Anyone being a parent knows what a blessing kids are, but they also know what a source of frustration they can be.
I have 4 kids, evenly spaced about 2 years apart. Our eldest turns 9 in June. I guess there are as many ways to raise kids as there are users on RAWK and I'm sure many of you have a lot to share about your experiences raising your kids. God knows it's not an easy job and it will make your hair either fall out or turn grey, or even turn grey and then fall off.
The reason I started this thread was to have somewhere to share frustrations, joyful moments, tips about raising kids etc etc and because I am in a pretty dire need of advice. The problem is said soon to be 9-year old. Here it goes:
Whenever things don't go his way or he doesn't get his way, he's liable to throw some severe tantrums, not always, but often. If he wants to play with a friend after school, he gets very dissatisfied and angry. What broke me was earlier today when I picked him up from school and it is a perfect example of how it can go.
So my kid came to the car, a friend in tow. The friend was supposed to be at daycare, or whatever it's called after school, since his parents were working. In an attempt to be nice, I phoned his mom to ask if he could come home with us instead. She didn't answer her phone though, so I called them over and told them it wasn't possible because I couldn't get her permission. As expected, my kid just flips. He gets in the car, starts throwing his gloves at me, screaming foul words, calling me this and that, I'm mean to him, I'm useless, he doesn't want to live in our useless house etc etc. Not a single thought to breathe and think that I tried to make it work, but couldn't. He shouts that he understands it's not my fault but that doesn't stop him from piling on me.
Most of the time, I manage to meet his anger with calm because I know he doesn't mean it, and this is what works best most often, but sometimes I just go over the edge too and get angry and start shouting too. That just escalates things, which I know, but sometimes it gets the better of me. I'm never violent, even though I can grab his arm and talk sternly to him.
Like I said, I never ever let things get to me, but today I just burst out crying. I couldn't help myself. Floodgates just opened. I don't know if that affected him in any way. His anger did seem to disappear, but I haven't interacted with him anymore since it happened, because I sent him to his room when we got home and told him to stay there.
The thing with him is that he has trouble saying sorry when he's done something wrong. Many times we have to tell him to say it. I just feel like after today, a "I'm sorry" isn't enough any more, not in itself. Sometimes he draws a picture that says I'm sorry and I love you.
But this time I want to see some genuine remorse on his part. But I don't know if this is any way to go.
Our other kids can get angry and throw tantrums too, but it's not the same. Our soon to be 7-year old is a bit like his older brother, but nowhere near as regular with it, and he's always very remorseful afterwards and says sorry on his own initiative.
I have diagnosed one problem, and that is I can get very irritable and be in foul moods. Sometimes it shines through. So that is something that I have to work on.
Does anyone else recognise this? Do you have any advice how to handle it, or even how to stop him fom getting so incredibly angry? We've tried punishment, but it doesn't work. He's become immune to them. Tried talking to him, but what we talk about is soon forgotten. But maybe I'm giving up on that solution too soon, maybe it takes a long while for that to bear fruit.
That said, feel free to take the discussion anywhere you like.
