Author Topic: Relationship troubles  (Read 137539 times)

Offline NottinghamRed

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Relationship troubles
« on: June 8, 2011, 09:21:02 am »
Ok so me and my girlfriend of 3 years are on a break, but i know what i want and thats to be with her

But she is thinking about breaking up (again)
she says she needs to time think it over.

How fucked am i?
What do?

Offline red_lfc_costello

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #1 on: June 8, 2011, 09:23:35 am »
whats the situation? whats her reasoning? how old are you guys? live together? kids?
You appear to hve mistaken 'the funny photo thread' for the 'pointless, pre-pubescent nonsensical not even porn but "look, look, it's a girl" thread'

Offline Enemy

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #2 on: June 8, 2011, 09:27:48 am »
Depends why she wanted this break in the first place. More details needed.
Enemy, at that time, and now, I cant think of anything good to say about her. She's still being a c*nt

Offline NottinghamRed

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #3 on: June 8, 2011, 09:28:01 am »
Ok we are both 18, the reason is that recently we`ve been getting on eachtohers nerves and being horrible to eachother and i`ve sort of lost interest over the past few months and have contemplated breaking up with her previously.

We dont live together and we dont have kids.

Feels fucking horrible having it all put on me hate how shes in the driving seat with it and its down to her now.

Offline Enemy

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #4 on: June 8, 2011, 09:29:45 am »
You're both growing up, it might be the time to make a clean break despite it initially hurting. Could be best for both of you. Either that or you could go all out and take her out to dinner or something and let her know how you feel, tell her how committed you are etc.
Enemy, at that time, and now, I cant think of anything good to say about her. She's still being a c*nt

Offline MichaelA

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #5 on: June 8, 2011, 09:30:14 am »
18? FFS. Sow your oats.

Offline CheshireDave

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #6 on: June 8, 2011, 09:31:01 am »
Breaks rarely work, in my opinion. Just prolonging the inevitable.
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Offline NottinghamRed

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #7 on: June 8, 2011, 09:33:44 am »
So i`m in a pretty big heap of shit.
i dont know how she can be so cold

its fucking tearing me apart

Offline lostpet.

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #8 on: June 8, 2011, 09:37:36 am »
jesus mate your 18 years old its not the be all and end all here

take the split like a man and look for someone nicer and fitter and rub it in her face the next time you see her...


Offline Enemy

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #9 on: June 8, 2011, 09:39:26 am »
So i`m in a pretty big heap of shit.
i dont know how she can be so cold

its fucking tearing me apart

Sounds like she's moving on. I did the exact same thing to a fella when I was 18. Move on. There's plenty more fish in the sea and you're young yet.
Enemy, at that time, and now, I cant think of anything good to say about her. She's still being a c*nt

Offline Sir Harvest Fields

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #10 on: June 8, 2011, 09:39:31 am »
Woo hoo. RAWK is great for advice. At your age mate i really wouldnt two fucking monkey bollocks about it. Easier said than done i know but there ya go.


Can i have a go on her now then?
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Offline Marty 85

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #11 on: June 8, 2011, 09:41:47 am »
You're both growing up, it might be the time to make a clean break despite it initially hurting. Could be best for both of you. Either that or you could go all out and take her out to dinner or something and let her know how you feel, tell her how committed you are etc.

Step 1. Treat em mean keep em keen

if that fails

step 2. Tell her you belong together

If that fails, combine step 1 & 2 and but punch her in the face to let her know your right.



Serious though, I'd say do the opposite, calm it down, back off and play hard to get. Go out on the tear with your mates, have a laugh and don't contact her or respond to her every call/text.
« Last Edit: June 8, 2011, 09:59:10 am by Magin85 »

Offline Enemy

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #12 on: June 8, 2011, 09:46:15 am »
I'd say do the opposite, calm it down, back off and play hard to get. Go out on the tear with your mates, have a laugh and don't contact her or respond to her every call/text

Yeah...playing games with a bird who has no interest in you anymore doesn't exactly work. Unless your desired effect is that she doesn't give a toss and gets with someone else without a second thought for you.

