Author Topic: The Marital Sex thread... (Read 175216 times)

And Could He Play · « **Reply #80 on:** September 18, 2011, 10:05:15 pm »

Quote from: cowtownred on September 18, 2011, 08:49:23 pm

My bloody wife is particularly crafty.

She ignores my (increasingly less so) occasional requests.

Then the arl twat waits for days like today, the ghastly worst possible days that happen three or four times a year (ie we are totally and crushingly gash, and the Mancs are winning).... and says " I fancy an early night " winkwink.

When I have absolutely no interest in anything except a quiet drunken mope behind the settee.

sitting hear laughing my head off.

smithy · « **Reply #81 on:** September 18, 2011, 10:18:16 pm »

Quote from: cowtownred on September 18, 2011, 08:49:23 pm

My bloody wife is particularly crafty.

She ignores my (increasingly less so) occasional requests.

Then the arl twat waits for days like today, the ghastly worst possible days that happen three or four times a year (ie we are totally and crushingly gash, and the Mancs are winning).... and says " I fancy an early night " winkwink.

When I have absolutely no interest in anything except a quiet drunken mope behind the settee.

I got something similar tonight shortly after her genuinely asking if I was going to watch MoTD before I came to bed.

And Could He Play · « **Reply #82 on:** September 18, 2011, 10:21:45 pm »

I'm resorting to Phoning them out now, works out cheaper in the long RUN, guaranteed filth, and they get straight off when your finished. JACKPOT.

cowtownred · « **Reply #83 on:** September 18, 2011, 10:25:19 pm »

Quote from: smithy on September 18, 2011, 10:18:16 pm

I got something similar tonight shortly after her genuinely asking if I was going to watch MoTD before I came to bed.

Interested to know how you responded mate.

I have no intention of watching MotD... but I have equal disinterest in an under duvet adventure.

I'm just fucking fed up, sitting with another can, wishing tomorrow was over.

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #84 on:** September 18, 2011, 10:49:19 pm »

I'm well up for it tonight. Would love to just pound her really hard so it hurts. Then fucking punch her on the back of the head when im done. Not going to happen though. Any of it

stevedo · « **Reply #85 on:** September 18, 2011, 10:57:37 pm »

Quote from: cowtownred on September 18, 2011, 08:49:23 pm

My bloody wife is particularly crafty.

She ignores my (increasingly less so) occasional requests.

Then the arl twat waits for days like today, the ghastly worst possible days that happen three or four times a year (ie we are totally and crushingly gash, and the Mancs are winning).... and says " I fancy an early night " winkwink.

When I have absolutely no interest in anything except a quiet drunken mope behind the settee.

Finally somethings cheered me up!

Bondred · « **Reply #86 on:** September 18, 2011, 11:00:36 pm »

Quote from: Doc Evil on September 18, 2011, 10:03:48 pm

I use the SAS as an inspiration. Wait until cover of darkness, get in, get what you want, get out, if you do it right, they'll be none the wiser in the morning.

Who dares comes.

So you try and shag her when she is asleep?

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #87 on:** September 18, 2011, 11:08:23 pm »

Quote from: Bondred on September 18, 2011, 11:00:36 pm

So you try and shag her when she is asleep?

I do that

Did used to use her hand to pull myself off while she slept. Normally ended up with her waking up, doing it herself, then having sex

And Could He Play · « **Reply #88 on:** September 18, 2011, 11:15:22 pm »

some funny posts in here ha ha.

El Denzel Pepito · « **Reply #89 on:** September 19, 2011, 12:13:09 am »

Quote from: Barneylfc on September 18, 2011, 11:08:23 pm

I do that

Did used to use her hand to pull myself off while she slept. Normally ended up with her waking up, doing it herself, then having sex

Hahaha, brilliant.

jaffod · « **Reply #90 on:** September 19, 2011, 01:23:42 am »

Tell you something my Mrs does that really fucks me off. She might start grabbing my dick through my kecks and stuff when she knows there is no chance of anything happening because my lads' upstairs or something.
But if he goes out to play all of a sudden there's a desperate need to go the shop or she's suddenly overcome with tiredness and needs to go to sleep or there's some other shite excuse not to do anything.

