Topic: Struggling with depression

[Sudden Death Draft Loser]

Anyone been in a situation where they are in an office job and you get to a point where it's almost like you can't function any more, as in not being able to type or do even the basics without a real effort? Stupid question but for the past 3 months or so that's the situation I have found myself in so I wondered if I was alone.

I was in that situation earlier this year. Spoke to my "boss", who is also an old friend. Went to my doctor, he referred me to the local Depression and Anxiety Service. A few weeks of C.B.T. and getting things in perspective has massively helped.

It becomes easier once you talk about it.

[Rysoph76]

I was in that situation earlier this year. Spoke to my "boss", who is also an old friend. Went to my doctor, he referred me to the local Depression and Anxiety Service. A few weeks of C.B.T. and getting things in perspective has massively helped.

It becomes easier once you talk about it.

Thanks for the reply mate. Sorry but what is CBT? Did you get signed off? I'm really reluctant to end up in a situation where I get signed off

[gazzalfc]

Anyone been in a situation where they are in an office job and you get to a point where it's almost like you can't function any more, as in not being able to type or do even the basics without a real effort? Stupid question but for the past 3 months or so that's the situation I have found myself in so I wondered if I was alone.

Had a really tough last few months with problems with my kids and also my other half having a miscarriage and I feel kind of like I have broken inside.

I come into work and I just sit on RAWK cos it's the only escape I have from the bullshit. I can't speak to my other half about it really as she is heartbroken about the loss of the baby and I don't really want to go the doctor. 

Problem is i'm kind of trapped in this job because i've been here 9 years and been promoted so my job pays much more than I would get elsewhere and i'm not in central London so I can ride in. Also the hours mean that it suits my school run duties cos I can do 8.30-4 or 9.30-5.

Sorry for the moan, I just feel lost and it's easier to tell people online than in real life!!

Yep. Know the feeling.

2 big things stand out. Were you and your other half offered some form of loss counselling and did you both take the time to grieve properly? That sounds like a big red flag.

The other is your job. Does your job offer some sort of wellbeing support for mental health? Do you have a good sick policy (because mental health is just as important as physical health)?

In terms of a boring job I know how you feel. Are there any training courses that your company offers that might change things up a bit offer a way not run on autopilot?

I'm really going through a day to day ways of working. Counting down til Friday. Counting down til Christmas etc. I know it's not healthy wishing my life away because I'm fed up of the now. But it's something I want to change in 2018 and hopefully I will

Hope this helps and never apologise for having a moan on here. It's what it's here for

[Red Beret]

I pretty much disintigrated after a decade in offices.  Pretending to be something that, deep down, I knew I wasn't, and the yearning to be true to myself was a big factor in that, but I had a cluster of other crap going on in my life too.  My learning ability started to break down and it became increasingly difficult to hold onto my temper.

It's taken me seven years out of work and a diagnosis of BPD to get me to a point where I feel I can have another crack at life, but even then I know I can never go back to that kind of work.  It would ruin me in months.  That's why I'm trying to become a commercial artist.

[thisyearisouryear]

Thanks for the reply mate. Sorry but what is CBT? Did you get signed off? I'm really reluctant to end up in a situation where I get signed off

CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy. It is a form/framework for psychotherapy.
I don't have any personal experience with it but I do know a bit about Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) which is based on CBT. My SO has been diagnosed with BPD for which DBT is often recommended.
DBT essentially revolves around learning to manage your emotions, relationship, stress etc. through greater mindfulness. It is no quick cure though and it takes a lot of time and patience apart from a good understanding and trust on the therapist.

Also, regarding your earlier post - has your role at your job also changed? If not, did you used to like the job earlier, at least passably?

[Sudden Death Draft Loser]

Thanks for the reply mate. Sorry but what is CBT? Did you get signed off? I'm really reluctant to end up in a situation where I get signed off

CBT - Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave.

It's most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but can be useful for other mental and physical health problems.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

I continued working throughout my therapy, but am in a relatively unusual work situation, with a very understanding "boss".

