Author Topic: What is the stupidest/lamest reason your partner/ex has fallen out with you for? (Read 58438 times)

For fucks sake, everyone knows the girls who work in Greggs will let you finger them in the doorway! And don't get me started on the girls in Sayers giving you a wank with a pastie!

PMSL at that

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #127 on:** April 29, 2009, 12:16:39 am »

Quote from: barnowl123 on April 28, 2009, 07:07:55 pm

I just shat myself with laughter.

Out ya mouth?

Djimis Telescopic Leg · « **Reply #128 on:** April 29, 2009, 01:17:41 am »

My missus is forgivingly balanced, but I recall my sister going absolutely mental at her fella because he passed her barbecue sauce instead of ketchup.

rafa forever · « **Reply #129 on:** April 29, 2009, 08:02:27 am »

I'm going through a hard time at the moment at home...

Are you fuck, you just have no ballz.

Jagdip · « **Reply #130 on:** April 29, 2009, 09:35:30 am »

I got disturbed during my sleep by my missus last night. She was shouting about something down the phone. I turned it off. I woke up and turned my phone on, to see that we're now apparently on a break. Have no idea what this is about! It's not even that time of the month for her!

Only a woman could have a fight with a sleeping person. Seriously.

forrest1980 · « **Reply #131 on:** April 29, 2009, 10:27:06 am »

This thread just gets better and better !

Only downfall is if you're reading it at work trying not to get caught by the bosses and someone sees you smiling like a madman serial killer at the screen whilst trying to contain your laughter, they surely must think you're some deranged weirdo that smiles at monitors whilst talking to himself !

But........feck it ! Brightens my day !

Chaztastic · « **Reply #132 on:** April 29, 2009, 11:22:57 am »

First I've seen this thread and after the latest barney this morning it makes for some great light relief.

Quote from: Lunatic on April 29, 2009, 09:35:30 am

Only a woman could have a fight with a sleeping person. Seriously.

In which case you'll love this one. I'm half-asleep at 1am this morning, she sits bolt upright in bed, starts shaking me and shouting "what did you say?... no, what did you just say?" then lies back down, turns over and promptly falls asleep again, leaving me wider awake than someone drowning in a vat of red bull.

She wakes up this morning with no recollection of the incident, is affronted by my bringing it up, leaves for work early slamming the door.... BEFORE making me my sandwiches for lunch

This will all somehow turned into my fault tonight. Looking forward to going home already.

Regi · « **Reply #133 on:** April 29, 2009, 11:45:57 am »

The small things cause the biggest grief.

Once put her beloved lassie dog up for sale in our local paper's classifieds, with a photo and an ad looking for 'a good home'.
Down a like a ton of bricks.

Almost as bad as farting in bed and holding her head under the quilt.
Classic manoeuvre

Jagdip · « **Reply #134 on:** April 29, 2009, 01:15:52 pm »

Quote from: Red Tsar on April 29, 2009, 11:22:57 am

First I've seen this thread and after the latest barney this morning it makes for some great light relief.

In which case you'll love this one. I'm half-asleep at 1am this morning, she sits bolt upright in bed, starts shaking me and shouting "what did you say?... no, what did you just say?" then lies back down, turns over and promptly falls asleep again, leaving me wider awake than someone drowning in a vat of red bull.

She wakes up this morning with no recollection of the incident, is affronted by my bringing it up, leaves for work early slamming the door.... BEFORE making me my sandwiches for lunch

This will all somehow turned into my fault tonight. Looking forward to going home already.

Luckily I got out of mine. Said the phone batt died and she felt like a farce. that was close ... No idea what either of us said really.

Garstonite · « **Reply #135 on:** April 29, 2009, 01:17:41 pm »

Quote from: Hazzak on April 28, 2009, 06:39:43 pm

Taking photo's of her stuck in a catflap, what an over-reaction!!!

Best thread ever in the history of RAWK.

