Topic: Struggling with depression

[Black Bull Nova]

I'm on Merseyside. I've tried it all virtually. Talk Liverpool is garbage, and I don't feel comfortable with the Samaritans.

When I said therapy, I probably just want counselling. Therapy requires you to think a lot, and my brain is tired. I just want to talk to someone. I don't/can't burden my friends with it, and I don't want to be constantly reliving it either. I'm of the belief that talking about your shit constantly tends to keep you mired in it, rather than being able to look for a way out.

https://seansplace.org.uk/


or if things get really bad


https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/


I'm assuming you are male, for women there are other options

[Son of Spion]

^
I'd just like to add that Sean's Place is a pretty good resource. I've not had any dealings with them myself but I know someone who goes there regularly and finds it really helpful. Counselling/therapy is on offer there too.

[Red Beret]

Thanks, guys. I'll bookmark those resources.

I'm doing a bit better today. I was fortuitous enough to make contact with an aquaintence who is a good listener, and we had a catch up. It helped a lot. I had a lot more positive things going on in my life than I realised. It feels like when I hang out with my close friends I'm defaulting to habitual misery-guts, rather than sharing my positive experiences.

This is clearly stuff I need to work on, so I'm definitely going to continue looking into counselling.

[ToneLa]

My father passed away at 4am last night

It's still very raw

Though I have been out to see friends, and ignored alcohol - I'm still not drinking; 7 months, suppose this is as big a test as there ever can be

[John C]

Condolences Tone, that's really sad for you mate.

[Son of Spion]

Oh no, Tone. I'm so sorry. That's terrible news. 😢

Sincere condolences.

[reddebs]

My father passed away at 4am last night

It's still very raw

Though I have been out to see friends, and ignored alcohol - I'm still not drinking; 7 months, suppose this is as big a test as there ever can be

Ah Tone that's sad to read mate but console yourself that he's pain free now 💔

[damomad]

Sorry for your loss Tone. There will be tough times ahead of you but you'll get through it a day at a time. Try and add to the 7 months if you can but go easy on yourself. Take care YNWA.

[Kenny's Jacket]

My father passed away at 4am last night

It's still very raw

Though I have been out to see friends, and ignored alcohol - I'm still not drinking; 7 months, suppose this is as big a test as there ever can be

Really sorry to hear that mate

Take care yourself

[ToneLa]

Thank you all
x

[spen71]

Sorry to hear the news Tone     Nothing prepares you for it

[Red Beret]

Really sorry to hear this Tone. Nothing really prepared you for it.

Thinking of you mate.

[Liverbird88]

My father passed away at 4am last night

It's still very raw

Though I have been out to see friends, and ignored alcohol - I'm still not drinking; 7 months, suppose this is as big a test as there ever can be

Sorry for your loss

[Liverbird88]

Don't know where to start with this one .. ah the beginning !

I found out this morning that a lad I knew from my local committed suicide last week and threw himself under a train.. He was a window cleaner around smithdown and penny lane ways and about 50 . He always was chirpy and chatty to all and I last seen him just after Chrimbo . If I would have anyone on a list to do such a thing he'd be down by the bottom of it . He leaves his wife and his seven year old Son which saddens me even more . He use to take his lad the match and camping in Wales and when I seen them together in the park it always brought a smile to my face . He left a note for his loved ones . What is getting me at the minute is what were his last thoughts and someone most probably his wife telling their Son. This one is off it's cake and it just goes to prove that when we all look in from the outside to someones life we haven't got any insight whatsover as to what is going on.  It saddens me !  If any of youse reading this feel at the tipping point of it all then please speak about it and tell people.

Knew him too. He had 4 kids. Awful tragedy.

[Liverbird88]

I thought that I would mention whilst I’m in this thread. I recently started a mental health forum. ATM it’s not very busy as I only opened it last week. I wanted to do a forum for people to come and talk about their struggles. Having had a load of mental health issues in the past and present, I know what it’s like.

Anyhow link to my forum is in my signature.

Sorry mods if this isn’t allowed, just thought it might help some people.

[Son of Spion]

Good luck with the forum, Liverbird. 

[Black Bull Nova]

My father passed away at 4am last night

It's still very raw

Though I have been out to see friends, and ignored alcohol - I'm still not drinking; 7 months, suppose this is as big a test as there ever can be

Sorry for your loss, it's something that only happens once in your life so don't underestimate the impact. It is a cliche, but time is a healer although I doubt you will feel that for quite some time and it's not a straight line. Don't feel guilty when one day in 6/12/18 months or whatever and you don't think about it. I found I was OK with the things I expected or anticipated, sort of mentally prepared, it was the things I stumbled across or remembered by chance that got to me.
Anyway, good luck, he'll always be there in one sense, inside you.