[damomad]

Weird, wanted to come in and complain about office work. Just have to keep reminding myself that its better than the dole, at least it puts the day in! And I can sit on RAWK!

Had a really tough last few months with problems with my kids and also my other half having a miscarriage and I feel kind of like I have broken inside.

That sounds awful mate but it does sound like you should find someone qualified to talk to about it. Just telling your doc about problems can lift a lot of weight off.

[Rysoph76]

2 big things stand out. Were you and your other half offered some form of loss counselling and did you both take the time to grieve properly? That sounds like a big red flag.

The other is your job. Does your job offer some sort of wellbeing support for mental health? Do you have a good sick policy (because mental health is just as important as physical health)?

In terms of a boring job I know how you feel. Are there any training courses that your company offers that might change things up a bit offer a way not run on autopilot?

I'm really going through a day to day ways of working. Counting down til Friday. Counting down til Christmas etc. I know it's not healthy wishing my life away because I'm fed up of the now. But it's something I want to change in 2018 and hopefully I will

Hope this helps and never apologise for having a moan on here. It's what it's here for

Thanks for the reply mate. The problem is really that I work in a relatively small environment with about 40 staff and most of the people have worked here for years so any kind of stigma is attached to you forever really hence why I am not keen to end up with others finding out. I also feel bad that I would be doing this while my other half is still so upset over the baby. To answer your other question, no, nothing was offered in terms of counciling. Me and my other half are very close and she only has a handful of people that are close to her so really I have taken the bulk of having to trying to support her which has been a bit draining. Because of my home situation, I have not told my mum who is the only real support I have with the kids as she is unreliable and so I have had to deal with all of this whilst being given no leeway in terms of moods because no one else knows so i'm expected to deal with everyone else's shit while having to maintain as normal a disposition as possible so as to not give anything away.

I know exactly what you mean regards going from day to day, I am exactly the same. To be honest most days I would happily just skip completely to get to the odd decent day.

[Rysoph76]

Also, regarding your earlier post - has your role at your job also changed? If not, did you used to like the job earlier, at least passably?

Thanks for the reply. Essentially I spent over 7 years at this employer doing a job that I didn't mind in a team that I liked. Unfortunately, I had come to that age where I needed to pad my cv as I couldn't stay here at the same level for that period of time and hitting 40 or else i'd be stuck at that level forever. As it is a small company, the only room for progression would have been if my manager in that job had left but he is not much older than me and is cushy in the job plus has no kids so he has no real desire to move on. As it happened, someone left unexpectedly in a very specific job within the company and when I read the job spec I met a lot of the criteria. Hence I am now a Manager within the company (although I manage a process not people) on 7k basic plus a decent bonus (3k last year) more than I was in my old job. Me and my other half are looking to buy a house so me getting a better wage was a big deal, particularly given that I have had a shit credit history in the past which is starting to repair itself.

I'm in a different office with people that I don't mind but the job itself is quite high level and requires me to spend most of my time dealing with specialists in an area that I am not. I am currently taking a qualification to get up to speed (which I have no interest in doing) but I will never have done the job in the real world so i'll never be at the level of the people I deal with. Just makes me feel very trapped.

[Rysoph76]

CBT - Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave.

It's most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but can be useful for other mental and physical health problems.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

I continued working throughout my therapy, but am in a relatively unusual work situation, with a very understanding "boss".

Thanks for the reply. That sounds interesting, I will look it up. Have you found that it has equipped you to deal with life better or is it something that you will need to keep up?

[Rysoph76]

I pretty much disintigrated after a decade in offices.  Pretending to be something that, deep down, I knew I wasn't, and the yearning to be true to myself was a big factor in that, but I had a cluster of other crap going on in my life too.  My learning ability started to break down and it became increasingly difficult to hold onto my temper.

