Topic: Are you happy you got married?

[Keith Lard]

Question to all the married guys out there. Are you happy you tied the knot or do you regret it? Serious question and looking for honest answers. Thanks fellas

[JerseyKloppite]

[So… Howard Philips]

And the next question is - Have you stopped beating your wife.

[ChaChaMooMoo]

I save 50 quid a week.. For reasons.. Does this count?

[rob1966]

Sometimes I wonder, but 95% of the time, it is not a decision I regret and I would do it all over again.Two things I would change is to have met my wife at a younger age - I was almost 40, she was 37 so we had to get a move on to have kids, we met in the First National in Oct 2006, first date early Nov, married Sept 07, expectant parents Oct 07. I would have liked a few years for just us, holidaying and going out as a couple and for me to not have suffered with depression, as that has put a strain on the marriage and made life tough at times for both the wife and the kids.

[L8Craig]

There’ll be no such thing as marriage in 20 years.
I got married in 2016 at the age of 26.
Wouldn’t have been fussed if we got married or not. I know the bond between me and the wife is strong and don’t need a wedding band to show that but women have this dream from when they are younger of getting married so it’s all about them really.

Had a great day with family. Considering the average cost of a wedding now is £27k it’s madnes for one day. I didn’t spend half of that and got 2 weeks in Cyprus out of it too.

[rob1966]

There’ll be no such thing as marriage in 20 years.
I got married in 2016 at the age of 26.
Wouldn’t have been fussed if we got married or not. I know the bond between me and the wife is strong and don’t need a wedding band to show that but women have this dream from when they are younger of getting married so it’s all about them really.

Had a great day with family. Considering the average cost of a wedding now is £27k it’s madnes for one day. I didn’t spend half of that and got 2 weeks in Cyprus out of it too.

Her Dad was very traditional and insisted he paid for the wedding. I wasn't comfortable with that and wanted to pay for it myself, but the missus said he was having none of it, as she was the first one to get Married and he was brought up that the Father of the Bride paid. We didn't take the piss though, we used her brothers 5 series BMW as the wedding car, I drove in my own car, got married in a local hotel and kept the daytime numbers right down. It still cost about £5k. I paid for the honeymoon, went to Florida.

A few years later, her brother just went to Florida for what we all thought was a holiday, then sent a text saying he'd got married. her Ma was fuming, but she's a fucking pain in the arse and caused me endless stress before our wedding, so he did the right thing. If we were getting married now, we'd just get married on a beach in Greece.

[tubby]

No.  Shouldn't have done it but I was younger and dumber and in love.  But then if I don't get married to that nutjob then my life doesn't follow the path that led me to my current girlfriend of 5 years so it worked out in the end.

So glad I've never wanted kids.

[kavah]

Regarding the institution of marriage, I do think it's important to have some kind of ceremony with friends and family to say how important the other person is and how much you love them, and that you are prepared to stick by them. Of course it doesn't have to be formal and certainly not religious.

I agree with L8 Craig above that the average wedding cost of $27 Grand is mental and with Rob that it shouldn't be necessary for the father of the bride to pay for a party and get the ale in for everyone, although maybe that's because I have a daughter and I'm a mingebag  

And PS I answered Yes. 30 years and counting, we married far too young under the worst circumstances, my wife's parents both died and we moved into a flat together as teenagers and got married soon after.  And my super-religious folks had to have a church wedding. And it wasn't easy - young, skint, literally penny-less at times, thank god for the welfare state,  but somehow love prevailed and all that.

[CraigDS]

33 and not married, happily 

Been in two long term relationships (6yrs and 8 years) which could easily have gone that way but thankfully didn't.

If I got married in the future then would 100% not be a religious ceremony and would likely be on a beach somewhere exotic with family and close friends then a bit of a party when we got back. Fuck paying £20k+ for a single day - I've worked close to the bridal industry in the past and know what things cost and I'd not be happy lining their pockets!!

[Stubbins]

Yes. 36 years and counting.