And Could He Play · « **Reply #91 on:** September 19, 2011, 01:26:41 am »

Quote from: jaffod on September 19, 2011, 01:23:42 am

Tell you something my Mrs does that really fucks me off. She might start grabbing my dick through my kecks and stuff when she knows there is no chance of anything happening because my lads' upstairs or something.
But if he goes out to play all of a sudden there's a desperate need to go the shop or she's suddenly overcome with tiredness and needs to go to sleep or there's some other shite excuse not to do anything.

funny stuff....ha ha..

jaffod · « **Reply #92 on:** September 19, 2011, 01:34:11 am »

Quote from: And Could He Play on September 19, 2011, 01:26:41 am

funny stuff....ha ha..

Glad you think so.

And Could He Play · « **Reply #93 on:** September 19, 2011, 01:35:07 am »

Quote from: jaffod on September 19, 2011, 01:34:11 am

Glad you think so.

Not laughing at you, i can just relate to it. I wasn't even married.

Doc Evil · « **Reply #94 on:** September 19, 2011, 09:40:00 am »

Quote from: Bondred on September 18, 2011, 11:00:36 pm

So you try and shag her when she is asleep?

It's been known . . .

rusty-la · « **Reply #95 on:** September 19, 2011, 10:12:05 am »

Quote from: Barneylfc on September 18, 2011, 10:49:19 pm

I'm well up for it tonight. Would love to just pound her really hard so it hurts. Then fucking punch her on the back of the head when im done. Not going to happen though. Any of it

Dream on Barny lad...

Sir Harvest Fields · « **Reply #96 on:** September 19, 2011, 11:39:28 am »

I like the punch to the back of the head

I was told that whilst asleep my ex was laying in my left arm and all of a sudden i smashed her on the side of the head with my free right fist in my sleep, that looked sore and i was gutted. I felt really bad. My fist was fine so i could still play guitar and have a tug as i wasnt gonna get squat of her. Moody old bat.

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #97 on:** September 19, 2011, 04:17:39 pm »

Quote from: rusty-la on September 19, 2011, 10:12:05 am

Dream on Barny lad...

I went to bed with a full bag

Quote from: Sir Harvest Fields on September 19, 2011, 11:39:28 am

I like the punch to the back of the head

I was told that whilst asleep my ex was laying in my left arm and all of a sudden i smashed her on the side of the head with my free right fist in my sleep, that looked sore and i was gutted. I felt really bad. My fist was fine so i could still play guitar and have a tug as i wasnt gonna get squat of her. Moody old bat.

She once told me I tried to head butt her while I was sleeping. Apparently she was watching TV at around 4am as she wasnt well and couldnt sleep then I just woke up, swung my head at her and went back to sleep. I missed fortunately (or unfortunately, whatever way you want to look at it)

rusty-la · « **Reply #98 on:** September 26, 2011, 08:50:53 pm »

Fourth week.....

And Could He Play · « **Reply #99 on:** September 26, 2011, 08:54:36 pm »

Quote from: rusty-la on September 26, 2011, 08:50:53 pm

Fourth week.....

I'm on two months, then again i'm single.

Bondred · « **Reply #100 on:** September 26, 2011, 08:58:05 pm »

My Mrs gets boffed all the time, one day I will get a go.

adopted_scouser · « **Reply #101 on:** September 26, 2011, 09:45:33 pm »

Best thing to do, when married. Is say to your wife "Here you are, I got you that paracetemol."
She will reply with "But I don't have a headache?"
And you can just say "Good. Let's have sex."

Wisdom beyond my years, me.

andy in warrington · « **Reply #102 on:** September 26, 2011, 09:50:56 pm »

My mrs will let me have sex with her most nights if I want, which is fine.
But she won't suck my dick which really pisses me off. I'd do it myself but I can't reach.

And Could He Play · « **Reply #103 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:02:48 pm »

Quote from: andy in warrington on September 26, 2011, 09:50:56 pm

My mrs will let me have sex with her most nights if I want, which is fine.
But she won't suck my dick which really pisses me off. I'd do it myself but I can't reach.