Rafadagaffer · « **Reply #136 on:** April 29, 2009, 01:26:51 pm »

Quote from: MattLFC08 on April 28, 2009, 12:52:37 am

Im kinda seeing this girl since around xmas. I went out to the pub saturday at 2 to watch the footie, 12 hours & 15 pints later i phone her to see if i can call round. I arrive at her front door, ring the bell, she answers, i walk past her and go straight up the stairs, fall into her bed and pass out.

Hasnt spoken to me since.

Did i do something wrong?

You should have given her a quick 30 second shag first mate, amateur mistake.

KiNki · « **Reply #137 on:** April 29, 2009, 02:58:35 pm »

last night my boyfriend was very kind and made my dinner, made me a sandwich for today's lunch and put the littleun to bed.

As a result of his thoughtfulness - i feel like i had to return the favour - so off i popped to the
shops today to get him something tasty for his tea.

Anyway while buying the beer and food, i text him about a missed call i recieved while shopping, he confirms its him and while the cashier is asking do i want any cash back...i'm distracted and say no - when i needed some money to get a taxi home. So i think sod it - its only three bags of shopping and a 10/15 minute walk - i'll walk. Set off and realise the bags are a quite heavey and i'll be pretty much fucked by the time i get home but hey i need the excerise.

Half way home after swapping and rejusting the bags that are cutting into my hands the first of the three bags rips. Fuck. okayyyy right thats three bags of shopping into two bags and off i toddle with the handles of the shopping bags cutting into my hands even more.

I'm three quaters of the way home, going thru a park and up about thirty steps, when the 2nd bag of shopping goes. Off down the steps goes my tins of beans. So i'm totally fucked off now. Having retrieved my shopping - i spy a scraggy old carry bag discarded in the bushes. So i put what i can salvage into the first bag, put some tins in my coat pocket, put whats least likely to be contaminated in the scraggy carrier bag and head home.

only a street away from my house - a friendly dog decides to follow me home sniffing at my shopping - when low and behold the third and final carrier bag goes. The old lady who'd been out walking her dog finally calls it and the dog runs off before i kill it. So totally stuck i decide to leave some of the shopping at some random persons house.

i carry what i can in my hands, pockets and scraggy carrier bag. Finally get home get some spare carrier bags and go back to the random persons house, overjoyed to find my shopping still there, retrieve it and take it home.

I'm tired, my hands ache, and i'm fucked off. Its all my boyfriends fault in a roundabout way and i'll be letting him know when he gets in.

fowlerisgod96 · « **Reply #138 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:18:34 pm »

I got dumped when I was 17 cos I dyed my hair bleach blonde like Anthony Le Tallec.

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #139 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:18:35 pm »

And all you really had to do was give him a blow job to say thankyou!

INABITSKI · « **Reply #140 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:21:02 pm »

Quote from: kiNki on April 29, 2009, 02:58:35 pm

Anyway while buying the beer and food, i text him about a missed call i recieved while shopping, he confirms its him and while the cashier is asking do i want any cash back...i'm distracted and say no -

So much for multi tasking!

bryanod · « **Reply #141 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:21:18 pm »

this thread is gold, gold i say!

Stussy · « **Reply #142 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:30:32 pm »

You have to understand that women have this cyclical need to become like the Hindu Godess Kali who is depicted with the heads of men in each one of her eight hands.

When they get into the 'Kali Mode' which arises as mysteriously as the existence of the Universe itself there is nothing you can do to appease it --- woman needs blood and she will choose anything to unleash her fury and then persecute you for it.

You can be the most perfect man, boyfriend or husband in the world, and woman will unleash fury on you for no reason at all. Anything will do as an excuse for it.

It is like how animals from the wild cannot be domesticated they will always want to go out and hunt. Woman is like that they are mysterious and have a fury inside them that hides away and then arises out of nowhere.

TonyTheRed · « **Reply #143 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:33:29 pm »

Quote from: Stussy on April 29, 2009, 03:30:32 pm

You have to understand that women have this cyclical need to become like the Hindu Godess Kali who is depicted with the heads of men in each one of her eight hands.

When they get into the 'Kali Mode' which arises as mysteriously as the existence of the Universe itself there is nothing you can do to appease it --- woman needs blood and she will choose anything to unleash her fury and then persecute you for it.