Anne, if you're reading this, Ronnie Biggs got a shorter sentence (she's come to expect that remark, at least once we hit 30 years)

[Billy The Kid]

Interesting topic this. Me personally, I've never really bought into the fancifulness of marriage or the "security" that "settling down" supposedly offers. What a load of hair-brained bollox! From what I can see, the reason most people buy into that shite is because they've been conditioned into believing that it's the done thing to do. in most cases that conditioning stems from their parents and grandparents. I'm pretty sure most unmarried people over 30 are painfully familiar with all the usual bullshit cliches "You're pushing on now". "You're not getting any younger". "You'd want to be getting a move on". "When are you two going to give us a day out?". Personally, I think it's reckless for any person to pressure two people into that level of commitment - regardless of what age the two people in question happen to be. 

That being said, I'm not anti-marriage. Nor am I skeptical about true love. I think if you find the right person at the right time in your life then you can absolutely live a life of happiness together. For some that can happen in their 20's, others in their 30's, and for some a little further down the road in life. I like the idea of being married one day. I honestly do. I also hope that whoever she may be will enjoy raising our kids with me just as much as I'll enjoy raising our kids with her. For me, that would be the reason for getting married. Not because all of my best mates are already married and or because my old lady keeps nagging me to pop the question. I think you've only to look at the increase in divorce rates to see that most people get into marriage for all the wrong reasons. I'd much rather get married on my own terms rather than rush into something just to please people outside of the relationship

For what it's worth, 3 of my best friends all got married in their mid 20's. They were all head over heels with their wives at the time, and their wives with them. 10 years later, all 6 of them are miserable. They're all happily cohabiting, but "happily married" they certainly are not. I imagine there are quite a few young couples out there who feel the same but can't get out of their situations because they're chained to their mortgages and other marital responsibilities that they completely underestimated. As I say, i'm not anti-marriage, I just don't buy into the way it's paraded so fancifully within society

[AndyInVA]

There are no answers to that at all.

I have six really close friends all now late 40s.

Two of us are divorced. One left his shit bag wife and walked out on his 3 kids and has been incredibly happy with his new wife ever since and now has a decent relationship with his now older kids.

One never married his long time partner in Norway but has now split up after two kids and 12 years together.

That leaves 4 married guys.

Three are incredibly happy and have these great family units.

One is lean as fuck as works a lot and spends a lot of time on his bike. I don't believe he is over happy but he certainly isnt sad either. They seem to make it work.

On the whole marriage seems a good thing. Nothing wrong with making a commitment to someone.

Marriage is hard work to make it last. The truth is though that none of us know who we will be in 10 years time or what our partners will be.

Jobs, wealth, poverty, kids, tempting infidelity, different choices about what we want from life all affect relationships. I feel like it is a total crap shoot as to if you will be happy in 10 years.

No one gets married expecting to get divorced but sadly 50% at least of us do.

[Medellin]

25 years this year & I'd do it all again with my Mrs.
Can be a proper rollercoaster at times but you have to take the rough with the smooth.

I have one of those Mrs in a billion..love her to bits after all these years.

Here's to the next 25 if we are both graced with good health.

[Nobby Reserve]

I married at 25 and if I'm honest I sort of sleepwalked into it, even though we'd been together 4 years and living together for nearly 3. I never had the 'she's the one' thunderbolt, despite her being fit.

In many ways we're not a great match, have had a couple of temporary break-ups, and longer spells where one of us has wanted to kill the other. She's a fuckwit in ale and, after losing her dad and having her mum diagnosed with Alzheimers soon after, she sailed close to it taking over. I feel like I've had to hold everything together, and it's been fucking tough. I think going back a long time neither of us has particularly fancied the other. And both of us, I suspect, consider the other to be below us - for different reasons.

But we're still together, have some great times. She's over the drink thing (still changes personality when she has some, but that's not often now). Our financial position has become comfortable.

Our two kids are really clever, good looking, funny, athletic, confident, happy. And that, IMO, is the absolute crux. And also why I'm happy that we got married.

