Topic: Embarrassing moments in public places

[ealsc15]

When we played Basle away the day before the match we all went on a jolly as you do I am led to belive, on getting back to our hotel the old man of our group Bill said listen listen so we all stopped thinking it was something important, he farted but he told us he shat himself.  I would of just gone to the toilet and came back no one the wiser.....

I got so pissed one night I went round a lady friend of mine to carry the party on but I just fell asleep on the sofa i woke to a massive far by me and it fuckingt stunk I wanted a poo but I let myself out as couldnt do it at hers as would of been a bad one so I started to walk home this was at 5am walked about 200 yards and had to go for a poo behind the sports hall what a night, ps i fitted the cctv cams there 5 weeks earlier.....

On another of our away trips , the old fella Bill and I shared a room which I wasnt happy about as he snores like a good one now another lad wasnt staying in our hotel came out on the toon with us it was his 18 birthday and we got him pissed like nothing else, he ended up crashing in our room on the floor which wasnt a problem at all but he got bad in the night and was ill in the bathroom.  Bill went in for a piss and didnt put the light on and yes youve guessed it pissed over him to which made the young lad in question throw up like nothing I have ever seen ( apart from Valencia away and me ) all over the walls the floor everywhere except the toilet.  Iknow this one wasnt in public as such but had to tell it

 

[djibril]

We've got this neighbour who if you get talking to you are very lucky to get away from anytime within the next 4 hours.  Well me mam was out bringing in the wheelie bin last Thursday and she came out and started talking to her.  About a half an hour later she was still there so I thought I better save her.  I grabbed the portable phone from its holster thing, opened the front door, and waved it to my mum and neighbour at the bottom of the driveway and shouted "Mum, Dads on the phone for ye" and right at that very moment it started ringing!!!!    Ddint have a clue what to do with myself.  But the neighbour fooked off anyway so all was well!!  Quite embarassing for us both though

[kitster]

My old housemate used to own a club in the Isle of Man, and in TT week he used to bring over 8 - 10 lapdancers to stay, to perform in the club. One morning he got up, really hungover, and wandered into the kitchen downstairs in just his boxers where most of the girls were eating breakfast. Still being slightly pissed, he thought it would be funny to do the old 'pull my finger' trick with one of the girls. probably dont  need to explain the rest - it was pretty messy.

[Andy G]

(Also... a reminder in my brother reads this... tell the one about your going the match in Leicester )

Ah yes Paul,

Decided to go and stay with my sister who was training at Leicester Royal Infirmary.  After a night o the piss, got directions to get to Filbert Street to watch Leicester v Swindon int eh second division.  Chortled off pleased with myself as it would be another new ground and made my way through Mandela Park as directed and there I saw it.  "Leicester Football Club" was the big sign on the opposite side of the road.

There were no great queues at the turnstyle, but since it was quite early - and only a second division fixture, I was not so surprised.  I was pleasantly surprised; however, when I saw that it was only 1.80 quid to get in.  At the time it was a fiver on the Kop.  I paid my money and walked through the turnstyle.  Programmes 30p.  I couldn't believe it as they were 70p at Anfield - straight into my pocket to read while waiting for the game to start.  Good on Leicester City to give good value for money.  I nearly fell over when I walked to the top of the steps.  Seats.  I had paid 1.80 not to stand, but to sit.  Great value for money - I felt on top of the world until I actually looked onto the pitch.  Rugby posts.  I couldn't believe it.  The sign said "Leicester Football Club".  I looked at the programme - Leicester Tigers v Bath - a great game of Rugby I know, but I was here to watch the football.

I didn't ask for a refund on my way out, and waited until I was well away from the exit gate before asking someone directions to Filbert Street.  Unlike my brother, I am not easily embarrassed, but I could feel my cheeks glowing read even to people I knew did not know what I had done.

Incidently, it was one of Brian Hamiltons last games in charge of the Foxes.  Swindon were 2-0 up with 8 minutes to go but won it 3-2 with a 35 yard screamer by Mark Venus with the last kick of the game.  Great entertainment (even if it did cost me a fiver to get in and 70p for a programme - fuckin daylight robbery when you consider that what I was paying for a 1st division club - and the finest in Europe at that!!