[Liverbird88]

Good luck with the forum, Liverbird. 

Thank you 

[jason42]

Thank you all
x

So sorry for your loss Tone.

[RedSince86]

Sorry for your loss.

RIP.

[Nitramdorf]

I dont think I will ever fully understand this fucking thing.

Am about to go to my dear old mums funeral and all I can think of is myself and how I wish I could stay at home.

I've been a bit numb since she passed, although she was very old and frail so it wasnt a surprise but then again I was numb before she went.

I honestly thought I was going to punch someone at work last week. I seem to have lost any patience for idiocy.
Ended up having a bit of a breakdown whilst doing a first aid course. Got a nice hug from the lovely lady running it, which is the nicest thing that's happened to me in years.

I cannot wait till I put my key in the door later today and can shut the world out again and be on my own.

Sorry for rambling, just wanted to write something to see if it helps. One day I hope to be able to laugh a bit and get some sleep, you never know.

Hope all involved in this thread are doing okay. Take care.

[John C]

I dont think I will ever fully understand this fucking thing.

Am about to go to my dear old mums funeral and all I can think of is myself and how I wish I could stay at home.

You shouldn't necessarily regard it as depression mate, if you've had a bereavement you must let the grieving process take place, however long it takes. Even if you have underlying depression symptoms, differentiate between the two and give yourself a break.
Let yourself grieve.

[Son of Spion]

I dont think I will ever fully understand this fucking thing.

Am about to go to my dear old mums funeral ...

Thinking of you here, mate. I hope you get through it ok.

Regarding grief itself, I agree with John. Just let it flow and take its course. If writing stuff out on here helps that flow, then do it. You'll come out the other side at some point.

Take care of yourself. You have friends here. ♥️

[fridgepants]

I had a bit of a weird situation a couple of years ago where I got some very bad news about a friend of mine - I don't want to go into too many details as it's not my story to tell, and I don't know if it would be triggering to explain it really, but basically they're now in prison and I'm unlikely to see them again, and I guess once you're in prison (the sentencing has not yet taken place) you aren't quite the same person anyway. It took me quite a while, given the circumstances, to realise that I was struggling with it because I was experiencing grief, even though the person wasn't dead. I had the initial shock, and then a period of adjustment, and then suddenly I'd find myself getting angry or upset and not really understanding why - I got contacted by the police about it a few months afterwards, asking me a couple of questions about something they found, and learned something that I didn't know, and it really threw me for a loop - I was off work sick because all the guilt and sadness hit me again, and I didn't know how to explain it to people because it was such a weird set of circumstances. Other people who knew them refuse to talk about it entirely, or feel sort of cheated because they feel they didn't really actually know the person if the person could do that, if you know what I mean? I had a bunch of stuff going on personally around the same time and feel like I'm still untangling it all sometimes.

Anyway, not sure what I'm trying to say but I get what you mean about feeling these weird bouts of anger and tears that don;t feel like they make sense. I was meant to be doing my sister's wedding photos the week after, and I ended up phoning my mum just to explain what had happened if she was wondering why I was a bit quiet, and ended up getting really upset and then embarrassed I was getting upset because realistically what good does that do? But you'd be surprised how understanding people can be, and also who. I've lost a parent too and grief comes in fits and starts - you think when you're younger that you'll spend a month sobbing, when really there's numbness, dealing with the admin surrounding a death, dropping old medications off to the chemist and wondering why this feels so mundane, hoping nobody does *that smile* at you when you return to work.....and then six months later you're on a bus and catch the smell of someone else's perfume, or you're in the supermarket and they play a particular song on the in-store radio and you start crying like it's just happened.

[Son of Spion]

Interesting read there, fridge.

Many people seem to think that grief is only something you feel when someone dies, but it's not. We often grieve heavily for a lost relationship. I recall a few break-ups I've had that were very much like grieving a death of a loved one. Only difference being that every time I saw them locally again it felt like I was seeing their ghost.

You had a friend. You had a perception of who and what they were. That was then snatched away. Losing that can leave a person grieving for what and who they thought they had in their lives.

Many people grieve over other loses such as a job, their health, some males grieve losing their hair too, because it badly affects their sense of self. It's all quiet normal, although often distressing too.

As far as dealing with it goes, I find it best not to fight it. It will run its course if allowed to. It's a bit like how you can't stand in front of a wave on the beach and fight it, because it will always win. But you can surf it, though. Jump on, go with it and let it dissipate.

You've done nothing wrong. Circumstances outside of your control have turned a part of your world upside down. Confusion, bewilderment and many other feelings are natural given the circumstances. You'll work through it. Just give yourself time and remember that this is normal.