[deFacto please, you bastards]

Interesting topic this. Me personally, I've never really bought into the fancifulness of marriage or the "security" that "settling down" supposedly offers. What a load of hair-brained bollox! From what I can see, the reason most people buy into that shite is because they've been conditioned into believing that it's the done thing to do. in most cases that conditioning stems from their parents and grandparents. I'm pretty sure most unmarried people over 30 are painfully familiar with all the usual bullshit cliches "You're pushing on now". "You're not getting any younger". "You'd want to be getting a move on". "When are you two going to give us a day out?". Personally, I think it's reckless for any person to pressure two people into that level of commitment - regardless of what age the two people in question happen to be. 

That being said, I'm not anti-marriage. Nor am I skeptical about true love. I think if you find the right person at the right time in your life then you can absolutely live a life of happiness together. For some that can happen in their 20's, others in their 30's, and for some a little further down the road in life. I like the idea of being married one day. I honestly do. I also hope that whoever she may be will enjoy raising our kids with me just as much as I'll enjoy raising our kids with her. For me, that would be the reason for getting married. Not because all of my best mates are already married and or because my old lady keeps nagging me to pop the question. I think you've only to look at the increase in divorce rates to see that most people get into marriage for all the wrong reasons. I'd much rather get married on my own terms rather than rush into something just to please people outside of the relationship

For what it's worth, 3 of my best friends all got married in their mid 20's. They were all head over heels with their wives at the time, and their wives with them. 10 years later, all 6 of them are miserable. They're all happily cohabiting, but "happily married" they certainly are not. I imagine there are quite a few young couples out there who feel the same but can't get out of their situations because they're chained to their mortgages and other marital responsibilities that they completely underestimated. As I say, i'm not anti-marriage, I just don't buy into the way it's paraded so fancifully within society

Well said Billy.

Not married, but may be down the line, either way, I agree, I don't like the pressure some are put under to get married because of their age and whatnot.

[Trendisnotdestiny]

Marriage tends to help men more than women historically --- health wise.

The issue as many have written deals with the relationship and the unique connection, versus the institution.
And at times one or both can be lonely inside or outside of the relationship.  Loneliness is a real and present danger for health.

When you mix the top 5 issues couples face:

1.  Money
2.  Family of Origin
3.  Power issues (decision making, compromise etc..)
4.  Children/parenting
5.  Work Life Balance

People are bound to feel alone, overwhelmed and in need of support

Honest and direct communication, effective and active repair attempts are crucial.

Love my better half.. lucky to be her partner.

[Johnnyboy1973]

Delighted to get divorced.

[Roady]

I will never get married, I've been in plenty of very long relationships which have come to an end on my insistence that I don't see the point. It's a piece of paper. Doesn't stop anyone cheating and from what I've seen of my mates who are married its easier to cheat...seen as a target. Not arsed myself. Doesn't make anyone's relationship stronger and it's a piece of paper that could cost you a fortune

[WhoHe]

Been with my wife for 35 years and married for 20 of them, don't know where some people live but I don't know anyone who has been put under pressure to get married, maybe a cultural thing.

Small things made a difference, try getting information from a hospital when you say "I'm her partner/boyfriend" compared to "I'm her husband" and you see the difference in attitude. Also, we had kids with my name and the family allowance was in her name and that can be an issue.
It also allows me my standard joke when introducing my wife "This is my first wife xxx" she loves that.

[Roady]

I married at 25 and if I'm honest I sort of sleepwalked into it, even though we'd been together 4 years and living together for nearly 3. I never had the 'she's the one' thunderbolt, despite her being fit.

In many ways we're not a great match, have had a couple of temporary break-ups, and longer spells where one of us has wanted to kill the other. She's a fuckwit in ale and, after losing her dad and having her mum diagnosed with Alzheimers soon after, she sailed close to it taking over. I feel like I've had to hold everything together, and it's been fucking tough. I think going back a long time neither of us has particularly fancied the other. And both of us, I suspect, consider the other to be below us - for different reasons.

But we're still together, have some great times. She's over the drink thing (still changes personality when she has some, but that's not often now). Our financial position has become comfortable.