You can be the most perfect man, boyfriend or husband in the world, and woman will unleash fury on you for no reason at all. Anything will do as an excuse for it.

It is like how animals from the wild cannot be domesticated they will always want to go out and hunt. Woman is like that they are mysterious and have a fury inside them that hides away and then arises out of nowhere.

You are my wife, and I claim my £5

AndyInVA · « **Reply #144 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:33:49 pm »

chatting up her more attractive friend at a party

Red Zeppelin · « **Reply #145 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:35:45 pm »

i fell out with the ex because when i used to go to kip i would face away from her!!..

so one nite she pulls me on it

"why dont you face me when u go to sleep?"

I was in no mood for this shit

"coz ya breath fukin stinks, and i dont want ya breathing on me all nite!"

i was only jokin, but let me tell you.... that went down like a lead balloon!!

I fucked her off soon after,the fucking idiot

AndyInVA · « **Reply #146 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:42:49 pm »

this should thread should really be followed by a

why I got divorced thread

the list would be endless

fowlerisgod96 · « **Reply #147 on:** April 29, 2009, 03:50:57 pm »

Not strictly an argument, and not strictly a girlfriend.

But the first time me and my mates went out on the town in Leicester we were still 16 and dressed up in our shiniest shoes, nicest shirts etc. We end up in some scratty little club and me and one mate end up pulling a couple of fit 21 year old students, obviously not telling them we're 16 like. These girls are absolute filth mongers, my mates one keeps touching my thigh whilst she's necking him, my ones thrusting her hands down my pants in the middle of the dancefloor. And me and my mate are loving it, being virgins and all. So we end up going back to their place, the aforementioned filth continues on her sofa and she then invites me up to her bedroom. She tells me she's going to 'get changed' and disappears off to the bathroom. So there I am 16 years old, cherry about to be popped by a fit 21 year old sexual deviant student, my eyes about to burst out of my head at what she's about to walk back into her room wearing. The door opens, me stood there in my boxers with a raging hard-on and she's washed all her make-up off and she's wearing a big pair of Winnie the Pooh pyjamas. I innocently said 'What the fuck are those?' and laughed a little bit and she burst into tears and run to her housemates room. So I quickly get dressed go downstairs and my mates sat on the sofa waiting for me. He hadnt got any cos his mum had rung him because she was worried he hadnt come home yet, which somewhat killed the mood. Before we can leave, a third housemate emerges and screams at us for being bastards and we to fuck off. So we did, but not before nicking a bottle of champagne which was on their table for some reason. She absolutely legged it down the street after us but we were pretty quick back then. Funniest taxi journey home ever.

Needless to say we had the last laugh.

JimmyGrunt · « **Reply #148 on:** April 29, 2009, 04:03:21 pm »

Quote from: fowlerisgod96 on April 29, 2009, 03:50:57 pm

she's washed all her make-up off and she's wearing a big pair of Winnie the Pooh pyjamas

The fucking idiot.

potatomato33 · « **Reply #149 on:** April 29, 2009, 04:41:27 pm »

A bird wanted to see how I spend my time, so she came along with me to the pub to watch some footy. Lost that match. Came again two weeks later. Lost the 2007 CL finals.

I told her she was bad luck and I fucked her off soon after, the fucking idiot.

Chivasino · « **Reply #150 on:** April 29, 2009, 04:41:56 pm »

Not really and Ex, just someone I was fucking about with years ago.

She had been out, was pretty pissed and wanted phone sex! I was out having a few frames with me mates. I texted her telling her to get naked, get her dildo, and warm herself up. I would call her shortly, thinking this was the last frame and I'd be home soon.

At that point my phone died and we ended up having another two frames. By the time I got home I was pretty pissed myself and forget about her lying naked waiting for me to call. I fell asleep as soon as I got in.

Turned my phone on in the morning, and found dozens of text messages and voicemails from one fustrated girl.

Apparently it was my fault she got the flu as well.

♠Dirty Harry♠ · « **Reply #151 on:** April 29, 2009, 06:33:33 pm »

Quote from: Red Punjab on April 29, 2009, 04:41:56 pm

Not really and Ex, just someone I was fucking about with years ago.

