Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home winemaking course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!
random Homer -ismsHomer: To Alcohol - The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
(Homer is at Moe's)
Homer: "Well, it's 1 AM. Time to go home and spend some quality time with the kids."
Marge: "Homer, have you been drinking?"
Homer: "No! Well, ten beers."
[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'
Homer: "I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!"
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.