Our two kids are really clever, good looking, funny, athletic, confident, happy. And that, IMO, is the absolute crux. And also why I'm happy that we got married.

That's great but you could have done that without being married

[Roady]

I probably should add I was engaged once but came to the conclusion I was doing it for others and not me, almost like it was the right thing to do. I've got mates married and they're miserable as sin, got to get permission to go the pub go on a stags etc, it's bollox to be honest, it means fuck all, a strong relationship doesn't require a piece of paper to prove it. I've never cheated in a long term relationship and wouldn't, but that's just me, I've been no less happy than someone married. I think a lot of the time it's to please others and not yourself. I've no family parents or anything like that anymore to out pressure on me, but I do think it's done half the time because it's seen as norm... I've no kids I'm 42 and I love my life, Noone to tell me when I can or can't go out, I'm in a relationship and happy. I often get the whole kids thing thrown down my throat, what you gunna do when you get old etc, who is going to look after you. I won't give a shit by then, I looked after my dad who died of cancer and my mum who died of muscular dystrophy. I had no problem with it but don't require someone to do it for me

[Millie]

One thing to note about it just "a bit of paper" - it really is much more than that in a legal sense.  There is no such thing in law as a "common law spouse". 

Sorry to bring this up but if one of you dies and you are not married - just hope that Wills have been made otherwise the surviving Spouse might end up with nothing. 

That is just one example.  Pensions are another issue if you aren't married.

As you were 

[Billy The Kid]

I've got mates married and they're miserable as sin, got to get permission to go the pub go on a stags etc, it's bollox to be honest, it means fuck all, a strong relationship doesn't require a piece of paper to prove it. I've never cheated in a long term relationship and wouldn't, but that's just me, I've been no less happy than someone married. I think a lot of the time it's to please others and not yourself.

Absolutely agree with this 100%. 3 of my best mates are in the same boat as yours. They all got married in their mid 20's and are now miserable. They're not even at the 10 year anniversary mark and already they're just going through the motions for the sake of it. Fuck that for a laugh. Mid 20's is way too young to be jumping into marriage in IMHO. I know we're deemed to be grown adults by then, but there's a big difference between reaching adulthood and reaching the level of maturity needed to fully recognize the gravity of what it is you're actually committing yourself too   

One of my mates in particular is itching to quit his job and go into business for himself but his wife wont let him. His current job (in the army) is pretty much guaranteed for life. He's also guaranteed a decent pension at the end of it. I understand his wife wanting to err on the side of caution and make sure there's a stable income coming in to provide for their 2 kids. I fully understand that as a mother, her children's welfare has to come first. The thing is though, my mate is only 34 years old. He's well educated, sharp as a tack and would probably do very well for himself if he took the entrepreneurial route. But he can't. At least not until his kids are up and gone, which is another 13 to 15 years away, by which time he'll be facing 50 

I know I'm generalizing to some degree here, but I think it takes passage into ones 30's before we really start to recognize our arses from our elbows and figure out what we truly want out of life. As I say, I think there's a significant difference between adulthood and maturity

[Red_Mist]

It’s a definite yes from me. Sorry this was supposed to be about marriage, but it’s turned into a bit of a life story! But then it needs to be to explain how I feel about marriage.

Been married 12 years (together far longer) and in many ways they’ve been the happiest and toughest years of our lives. It’s maybe not until you get married that “my life” becomes “our lives” and that support and feeling of strength in the relationship has been vital over the last few years.

Although we got engaged in our 20s we didn’t get married til our mid 30s.  It was partly that it didn’t seem to matter (see Billy’s take on it above) and partly because every time we saved up £5K to get married (that was what our savings were supposed to be for) we looked at the balance, thought ‘screw that’, quit our jobs and went off for a year to see a bit of the world. I say ‘every time’, it happened twice, we’re no Michael Palin.

When we finally did tie the knot, I can honestly say I felt different, we both did I think. Then again life felt different as we moved to Spain the day after the wedding and were there seven very happy years until dad got ill and I asked if we could come back, which we did.

