Topic: Struggling with depression

[please, I have my reasons for it but...]

Been to a point where I know exactly how my week will pan out before it even started. All alone, no family, friends are very few and the ones I made are fleeing town like flies, I am stuck in a job that I hate all because I do not want to change anything so as to not slow down my citizenship application, which I am beginning to ask how much does it worth if I hate it here.

And to top it off, my grandpa, back home, someone who is probably the closest person to me is very sick and down and the doctors can't figure out what he has.

I just want to take a break from it all.

[Crosby Nick]

Good luck to everyone posting in here, I hope things get better for you.

Rob, just going off your posts but sounds like you’ve been working flat out for too long without a break, I know you have a second job too don’t you? It’s no wonder it’s taken it’s toll on you. Hope you make the most of your time off.

[Keita Success]

Lack of sleep and zero motivation for uni is really costing me in my Masters. Currently on a first, but way behind where I should be. So kind of a two-part question:

1. Those of you who struggle in rooms full of people, what do you do to cope? I started shaking in my lecture 2 weeks ago and haven't turned up since.

2. Today I again tried to top myself (yes I'm very bad at it), but I really don't want to keep trying. I've genuinely had enough - perhaps unsurprisingly. So I was wondering what people do/have done/could suggest that's helped you/someone you know when they get to that point. The classics are running, gym, etc.

Cheers, hope you're all well.

[Billy The Kid]

2. Today I again tried to top myself (yes I'm very bad at it), but I really don't want to keep trying. I've genuinely had enough - perhaps unsurprisingly. So I was wondering what people do/have done/could suggest that's helped you/someone you know when they get to that point. The classics are running, gym, etc.

Do you mean you tried to take your own life?

[AndyMuller]

Do you mean you tried to take your own life?

He does mate. He’s tried it a few times now.


[You may have an iPhone but you are still using the free version of Tapatalk and spamming us with that knowledge]

[rob1966]

Good luck to everyone posting in here, I hope things get better for you.

Rob, just going off your posts but sounds like you’ve been working flat out for too long without a break, I know you have a second job too don’t you? It’s no wonder it’s taken it’s toll on you. Hope you make the most of your time off.

Cheers.

Yes mate, I work as a software developer full time and do HGV's part time, been doing overtime at the FT job most days for the past 3 years and been doing the trucks since 2007, the truck shifts are usually an early (5 - 6 am) start and 12 to 15 hour days. I've cut back on those recently, been too much for me.

Kids were on holiday all last week and did some stuff like baking cakes with them, which was nice. Was signed off until this Wed, but got all anxious and panicky with the thought so not going in for at least another couple of weeks.

[Fiasco]

He does mate. He’s tried it a few times now.


[You may have an iPhone but you are still using the free version of Tapatalk and spamming us with that knowledge]

He needs to get himself down to his local A&E and see a crisis team.


Keita, I don't want to put pressure on you but we've spoken about this before. Please, before it gets too late. Help yourself by doing the right thing. You are clearly in crisis and there is no shame in that, I have been there as have many in this thread I would imagine. If you want or need to talk you can PM me, I'd even offer to call you to offer advice if that would help.

Don't suffer alone mate. Please don't.

[Red Beret]

Think what helped me was my art, doodling to be more precise.  Just became a hook to hang my hat on where I could be in touch with the world and yet still be in a safe space.  Granted, I'd quit my job and gone on the sick years before, and I'm single and childless so only have to be responsible for me.  But art has many great therapeutic qualities and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who is struggling.

This is a piece I started yesterday.  It's odd that in more than five years of doodling this is one of only a handful of pieces that actively tries to illustrate my emotional state and reflect what is going on inside my head.

[Keita Success]

He needs to get himself down to his local A&E and see a crisis team.


Keita, I don't want to put pressure on you but we've spoken about this before. Please, before it gets too late. Help yourself by doing the right thing. You are clearly in crisis and there is no shame in that, I have been there as have many in this thread I would imagine. If you want or need to talk you can PM me, I'd even offer to call you to offer advice if that would help.

Don't suffer alone mate. Please don't.

I actually got discharged from the crisis team today. After I told them I’d tried again. So it’s different avenues for me.

I really do just need some things, small but interesting/captivating activities that can just calm me down.  And cheers mate, I’m wank at art, but your picture looks mint!