[Gray-YPC]

Bumped in the hope there's more funny stories to come!

[Rob K]

Walking through a pub in just me kecks after an iLFC game in Southport and looks i got whilst i was stood in the mens washing mud of myself.  Hence the custom title.

[Helly]

Those lucky old grannys eating their Sunday lunch watching you walk through in your boxers.  Bet they thought you came as lunchtime entertainment

[kitster]

A few years ago i was meeting up with a mate of mine who worked in a secure area of the mental hospital up the road. Said i would meet him at work, and he would get changed there so we could head out on the piss.

Called in,  and he let me through all the doors, then made me a coffee in the Kitchen, and said to wait for him in the TV room while he finished up, and got ready. He also said whatever i do, dont let you coffee mug out of your sight, as there were a few patients who tended to nick off with them.

So went into the TV room, in which there were approx 20 patients, some wearing Crash helmets, others calmly chewing their jumpers, and a few just fixated on whatever crap was on the TV.
Rather than going back and telling anyone i was rather uncomfortable with the situation, i decided to sit in the only spare armchair and hope for the best.

As soon as i plonked myself down, the focus of the room turned firmly to me - a few of them were getting excited, and started making bizarre noise and stuff, and then one patient, a women about 15 stone, came over and sat on my knee. Trying to talk her out of her new seat and in my haste to get up, i let go of the mug, and tried to lift this women off  - seeing the opportunity, one of the other patients made a grab for the coffee and proceeded off down the corridor.

Finally managed to get up, and tried to get the mug back, but the whole room got up with me and as i got through the door, every single one of the patients grabbed onto us and kind of formed a conga, about 6 people long and 3 wide, all going nuts and yelping and grunting etc.

The rest of the staff came rushing out to see what the commotion was, and saw me  - now almost in tears - with a full on red face stood in the corridor, with what looked like a mosh pit at a fancy dress shop. They thought it was hilarious.

Just made arrangements to meet him in the pub after that.

[Conde]

lmao, that is funny.

[Ciara (with a capital "C")]

I was in Topshop a couple of months ago, maybe May or June, and I went into the changing rooms to try on some jeans. I was in a bit of a hurry so thought I'd keep my shoes on and save some time. Got the first leg in then tried to get the second leg in. I was holding my balance well but went to pull the jeans over the heel of my shoe and I fell out of the changing room, through the curtain. Fortunately enough there was no-one around to witness it. I didn't think those things happened in real life, just funny, black and white movies.

[Mas]

I was in Topshop a couple of months ago, maybe May or June, and I went into the changing rooms to try on some jeans. I was in a bit of a hurry so thought I'd keep my shoes on and save some time. Got the first leg in then tried to get the second leg in. I was holding my balance well but went to pull the jeans over the heel of my shoe and I fell out of the changing room, through the curtain. Fortunately enough there was no-one around to witness it. I didn't think those things happened in real life, just funny, black and white movies.

CCTVs or whatever they are called. 

[Ciara (with a capital "C")]

So I'm probably on YouTube!

[TSC]

Two spring to mind, both on foreign hols in my younger years.

Srayed in an apartment in Corfu years ago, and the design meant that the showers were in the ground floor, and bedrooms were upstairs.  However the position of the stairs meant you had to go past the front door to get up them.  On this ocassion I was last one in the shower before a night out, and two mates were sat outside the door on a veranda having a few pre going out drinks.  Our apartment formed a cul-de-sac with about 8 other apartments.  Trying to run past the open door to get upsatairs I slipped, and slid out onto the patio past my two mates, bollack naked, in full view of everyone else sat in their respective verandas.

On another ocassion I and a few mates met some girls in Spain, and decided to go for a bit of skinny dipping.  I was first volunteer with the gear off, under the influence of too many jd's.  Only to come out of the sea and find my mates had fucked off with my clothes.  One of the girls lent me a pair of what can only be described as French knickers.  I then had to cross what seemed like the busiest road and resort in Spain with only knickers on to get to my apartment.

