Author Topic: Funerals.  (Read 718 times)

Offline Gerroffofit yer pesky kids and take your puppies with you!

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Funerals.
« on: November 25, 2021, 09:16:27 pm »
Heartbreaking.

Shite.

But.

Also uplifting as someone pointed out when I did the Eulogy (And I've done a few now - far too many in my opinion)

.. this stuff means everything to a lot of people.

Didn't want to do it. Massively emotionally distressing.

But people care and people get a chance to see the life that passed.


For all those that have to do it.

Peace. Love. It's so very, very hard.

But to some people it means so very, very much xx
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Offline TepidT2O

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2021, 09:20:06 pm »
Bless you Andy.

Well done for getting through it.I don’t know how you could find the strength to do a eulogy
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Offline Charlie Adams fried egg

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2021, 10:49:16 pm »
Thoughts with you mate.
Doing things that you’d probably prefer not to do, but you do anyway because you know deep down is the right thing, no matter how difficult is the mark of a good un.

There’s so many people, and I’m talking generally here, not about funerals, who’ll avoid the tough things and happily let others do them; who’ll then talk a good game after the event about how they would have stepped up if it wasn’t for xox, insert excuse here.

Sounds like you’ve stepped up when needed. Hope you’re OK.

Offline John C

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2021, 10:56:45 pm »
Yep, bless you Andy mate.

Offline Grobbelrevell

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2021, 03:12:12 am »
I don't envy you at all, Andy. As you say, it's incredibly difficult and emotionally distressing.

I've had to do one for both my Dad and my Mum over the last 18 months and it was the thing I didn't want to do more than anything, but equally the thing that needed to be done, in my view - and as you say, to help add some colour to the lives that they led and the relationships that they formed and the memories that they shared with so many. It was hard, but I'm so, so glad that I did it.

A close family friend did one for both of my parents and for me, it was just wonderful, to hear some of the memories of their lives before me, from before they were parents and were enjoying their lives in a different way. That added so much to the send off that we gave them and I'm unbelievably grateful to them for that.

Hats off to anyone who has done the same for someone.
« Last Edit: November 26, 2021, 03:14:03 am by Grobbelrevell »
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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2021, 06:54:17 am »
Thoughts with you mate.
Doing things that you’d probably prefer not to do, but you do anyway because you know deep down is the right thing, no matter how difficult is the mark of a good un.

There’s so many people, and I’m talking generally here, not about funerals, who’ll avoid the tough things and happily let others do them; who’ll then talk a good game after the event about how they would have stepped up if it wasn’t for xox, insert excuse here.

Sounds like you’ve stepped up when needed. Hope you’re OK.

Exactly.

Also Andy is on the older side iirc,  which means his dad would've had a decent amount of time here.  If you've done things properly day in day out,  been a good son over time,  you've done well, that's it. The funeral doesn't need to be a heavy,  sad occassion, it simply doesn't matter,  you've already shown your quality over time. 

Offline rob1966

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2021, 07:42:34 am »
Best wishes to you Andy, losing a parent is bloody hard.

Both me and the wife have decided we aren't having funerals, she especially finds them too distressing, I hated my Mums funeral, so we have chosen not to put our kids through it. We're going down the get picked up from hospital, get cremated, spread our ashes route. Kids can have a wake if they want out of the money left, but I'd rather they went on holiday instead and raised a glass or 3 to me in the sun.

Offline Roady

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2021, 10:05:20 am »
Sorry to hear this Andy. Did my dad's but couldn't do my mum's
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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #8 on: November 26, 2021, 10:05:39 am »
Heartbreaking.

Shite.

But.

Also uplifting as someone pointed out when I did the Eulogy (And I've done a few now - far too many in my opinion)

.. this stuff means everything to a lot of people.

Didn't want to do it. Massively emotionally distressing.

But people care and people get a chance to see the life that passed.


For all those that have to do it.

Peace. Love. It's so very, very hard.

But to some people it means so very, very much xx



So sorry for your loss.

My wife did one for her dad and I couldn't help but admire her guts. I did the eulogy for her mum, though.

I also did a small eulogy for my brother, which was tough (a family friend and one of his close friends did the main ones)

I think I could do one for my mum, but when it's my dad's turn to go, although I'd love to deliver one, I don't think I could get through it without breaking down. I tear-up just thinking about it. I've so much deep admiration for the guy.
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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2021, 10:21:50 am »
Well done Andy, must be an incredibly tough thing to do.

Sounds like you did a wonderful job of it. Hope you’re doing ok. Take care.