But that's just my female brain talking.
Enemy, at that time, and now, I cant think of anything good to say about her. She's still being a c*nt

Offline MichaelA

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #13 on: June 8, 2011, 09:47:26 am »
So i`m in a pretty big heap of shit.
i dont know how she can be so cold

its fucking tearing me apart

We've all been there. You just have to believe that things will get better, because they will. The deciding factor in how bad you will feel about all of this is in your head. If you make a decision to think positively today, tomorrow will be better than yesterday. If you choose to wallow around your bedroom and post on RAWK, tomorrow will be a crap as today has been. Pull yourself together and dry your eyes mate :wave

Offline NottinghamRed

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #14 on: June 8, 2011, 09:57:40 am »
Wow i`m getting better advice than i expected from you guys. thank you

I`m really a sensitive guy and i have`nt shown it her in a while.

But what i said to her is i`ve had a hard 6 months i`ve been jobless and everyones been on my back so thats reiterated in my mood and made me bitter but i`ve got a job now and i feel better for it.

i also said we should take it slowly not have a break but see eachtoher once a week and do something (movie, dinner, whatever) because thats where i think we were going wrong before (we hardly did anything) i said we can change and we`ll both be happier for it

Offline doc_antonio

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #15 on: June 8, 2011, 10:03:17 am »
mate my advice is, you cant change a womans mind when she has it set on something, your only 18 mate and i know its hard we've all been through break ups good and bad and niether are easy, if there is still a glimpse of hope then try and convince her your the right person for her, but if she has valid reasons why she wants to break up there really isnt anything you can do.  like many others will tell u there is plenty more fish in the sea, ur 18 still plenty of years ahead of u.

why were u thinking of breaking up with her? why had u lost interest? do u really think with ur gut feeling that there is more to get out of this relationship? or would it be better to count your chickens and have the good memories of the last 3 years? u dont want to end on bad terms believe me, when you end on bad terms things start running into your head, what she doing now? where is she now? blah blah blah, and believe me when you get into that state of thinking there is no easy way out of it. can you still be friends with her? you never know in the long run both of ya's might realise "hold on maybe he/she is the right person for me?" u've been going out with the same girl since you were 15, maybe a break would do you good, play the field, meet new people maybe people you would never meet if you were still with her, u'll be surprised how many interesting people you meet after a break up... but keep your head up mate remember its not the end of the world, you may be hurting but everyone goes through it, just remember your not alone talk to your family, friends, just loved ones they are the best people to help you through these types of things, i know i owe my life to my whole family (friends included) god knows how i would have coped, but stay strong dude.
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Offline Andy @ Allerton!

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #16 on: June 8, 2011, 10:18:40 am »
Ok so me and my girlfriend of 3 years are on a break, but i know what i want and thats to be with her

But she is thinking about breaking up (again)
she says she needs to time think it over.

How fucked am i?
What do?


Everyone is different but in my personal experience, once you're thinking of (or are actually) splitting up every other week and one party wants to move on then it's over. You can try and make a go of it and endure all the heartache, annoyance and angst, you can split up, get back together, split up, get back together then finally split up when you totally hate each others guts or you can be adult and make a clean break of it.

Plus you're both kids (I know you don't feel like you are - but you are) and there is plenty of life left to live. Probably not with each other. 18 is too young in a lot of cases for a lifetime commitment. Plenty more fish in the sea and plenty more experiences to be had.

But because you're 18, I doubt anyone can tell you anything. If you logged on today as yourself at 40 and gave yourself advice you wouldn't listen. I know I wouldn't have done.
« Last Edit: June 8, 2011, 10:20:16 am by Andy@Allerton »
Poor.

Offline ♠Dirty Harry♠

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #17 on: June 8, 2011, 10:21:00 am »
Smash a few back doors in, go out and party and live a pretty much hedonistic lifestyle completely ignoring her.

