Author Topic: Funny things your kids (or kids around you) say. (Read 36591 times)

Bootle · « **Reply #240 on:** July 30, 2015, 09:09:51 pm »

3 year old: Are they your pyjamas?
Me: Yes
Him: Why haven't they got Spiderman on?

Chakan · « **Reply #241 on:** July 30, 2015, 09:10:37 pm »

Quote from: Bootle on July 30, 2015, 09:09:51 pm

3 year old: Are they your pyjamas?
Me: Yes
Him: Why haven't they got Spiderman on?

Honestly that's a valid question ...

boots · « **Reply #242 on:** July 31, 2015, 08:47:22 am »

My wifes sisters husband was driving Edie, her niece (6), home when she asked quite sincerely "Is c*nt a swear word?"

Not sure if the fits of laughter answered her question thoroughly.

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #243 on:** July 31, 2015, 03:15:18 pm »

Quote from: a burger and chips on July 30, 2015, 09:10:37 pm

Honestly that's a valid question ...

Too right.

LanceLink!!!!! · « **Reply #244 on:** July 31, 2015, 05:04:26 pm »

My 7 year old lad just asked me 'Daddy, if you kept lots of pigs and you planned to eat them, would you give them names?'

That boy's far too deep for me.

rob1966 · « **Reply #245 on:** July 31, 2015, 09:03:21 pm »

My 4 yr old has just drawn an Anaconda with a woman inside. He then wrote the word Mum and said, Mummys been eaten by the snake and now she's dead.

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #246 on:** August 1, 2015, 02:33:00 am »

Quote from: LanceLink on July 31, 2015, 05:04:26 pm

My 7 year old lad just asked me 'Daddy, if you kept lots of pigs and you planned to eat them, would you give them names?'

That boy's far too deep for me.

Yes, this one is Chops, that one is Rasher, and that fat one is banger.

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #247 on:** August 1, 2015, 02:34:03 am »

Quote from: rob1966 on July 31, 2015, 09:03:21 pm

My 4 yr old has just drawn an Anaconda with a woman inside. He then wrote the word Mum and said, Mummys been eaten by the snake and now she's dead.

Le Petit Prince would be proud.

Bootle · « **Reply #248 on:** August 8, 2015, 01:10:29 am »

Quote from: a burger and chips on July 30, 2015, 09:10:37 pm

Honestly that's a valid question ...

You and Crimson and are both dead right. I've just ordered some matching ones.

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #249 on:** August 13, 2015, 09:28:55 pm »

Quote from: Bootle on August 8, 2015, 01:10:29 am

You and Crimson and are both dead right. I've just ordered some matching ones.

McrRed · « **Reply #250 on:** August 15, 2015, 02:55:30 am »

Alright, he's not a babe but my son just asked if you ate yourself would you double in size or disappear?

rob1966 · « **Reply #251 on:** August 15, 2015, 07:16:01 am »

The wife was in Asda the other week with the youngest, shes at the checkout and he's wandering around, she lets a silent one go. Ben comes back to her and in the usual kids loud voice he goes "Mummy have you just trumped? You have, you have trumped, it STINKS"

redbyrdz · « **Reply #252 on:** August 15, 2015, 08:56:55 am »

Quote from: McrRed on August 15, 2015, 02:55:30 am

Alright, he's not a babe but my son just asked if you ate yourself would you double in size or disappear?

You'd stay the same size, but be in a worse state.

That's a great physics question

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #253 on:** October 10, 2016, 12:35:12 pm »

More of a funny thing my kid done this morning.

I'd a CD in the pocket of my door in the car. The rattling was annoying me so I grabbed it and gave it to him saying, "Put that somewhere it's not going to rattle." So he proceeds to put the window down and fucks it out the window saying, "It's not going to rattle now is it?"

Kekule · « **Reply #254 on:** October 10, 2016, 03:19:59 pm »

Picking my 3 year old from the Grandparents at the weekend. She's running away and then chasing me round the car laughing her head off for a couple of minutes. I catch her, lift her up and go to put her in the car. "

"Graaandmaa, Graaandma. Help!" She giggles.
"Nothing to do with me, your Daddy's in control now" comes the reply.

As I'm strapping her into her seat she just gives me same the look I've got off the Mrs for years, locks me with her eyes, and very calmly says "No Daddy, I'm in control." Cue laughing, giggling and high fives shared between mother and daughter.