[hulksagoodboy]

Been around and dealt with the circumstances of depression (my mom most notably) since before I was a teen. I never really realized that I had fallen down the rabbit hole for quite a long time.. Too busy with school, work, social life, etc. When school and work had slowed down I noticed it was there very apparently. Fortunately I knew the signs (went to school for social work, with a plan to get into psychology), along with the experience I had from seeing the torment it had put on my mother. Went to ask for help and some advice, doctor did fuck all in terms of helping me to find someone to talk to, ran blood tests for 6 months to inconclusiveness. after that zip all. Haven't bothered with them since.

One thing that has helped me out a lot though is to meditate, figuring out how to shut the voice up and leveling out my mind has been immense. I've kind of gotten away from it lately and the past couple of weeks have been a bit rough, it was by chance that I saw this thread and figured it may be worth passing on.

Seems simple (it isn't) and maybe a little silly in terms of the issues or problems you're facing internally, but it could be something that helps.

[Red Beret]

I actually got discharged from the crisis team today. After I told them I’d tried again. So it’s different avenues for me.

I really do just need some things, small but interesting/captivating activities that can just calm me down.  And cheers mate, I’m wank at art, but your picture looks mint!

Cheers mate!  Remember: you don't have to share it, it's just about expressing yourself, and anybody is allowed to do that.

Crisis teams are seldom sympathetic so my advice to you is to put your foot down with your GP.  You might need a longer term therapy so try to find out what your options are.  And remember, as hard as it might be, you can always appeal to the PCT for support.  I know a woman who practically has Joe Rafferty on speed dial (head of the PCT, not the footballer!)

[AndyMuller]

When I was suffering with depression last year I was put on Citalopram and had counselling sessions.

I’d say the counselling sessions helped more than the tablets but that’s not to say the tablets didn’t have an effect either. I finished counselling after 5 sessions and was on the tablets for 6 months. Have you spoken to your GP, Keita? That’s what I done and he sorted those two things out for me which I feel helped.


[You may have an iPhone but you are still using the free version of Tapatalk and spamming us with that knowledge]

[ollyfrom.tv]

I've been improving the last few weeks and feeling better in myself. But this morning I've received a letter telling me I've got to return my Motability car by the 14th March. I knew it was coming as my PIP has been cut, but now it's in black and white it's knocked me for six. Just in a daze at the moment, but my independence has been taken away from me. Can't use a bus because of my anxiety problems, so I'm going to be stuck in my flat until my appeal is heard, which will take at least six months.
Fucking Tory c*nts.

[Sammy5IsAlive]

I've been improving the last few weeks and feeling better in myself. But this morning I've received a letter telling me I've got to return my Motability car by the 14th March. I knew it was coming as my PIP has been cut, but now it's in black and white it's knocked me for six. Just in a daze at the moment, but my independence has been taken away from me. Can't use a bus because of my anxiety problems, so I'm going to be stuck in my flat until my appeal is heard, which will take at least six months.
Fucking Tory c*nts.

Have you spoken to Motability about the possibility of buying the car off them? It's unusual and it might not fit your situation but I've had the occasional client whose partners are working/have savings/have family who are able to support them etc and the offers can be fairly reasonable. Even aside of buying the car outright there is the possibility buying it in installments or continuing to lease it 'privately' and then if you get your PIP back you can use that to continue with the installments/lease payments.

Unfortunately that isn't possible for most of the people I work with and you may well be in their situation also. But given that PIP isn't means tested I thought it would be worth at least suggesting.

[Red Beret]

Get in touch with Fightback.  You can find them on FB.  They have advocates and advice on how to complete forms and all kinds of stuff.

[Sammy5IsAlive]

Get in touch with Fightback.  You can find them on FB.  They have advocates and advice on how to complete forms and all kinds of stuff.

Not going to comment on organisations who charge for benefits advice (especially those that charge extra for 'priority' service) apart from to say that it is controversial in the sector.

Assuming that Olly is in the NW if he goes to the Greater Manchester Welfare Rights Advisers Group website https://gmwrag.wordpress.com/ and browses the 'our members' link he'll find the details of plenty of organisations who will provide exactly the same services free of charge.

[Red Beret]

Not going to comment on organisations who charge for benefits advice (especially those that charge extra for 'priority' service) apart from to say that it is controversial in the sector.

Assuming that Olly is in the NW if he goes to the Greater Manchester Welfare Rights Advisers Group website https://gmwrag.wordpress.com/ and browses the 'our members' link he'll find the details of plenty of organisations who will provide exactly the same services free of charge.

