Author Topic: Funny things your kids (or kids around you) say. (Read 36489 times)

No Appreciation of Liverpool Opposition · « **Reply #80 on:** March 5, 2012, 10:33:45 pm »

doing fractions with my brother.
"ok we have 10 m and ms right?"
(he counts them) "yep"
"now if i cut them up how many do i have?"(i cut them up he counts them) "20"
"so how many wholes does that make?" "none you cut them up."

then when doing vacuums in space.
"why can't astronauts hear in space?" "the helmets."

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #81 on:** March 5, 2012, 11:36:15 pm »

Quote from: Mouth on March 5, 2012, 09:35:57 pm

I dunno, did you try asking your wife?

no need to go too far and insult my wife, mate. She'd never fuck a Barry.

Mouth · « **Reply #82 on:** March 5, 2012, 11:42:20 pm »

Quote from: King Brian Blessed IX on March 5, 2012, 11:36:15 pm

no need to go too far and insult my wife, mate. She'd never fuck a Barry.

She obviously has very low standards tho, she married you

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #83 on:** March 6, 2012, 01:01:45 am »

Quote from: Mouth on March 5, 2012, 11:42:20 pm

She obviously has very low standards tho, she married you

I've never suggested anything else.

Gifted Right Foot · « **Reply #84 on:** March 6, 2012, 04:17:17 am »

when ever someone tells my niece that she is beautiful or cute she responds with "no, me happy".

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #85 on:** March 10, 2012, 11:08:30 pm »

Little CT told the Mrs today (in a matter-a-fact way )to put a jacket on so that her "nips won't get cold outside"

Needless to say I am right amused, Mrs. CT, not so much.

blurred · « **Reply #86 on:** March 11, 2012, 12:34:13 am »

You realise that most of these posts are boring, right?

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #87 on:** March 11, 2012, 02:16:15 am »

Quote from: blurred on March 11, 2012, 12:34:13 am

You realise that most of these posts are boring, right?

No one is making you read them.

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #88 on:** April 4, 2012, 01:25:24 am »

My three year old son come home from school (daycare) today and told his mother and I that he learned how to say something cool from his friends....

That cool phrase is:

"bow-chicka-bow-wow"

But he says it like this:

"Chica Chica Bow wow"

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #89 on:** April 4, 2012, 02:44:05 am »

Quote from: blurred on March 11, 2012, 12:34:13 am

You realise that most of these posts are boring, right?

that's my issue, really. I have a four yo who cracks me up daily. But total strangers? Probably not.

smithng · « **Reply #90 on:** April 4, 2012, 08:33:56 am »

Sister has 2 dogs, brother and sister, one had an infection, ended up having a back leg amputated.
First time 7 year old nephew had seen the dogs since this happened.
Said "I can tell them apart now that you've put their collars on"

007.lankyguy · « **Reply #91 on:** April 4, 2012, 04:18:35 pm »

Quote from: astowell1 on March 4, 2012, 04:27:33 am

My girlfriends 8 year old step sister today;

"Get back here so I can make you crumble in my wrath!"

Best one so far

mrsphilthefish · « **Reply #92 on:** April 4, 2012, 04:49:55 pm »

Our 6 year old was listening to me tell a friend that when i'm 40, I want a Cocktail party and the cocktails served by Butlers in The Buff.
She asked me what Butlers in The Buff were and so I told her.

Today she asked "Mum, do you still want Bum Cheek Men for your Birthday? Can I help you choose them and do you think they'll mind if I slap their bums when they go past?!!!"
Don't know where we got her from

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #93 on:** August 27, 2012, 02:38:19 pm »

Putting my four year old to bed last night.

"Daddy, I'm cold, use your power"

"What power?"

"When you make the bed warm by rubbing it"

Forgot I'd tried to show her how friction works the other day. Now I've got powers!

And Could He Play · « **Reply #94 on:** August 27, 2012, 06:59:04 pm »

Quote from: Immortal King Brian Bluessed on August 27, 2012, 02:38:19 pm

Putting my four year old to bed last night.

"Daddy, I'm cold, use your power"

"What power?"

"When you make the bed warm by rubbing it"

Forgot I'd tried to show her how friction works the other day. Now I've got powers!

ahhh, thats quality.

Mr Grieves · « **Reply #95 on:** August 27, 2012, 08:23:57 pm »

Driving my 5yr old niece around chester yesterday,

Me "look over there, thats wales"

Long Pause

Neice "I don't like whales, I only like Nimo"

Prof · « **Reply #96 on:** August 27, 2012, 08:27:03 pm »

Quote from: Immortal King Brian Bluessed on August 27, 2012, 02:38:19 pm

Putting my four year old to bed last night.