[Terry de Niro]

I like this thread..

[Scarlet`]

I like it too trying to think of something I could post here but none of them are as funny...

[Elli]

Two spring to mind, both on foreign hols in my younger years.

Is your name Alex? Reminding me very strongly of one of my mates with those two tales

[Lo]

Leaking breasts 

[tezmac]

Went to pick up my wife from the Royal hospital after an operation on one of her ears had to have some of her hair shaved unfortunately she caught an infection looked awfully face all kinds of colour gets in a full lift and the wife says !!!wifebatterer

[Walshy nMe®]

Leaking breasts 

Is it true this happens when you (not you personally) hear a crying baby, ANY crying baby??

[The 5th Benitle]

Is it true this happens when you (not you personally) hear a crying baby, ANY crying baby??

Better not walk past any Everton fans today if thats the case.

[Lo]

Is it true this happens when you (not you personally) hear a crying baby, ANY crying baby??

Never heard that before, mine leak when Lucas sleeps for to long 

[Melanie.]

Is it true this happens when you (not you personally) hear a crying baby, ANY crying baby??

Yes, thats true. I know from wet experience 

[jackh]

Leaking breasts 

Yes, thats true. I know from wet experience 

two tales here were far too short!

[Marcus6]

After celebrating yesterday result in the pub, i stumbled out and promptly fell into some roadworks.

[only6times]

After celebrating yesterday result in the pub, i stumbled out and promptly fell into some roadworks.

going down,going down,going down

[Marcus6]

going down,going down,going down

and indeed i did. But came back up. Then down abit. Then completely up.

[only6times]

and indeed i did. But came back up. Then down abit. Then completely up.

it's the yo-yo syndrome,soon to be at the boleyn.nice one beating the septic's

[Crosby Nick]

Bump!

So not exactly a public pace but I was in the toilet cubicle at work earlier, having a well earned break and someone appeared in the next cubicle (most annoying!). Anyway, I'd been sat there a while, multitasking, and when I stood up my legs had gone a bit dead and I stumbled and clattered into the cubicle wall with some unknown colleague sat on the other side probably wondering what the hell was going on.

This obviously then triggered a fit of silent giggles from me as I pulled myself together. Thankfully I was able to sort myself out, wash and dry without someone else wandering in and saying "Hi Nick" and giving my identity away. Still chuckling now!

Worthy of an 8 year bump? Probably not, but I'm sure you lot can add to it...

[stoa]

Was working as an intern for a newspaper about ten years ago and was doing the report for a football match (lower league here in Austria, probably fourth or fifth highest level). Nothing fancy, just go to the match and have a little chat with the manager afterwards. So, I was watching from the stands and when the match was over, I wanted to talk to the manager so I could get the fuck out of there. There's no protocol for stuff like that, you just go the guy and talk to him, so no security or press-conferences. I went down that steps and decided to jump over the advertising boards. I'm not the most athletic guy in the world, so I tried to make it look as cool as I could. And I think it went well until I heard a loud "SCRATCH". My pants had been caught in a bolt of the ad-boards and there was a huge rip in the back. Didn't know how the people in the stands reacted (only a few there anyway) as I tried to get out of there as quickly as possible...

[Ziltoid]

Multitasking? Having a wank whist trying to shit? Or just getting porn on the phone while getting a fresh toilet roll.

[Crosby Nick]

Multitasking? Having a wank whist trying to shit? Or just getting porn on the phone while getting a fresh toilet roll.

Haha, just browsing!

[swoopy]

Haha, just browsing!

The phone in one hand, earphones in ears, cock in the other hand kind of multitasking?

[Brian Blessed]

Who doesn't love the Double Danger Work Wank?