She had been out, was pretty pissed and wanted phone sex! I was out having a few frames with me mates. I texted her telling her to get naked, get her dildo, and warm herself up. I would call her shortly, thinking this was the last frame and I'd be home soon.

At that point my phone died and we ended up having another two frames. By the time I got home I was pretty pissed myself and forget about her lying naked waiting for me to call. I fell asleep as soon as I got in.

Turned my phone on in the morning, and found dozens of text messages and voicemails from one fustrated girl.

Apparently it was my fault she got the flu as well.

What fuck is a frame?

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #152 on:** April 29, 2009, 06:34:58 pm »

Snooker or pool.

INABITSKI · « **Reply #153 on:** April 29, 2009, 07:17:31 pm »

One of the lads in work could write a list about stuff his bird comes out with. I get to hear from him every morning a new tail to tell.

One she always comes out with is when he is driving along, some girl will be walking past with a mini skirt on or a pair of shots, she will started blabbering about "don't even bother looking at her" before he has even set eyes on her. I've seen her do it at parties and engagement doo's where he has brought her along. Fuck knows how he puts up with her constant moaning and paranoia.

JimmyGrunt · « **Reply #154 on:** April 29, 2009, 07:27:51 pm »

i will openly admit that there has been the odd-occasion where me and my bird have been that fuckin bladdered avin an arguement and neither of us knew what it was over?

The fuckin idiots.

underscore · « **Reply #155 on:** April 29, 2009, 07:28:46 pm »

For repeatedly saying 'time of the month' once when he was in a FOUL mood

Chivasino · « **Reply #156 on:** April 29, 2009, 08:55:37 pm »

Quote from: ♠Dirty Harry♠ on April 29, 2009, 06:33:33 pm

What fuck is a frame?

Quote from: RedFerLife on April 29, 2009, 06:34:58 pm

Snooker

Lionel Rich Tea · « **Reply #157 on:** April 29, 2009, 09:40:11 pm »

My ex asked me to ring up work for her to tell them she was off sick. She had fallen down the stairs a couple of days previous and she had a bit of a cold so since the doctor advised her to stay off work for "at least a week" because of the fall I would play on the one that would keep her off longer 'just in case'.

I was in work myself, and got the text through with her works number. So I ring her work and tell them she won't be in and then I call her to let her know that I've done it:

Me: "Alright love, just rang up work and told them your off."

Her: "Oh right, thanks, what did you say?"

Me: "Told them that you had fallen down the stairs and the doctor had advised you to stay off for at least a week but that you have a note."

Her [she abruptly cuts me out]: "Lionel, what the fuck are you doing that for?"

Me: "Er, cos that is what happened and that is what you asked me to do."

Her: "You stupid prick, Your not supposed to use that excuse because Jenny [her mate in work who was also off at the time] is using the stairs excuse to have a week off work so that she can go skiing!"

Women are fucking unbelievable. She gets back to work and the pair of them look like a right pair of c*nts and I got the fucking blame for it. Needless to say she is my ex-girlfriend.

Barry Banana · « **Reply #158 on:** April 29, 2009, 10:00:31 pm »

My bird just told me she wants a break because I can't possibly love her, cos there's nothing good about her. I told her I do, but she said she doesn't believe me. Freak.

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #159 on:** April 29, 2009, 10:05:54 pm »

Posted this ages ago....

Quote from: Capon Debaser on November 14, 2007, 11:43:37 pm

was on msn once and some girl i got 2 know through myspace added me and started chatting like.
she starts off by saying how you doing and then throws 'do u fancy havin msn sex?' at me....
im like 'what the fucks that?'
she tells me 'its like phone sex'' and says 'its easy ,u just talk dirty'.so im like 'ok yeah ,but u start'

she starts by saying im wearing such and such .what are you wearing?
im like ,such and such.....so then she tells me what she is thinking about (sexualy)
So i replied 'IM AS HARD AS STALE BREAD AND IM GOING TO POUND U LIKE A SILVERBACK'(im laughing my fucking head off)and she says you fucking weirdo !!

She fucked me off,straight after.the fucking idiot