If she thinks you're having a good time she can either take it one of two ways:

A: He's moved on, thank Christ for that.
B: Bastard's having too much fun without me, did our time mean nothing, I want him back.

« Last Edit: June 8, 2011, 10:22:40 am by ♠Dirty Harry♠ »

Offline MichaelA

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #18 on: June 8, 2011, 10:21:57 am »

Everyone is different but in my personal experience, once you're thinking of (or are actually) splitting up every other week and one party wants to move on then it's over. You can try and make a go of it and endure all the heartache, annoyance and angst, you can split up, get back together, split up, get back together then finally split up when you totally hate each others guts or you can be adult and make a clean break of it.


It's a very common scenario. Breaking up with a beautiful woman is a lot like removing a plaster - pull it off quick and hurts like fuck, but for a short time. Pull it off slowly, and you feel the agony of every single hair being pulled from it's roots.

My name's Swiss Mike, relationship counsellor, and I'm here all week. :wave

Offline NottinghamRed

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #19 on: June 8, 2011, 10:23:32 am »
I`ve met quite a few girls in my time but they dont compare, She is probably the only person on earth that can make me happy, no way am i giving up on us after what i went through before.

Does sound like i`m being a mopy soppy twat but its the truth

Offline ♠Dirty Harry♠

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #20 on: June 8, 2011, 10:24:24 am »



Plus, with Gladrags like these you'll smash a few doors in no problem

Offline mjgill85

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #21 on: June 8, 2011, 10:25:17 am »
Yep, in my experience taking a break is basically phase 1 in letting you down gently.

If you're like me you'll be thinking that there'll never be another girl who understands you like she does, that no-one else will be willing to accept your faults etc... The fact is there are some cracking women out there who would be just as good for you, if not better. Just have a look around at your new job and you'll see good looking, smart, funny, friendly women are all around you- granted they'll all be attached but it should show you there are plenty of possibilities for the future, no?

Oh, and look on the bright side, going from jobless with a girlfriend to employed and single means you can buy a bloody round for your mates at last ;)
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Offline only6times

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #22 on: June 8, 2011, 10:27:17 am »
You fucking big jessie.
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Offline Enemy

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #23 on: June 8, 2011, 10:32:11 am »
I`ve met quite a few girls in my time but they dont compare, She is probably the only person on earth that can make me happy, no way am i giving up on us after what i went through before.

Does sound like i`m being a mopy soppy twat but its the truth
Utter balls. You'll look back at this in 5 years time and laugh about how seriously you were taking it all.
Enemy, at that time, and now, I cant think of anything good to say about her. She's still being a c*nt

Offline Andy @ Allerton!

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #24 on: June 8, 2011, 10:34:01 am »
I`ve met quite a few girls in my time but they dont compare, She is probably the only person on earth that can make me happy, no way am i giving up on us after what i went through before.

Does sound like i`m being a mopy soppy twat but its the truth

You are 18.

Unless you drop dead at 19 it sounds like you're going to be surprised in your life. You may feel she is the one - and she might be - but there are plenty of other wonderful people out there. Go and meet a few - you might be pleasantly surprised :)

When you are 18 - you feel like you are totally grown up and everything is set. When you get to 30 - you think the same - but differently. When you get to 40 you realise you haven't got much of a clue what's going on and if you're honest you never really have done. And then you relax.

Someone has said quite correctly that "Youth is wasted on the Young"

By the time you realise how special it is and how much opportunity you had - it's fucked off and it isn't and you haven't ;)
Poor.

Offline Welshred

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #25 on: June 8, 2011, 10:44:05 am »
I`ve met quite a few girls in my time but they dont compare, She is probably the only person on earth that can make me happy, no way am i giving up on us after what i went through before.

Does sound like i`m being a mopy soppy twat but its the truth

I thought exactly the same when I broke up with my first serious girlfriend 4 years ago, I thought she was the only one I'd ever find and the only one I'd ever be happy with. I was depressed for months, didn't go out with mates and just wallowed in my own self-pity. We've only just started talking to each other again now, 4 years later, and looking back at it after all this time we both realise that it was the right decision to make and that we're both happier for it.