Do a Prince, get your bottom ribs took out.

And Could He Play · « **Reply #104 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:03:09 pm »

Quote from: adopted_scouser on September 26, 2011, 09:45:33 pm

Best thing to do, when married. Is say to your wife "Here you are, I got you that paracetemol."
She will reply with "But I don't have a headache?"
And you can just say "Good. Let's have sex."

Wisdom beyond my years, me.

its like on that advert.

andy in warrington · « **Reply #105 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:17:45 pm »

Quote from: And Could He Play on September 26, 2011, 10:02:48 pm

Do a Prince, get your bottom ribs took out.

Has Prince really had his ribs taken out so he can blow himself off ?

And Could He Play · « **Reply #106 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:18:38 pm »

Quote from: andy in warrington on September 26, 2011, 10:17:45 pm

Has Prince really had his ribs taken out so he can blow himself off ?

Think its a miff (myth), funny though. I reckon he deffo enquired about it.

jaffod · « **Reply #107 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:19:00 pm »

Quote from: andy in warrington on September 26, 2011, 09:50:56 pm

My mrs will let me have sex with her most nights if I want, which is fine.
But she won't suck my dick which really pisses me off. I'd do it myself but I can't reach.

Grounds for divorce right there.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #108 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:19:42 pm »

Quote from: And Could He Play on September 26, 2011, 10:18:38 pm

Think its a miff (myth), funny though. I reckon he deffo enquired about it.

Just like every school had a kid who put pencils up his nose in an exam and slammed his head on the desk!

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #109 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:24:18 pm »

Quote from: Crosby Nick on September 26, 2011, 10:19:42 pm

Just like every school had a kid who put pencils up his nose in an exam and slammed his head on the desk!

Someone in my school did that

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #110 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:27:30 pm »

Quote from: Barneylfc on September 26, 2011, 10:24:18 pm

Someone in my school did that

Really?! Mine too, how weird!

CHOPPER · « **Reply #111 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:31:21 pm »

Sex without love is an empty experience.

ThepepeReina · « **Reply #112 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:32:47 pm »

God most of your women arent half frigid. Mine wants it just as much as me, if not sometimes more!

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #113 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:34:51 pm »

Quote from: CHOPPER on September 26, 2011, 10:31:21 pm

Sex without love is an empty experience.

Some of the best sex I've had was with people I didn't love. Remember banging a Canadian bird. One night stand. No idea what her name was. Fucking great ride and gave great head.

Sex with my current ex is the best though. No one has ever come close

CHOPPER · « **Reply #114 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:35:01 pm »

Quote from: Thepepereina on September 26, 2011, 10:32:47 pm

God most of your women arent half frigid. Mine wants it just as much as me, if not sometimes more!

How old were you when you got married?

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #115 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:36:38 pm »

Quote from: Thepepereina on September 26, 2011, 10:32:47 pm

God most of your women arent half frigid. Mine wants it just as much as me, if not sometimes more!

Twice a month I used to get it if I was lucky. Got the odd blow job though. God I miss her mouth

CHOPPER · « **Reply #116 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:38:08 pm »

Quote from: Barneylfc on September 26, 2011, 10:34:51 pm

Some of the best sex I've had was with people I didn't love. Remember banging a Canadian bird. One night stand. No idea what her name was. Fucking great ride and gave great head.

As empty experiences go though, it was one of the best.

Quote from: Barneylfc on September 26, 2011, 10:34:51 pm

Sex with my current ex is the best though. No one has ever come close

I'm confused with this line, your current ex? isn't she just your current and as for the last bit, how fucking long is your dick!

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #117 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:40:37 pm »

Very long mate

She's my ex. But were still under the same roof. Won't let me bang her though which is annoying.

ThepepeReina · « **Reply #118 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:40:54 pm »

Quote from: CHOPPER on September 26, 2011, 10:35:01 pm

How old were you when you got married?

8 on the playground.

CHOPPER · « **Reply #119 on:** September 26, 2011, 10:48:46 pm »

Quote from: Thepepereina on September 26, 2011, 10:40:54 pm

8 on the playground.

Thats a first, a female peodophile.