Our 2nd is due in April, God help me if it's another girl!

spen71 · « **Reply #255 on:** October 12, 2016, 11:09:49 am »

I was washing my daughters hair when she was about 5. Was about to start to rinse the shampoo off when she stopped me and said I must wash her shoulders too. I was a bit puzzled until she pointed at the shampoo bottle. The brand was Head and Shoulders!

Filler. · « **Reply #256 on:** October 16, 2016, 09:07:26 pm »

Love this thread.

A week back, my 6 year old wakes up. I've been up a while.. it's 6:30 am. He's drowsy, but he's just up, and his first thought is to drop his pants to me, stick out his midriff, and give it the 'LAZAR!' morning thing.

A few days later, my 3 year old daughter, who's been ushered up upstairs for the umpteenth time by her mother to get dressed comes out with:... 'I'm coming,... 'sheesh,' keep your hair on'... with all those inflections that you need.

I've just lost basically.

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #257 on:** October 17, 2016, 12:20:53 am »

This exchange happened with my youngest and I just over a week ago.

Post nap Little Einstines with lil' CT 2.0,
"Can you say petroglyphs?" - character on show
"lil' CT 2.0 can you 'petroglyphs?"- me
"No.... I don't want to say petroglyphs dad."- lil' CT 2.0

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #258 on:** October 24, 2016, 01:18:49 pm »

"lil CT 2.0, it is time to change out of your night time pull-up and go 'big boy potty'" - Me
"But Daaaaaaad, I don't want to go 'Big boy potty'" - lil CT 2.0
"lil CT 2.0, lets just try..." - Me
(growl from Jude as I set him on the potty)
*He immediately starts to potty
"Hey lil CT 2.0, what are you doing right now?" - Me
"I am going 'big boy po-....... (insert scowl) STOP DOING THAT DAD!" - lil CT 2.0

Medellin · « **Reply #259 on:** October 26, 2016, 10:59:25 am »

Goin back a few years i was getting a takeaway from a cafe & i was with me lad,it was a sizeable order for our group with a few coffees too..
After the lot was placed on the counter..i was paying & me lad had realised it would probably be a struggle handling it asked the girl serving.."have you got a little box"
Still cracks me up today.

Fiasco · « **Reply #260 on:** October 26, 2016, 11:09:33 am »

My little cousin wanted to go and watch the rugby a couple of weeks back but it was pissing down outside and her Dad, my uncle, wasn't too keen on taking her. After he told her that they would go if the rain stopped she said to him: "Dad, make the rain stop or I'm going to kill all of your family."

She's a bonny little thing, and she has only just turned 5. Serial killer in the making!

SamAteTheRedAcid · « **Reply #261 on:** October 26, 2016, 11:23:36 am »

I was reading my boy a book on dinosaurs, it had a bit about the first humans, I pointed to the picture of the man and said 'He's a human, we are humans too' and he said 'That's not a human daddy'.

I said 'Why not?'

'He's not got any socks on'

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #262 on:** October 26, 2016, 02:41:52 pm »

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #263 on:** October 26, 2016, 06:05:55 pm »

Three year old in his Batman costume

I have a tooty belt

Five year old - It's TOOtility belt

8 year old - It's Utility belt

Every day that have this conversation.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #264 on:** October 26, 2016, 06:18:01 pm »

My four year old daughter was looking at an old photo album and there was a picture of me on my wedding day. She looked at me and said: "I ruined you Daddy".

She's not wrong!

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #265 on:** October 27, 2016, 01:35:11 pm »

those last two are classic, my lads have similar conversations about superheros and the like, and Nick....

jackh · « **Reply #266 on:** October 27, 2016, 02:22:29 pm »

Quote from: Cock and Bollocks Nicolas on October 26, 2016, 06:18:01 pm

My four year old daughter was looking at an old photo album and there was a picture of me on my wedding day. She looked at me and said: "I ruined you Daddy".

She's not wrong!

Brilliant

redgriffin73 · « **Reply #267 on:** October 27, 2016, 03:55:41 pm »

Quote from: Cock and Bollocks Nicolas on October 26, 2016, 06:18:01 pm

My four year old daughter was looking at an old photo album and there was a picture of me on my wedding day. She looked at me and said: "I ruined you Daddy".

She's not wrong!

Out of the mouths of babes!

Lee1-6Liv · « **Reply #268 on:** October 27, 2016, 07:44:59 pm »

Was walking home from the shops a few months ago with my ten year old daughter and there were two men in their 50's walking towards us with Man Utd shirts on.

