Source :
http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=12672&tid=2594460140768879532&kw=Martin+Skrtel&na=1&nst=1*There is no Control button on Martin Skrtel's computer. Martin Skrtel is always in control.
*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Martin Skrtel once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned football.
*Martin Skrtel once punched a man in the soul.
*The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Martin Skrtel is.
*Martin Skrtel once vistited The Virgin Islands, they are now The Islands.
*Martin Skrtel does not wear a condom as there is no protection from Martin Skrtel.
*Martin Skrtel was created in a secret Slovak laboratory, and was supposed to be raised as a caged experiment.
Nobody knows what happened next, but there are now no scientists in Slovakia.
*Martin Skrtel doesn't sleep. He waits.
*Martin Skrtel called Rafa in january, reverse charges, and told him he would be taking the number 37 shirt.
Rafa understood.
*Martin Skrtel's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd..No one fools Skrtel
*Martin Skrtel destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
*If you have £5 and Martin Skrtel has £5, Martin Skrtel has more money than you.
*There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Martin Skrtel has allowed to live.
*Martin Skrtel is the only one who can "try this at home".
*When Martin Skrtel dives in the water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Skrtel'd.
*If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Skrtel says its beef, then it's ******* beef
*Martin Skrtel once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
*If you spell Martin Skrtel in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
*Einsteins original theory of relativety was: if Martin Skrtel kicks you your relatives will feel it.
*Before Chuck Norris goes to bed, he checks the closet for Martin Skrtel.
*Martin Skrtel's Tears can cure Cancer, shame hes never cried!
*Martin Skrtel posts swear words in thread titles without getting banned.
*In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Martin Skrtel, because Martin Skrtel killed that man.
*When Martin Skrtel pops open a can of Pringles, he can stop whenever he damn well wants to.
*Martin Skrtel did not ask Parry to resign, hence, Parry is going nowhere.
*Martin Skrtel came before the chicken and the egg
*When Martin Skrtel eventually departs this world he'll be going to hell.....Because he wants to.
*Martin Skrtel doesn't breathe, he holds the air hostage.
*Martin Skrtel does not run. He jumps on the spot and the earth moves into position.
*Martin SkrtelCan lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
*Martin Skrtel can sneeze with his eyes open.
*Martin Skrtel can win a game of monopoly without owing any property
*Martin Skrtel can win a game of connect four in three moves
*Martin Skrtel can win a game of tennis against a brick wall
*When Skrtel enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.
*Skrtel once had a heart attack…… ……… his heart lost.
*When Skrtel looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Skrtel and Skrtel.
*Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Skrtel can throw Brett Favre even further.
*The last digit of pi is Skrtel. He is the end of all things.
*Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Skrtel’ PC will crash.
*Skrtel can strangle you with a cordless phone.
*Once a cobra bit Skrtel’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
*A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Skrtel and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
*The square root of Skrtel is pain. Do not try to square Skrtel, the result is death.
*Martin Skrtel is not held down by gravity, gravity is held up by skrtel.
*Martin Skrtel uses old cannonballs to practice his headers.
*Scientists believed diamond to be the hardest substance known to man - until they discovered Martin Skrtel!
*Martin Skrtel wasn't born ............... he was quarried
*There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Martin Skrtel has allowed to live.
*Martin Skrtel wouldn't need nowhere near seven books to defeat Voldemort.
*Crop circles are not made by aliens. They are infact "Beware the Skrtel" signs for extra-terrestrial visitors.
*Alien v Predator was originally named "Alien v Skrtel", but the producers thought it wouldn't be fair.
*Skrtel was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