It's taken me seven years out of work and a diagnosis of BPD to get me to a point where I feel I can have another crack at life, but even then I know I can never go back to that kind of work.  It would ruin me in months.  That's why I'm trying to become a commercial artist.

Thanks for the reply mate. I have seen some of your other posts in this thread so I know you have had a few struggles. It is much the same for me in that I have so much going on outside work that sometimes the sheer futility of being in work doing this shit destroys me. I have a mate who had a very high flying job within the oil industry and he hated his job with a passion and eventually had a complete mental breakdown. He could never go back to that kind of work but he wanted to work so he now works as a green keeper at a golf course on shit money but at least there's mostly no stress. The difference between our situations is that he had a large inheritance split between him and his sister which meant that him and his other half could buy a house outright so he has a lot less financial pressure on him.

[Sudden Death Draft Loser]

Thanks for the reply. That sounds interesting, I will look it up. Have you found that it has equipped you to deal with life better or is it something that you will need to keep up?

It has helped me deal with life better, in my case it gave me a better sense of perspective. I was signed off by mutual  agreement between my counselor and myself, with the proviso that I could go back at any time without needing to be referred by my G.P. Can't say how long any individual would need.

[Red Beret]

Thanks for the reply mate. I have seen some of your other posts in this thread so I know you have had a few struggles. It is much the same for me in that I have so much going on outside work that sometimes the sheer futility of being in work doing this shit destroys me. I have a mate who had a very high flying job within the oil industry and he hated his job with a passion and eventually had a complete mental breakdown. He could never go back to that kind of work but he wanted to work so he now works as a green keeper at a golf course on shit money but at least there's mostly no stress. The difference between our situations is that he had a large inheritance split between him and his sister which meant that him and his other half could buy a house outright so he has a lot less financial pressure on him.

Indeed.  I know I will have to face the terrible fear of trying to transition from benefits back into employment at some point in the near future.  And I'll be doing it as a self employed fecking artist! 

But when you start to hate your job, and you're facing pressures at home, and everything has become a dull drudge and every day has become a battle to get out of bed, then sooner or later something has to give.  It's at moments like this that we have to ask ourselves what is most important to us.

It was easier for me in some respects, not having a relationship or children meant I was (mostly) responsible only for myself.  But since my brothers cut me off from my mother the isolation and unresolved resentment proved major stumbling blocks.  I seem to be slowly overcoming these and recognising that my life has improved; I have a bit of hope.  But it's still a daunting task that faces me.

[Rysoph76]

Indeed.  I know I will have to face the terrible fear of trying to transition from benefits back into employment at some point in the near future.  And I'll be doing it as a self employed fecking artist! 

But when you start to hate your job, and you're facing pressures at home, and everything has become a dull drudge and every day has become a battle to get out of bed, then sooner or later something has to give.  It's at moments like this that we have to ask ourselves what is most important to us.

It was easier for me in some respects, not having a relationship or children meant I was (mostly) responsible only for myself.  But since my brothers cut me off from my mother the isolation and unresolved resentment proved major stumbling blocks.  I seem to be slowly overcoming these and recognising that my life has improved; I have a bit of hope.  But it's still a daunting task that faces me.

Yeah the problem I have is that my other half has been very good to me in helping me clear my debts and get away from payplan to the point where I now have 0 debt for the first time since I was 18. She has some savings from her old house and we are looking to move and it just seems like I would be massively letting her down to move and take a lower paid job with less stress at this point. The other problem is that this job is not in a field I want to work in so the longer I do it for the longer I will be cast in this job which will make a change of job in future more difficult.

Fucking state of life sometimes eh 

I have never struggled to get out of bed, always been a morning person and just got up when the alarm went but I have become far more reluctant to get up and do now generally lie in until the last point where I can get up and still get my shit together to get to work. That in itself adds stress because it means i'm always rushing, especially on the 3 morning a week when I have to take the kids to school.

Let's hope we batter Seville tonight and give us all a much needed lift!