I don't believe they do charge.  I could be wrong on that of course; maybe some services you do have to pay for.  But as far as I can tell they have all kinds of pre-completed "stock forms" that you can download for nowt to help you with your application.

Anyway here's a link if anybody wants to check them out. https://www.facebook.com/FightBack4Justice/?hc_ref=ARRJUC5D2mYGNHb8fe-99QnXuK4mswcWD6WJdUZkDI1NuCHkRSLeYm2qYi4Hsi5jQZs&fref=nf

https://www.fightback4justice.co.uk/

[ollyfrom.tv]

Have you spoken to Motability about the possibility of buying the car off them? It's unusual and it might not fit your situation but I've had the occasional client whose partners are working/have savings/have family who are able to support them etc and the offers can be fairly reasonable. Even aside of buying the car outright there is the possibility buying it in installments or continuing to lease it 'privately' and then if you get your PIP back you can use that to continue with the installments/lease payments.

Unfortunately that isn't possible for most of the people I work with and you may well be in their situation also. But given that PIP isn't means tested I thought it would be worth at least suggesting.

Sammy, i can't afford to buy my car. It's only 15 months old. I'm going to try to find a little runaround to use whilst i wait for my appeal to be heared.

[ollyfrom.tv]

Get in touch with Fightback.  You can find them on FB.  They have advocates and advice on how to complete forms and all kinds of stuff.

I've appealed to the courts before and won so I've already filled in and sent back my forms.
Cheers for the advice mate

[Red Beret]

I've appealed to the courts before and won so I've already filled in and sent back my forms.
Cheers for the advice mate

Good luck mate.

[Mr Mingebag Squid]

I'm not sure if this belongs here - it's not depression really - more i need somewhere to talk and get things off my chest...

So, I've been with my wife 15 years this May and we'll have been married 7 years in July. We started trying for kids about 5 years ago, but nothing. We started initial IVF consultations 2 years ago. Medically there is nothing wrong with either of us, we have been "diagnosed" with unexplained infertility - basically the professionals don't know.

As part of the IVF route through the NHS, we had to be assessed. We ticked all the boxes with the exception of weight. I was 6lbs overweight and my wife 4 stone. We got a personal trainer in August last year and since then I have lost two stone and my wife three. She is hoping to hit the four stone mark around April/May time in which we can finally get referred for IVF treatment.

Now I'm not fussed if we do or do not have kids, but she is desperate. And it is killing her every month when she gets her period, when another friend is pregnant, when someone at work is pregnant. As well as losing the weight, she has worked hard on the mental side and trying not to let things get to her.

However, this weekend happened. The personal trainers fiance had a baby friday - so theres that to deal with (The trainer is also having a week off - so shes terrified she'll fall off the weight loss wagon!). Then her best friend was induced Saturday. And then to crown it today, another friend who was going through IVF too and due to start treatment in January ,and who was told she'd never fall pregnant naturally, announced she is 12 weeks pregnant.

It's a massive hammer blow. My wife has spent most of the afternoon/evening crying - and i don't know what to do. I'm trying to be strong and there for her, but i don't know what to say or do. I have no one to turn to or talk to - my parents blow off IVF as something silly and their suggestion is to have lots of sex. My best friends don't want to talk about it either.

I don't know if i want consoling words or advice, or whether I just needed to get it off my chest!

[SamAteTheRedAcid]

That's a tough one Mr Squid, I've a friend who has been through similar. They had all the rounds of IVF and nothing, then she got pregnant naturally after all that but then miscarried. It's a difficult subject to talk about and as you say, other people having kids in the vicinity can make it seem even harder.

Certainly for this week, can you exercise with your wife together? As her trainer is not around and it'll be one less thing she will have to worry about, if you make sure she doesn't fall off the fitness bandwagon you mention. At least it will be one less thing she can beat herself up over.

[Mr Mingebag Squid]

I've told her to come with me - I said even if it's not like a PT session - at least it's something. I think she needs a day or two to get her head around whats gone on and then she'll be back to it.

I think the friend who was told medically she'll never conceive getting pregnant is the hammer blow this time.

[God's Left Peg]

I think the friend who was told medically she'll never conceive getting pregnant is the hammer blow this time.

Goes to show though doesn't it? Never say never. Took me and the wife three years to conceive; we were in much the same situation. Every month becomes a bit of a triall.... now we have two kids and I think I have aged a decade in 4 years!