"Daddy, I'm cold, use your power"

"What power?"

"When you make the bed warm by rubbing it"

Forgot I'd tried to show her how friction works the other day. Now I've got powers!

I have to use tree fu magic to make her better if she bumps herself! Now that's power!

Prof · « **Reply #97 on:** August 27, 2012, 08:33:26 pm »

I took Aimee (3 next month) shopping today for her mum's birthday presents. I asked her what she wanted to get her. "A t-shirt". So I asked her what colour. "green".

I finally managed to find a green t-shirt in h and m, get home, and Aimee runs to her mum and shouts "I've bought you a green t-shirt, but its a secret"

My wife's already planning when to take it back. You can't win.

Filler. · « **Reply #98 on:** August 27, 2012, 10:55:44 pm »

My two and a bit year old a few weeks back... mum and dad in bed, 7 am. He's already in ours and messing about. I'm trying to watch BBC Breakfast whilst pretending it's all a horrible dream, when he picks up a book. A few moments later, he's whacked the spine of the book into mums face pretty hard and we're both bolt upright and getting stern. Mother is particularly angry, and has him face to face. It's tense because this needs sorting and the little fella knows somethings up. So mum starts asking him why he did that etc... she tries to explain carefully and methodically, and askes him again... 'why did you do that?'

'well... it's a long story...' he says.

Mother tries not to laugh... I disappear.

And Could He Play · « **Reply #99 on:** August 27, 2012, 11:03:42 pm »

Quote from: Filler. on August 27, 2012, 10:55:44 pm

My two and a bit year old a few weeks back... mum and dad in bed, 7 am. He's already in ours and messing about. I'm trying to watch BBC Breakfast whilst pretending it's all a horrible dream, when he picks up a book. A few moments later, he's whacked the spine of the book into mums face pretty hard and we're both bolt upright and getting stern. Mother is particularly angry, and has him face to face. It's tense because this needs sorting and the little fella knows somethings up. So mum starts asking him why he did that etc... she tries to explain carefully and methodically, and askes him again... 'why did you do that?'

'well... it's a long story...' he says.

Mother tries not to laugh... I disappear.

thats brilliant

Garstonite · « **Reply #100 on:** August 27, 2012, 11:10:22 pm »

My brother's lad (6).

After making a cup of tea for my brother, I ask him: "Do you want anything? A Juice? Something to eat?"
"No thanks."

On the way out, my brother: "Thanks for the cup of tea."
His lad: "Yeah. Thanks for nothing."

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #101 on:** August 27, 2012, 11:35:24 pm »

So a few weeks ago I got the fat booth app. For those don't know you take a normal face picture and it makes you a fatty. Just now she come upto me and says, daddy take my picture and make it look like you.

You mean where the face is all big?

Yeah.

The little bastard!

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #102 on:** August 27, 2012, 11:39:48 pm »

And now she's just asked for milk.

Oh, you want you're fat chinned dad to get you milk?

You don't have a fat chin.

Only your tummy is fat.

Just kidding ( she says while patting my stomach)

I'm getting trolled by a four year old.

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #103 on:** August 30, 2012, 12:02:43 am »

Had her try on a pirate we got her for an upcoming cruise.

It looks good, especially with your bare feet.

I don't have bear feet!

John C · « **Reply #104 on:** October 7, 2012, 11:59:35 am »

10 year old daughter: I'll have sausage on toast for my breakfast.
Me: There's no sausages, do you want bacon or cereal.
Daughter: You're no good at making bacon. You never make it nice.
Me: What do you want then.
long silence.
Daughter: I'm hungry.
Me: What do you want, bacon or cereal.
Daughter: *groan* but you can't make bacon.
Another long pause.
Daughter: OK, I'll give you one last chance to make bacon!
Me:

Frizzo · « **Reply #105 on:** October 7, 2012, 12:25:35 pm »

Quote from: Immortal King Brian Bluessed on August 27, 2012, 11:39:48 pm

And now she's just asked for milk.

Oh, you want you're fat chinned dad to get you milk?

You don't have a fat chin.

Only your tummy is fat.

Just kidding ( she says while patting my stomach)

I'm getting trolled by a four year old.

I lol'd

LanceLink!!!!! · « **Reply #106 on:** October 7, 2012, 02:33:58 pm »

My 4 year old boy's first words of the day when he climbed into our bed at 7am yesterday were....'daddy, do they use staple guns in Africa?'

Gotta love a random question first thing in the morning.

