through my second year... I've split up with my girlfriend, my attendance is about 5%, I'm barely passing my course, I've put on 3 stone in as many months and every day I just sit on my computer for 12 hours refreshing RAWK like I have nothing better to do than exist. I'm 25 and I really have no idea where or what I want to do with my life, I know I'm just being a lazy twat but I can't motivate myself to bloody shower let along anything else. I feel suffocated by myself, that's the best way to describe it.

My brother has had severe OCD since he was about 13, forced him to drop out of the school at the same time... it's now 6 years later and after having not left the house for the last 14 months he was admitted to Priory psychiatric hospital down in London as of Monday. He was a promising young footballer and OCD has destroyed every aspect of his life and my mothers, I'd like to say a big fuck you to the NHS who seem to think if the condition isn't physical it's not a priority. You've done fantastic to get through University mate (heck I'm struggling)... don't let it control you, I can't pretend to understand how you feel but I've seen how it works its way in even when things are going fine. Really hope you get a job soon, routine and security are so understated in terms of wellbeing... keep at it.

Hi mate. Thank you for replying.

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. There was a time I had quite similar where for about 18 months I pretty much stayed in bed and put on weight etc. I think the main advice- though it seems really hard to do sometimes- is to just try and keep busy and have more structure in your day. I go to the gym quite often and it makes you feel a lot better. I also think talking helps a lot, whether it be to friends, family, support groups or coming on this forum. I think bottling things up makes things seem a lot lot harder.
I know you don't have OCD but getting in a rut can happen to anyone. Life can seem pretty shit. I have been better since that time, but even times like mid-December just gone I got so upset and stressed and panicked about the job situation I stayed in bed pretty much for five days without eating much feeling everything was getting on top of me. Then I do get some interviews and there's  this whole OCD side of things. Without wishing to get into too much detail, the compulsion side of things can be a bit of a pain when in an interview and trying to make a good impression. But those who know about OCD know it doesn't give a shit what you're doing or how important things are.

I've tried to be a lot more proactive in dealing with it the last couple of days. I was pretty depressed after those interviews last week. I think the worst thing about OCD is that its like you're fighting with yourself a lot. As if getting a job at the moment isn't hard enough. But, in recent days I have tried to find ways in which I can try and level things out. For example, there is something called the Disability Guaranteed Interview scheme which ensures those with a disability (physical or mental) get an interview at an organisation as long as they meet the minimum requirements. Now obviously the main people who do this are Government departments, local govt and organisations participating so its far from everyone but I feel more confident atleast going into an interview with it out there and them knowing about it so when I do my "things" they can put it down to that rather than just think I'm an eccentric or worse, weird. I've also contacted organisations like Remploy and Employ-ability which are able to help those with disabilities find employment. Like you said, it can ruin people's lives/prospects so I'm trying to address that as much as I can really.

I appreciate the well done on finishing uni but a lot of the time it was really really hard. Just try and stick at it mate and in time things will seem better. Completing the course and having good qualifications will be a brilliant asset to have. You don't want to throw it away and then when things do pick up in the future you look back and wish you hadn't wasted the opportunity to do the course now and maybe having to start it all over again. I know its not easy mate and I'm probably not the best person to comment on "coping mechanisms" lol, but the best of luck with everything and always come on here and chat if you want to.

[Kashinoda]

Greatly appreciate your comments rahul they haven't fallen on deaf ears here, I'm slowly trying to install some structure back into my days at the moment but it's been such a pit to pull myself out of... I have a close friend here but he's young, impressionable and very similar to me so I'm actually dragging him down with me it seems! And I have to keep face with my family because what I'm going through is nothing compared to my brothers been through for the last 6 years or so; the rest of my friends are half way across the country or world so there's not many places to vent haha! I'm sure I'll snap out of it soon, if I don't I'll lose this year in education... I seem to always be backing myself into a corner just so I can fight my way out, I've always worked like that.