[Red Beret]

Yeah, one of my blessings was that I cleared all my debts before I quit my job.  Apart from a very self destructive episode about 12 months ago I'm mostly secure financially.

It's when you feel you have no respite, no bolt hole, where there's no sense of relief either at home or at work; when you start to feel trapped in your life is when you risk beginning to buckle.  Spot it early and get some support so you can reframe your thinking and catch your breath.

I hope this helps and that we'll both be toasting a good win this evening!

[Rysoph76]

Yeah, one of my blessings was that I cleared all my debts before I quit my job.  Apart from a very self destructive episode about 12 months ago I'm mostly secure financially.

It's when you feel you have no respite, no bolt hole, where there's no sense of relief either at home or at work; when you start to feel trapped in your life is when you risk beginning to buckle.  Spot it early and get some support so you can reframe your thinking and catch your breath.

I hope this helps and that we'll both be toasting a good win this evening!

Cheers mate, appreciate it. All the best with your eventual return to work. Come on you mighty reds! 

[cowtownred]

Just found out that my first true love (ok it was 30 years ago when we were both mid 20's) has recently taken her life.

I haven't seen her for a very long time, though I'm sure we would have married if one or two little upsets hadn't happened back then. But to hear that she has just hanged herself has left me empty and really devastated.

I would have phoned her, texted 2 or 3 times a year.

The seriously most vivacious, lively, up for a laugh person I've ever known.

Mother of two sweet 20 odd girls.

And she does this??  Why on earth??  Please anyone on here, feeling helpless, get professional advice. To lose life is just tragic.

Jane,   xxxxxxx

[Broad Spectrum]

Terrible mate, sorry for your loss. Society has to do more to help people with mental health issues.

[Riquende]

I finally gathered the courage to call a counsellor today to arrange for an assessment session after wussing out a few times over the last couple of years. I've never been comfortable with meeting people and was forced to attend a 'networking' event last night where I essentially hid in the corner and hoped nobody made eye contact. There's a pithy Morrissey lyric in there somewhere but realistically it should be possible to go up to someone, shake their hand and ask what they do etc.

[damomad]

That's horrible mate, sorry for your loss. Awful for the daughters too.

I feel things get on top of people a lot more this time of year, and feel like there's only one way out. Especially the fake happiness from everyone, some people don't want to drag others down. Fuck Christmas, there's lots to be miserable about and don't hold it back, talk to a professional or at least someone on here.

Riquende - good idea, will help get the head sorted and may give you some ideas of what is holding you back.

[Red Beret]

So sorry for your loss. 

[Maggie May]

Just found out that my first true love (ok it was 30 years ago when we were both mid 20's) has recently taken her life.

I haven't seen her for a very long time, though I'm sure we would have married if one or two little upsets hadn't happened back then. But to hear that she has just hanged herself has left me empty and really devastated.

I would have phoned her, texted 2 or 3 times a year.

The seriously most vivacious, lively, up for a laugh person I've ever known.

Mother of two sweet 20 odd girls.

And she does this??  Why on earth??  Please anyone on here, feeling helpless, get professional advice. To lose life is just tragic.

Jane,   xxxxxxx

Oh my dear lad.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  Please accept my deepest sympathy.  The only condolence I can offer is that whatever it was in life that was tormenting her so much, she is free of it now and sleeps peacefully.

[TepidT2O]

Depressed here.Was in hospital for 8 weeks because of it. On 300mg of Venlafaxine. 36 years old with nothing to live for. Will be spending this Christmas alone. Life is too much of an effort, really.

Always something to live for... hang on in there, happiness wil come..

Ride out the storm mate

[JLStretton]

Depressed here.Was in hospital for 8 weeks because of it. On 300mg of Venlafaxine. 36 years old with nothing to live for. Will be spending this Christmas alone. Life is too much of an effort, really.

about where i'm at, substitute the drugs for ale!  Hope you find a reason to live, as there must be one for us all!