Spain wasn’t without it’s tough times. We had two pregnancies that went 12 weeks before losing them. We nearly died in a Grenfell style tower block fire. Sounds horrendous doesn’t it, but Spain was actually a brilliant experience (if anyone ever wants to know about Asturias just send me a PM).

Since we got back two close family members have passed away (dad in 2015 and my wife’s sister just last week) and mum has had cancer too but currently in remission. Tough times but as I say, my wife has been an absolute rock and hopefully me to her too. Would it have been the same if we’d stayed unmarried? No reason to think not. But there’s just something a bit different to the way we felt after we said ‘I do’. Sounds soppy but I know we both meant our vows and will never break them. It’s a good feeling and so marriage has been a really positive experience for both of us, I’d go as far as to say vital.

[Trendisnotdestiny]

Question to all the married guys out there. Are you happy you tied the knot or do you regret it? Serious question and looking for honest answers. Thanks fellas

Might be a good question to ask member's wives too!

Probably more of I am happy when he spends less time on RAWK kind of thing or why does Samie keep asking his mates wives for votes on this drafting thread ---- utter bollocks?

 

[Millie]

What about asking members' husbands?

[deFacto please, you bastards]

RAWK should do a wife swap

[Nobby Reserve]

That's great but you could have done that without being married

I've misunderstood the purpose of the thread.   

[rob1966]

RAWK should do a wife swap

Mines a Manc.

[Crosby Nick]

Mines a Manc.

Unsubscribe.

[deFacto please, you bastards]

Mines a Manc.

ah crap 

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

Mines a Manc.

Id be drinking something stronger than that if my wife was mancunian

[Pheel]

Married 28 years, 9 of them happy.  I jest!   She has been my constant as i have soared in corporate life and crashed also. She was the same when I had cash and is the same when i have little  Been an Awesome mum.  Kept me alive at times. So yeah happy.. Find the one!

[SpartanTree. No deccies or lights.]

I got married at the age of 25 - if I'm honest it was probably a year or two early for me in terms of maturity.
However, the first 5 years was just the two of us going out, spontaneous holidays and spending cash just having fun so we got that out of our systems together.

My son was born during the week of our 5th wedding anniversary and of course your life is never the same.
Some tough times just like many other people - trying to progress in our careers and balance that with spending time at home, buying a house and taking on a mortgage and endless costs to fix up the place, childcare costs etc.

But we got through it and my wife has stood shoulder to shoulder with me all the way - she trusts my judgement and vice versa.

I would say that we are stronger as a couple now then we've ever been and celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this October.  We're going away as a family during half term but my wife and I will be having a long weekend prior to that - our first trip with just the two of us in 15 years (since our son arrived).

Don't regret it one bit !

 

[SpartanTree. No deccies or lights.]

Mines a Manc.

 

[.adam]

Got married seven weeks ago - decent so far.

[redk84]

Been married just over 2 years...

I'd say I'm happy overall.
There are days when I think wtf have I done?!!!
But then some moments that are just pure magic

I dunno. I don't think marriage is at fault for most of the things I don't like about our relationship when we're having problems......but you could argue that its not the reason for all the good stuff either!

There has been adjustments, still are, but I guess it depends on the couple. If you're married and stick with eachother through everything....sound. if not, and you do the same things then whats the difference?

Bullshit pressure needs to be fucked off out of society but yeah, each to their own. if you wanna be married be married....but like with anything you will regret it at times and you won't at other times.

Just like if you're single you'd not like it at times and like it at other times? just depends on how you see things and if being married makes you feel boxed off and in a permanent situation you can't get out of then dont be married. I wouldn't change it....yet... 

[CHOPPER]

Delighted to get divorced.

Groove is in the part

[planet-terror]

Modern marriage. Local hen/stag party. Foreign hen/stag party cause it's not cool to get married in your own country anymore. Wedding day breakfast. Service, dinner and reception. 2 week holiday in Cyprus.
Home service. Night party/ reception for those not chosen to go abroad or couldn't afford it. Weekend in hotel.
£30k
Life spent paying it off.


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