Have you always managed your OCD yourself or have you had any help with it? There's a lot of NHS legislation regarding OCD which most GP's don't know about but should, it caused my brother to slip under the radar for so long... obviously I don't fully understand your situation so forgive me if I'm just blabbering on. I'm really glad there's organisations out there to help you find work mate, my friends brother has Asperger's syndrome and I believe he's gone down the same route recently (Remploy) and has had some luck after going through a big bout of depression. But, don't let OCD dictate that that's the only option for you, keep powering through with regular interviews, I know it's very easy for me to sit here and type this but I have lived with OCD dictating my brothers life and its painful to see... It is fighting with yourself, your anxious compulsive self, I've always seen it (OCD) as a monster which grows when you feed it/give into it; Sorry if I'm over simplifying and talking about it like it's the 3rd person, but it is a threat to your life. You have you head well screwed by the looks of things, just don't let it defeat you, right?

 Out of interest, what did you study at University?

[Rusty]

OK folks, just a question as an interested 3rd party.

We have a guy at work who has depression - we think (he doesn't talk about it much, but has mentioned it to the guy who runs our lab a few times). From time to time he won't show up for work, and doesn't either call or email in to let anyone know (I should point out here that our boss is generally pretty relaxed - his attitude is along the lines of "As long as everyone gets their work done, I don't care what hours anyone works".) In addition, he often falls asleep at his desk so it's not uncommon to walk by and see him slumped over his computer at work. At first we all kind of took the piss but when we found out he had depression we tried to be a bit more understanding.

Recently though it has got pretty serious/ridiculous - he will miss entire weeks of work and no-one will know where he is - so the guy who supervises him is getting really frustrated, as he has to pick up the slack when he doesn't get his work done. One of the reasons it is such a problem is that we never get an email or a call.

So my question for those who have depression is: does it actually stop you being able to call/email work when you have it really badly?

[jason42]

OK folks, just a question as an interested 3rd party.

We have a guy at work who has depression - we think (he doesn't talk about it much, but has mentioned it to the guy who runs our lab a few times). From time to time he won't show up for work, and doesn't either call or email in to let anyone know (I should point out here that our boss is generally pretty relaxed - his attitude is along the lines of "As long as everyone gets their work done, I don't care what hours anyone works".) In addition, he often falls asleep at his desk so it's not uncommon to walk by and see him slumped over his computer at work. At first we all kind of took the piss but when we found out he had depression we tried to be a bit more understanding.

Recently though it has got pretty serious/ridiculous - he will miss entire weeks of work and no-one will know where he is - so the guy who supervises him is getting really frustrated, as he has to pick up the slack when he doesn't get his work done. One of the reasons it is such a problem is that we never get an email or a call.

So my question for those who have depression is: does it actually stop you being able to call/email work when you have it really badly?

I would say No. Even on my very down days I still function, maybe not as much as I would like but things still need to be done and I have to do them. It takes a few seconds to call or email to say you're not coming in....

[Kopite B205]

Thats tough, but take a moment to think theirs people far worse off in third world counties mothers with babies and children starving every day and they still go on despite the struggles, commiting sucide would be such a waste of life, take a look for a minute what is causing this depression and try to slowly overcome it because who knows a year from now things could be great and very different so dont let the depression beat you.

An easy comment for someone "on the outisde looking in" to make. It is almost as bad as the usual "snap out of it" idle comments people make. Whilst I understand your trying to help and be supportive, statements like this really don't help.

[Bioluminescence]

OK folks, just a question as an interested 3rd party.

We have a guy at work who has depression - we think (he doesn't talk about it much, but has mentioned it to the guy who runs our lab a few times). From time to time he won't show up for work, and doesn't either call or email in to let anyone know (I should point out here that our boss is generally pretty relaxed - his attitude is along the lines of "As long as everyone gets their work done, I don't care what hours anyone works".) In addition, he often falls asleep at his desk so it's not uncommon to walk by and see him slumped over his computer at work. At first we all kind of took the piss but when we found out he had depression we tried to be a bit more understanding.

Recently though it has got pretty serious/ridiculous - he will miss entire weeks of work and no-one will know where he is - so the guy who supervises him is getting really frustrated, as he has to pick up the slack when he doesn't get his work done. One of the reasons it is such a problem is that we never get an email or a call.

So my question for those who have depression is: does it actually stop you being able to call/email work when you have it really badly?

In my opinion, yes. When I suffered from depression I didn't get out of bed for days - I just couldn't function at all. My behaviour was, if not destructive, unhelpful, but I didn't care because I didn't feel I was worth it and there was no hope anyway. In other words, it stopped me from thinking rationally. All the simple things that you may take for granted become a huge obstacle with depression. Also phoning in or emailing your boss to let them know you're not coming in can be a huge source of anxiety, so you just avoid it. That's how I see it anyway - you just can't cope with much.