Don't go chasing her forever, my past experience of breaks aren't good, to me they're effectively a) a chance for the person saying you should take a break to shag around without feeling guilty before ending the break and b) the beginning of the end. Set yourself a time limit of how long you think it should take for her to commit to you and realise that if she hasn't by that time then you need to walk away yourself. It'll be painful, but you'll more on, everyone does.

Offline stevedo

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #26 on: June 8, 2011, 10:50:28 am »
18 is young mate to be expecting to be settling down with a partner.
It's a time to get some experience, make mistakes and have fun, even if that's not how it seems at the moment.
Leave the heavy stuff to later in life. As Andy@ said nobody'd listen to their own advice sent back through a time machine from their future self. Try not to get too down on it.
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Offline Andy @ Allerton!

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #27 on: June 8, 2011, 10:58:26 am »
Utter balls. You'll look back at this in 5 years time and laugh about how seriously you were taking it all.

Dunno about that. He's not a heartless twat, so you can't discount someones feelings that easily. He feels for her deeply and he sees her as the one at the moment. It could drag on for 5 years - but it's still a big part of his life even if he moves on and meets someone else. Not every bloke is a slathering caveman. Not every lad wants to shag anything and everything that moves. Some have standards and he's already said he's sensitive - and probably a decent lad that thinks about things deeply.

Only he can decide how to handle it and how to progress with his life. But it's a difficult choice if you're 18 or 80.
Poor.

Offline Chinbits

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #28 on: June 8, 2011, 11:02:50 am »
Post loads of photograph's of her with her eyes cut out.
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Offline Enemy

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #29 on: June 8, 2011, 11:08:37 am »
Dunno about that. He's not a heartless twat, so you can't discount someones feelings that easily. He feels for her deeply an

d he sees her as the one at the moment. It could drag on for 5 years - but it's still a big part of his life even if he moves on and meets someone else. Not every bloke is a slathering caveman. Not every lad wants to shag anything and everything that moves. Some have standards and he's already said he's sensitive - and probably a decent lad that thinks about things deeply.

Only he can decide how to handle it and how to progress with his life. But it's a difficult choice if you're 18 or 80.

Wasn't discounting the lad as a write off caveman at all. I don't have that opinion of guys. I was just making a general point that the things you think are life and death serious at 18 usually turn out to be fairly laughable later down the line. Every year of my life I can look back at the previous year and laugh about how I took something or how life changing I thought it would be, only for it to be of little significance in hindsight.

At 18 he's got many relationships to come, or maybe even one who he stays with his whole life. Either way most relationships fail/break/finish and your first one seems devastating. Every time you lose someone you love it hurts but eventually you realise life does go on and this will all happen again.  :)
Enemy, at that time, and now, I cant think of anything good to say about her. She's still being a c*nt

Offline ClaireW

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #30 on: June 8, 2011, 11:10:08 am »
As always the advice on here falls into categories; great advice, typical rawk-ite macho bollocks, funny advice, I am so fucking wise advice and fuck your feelings shite, but that's what you get when you post something like this on here :)

It fucking stinks when someone you love leaves you, no matter what age you are.

The odds are against you and your girl having been together since you were 15.  It does happen but it's not the norm.  People change so much from their teens, into their 20s, then their 30s and so on, so the chance of people staying together from that age is slight.   From the little you have said it doesn't sound good for you, so you have to decide whether you should prolong what is possibly the inevitable or just accept what is going on and deal with it as best you can.

I hate platitudes - plenty more fish, time healing, in a few year's you'll look back... and all that gubbins as when you are in the midst of it it's the last thing you want to hear, but these cliches do come from somewhere.  People quickly forget what it feels like to be 18 and in love and also how much they fucking hated old gits saying that kind of shit when they were in their teens.   

If you want to put up a bit of a fight, then do it but don't waste too much time if it's not going well.  If you already have a relationship which is on/off, there quite a high chance it's going to be off for good - be it in 6 weeks or 6 months, but only you can decide if it's worth the effort.