Have you looked at this:

http://spermmeetseggplan.com

[Mr Mingebag Squid]

Goes to show though doesn't it? Never say never. Took me and the wife three years to conceive; we were in much the same situation. Every month becomes a bit of a triall.... now we have two kids and I think I have aged a decade in 4 years!

Have you looked at this:

http://spermmeetseggplan.com

Thanks - will take a look

[owens_2k]

Feel free to put me in my place here but I'm not sure why good news for people close to your wife should make her feel sad? Should she not be happy for her best friend? You and your wife are in the same situation regardless of what is happening to others.

Sorry if I come across as an apathetic tw*t.

[Mr Mingebag Squid]

Feel free to put me in my place here but I'm not sure why good news for people close to your wife should make her feel sad? Should she not be happy for her best friend? You and your wife are in the same situation regardless of what is happening to others.

Sorry if I come across as an apathetic tw*t.

I'm guessing it's because she is desperate for a baby and every person that has one/becomes pregnant is a massive kick in the teeth. She then struggles with guilt of being jealous and not being happy - especially with her best friends.

I kinda have that same feeling as you though - who cares what happens to other people - but is this because I'm a guy? Obviously women have this different maternal feeling....

[owens_2k]

I'm guessing it's because she is desperate for a baby and every person that has one/becomes pregnant is a massive kick in the teeth. She then struggles with guilt of being jealous and not being happy - especially with her best friends.

I kinda have that same feeling as you though - who cares what happens to other people - but is this because I'm a guy? Obviously women have this different maternal feeling....

I couldn't possibly comment on women's maternal feelings, that's a minefield!

I never really thought of the guilt aspect until you mentioned it there. That must be hard as she obviously doesn't want to feel that way.

You both had the determination to get a PT and lose weight which is not easy. I'm sure the same determination coupled with the IVF will get you what you want eventually.

Good luck!

[Mr Mingebag Squid]

I couldn't possibly comment on women's maternal feelings, that's a minefield!

I never really thought of the guilt aspect until you mentioned it there. That must be hard as she obviously doesn't want to feel that way.

You both had the determination to get a PT and lose weight which is not easy. I'm sure the same determination coupled with the IVF will get you what you want eventually.

Good luck!

Amen to that!

We will get through it, it's just tough. Well, it's tough for her.

[stevienash]

A few people know my story from over the years. Moved on a lot recently divorced over a year and in the process of buying a new home for me and my boys for when and if they want to come and live with me.
I’ve even stopped smoking uesd to smoke 8-9 a day now on vape pen bar the ofd cig now and again. Alcohole still an little issue I don’t drink during the week but soon as Friday/ Saturday night comes I can sink probably a few to many regardless of I have my kids here not major but if there was an emergency I Would be fucked to drive. Been pub tonight with boys only had a couple but came home and carried on drinking. But come tomorrow I stop so don’t dint what that is all about.
My main point of this post as some people know I’ve come throu dark times and to get to where o am today is major strides forward.
But why and how if someone puts you to hell and back why can you not move on from that person? Tired and failed to move on but all I want is that person. It don’t hurt anymore just makes me sad that that person don’t want you back. Think I will be destined to be on my own as I’m stuck in a vortex of loving the ex and not being able to to open up to anyone. Sad but all I care about is having my boys every other weekend. When I don’t have them the other weekend I go to the pub or or go LFC away with a few good reds on here..

Sorry for going on didnt know where else to put this

[Fiasco]

The dark poison clouds are the worst. They inhibit you in ways that you cannot begin to describe. Sleep is a means of escape; I can almost do 24 hours without seeing a proper day because it is easier to just pretend nothing is happening in the real world.

Existentialism, deep problems with inter-personal relationships, self-loathing and general misanthropy make living so fucking undesirable. I can't do it any more.

[A-Bomb]

The dark poison clouds are the worst. They inhibit you in ways that you cannot begin to describe. Sleep is a means of escape; I can almost do 24 hours without seeing a proper day because it is easier to just pretend nothing is happening in the real world.

Existentialism, deep problems with inter-personal relationships, self-loathing and general misanthropy make living so fucking undesirable. I can't do it any more.

Life can be a right twat at times - it's not kind, aware or considerate. It's a juggernaut that just ploughs on irrespective of what gets in its way.

If you wanna chat tonight buddy feel free to drop me a message.

[tonysleft]

The dark poison clouds are the worst. They inhibit you in ways that you cannot begin to describe. Sleep is a means of escape; I can almost do 24 hours without seeing a proper day because it is easier to just pretend nothing is happening in the real world.

