The more I think about this, the more it seems like yet another masterstroke from the genius mind that is Rafa:
Back in May, Xabi makes it plain that he wants to leave. After thinking that Alonso will get £20 million at a push because he couldn't get £16 million for him last year, Rafa's Hawking like brain quickly performs a million calculations, processes 1000's of scouting reports and watches 100's of hours of Macedonian Red's youtube files.
"Aquilani is the man for me" says Rafa, so he phones up Roma. "I'll happily pay the £17 million, but what? He's just had an op and he'll be out for weeks? Fuck! Oh hang on a minute, that'll give me time to fuck Perez and Valdano about and I might make a few bob as well.
"Benitez, £22 million is our final offer. No sorry, make that £24 million. Hello ... hello?" Perez rings back "OK £25 million is our final offer. Did I say £26, I meant £28 million." and all Perez can hear is Rafa whistling the tune from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
Rafa then sits in his chair at Melwood stroking his white Persian cat for a couple of weeks and thinks "£28 million! Fuck me! Now if I can just get Alonso to hand in a request, I'll make an extra £3 million!"
Alonso goes home to Spainto sulk for a couple of days and eventually phones Rafa up. "OK Benitez you win! I'll give you your fucking transfer request. Damn you Rafa! Damn you to hell!" Rafa responds "OK then, tell Perez to call me tomorrow."
In the meantime, Rafa phones Roma "Is Aquilani ready to step up his rehab physio? Good, send him over. Nice doing business with you!"
Next day, Perez phones up. "So we have a deal at £28 million?"
"Do we fuck!" says Rafa. "I said £30 milion."
"You thieving fucking bastardo!" screams Valdano on the conference call. Rafa hangs up.
Brrrnng Brrnnng.
""OK £30 million it is." says a dejected Perez.
"And don't forget the add ons, fuck face!" laughs Benitez into the phone. "And you will forever rue the day you crossed swords with Don Rafael Benitez."
Rafa turns in his chair to face a picture of Rick Parry, raises a glass of Cava, smiles and says
"To you Rick. A Man who couldn't sell Alonso for £15 million. Well I managed to get a player who is a better version of the Barry style more attacking midfielder I wanted last year, who fits into my style of play better, for only £17 million, sell Alonso for twice what you couldn't get for him last year, save an extra £3 million on the loyalty bonus AND make Perez and Valdano look like a bigger pair of tits than Jordan. How do you like them fucking apples Rick?"