Offline GBF

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #31 on: June 8, 2011, 11:13:08 am »
breaks are just half way to break-ups
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Offline scatman

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #32 on: June 8, 2011, 11:15:04 am »
Grow some balls, break up with her. From what you are saying it seems you are not compatible with her at all. You are still very young and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
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Offline Anywhichwayicant

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #33 on: June 8, 2011, 11:15:25 am »
Ok so me and my girlfriend of 3 years are on a break, but i know what i want and thats to be with her

But she is thinking about breaking up (again)
she says she needs to time think it over.

How fucked am i?
What do?

That is just a polite way of breakin' up pal and not very ballsy of her. But honestly, and I know it's easier said than done and all that malarky but give it a couple of weeks and you will feel much better about things and will probably even think breakin' up was the right thing. Whatever you do though don't go gun ho stalker on her and hound her 24/7.

Offline Trim0582

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #34 on: June 8, 2011, 11:17:27 am »
You say you  have been getting on each other nerves and that you were losing interest. Did you start finding interest again around the time she withdrew from you?

I would suggest you really think about all that moved you apart in the first place and also think about the mechanism that has made you lust for her again.

I don't think you have fallen in love with her all over again, I think it's partly wanting what you cannot have at the moment. If you got back together I would give it 6 months before you lose interest again.

Don't look back through rose tinted specs, evaluate your relationship with her honestly, the good and the bad and see if you really do still want her, or if there is a little bit of pride creeping in here.

It seemed you were ok with losing her when you were in control of it

Offline Lucas21

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #35 on: June 8, 2011, 11:25:29 am »
Went through a break up of 7 years recently mate. :wave

It's a bastard but after time you just care less. I reckon that I'm similar to yourself, in that she's the only one and I'm not bothered by anyone else but unfortunately it will never work if only one ye wants it.

Take a break for months/years but don't be an idiot for her. Go enjoy a few nights out with the lads. It's all too easy to get trapped in a rut. If it's meant to be she will come back to you ;) enjoy your life in the meantime

Offline waittillmay

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #36 on: June 8, 2011, 11:28:12 am »
3 years is already waaaay too long to be in a relationship at 18.
Try and move on, enjoy being with your mates or even on your own for a while, its hard but as everyone has said you're still so young, and it'll get easier.

Offline cissepower

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #37 on: June 8, 2011, 11:28:34 am »
breaks are just half way to break-ups

In my (albeit limited) experience with long term relationships, the above has always been true
~~Justice For The 96, You'll Never Walk Alone~~

Offline only6times

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #38 on: June 8, 2011, 11:33:29 am »
As always the advice on here falls into categories; great advice, typical rawk-ite macho bollocks, funny advice, I am so fucking wise advice and fuck your feelings shite, but that's what you get when you post something like this on here :)

It fucking stinks when someone you love leaves you, no matter what age you are.

The odds are against you and your girl having been together since you were 15.  It does happen but it's not the norm.  People change so much from their teens, into their 20s, then their 30s and so on, so the chance of people staying together from that age is slight.   From the little you have said it doesn't sound good for you, so you have to decide whether you should prolong what is possibly the inevitable or just accept what is going on and deal with it as best you can.

I hate platitudes - plenty more fish, time healing, in a few year's you'll look back... and all that gubbins as when you are in the midst of it it's the last thing you want to hear, but these cliches do come from somewhere.  People quickly forget what it feels like to be 18 and in love and also how much they fucking hated old gits saying that kind of shit when they were in their teens.   

If you want to put up a bit of a fight, then do it but don't waste too much time if it's not going well.  If you already have a relationship which is on/off, there quite a high chance it's going to be off for good - be it in 6 weeks or 6 months, but only you can decide if it's worth the effort.

Do us a favour love, make us a cup of tea.
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Offline rednich85

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Re: Relationship troubles
« Reply #39 on: June 8, 2011, 11:34:25 am »
Do us a favour love, make us a cup of tea.

hahahahaha you pig!
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