Steve O · « **Reply #107 on:** October 7, 2012, 07:10:39 pm »

When my son was 3 or 4, we were on the way to pick up his mum and a cyclist got in my way and I sort of forgot he was in the car with me and may have said something i shouldn't have. His mum gets in the car and says "Everyone ok", to which Cammy replies "fucking bike eh dad"

Probably around the same time, he was in the local Co-Op and while his mum was paying for the shopping he was in the coin operated car. To her horror, he beeped the horn and shouted "get out the way you stupid cow"

Voni · « **Reply #108 on:** October 7, 2012, 08:45:00 pm »

Niece: why aren't you married?
Me: because no one wants to marry me?
Niece: is it because you're ugly?

givemekaliber · « **Reply #109 on:** October 7, 2012, 09:31:19 pm »

My little girl is two in December and is starting to string a few words together now.
Tonight my missus was on the way home from work so we rang her and put her on speakerphone.
Missus - Hiya babe, are you ok? Mums on the way home now!
Daughter - A luve oo mama
Missus - silence
Me - You ok? (Sniffle)
Missus - no (cries out loud)
Daughter - ha ha ha byeeeee

Tear in my eye as I write this...

cox3100 · « **Reply #110 on:** October 7, 2012, 09:40:05 pm »

my nephew a few years ago burped very loud

me: wheres your manners

nephew: shes in the kitchen

he was only 5

Voni · « **Reply #111 on:** October 8, 2012, 08:21:39 am »

Quote from: Al Bol on October 8, 2012, 07:57:11 am

You'd think she'd have learnt some tact by the time she turned 21.

ChaChaMooMoo · « **Reply #112 on:** October 8, 2012, 10:19:59 am »

We were travelling in a car and were stopping at a signal. Another car jumped the signal and my 8 year old nephew says.

"Thats wrong. Why dont they have nails on road so that he gets a flat when he does that"

Elli · « **Reply #113 on:** October 8, 2012, 05:44:41 pm »

Two six-year-olds in my classroom this morning, having a small chat whilst supposedly busy with some subtracting. I have changed the names, before anyone shouts at me, but it's enough to give you the idea:

[Connor prods Jamie]
Jamie: Hey stop it, Connor Harrison.
Connor: I'm not called Harrison, it's Morrison.
Jamie: Potayto Potarto.

Absolutely creased me.

007.lankyguy · « **Reply #114 on:** October 8, 2012, 08:30:31 pm »

Quote from: Elli on October 8, 2012, 05:44:41 pm

Two six-year-olds in my classroom this morning, having a small chat whilst supposedly busy with some subtracting. I have changed the names, before anyone shouts at me, but it's enough to give you the idea:

[Connor prods Jamie]
Jamie: Hey stop it, Connor Harrison.
Connor: I'm not called Harrison, it's Morrison.
Jamie: Potayto Potarto.

Absolutely creased me.

I always find it funny when small kids get into arguments with each other.

Scaryscouse · « **Reply #115 on:** October 9, 2012, 11:49:56 pm »

My girlfriends little niece and nephew (Aussies) always hang shit on me they're 2 and 6.

The little fellas mother slagging me told Lachy that my names was fiddle dee dee potatoes. Now everytime he see's me he screams diddle dee taytos...... and it's beginning to stick in the family too

Gifted Right Foot · « **Reply #116 on:** October 10, 2012, 02:17:14 am »

my grandma reckons when my bro was younger he walked in on her getting changed and with a shocked look on his face he asked her why her tits were broken.

Malaysian Kopite · « **Reply #117 on:** October 10, 2012, 05:03:37 am »

Quote from: Gifted Right Foot on October 10, 2012, 02:17:14 am

my grandma reckons when my bro was younger he walked in on her getting changed and with a shocked look on his face he asked her why her tits were broken.

evie · « **Reply #118 on:** October 10, 2012, 05:27:30 am »

Quote from: LanceLink on October 7, 2012, 02:33:58 pm

My 4 year old boy's first words of the day when he climbed into our bed at 7am yesterday were....'daddy, do they use staple guns in Africa?'

Gotta love a random question first thing in the morning.

haha!

Funky_Gibbons · « **Reply #119 on:** October 10, 2012, 02:58:47 pm »

I have been browsing the many threads on the site and have just happened upon this one which is a coincidence afer last night.

It was my turn to give our three year old daughter a bath last night. So as usual we played around with the bubbles etc and after about 10-minutes I say it's time to come out. So I get her out of the bath and wrap a towel round her and I sit on the floor to dry her and she sits on may lap and asks for a cuddle.

It was such a nice scene, she's all wrapped up in towel after a nice warm bath and cuddling her daddy, she then says "daddy", so I said yes, and then she said "I don't like you very much"