[fridgepants]

I'm at an age now where myself and many of my friends are dealing with aging parents, especially memory loss/Alzheimer's, and until it happens you don't appreciate how much grief is tied up in that. There's a radio advert at the moment with a man talking about how his mum died before she actually finally died, and I suppose that's it, isn't it? And as you say, something like hair loss might seem trivial to those who haven't gone through it or haven't felt it really affect how they feel about themselves.

At the same time, when experiencing depression in the past I've found myself thinking 'well, it's not like X has happened or you're going through Y, is it?' We're a lot harsher on ourselves than anyone else a lot of the time.

[Black Bull Nova]

Interesting read there, fridge.

Many people seem to think that grief is only something you feel when someone dies, but it's not. We often grieve heavily for a lost relationship.

Exactly, I expect a bit of (real) grief for some when Jurgen leaves, I remember 1974.

[Nitramdorf]

You shouldn't necessarily regard it as depression mate, if you've had a bereavement you must let the grieving process take place, however long it takes. Even if you have underlying depression symptoms, differentiate between the two and give yourself a break.
Let yourself grieve.

Thinking of you here, mate. I hope you get through it ok.

Regarding grief itself, I agree with John. Just let it flow and take its course. If writing stuff out on here helps that flow, then do it. You'll come out the other side at some point.

Take care of yourself. You have friends here. ♥️

Thank you both. Am home now and have had as good a day as possible. I even learnt my grandad and grans names who died during the war. I knew nothing about them as my mum never said much. Her three siblings all got put into separate homes and she lost contact with her two sisters who got sent to Australia. What a different world it was then. Can you imagine that now? I've always liked to think I'm related to Kylie as we were born in the same week.

The reason I posted something was I couldn't quite get my head around feeling selfish because I have depression. Today has fuck all to do with me but my anxiety and thoughts were making things worse.

As it happens my two dear young nieces told me I'm the best Uncle ever and for that I am very, very happy.

Bless them and bless you all.

[Son of Spion]

I'm glad you got through it. It must have been pretty tough.

As a fellow anxiety sufferer who's had a lot of experience of depression too, I do get what you are saying about feeling selfish. I've been the same many times. Days/occasions that were never about me at all saw me making it all about me in my head. Anxiety does that to people. It can take over and overwhelm. Even now, at every funeral I attend, at every occasion I go to, I have to remind myself that's it's not about me. Of course, I already know that, but my anxiety tells me otherwise.

Anyway, look after yourself, eh. Maybe go and put a Kylie record on and raise a glass to your Mum.

Best uncle ever? Your nieces know a good'un when they see one. Take care. ♥️

[Kenny's Jacket]

Thank you both. Am home now and have had as good a day as possible. I even learnt my grandad and grans names who died during the war. I knew nothing about them as my mum never said much. Her three siblings all got put into separate homes and she lost contact with her two sisters who got sent to Australia. What a different world it was then. Can you imagine that now? I've always liked to think I'm related to Kylie as we were born in the same week.

The reason I posted something was I couldn't quite get my head around feeling selfish because I have depression. Today has fuck all to do with me but my anxiety and thoughts were making things worse.

As it happens my two dear young nieces told me I'm the best Uncle ever and for that I am very, very happy.

Bless them and bless you all.

Really pleased you got through it.

Your brain isnt functioning well, thats not selfish, its just the reality
'
If a person in a wheelchair couldn't get up the stairs you wouldn't call them selfish.

[damomad]

Thank you both. Am home now and have had as good a day as possible. I even learnt my grandad and grans names who died during the war. I knew nothing about them as my mum never said much. Her three siblings all got put into separate homes and she lost contact with her two sisters who got sent to Australia. What a different world it was then. Can you imagine that now? I've always liked to think I'm related to Kylie as we were born in the same week.

The reason I posted something was I couldn't quite get my head around feeling selfish because I have depression. Today has fuck all to do with me but my anxiety and thoughts were making things worse.

As it happens my two dear young nieces told me I'm the best Uncle ever and for that I am very, very happy.

Bless them and bless you all.

Can't be many tougher days for someone to get through, you done well. And if your nieces are saying that it might explain why it's been so difficult for you to get the head around, good people care a lot.

[jason42]

Thank you both. Am home now and have had as good a day as possible. I even learnt my grandad and grans names who died during the war. I knew nothing about them as my mum never said much. Her three siblings all got put into separate homes and she lost contact with her two sisters who got sent to Australia. What a different world it was then. Can you imagine that now? I've always liked to think I'm related to Kylie as we were born in the same week.

The reason I posted something was I couldn't quite get my head around feeling selfish because I have depression. Today has fuck all to do with me but my anxiety and thoughts were making things worse.