Existentialism, deep problems with inter-personal relationships, self-loathing and general misanthropy make living so fucking undesirable. I can't do it any more.

It's so hard. You are doing well to even voice your feelings! I know from my 3 stints in hospital it is so hard. Are you on meds/speaking to a professional?

EDIT: Just editing to say I echo the message above. I'm in an insomniac mode tonight and well up for a PM if you feel the wish to.

[AndyMuller]

The dark poison clouds are the worst. They inhibit you in ways that you cannot begin to describe. Sleep is a means of escape; I can almost do 24 hours without seeing a proper day because it is easier to just pretend nothing is happening in the real world.

Existentialism, deep problems with inter-personal relationships, self-loathing and general misanthropy make living so fucking undesirable. I can't do it any more.

I’ve been there mate. I suffered bad with depression last year, so bad I was about 5 mins away from being sectioned straight from my workplace. I then took 6 months off and had counselling and meds.

I’m in a much better place now mentally but I do have my bad days. Just yesterday I must of been asleep for about 18 hours for the day because I was fed up.

Today is a new day and I’m off to see my Grandad and nephew who I haven’t seen since he was born last Wednesday.

The point I’m trying to make is that take each day at a time and even if you do have a bad wobble now and then don’t let it overcome you and grow on you.

If you need a chat me feel free to PM me by all means.

[zero zero]

But why and how if someone puts you to hell and back why can you not move on from that person? Tired and failed to move on but all I want is that person. It don’t hurt anymore just makes me sad that that person don’t want you back.

Hey, Stevie. I have heard of a rule of thumb where a person needs one month for every year of their old relationship to properly move on. Some people will need less. Some need more. It might still be too soon for you?

Think I will be destined to be on my own as I’m stuck in a vortex of loving the ex and not being able to to open up to anyone.

After what you've been through, I'm not surprised you're going to find it hard to trust and open up to someone new. Of course, it's not exactly surprising you still have feelings for your ex - she represents a few things; love for the person she used to be, all the good times you had together, the future you'd planned together, waking up with your boys every morning. Maybe you're still mourning "what might have been"?

Remember, what you went through/are doing through is meant to be harder, emotionally, than the loss of a close family member only topped by the loss of a child. What I'm trying to say is that it's not a small thing you're dealing with.

Sad but all I care about is having my boys every other weekend.

Nope. Not sad at all. I can totally understand that.

I'm heading out now but will be back later in the afternoon. PM me if you like.

Existentialism, deep problems with inter-personal relationships, self-loathing and general misanthropy make living so fucking undesirable. I can't do it any more.

You too. Don't be a stranger.

[Red Beret]

This time of the year is always hard for me.  Remembering my dad, mother's day etc. 

I'm lonely and I don't know what to do.  I don't want to burden my friends, but it feels harder and harder to connect with them.  Like they put me in a box and only bring me out on certain occasions.

I know some of this is my own doing; I've noticed I've been more reclusive in recent months.  Nothing seems to excite or engage me.  The most mundane tasks seem to be a chore.

I'm scared to fail, but I'm also scared to succeed.  I know I'm better than this but there's nobody to hold my hand.  I tell myself that everyday is the chance to make new choices, but having the courage to do that is so hard for me.

I'm single, childless, and keep seeing everything as glass half empty.  Rather than praise myself for the positives it's all too easy to crush myself for what I haven't done.  It runs the risk of impulsive behaviour.

After two years of intense therapy and getting to grip with my emotions I'm starting to wonder if what I am feeling now is just plain old depression?

How do I break my dependence on others?

[Roady]

Has anybody ever considered setting something up on here for I dunno maybe a few hogs round a park or something with similar lonely or troubled individuals? Right now I’m in a mess. But I won’t go into today. I’ll post tomorrow and give my situation. It’s not good. At all! keep strong everyone. 👍

[John C]

Sorry to hear that Roady, I thought you were in a good place a few months ago.

[Roady]

No worries mate. I was. I’d moved to Spain had a new life. Still do. But I’ve had to come home to Liverpool to sort the sale of my house. I’ve no heating I’m cold. I’ve no tv. I’ve not really any support ofr family here. And money worries until the house goes through. But I can’t get back to Spain until it does. I’m alright. Just things getting to me a bit being back here.

[Red Beret]

Sorry to hear of your struggles Roady.  But it sounds like it's just a temporary setback, so keep the faith.