Offline Alan_X

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2021, 10:47:16 am »
I couldn’t do the eulogies for my Mum & Dad. I just got too emotional. My eldest brother did them both and was really good. Both my parents had humanist funerals and the same celebrant did both. They were sad because we’d lost someone but were also a celebration of lives lived to the full.

Mum’s funeral was in the middle of lockdown last December so my brother couldn’t come over, numbers were restricted and we couldn’t have a gathering afterwards. It makes you realise how important a funeral, and the ability to be with people afterwards, is in dealing with grief. It doesn’t give closure - the grief continues for months or years - but it’s good to come together and share memories with family and friends. Finally managed to get the family together this week for a big meal and we scattered mums ashes on the canal where they had a narrow boat.

The most painful funerals are the ones for people who died young. I’ve been to a few of those including my sister who was hit by a car when she was thirty. Thirty-five years on it’s still vivid in my memory.
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Offline Kekule

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2021, 10:47:57 am »
Thoughts with you Andy, well done. I'm fortunate enough to have never had to do this for anyone, and I'm not sure I could, so am in awe of people who do. Huge respects to you, and to others, who have done it.  Sounds like you made a cracking job of it, so you can hold your head high, puff your chest out and take pride in that.

Take care and find something to, somehow, give yourself a bit of a mental break.  As you say, it's distressing so be kind to yourself over the coming days and weeks.

Offline AlphaDelta

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2021, 10:56:44 am »
Thoughts with you And, its tough, tough thing to go through, especially for a parent.

Because my mum passed completely out of the blue I didn't have an idea what she would have wanted. One thing I was sure about was, I didn't want it to be a sad day, I wanted it to be a celebration of her life.
In a weird way my brain has blocked out certain parts of the day. I was frightened about seeing the hearse arrive at our house and all the neighbours out to pay their respects, I was also frightened of arriving at the crem and seeing a sea of familiar faces, family, friends, mates from work, all looking at me.

I might have said on here before, one of the most poignant memories of that day was following the hearse in the limo, we were coming up Kings Drive, Woolton on our way to Springwood Crem and I remember passing a group of workies digging up the road. As we approached they all stopped work, took off their hard hats and bowed their heads. I vividly remember catching the eye of one of them and exchanging nods. That act of dignity and kindness by a group of workies nearly broke my heart.
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Offline Son of Spion*

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2021, 10:57:13 am »
You're a good man, Andy. You really are.
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Offline Charlie Adams fried egg

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2021, 11:28:21 am »
I couldn’t do the eulogies for my Mum & Dad. I just got too emotional. My eldest brother did them both and was really good. Both my parents had humanist funerals and the same celebrant did both. They were sad because we’d lost someone but were also a celebration of lives lived to the full.

Mum’s funeral was in the middle of lockdown last December so my brother couldn’t come over, numbers were restricted and we couldn’t have a gathering afterwards. It makes you realise how important a funeral, and the ability to be with people afterwards, is in dealing with grief. It doesn’t give closure - the grief continues for months or years - but it’s good to come together and share memories with family and friends. Finally managed to get the family together this week for a big meal and we scattered mums ashes on the canal where they had a narrow boat.

The most painful funerals are the ones for people who died young. I’ve been to a few of those including my sister who was hit by a car when she was thirty. Thirty-five years on it’s still vivid in my memory.

Must've been awful. I went to the funeral of and 18 year old a couple of years ago, a friend of the family, and can honestly say that I felt emotions like I've never felt before and never want to again. The impact on us as a family was one thing, but the sheer grief that the immediate family continue to experience is another thing altogether.
In the aftermath, I got chatting to a work colleague I'd known for over 25 years who told me she had lost her brother about 30years ago, in similar circumstances to your sister and her words were realistic, wise, but also comforting. She said that while you never truly get over it, you do learn to live with it.

I now view older peoples' funerals very differently. It's about fond memories and sharing them and celebrating a life well lived.

Offline mikeb58

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #15 on: November 26, 2021, 03:30:25 pm »
My Mum passed away on 6th Nov this year, heartbreaking, especially to see my daughters so upset. Was going to read this poem for her but couldn't do it...