As it happens my two dear young nieces told me I'm the best Uncle ever and for that I am very, very happy.

Bless them and bless you all.

Losing your mum at any age is never easy. You have to grieve for her.

When I lost my mum, it was horrible and I was terribly depressed about it but it was my 1 year old daughter who helped get me through it.

Use your nieces as a reason to get out of the house - go see them or take them out.

[Nitramdorf]

Thank you all. Am having today off as well, dont have to go back till Wednesday next.

Think I might buy myself an Easter egg.

Take care, everyone.

[fridgepants]

I hope you have as nice a weekend as you can possibly have. (And you don't get such a glowing review from nieces without doing something right in life!)

[Son of Spion]

I hope you have as nice a weekend as you can possibly have. (And you don't get such a glowing review from nieces without doing something right in life!)

Well, he might have slipped them an early Easter egg each, in order to encourage such a glowing report. 😃


 

Have as relaxing a weekend as you can, Nitramdorf. Take care of yourself.

[dimwit]

hmm,

Don't know if I should, But being fully aware of how I'll be afraid to read any response this might get, might aswell just be done with it.

I've been battling with depression and anxiety for the past twenty years. I've shared some of the issues here, when I've been well enough to do so.
Not as freqently as I feel I should have.

Since this january, I was diagnosed with add, which actually makes alot of sence. My medication was adjusted as such.

Now i can make plans, and follow up on those.

I get things done. Though I am also more introvert than what I was. I fear people.

I feel I'm on the right path, as shown with this post, I'm willing to mend my ways.

But as I said, I'm begining to be more afraid of people.

Afraid of their opinions, or their thoughts.

Why I'm sharing this? I don't know. I just want to.

Propably I'll hide again and read the responses after half an year or so.

Better to post this before I chicken out and delete it.

[damomad]

Nothing to be afraid of here dimwit, some people find putting things out there helpful, others have different outlets, just find whatever works for you, we all need a way to express ourselves and feel seen. Hopefully with the diagnoses things have gotten a bit clearer for you. Speaking as an introvert, I can empathise with some of your thoughts, it can feel right and easier to just cut out all people (sometimes it’s needed to keep my sanity) but longer term I think we all need some strong human contact from time to time. There are plenty of things to be afraid of but it’s worth facing it to find the beauty in life.

[dimwit]

Thanks, I really mean it.

While I pretend it doesn't matter when some one says they can relate to what I'm going through. it does.

I tend to believe I'm somewhat unique in my mind, like no-one knows what i'm about, while the rational side in me says we are alike, humans.

I guess I need to hear that, read that. We are alike, the stupidity of ones mind that causes anxiety issues can be repeated, understood, and studied by another.

As it can be remedied by one too.

It's been an interesting ride since the change in medication, I'm torn between the ability to actually do stuff, pre plan things and executing those plans, and the fact I'm terrified about meeting people. Hopefully there will be a path between both.

It can't be that bad though, can it? at least I'm posting about it.

[fridgepants]

I understand. I experience it a lot too - you feel a bit afraid of pitting yourself out there, so to speak. Email someone and they don't reply - must be because I said something wrong or came across as weird. Post something online and your friends don't respond to it - maybe they don't like me that much? And so on
 Not wanting to work on creative projects because part of uou fears being laughed at for daring to try. When in reality people are busy and nobody pays as much attention to what you say and do as you do yourself.

If you've been diagnosed with ADD, have you read about rejection sensitivity dysphoria?

[damomad]

I enjoy solitary hobbies in my spare time and mixing those with working from home, felt like the absolute dream way of life for me. My office job is open plan, no personal space, no guarantee of sitting in the same space everyday or next to same people. These unknowns I found excruciating and continued to just stay at home for a few years.

It was doing me no good though, what I have found is by going in more, I've got to know colleagues and they have started to understand me a bit more. Being able to find other introverts, we kind of help each other through the day. I've come to the realisation that what drew me to my job in the first place was being able to work solitarily but with enough social interaction to keep me sane.

It may be a simple enough recommendation but as a start, your best bet may be to go places or do things where you are most likely to meet people of the same mindset or temperament. Don't try to start too big, just dip the toes in and the more you do it, you'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. Obviously whether this is actually achievable given how bad the anxiety diagnoses is I can't say but if you are capable it's one way of going about it.

When in reality people are busy and nobody pays as much attention to what you say and do as you do yourself.

It's too true. A way to prove this is to think about the people you have known in your life. Just pick a few at random (not the closest to you rather acquaintances). How many conversations or interactions can you actually remember in detail with them? Can you remember any of the embarrassing things or slip ups they may have made? Think of all the hours or days you spent with them and if you were to put pen to paper on what actually was actually said what would it amount to? My guess is not much at all.