[Henry Kissinger]

This occurred many, many years ago. My wife was about to drop with our second child, so I took our three year old to Tesco's to do the weekly shop. He was a very excitable wee soul and the only thing that kept him quiet was an old silk underskirt that his mum had given him. Took it everywhere with him. Sadly, being a typical dad I forgot to take it with us. When we arrived at the supermarket, he didn't want to sit in the child's part of the trolley, made a right fuss, so I put him in the trolley near the narrow end. He liked this.

We headed to the dairy section to get some margarine. A woman was standing directly in front of the brand I usually bought, so being the polite sort I stood behind her - not too close you understand - and waited. The next bit happened in a flash. My son reached through the trolley bars obviously trying to touch the woman's underskirt, missed and touched her leg. Instead of turning round and looking down, the woman turned, looked directly at me and in rather a loud voice said: "You filthy f*cking pervert!" and stormed off. I stood there in mild shock, mouth open and very embarrassed. I turned to my son in order to admonish him with a stern telling off, and he was sitting there, staring at me, his face a picture of pure angelic innocence. I decided to forget about it and continued shopping.

A few minutes later, a supervisor or manager approached me and said: "We don't appreciate your sort in here, piss off before we call the police." I tried to protest but he cut me short and told me to leave. I left. When I got home, I told my wife what had happened and she fell about in fits of giggles (you see, she knew I wasn't like that!). In fact, she found it so amusing that at the next young mother's coffee morning, she told them the story.

For the next few weeks, every time I bumped into them they'd smile, wink at me and say: "How's the local pervert then?"

Kids!

[TepidT2O]

[swoopy]

Brilliant

(And absolutely terrible you'd try to blame your little lad for something you did )

[redgriffin73]

Few years ago I was on the London Underground with my dad, we were stood up and it was pretty busy so we were quite squashed in. Anyway, we both had our hands on the same pole, and with nothing better to do I was just looking at where our hands were. I suddenly noticed how hairy my dad's fingers were and started kind of stroking the hairs and laughing, saying "I didn't realise your fingers were quite as hairy as that, dad!" - then looked up to see some other bloke standing next to my dad with his hand on the pole between mine and my dad's hands giving me the evils for insulting his hairy fingers and my dad giving me a bemused look as if to say "wtf are you talking about?" Christ, it makes my toes curl with cringing now just thinking about stroking that random old man's fingers!

[Crosby Nick]

Few years ago I was on the London Underground with my dad, we were stood up and it was pretty busy so we were quite squashed in. Anyway, we both had our hands on the same pole, and with nothing better to do I was just looking at where our hands were. I suddenly noticed how hairy my dad's fingers were and started kind of stroking the hairs and laughing, saying "I didn't realise your fingers were quite as hairy as that, dad!" - then looked up to see some other bloke standing next to my dad with his hand on the pole between mine and my dad's hands giving me the evils for insulting his hairy fingers and my dad giving me a bemused look as if to say "wtf are you talking about?" Christ, it makes my toes curl with cringing now just thinking about stroking that random old man's fingers!

Nice to see Richard Keys still grounded enough to use Public Transport though.

[Rob17]

I teach swimming and a few years ago I was teaching two girls about 5 and 7 how to swim in a local leisure centre.  They were beginners so I was teaching them in a beach level pool how to kick their legs, meaning our legs were deep enough to kick but we were essentially lying on the bottom of the pool, where it was really shallow.  So as I was showing them how to kick their legs, a lifeguard came up to me and said you might want to check your shorts.  unbeknown to me I had a massive hole in the back of my shorts and so here I was teaching two young girls to swim with my hairy ass on full show to everyone in the pool and the parents sitting in the café area including the parents of the children I was teaching.
I quickly stood up and backed up against a small wall and didn't move until someone got me a new pair and I quickly left to go and get changed. The parents didn't ask for anymore lessons after that.   

[paulrazor]

i was nearly choking reading this

for me
xmas eve 2007 i was shopping with the mrs when i saw my mate Dave. I pointed him out to the mrs.
"look its dave"
"no it isnt"

sure enough i waved and nothing
i thought fuck it im gonna frighten the bollix
"so i jumped him and asked for his wallet and went "egh dave its me"

sure enough it wasnt him