The Perfect Mum


Not an enemy in her life my Mum made.
Role of perfect Mum she always played.
A woman of dignity, of class and heart.
So many qualities which set her apart.
Always there for me in all my 63 years.
Now today I cannot control my tears.
A Mum I could show off with such pride!
Now my Mum has Angels by her side.
As she's now at rest and free from pain.
Elizabeth 'Lilly' Bartram, my Mums name.
After flame lit skies and bonfire shows.
Today in Heaven a brighter light glows.
The saddest poem I've ever had to write.
Love you Mum, God Bless you, goodnight.
« Last Edit: November 26, 2021, 03:46:02 pm by mikeb58 »
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Offline jillc

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #16 on: November 26, 2021, 03:52:58 pm »
What a beautiful tribute poem that is Mike, entirely understandable that you couldn't read it as well. I pass on my sympathy to you and your family at this sad time.  :(

Sympathies to everyone who has lost someone at this awful time.  Glad you got through it Andy, well done for that.
« Last Edit: November 26, 2021, 03:56:42 pm by jillc »
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Offline jillc

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #17 on: November 26, 2021, 04:00:02 pm »
I couldn’t do the eulogies for my Mum & Dad. I just got too emotional. My eldest brother did them both and was really good. Both my parents had humanist funerals and the same celebrant did both. They were sad because we’d lost someone but were also a celebration of lives lived to the full.

Mum’s funeral was in the middle of lockdown last December so my brother couldn’t come over, numbers were restricted and we couldn’t have a gathering afterwards. It makes you realise how important a funeral, and the ability to be with people afterwards, is in dealing with grief. It doesn’t give closure - the grief continues for months or years - but it’s good to come together and share memories with family and friends. Finally managed to get the family together this week for a big meal and we scattered mums ashes on the canal where they had a narrow boat.

The most painful funerals are the ones for people who died young. I’ve been to a few of those including my sister who was hit by a car when she was thirty. Thirty-five years on it’s still vivid in my memory.

My elder brother did it for my mum this was some years ago. I was desperate to do something but just couldn't manage it on the day. I was so proud of him that he made such a good job of it. I am happy you managed to get the family together with the ashes. I live apart from my family and it's the hardest thing to do that especially now. Horrible to think you lost your sister at such a young age, I can't even begin to imagine how people get over things like that.  :(
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Offline Pheeny

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #18 on: November 26, 2021, 06:57:34 pm »
Thoughts are with you Andy,

Just wish I could have attended my brothers funeral earlier this year but Covid put a stop to that.

Offline Slippers

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #19 on: November 26, 2021, 07:35:47 pm »
Bless you Andy.

Well done for getting through it.I don’t know how you could find the strength to do a eulogy

I know I wouldn't be able to do it,when my mother died I couldn't even thank people for attending her funeral.

Offline ♠Dirty Harry♠

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #20 on: November 27, 2021, 12:16:10 am »
Heartbreaking.

Shite.

But.

Also uplifting as someone pointed out when I did the Eulogy (And I've done a few now - far too many in my opinion)

.. this stuff means everything to a lot of people.

Didn't want to do it. Massively emotionally distressing.

But people care and people get a chance to see the life that passed.


For all those that have to do it.

Peace. Love. It's so very, very hard.

But to some people it means so very, very much xx

They're brutal man.

I found this piece as a great expression of how grief is.

https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #21 on: November 27, 2021, 01:04:22 am »
Heartbreaking.

Shite.

But.

Also uplifting as someone pointed out when I did the Eulogy (And I've done a few now - far too many in my opinion)

.. this stuff means everything to a lot of people.

Didn't want to do it. Massively emotionally distressing.

But people care and people get a chance to see the life that passed.


For all those that have to do it.

Peace. Love. It's so very, very hard.

But to some people it means so very, very much xx
My Mum passed away on 6th Nov this year, heartbreaking, especially to see my daughters so upset. Was going to read this poem for her but couldn't do it...

The Perfect Mum


Not an enemy in her life my Mum made.
Role of perfect Mum she always played.
A woman of dignity, of class and heart.
So many qualities which set her apart.
Always there for me in all my 63 years.
Now today I cannot control my tears.
A Mum I could show off with such pride!
Now my Mum has Angels by her side.
As she's now at rest and free from pain.
Elizabeth 'Lilly' Bartram, my Mums name.
After flame lit skies and bonfire shows.
Today in Heaven a brighter light glows.
The saddest poem I've ever had to write.
Love you Mum, God Bless you, goodnight.

Andy I read your post near enough when you posted it.
Also Mike, the same applies to you.
Sorry if it sounds wrong; but because I get far to emotional about stuff like this I've waited a while to post.

Love, and big hugs, to both of you.
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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #22 on: November 28, 2021, 01:26:15 pm »
Buried my old friend two weeks ago, knew him since we were 11 and had to get up and give a speech, toughest thing i have ever done, he was 47.
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Offline Gerroffofit yer pesky kids and take your puppies with you!

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Re: Funerals.
« Reply #23 on: November 29, 2021, 01:23:56 pm »
Thanks everyone and really sorry to hear of those that lost someone and had to do it.

It's really hard, but also really worthwhile.

If you've done it then you've done amazing.
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