[mikeinsheffield88]

OK folks, just a question as an interested 3rd party.

We have a guy at work who has depression - we think (he doesn't talk about it much, but has mentioned it to the guy who runs our lab a few times). From time to time he won't show up for work, and doesn't either call or email in to let anyone know (I should point out here that our boss is generally pretty relaxed - his attitude is along the lines of "As long as everyone gets their work done, I don't care what hours anyone works".) In addition, he often falls asleep at his desk so it's not uncommon to walk by and see him slumped over his computer at work. At first we all kind of took the piss but when we found out he had depression we tried to be a bit more understanding.

Recently though it has got pretty serious/ridiculous - he will miss entire weeks of work and no-one will know where he is - so the guy who supervises him is getting really frustrated, as he has to pick up the slack when he doesn't get his work done. One of the reasons it is such a problem is that we never get an email or a call.

So my question for those who have depression is: does it actually stop you being able to call/email work when you have it really badly?

When I was at my lowest I only really missed work once (but work wasn't the source, affecting my depression) and I did let my boss know by text but I agree with Bioluminescence sometimes you just don't feel like any human activity that will cause anxiety or stress as this further excarcabates your general feeling of down. I probably wouldn't have been able to phone in because I just couldn't face any potential questions about why, etc. Of course every person is different and so is the way that depression affects them, thus there's not really going to be a definitive answer to your question.

Depression was a catch 22 situation for me whereby I knew I needed help/ motivation but I wasn't motivated to seek that help and the first step was the most difficult by far.

[Rusty]

Of course every person is different and so is the way that depression affects them, thus there's not really going to be a definitive answer to your question.

Fair enough. Cheers for the answer - am trying to understand things from his point of view, it made me realise I really don't know a lot about depression and how it manifests itself, never had to deal with it personally or known anyone with it until now.

[Enemy]

OK folks, just a question as an interested 3rd party.

We have a guy at work who has depression - we think (he doesn't talk about it much, but has mentioned it to the guy who runs our lab a few times). From time to time he won't show up for work, and doesn't either call or email in to let anyone know (I should point out here that our boss is generally pretty relaxed - his attitude is along the lines of "As long as everyone gets their work done, I don't care what hours anyone works".) In addition, he often falls asleep at his desk so it's not uncommon to walk by and see him slumped over his computer at work. At first we all kind of took the piss but when we found out he had depression we tried to be a bit more understanding.

Recently though it has got pretty serious/ridiculous - he will miss entire weeks of work and no-one will know where he is - so the guy who supervises him is getting really frustrated, as he has to pick up the slack when he doesn't get his work done. One of the reasons it is such a problem is that we never get an email or a call.

So my question for those who have depression is: does it actually stop you being able to call/email work when you have it really badly?

Absolutely. I had to take a week off in June last year because I was so anxious I couldn't leave the house. A few weeks after that I literally couldn't call in to tell them I couldn't make it. Before Christmas I was getting so slack at work my doctor signed me of for 2 months so I could get my head straight.

It sounds like the guy needs a break and needs to get some help in the meantime. I'd have a word with the manager if I were you and get him to have a talk with him about getting some help. My manager is really understanding and nice, I give her updates everytime I see my GP or any other service and if I need a day off she shifts people round at a moments notice.

[Enemy]

Also do you have an occupational health department that he can see/talk to about it? It sounds like you and your work colleagues are trying your best not to make the situation any worse than it already is. When I was being slack as hell and it was a struggle even to get out of bed some bitches in my office would tittle tattle about any 5 minutes I missed of work (despite always doing my job well when there) and it really, really didn't help at all.

[Finn Solomon]

I think I'm suffering from depression. Literally nothing makes me happy, I cannot remember the last time I felt happy. I did well in my exams a few months ago and got a great GPA, and I felt nothing. I don't know what's wrong with me.

[Enemy]

Maybe you just don't have any fun in your life? From my long experience of depression it's not something you 'think' you have - it's disabling when you do have it. Do you get down in the winter, maybe it's weather related? On the other hand maybe you are depressed. Why is it that you think you might be aside from not feeling happy?