Daughter turns to me and says "dad, look at these two old c*nts"

I just cracked up

rob1966 · « **Reply #269 on:** October 30, 2016, 12:56:54 pm »

Sat on the couch talking to the missus, the youngest is practicing his close control with a size 3 casey, feels a bump on my toe followed by absolute agony as the ball hits me right in the goolies. I'm rolling around on the couch groaning and muttering and all I hear him shout is "pound for the swear box".

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #270 on:** November 26, 2016, 12:35:21 am »

Just had a Trigger moment with the 5yo. She's drawing a picture, which is obviously her.

"That's really good! Is it a self-portrait?"

"No. It's a picture of me."

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #271 on:** November 26, 2016, 12:57:24 am »

"Dad!, I had a bad idea...." my youngest when ever something does not work out like he thinks it should.

TomDcs · « **Reply #272 on:** November 26, 2016, 07:11:30 am »

My 4 year old when I was saying good night the other day (his random time)...
Him: You need a shave Daddy
Me: I like having stubble mate, one day you might have a beard
Him: No I won't
Me: You might, you just don't know yet
Him: Do women have beards?
Me: No, why?
Him: Auntie D (the old lady who lives next door to his Nan) has got a beard - proceeding to demonstrate how the hairs are really long and where they poke out of her face
Me: (In absolute bulk) No son, go to sleep

I dread to think what will happen next time we see Aunty D.

He also calls some bloke who lives a couple of doors down from us and drives a van 'Semi'. I'm assuming this is off a TV programme or he's dreamt it but every time we see him (we've never really said a word to him) he's like "Daddy look it's semi" :S

rob1966 · « **Reply #273 on:** August 12, 2021, 08:59:30 pm »

My youngest is 10 and he's a right little comedian, proper sarcastic little fucker too. He's started channelling his inner Spike Milligan now. About half an hour ago my mobile rings, its him saying "Dad, can you make me some toast please, no jam, just butter"

JohnnoWhite · « **Reply #274 on:** September 4, 2021, 08:24:08 am »

Quote from: boots on July 31, 2015, 08:47:22 am

My wifes sisters husband was driving Edie, her niece (6), home when she asked quite sincerely "Is c*nt a swear word?"

Not sure if the fits of laughter answered her question thoroughly.

That reminds me of visit we made to Blists Hill Industrial Museum at Ironbridge over 37 years ago with our youngest daughter Clare who was then about 4. We parked up the car and got on the old style crash-gear box single decker bus to drive to the centre of attraction further down the River Severn. A sunny day and as we passengers settled in our seats, we looked out across the river (and there were some very tasty dwellings on the other bank) and Clare spotted this guy lying on what looked like a very expensive swinging garden lounger parked on a garden that was big enough and smooth enough that you could have played a cricket match on! Just as the old coach had enough bods on board to go, and about the same time as the driver was crunchingly trying to find first gear, Clare who had (and still has!) a gob on her loudly announced, "Isn't he a lucky twat Mummy?"

Between the hastily muffled but still detectable choking sounds coming from the passengers and the missed gear and the jolted stalling of the convulsed bus driver, Mummy, (ever alert to the need for a diversionary distraction whenever Clare made such utterances) said "Oh look darling, there's a lovely boat over there . .. "

Jon2lfc · « **Reply #275 on:** September 4, 2021, 11:48:00 am »

Quote from: redforlife on May 12, 2015, 07:28:05 am

"Dad, if you support Liverpool you're not allowed to walk on your own are you ?"

Something like that son!

reddebs · « **Reply #276 on:** September 4, 2021, 02:05:12 pm »

My 2yr old niece referring to my dad as "Grandad Rabbit" due to hearing people using his nickname "Bunny".

Tbf though her other Grandad was a Lyon so maybe she thought they were always an animal 😂

rob1966 · « **Reply #277 on:** September 4, 2021, 11:04:39 pm »

My 10 Yr old rings us from upstairs and says peasant, make me some toast then hangs up.

He has got a brilliant sense of humour and he's sarcastic as fuck to boot.

Crimson_Tank · « **Reply #278 on:** September 9, 2021, 04:06:49 am »

Youngest CT: "Dad, you are weird."
Me: "Well my son, you are just so lucky that every day I wake up and think, 'hmmmmm how could I be weird for Youngest CT?' and then I do that."
Youngest CT: (Looks on in absolute horror) "Does Mom know about this!?"
Me: "Bud, this is why mom married me."

spen71 · « **Reply #279 on:** September 9, 2021, 10:49:40 am »

When my youngest was about 5, we were driving to Chester. I took a wrong turning

Me- Ah bugger; I’ve made a wrong turning

Olivia- never mind daddy you’re just getting old and forgetful