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

 You have a purpose in life is a load of shite, really. Simple truth is, you / me, one of about 7.6 billion. Doesn't matter if you are a master polymath and part time superman, you die, world goes on. Beggar on the street dies, world goes on.

Your reasons to live are entirely artificially sculpted beyond your parents and siblings, you have to go make your reasons after those.

[Maggie May]

You have a purpose in life is a load of shite, really. Simple truth is, you / me, one of about 7.6 billion. Doesn't matter if you are a master polymath and part time superman, you die, world goes on. Beggar on the street dies, world goes on.

Your reasons to live are entirely artificially sculpted beyond your parents and siblings, you have to go make your reasons after those.

Thanks for posting that.  I really needed cheering up.  I feel so much better now. 

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

It doesn't need to be taken with gloom. Take a step back, the relentlessness of the march of us as a race is quite beautiful. It also means there is no pressure that comes from the delusion that what you do is special. Relax, your time's all you have, live the seconds.

You see purpose and reason where there is none, all you do is create a potential source for negative emotions if things go south.

[Maggie May]

It doesn't need to be taken with gloom. Take a step back, the relentlessness of the march of us as a race is quite beautiful. It also means there is no pressure that comes from the delusion that what you do is special. Relax, your time's all you have, live the seconds.

You see purpose and reason where there is none, all you do is create a potential source for negative emotions if things go south.

Triffic.      Cheers for that.   

[damomad]

When I feel like life is purposeless, I put on some Alan Watts and get reminded it is and that's ok.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21RwqnB8GrE

[Pistolero]

You have a purpose in life is a load of shite, really. Simple truth is, you / me, one of about 7.6 billion. Doesn't matter if you are a master polymath and part time superman, you die, world goes on. Beggar on the street dies, world goes on.

Worst Hallmark card. Ever

[Maggie May]

Worst Hallmark card. Ever

 

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

[Keita Success]

Tried to kill myself twice in the last few days.

Spending the last night being pumped full of God knows what, to stop paracetamol shutting down my liver will hopefully have given me the wake-up call I need.

[John C]

Tried to kill myself twice in the last few days.

Spending the last night being pumped full of God knows what, to stop paracetamol shutting down my liver will hopefully have given me the wake-up call I need.

In September you pm'd me to ask if I would change your name from 'Something Stingy' to 'Keita Success', which I obliged. How's that gonna work if you do something daft mate. The 2018/19 season is a matter of months away, I say stay around #Naby

[BlackandWhitePaul]

Tried to kill myself twice in the last few days.

Spending the last night being pumped full of God knows what, to stop paracetamol shutting down my liver will hopefully have given me the wake-up call I need.

Message me any time you want day or night if you want somebody to talk to.  I'm serious    :-)

[Maggie May]

Well you may as well hang round since you appear to be fuck awful useless in killing yourself and I have fuck all else better to do.   So get in touch if you like. 

[Keita Success]

Well you may as well hang round since you appear to be fuck awful useless in killing yourself and I have fuck all else better to do.   So get in touch if you like.

Currently hooked up to an IV of parvolex. I've hit rock bottom, just need to get help now.

Cheers for the support. x

[Maggie May]

Currently hooked up to an IV of parvolex. I've hit rock bottom, just need to get help now.

Cheers for the support. x

Make sure you do so matey.  The only way is up now.  Anyway, this is no time of year to go topping yourself - it buggers up everyone else's Christmas.   PM me if you want cheering up.     I'm out for a couple of hours 11ish otherwise in all day.  Mwah

[AndyMuller]

Tried to kill myself twice in the last few days.

Spending the last night being pumped full of God knows what, to stop paracetamol shutting down my liver will hopefully have given me the wake-up call I need.

Fucking hell, so sorry to hear that mate. I was in a similar situation to you a couple of months ago, it does get better mate.

If you need anything don't hesitate to drop me a PM.

[McrRed]

Statistically, Xmas is the hardest time of the year. So full of wants and desires.

I hope everyone gets some of what they need this Xmas x