Does anyone have any experience with Sertraline? Been off work for almost six weeks now, and if anything I feel worse, so I've been taking Sertraline for 5 or 6 days, I know it will take a while to kick in but so far I've only had side effects (nausea). How long does it normally take to start having an effect?
I feel like my condition has gone from something that I might be able to rationalise, to something physical and subconscious that I don't have any control over. I dread going to bed at night because although I am able to get to sleep, every morning I wake up at 3 or 4am and can't get back to sleep, then I have to get up at 7 for the school run. So then I'm even more tired and demoralised for the rest of the day. And the way I feel first thing in the morning is just utter despair...the closest thing to suicidal I've ever felt. That feeling does fade but I can't bear to feel that every day, I just want to feel normal again.
The pressure of having to get ready for Christmas is making things worse, I don't want to ruin it for my daughter but I'm terrible at faking it, don't know how I can get through it without breaking down. People keep saying I need to try and move forward, but I just don't know how to do that when everything seems so bleak, my new job seems so demoralising and depressing, and I feel guilty because we decided to re-home the puppy in the end, which has really upset my daughter. I just feel that all this depression and misery has been self-inflicted, and I've now inflicted some of it on the person I care most about in the world.
I've been told that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help, but I just don't know where to start and it all seems so daunting and complicated. I've contacted my local NHS Mental Health team, but it will be weeks before they get back to me.
Hi,
I know some people on Sertraline but I've no personal experience of being on it myself. I am, however, on another med in the Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) family called Escitalopram. How meds affect people can be quite individual. Some get few or no side-effects, but some get a lot. They certainly can take time to kick in, and if a person can stick with them this long I'd suggest not even making a judgement on them until at least six weeks on them. It's actually not uncommon to feel worse on meds initially. I know I did. I had side-effects. I was clenching my jaw involuntarily all the time and chipped a tooth doing so. My spatial awareness was all over the place. I was even more anxious. I'm on these for Social Anxiety Disorder, Depression and suicidal ideation. I think if I was in work when I started them I'd have struggled to stay on them, but as I wasn't I could keep my head down and ride it out. After six or so weeks I felt the side-effects fade away and I suddenly began to feel more stable and calmer. I actually made a little diary just to note how I was feeling on any given day, just so I could chart my progress. I'd draw a face next to each diary entry with either a frown, an indifferent face or a smile depending on my feelings that day. This meant that I could chart at a glance any change in my mood. I can tell you, for a good few weeks it was all frowns and indifference, but the smiles eventually came.
For anyone taking these meds I want to just say that they are no cure. They don't take your problems away and they aren't 'happy' pills. Underlying problems still remain and need to be addressed. I know most people realise this anyway, but there are still many who have unrealistic expectations, which lead to them becoming disillusioned and binning off the meds suggesting they 'don't work'. Another major reason for people binning them off too early is the potential side-effects. As I said, you can actually feel worse before you feel better on these. For me, the meds 'work' but that is because I have realistic expectations of them and did do before I went on them. For me, they help give me a sense of having a more solid foundation on which to build, whereas in the past I was all over the place and felt I was trying to build a life on shifting sands in a hurricane. This more stable feeling was something I've built on by having counselling, CBT and other therapies over the years, as well as doing things to grow my personal development. As I said earlier, any underlying issues won't be removed by meds. We have to address them too, but when on meds we can be in a better place in order to do just that, and also be far more receptive to it.
I've been deeply suicidal on plenty of occasions in my time. The Samaritans saved my life one night. I've pulled myself round right at the end of my tether a good few times too. We
can come through these things, although, at times, it feels like we can't. I can definitely empathise with you regarding those despairing thoughts and feelings. I'd get them too, especially in the middle of the night when we are always at our lowest ebb. I actually learned how to deal with them by studying Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This teaches us how to see thoughts as just thoughts rather than a reality. I can generally just accept them now, without trying to push them away, and see them like leaves just passing on a stream rather than something to wrestle with and fight against. This whole approach to thoughts and feelings has pretty much changed my life for the better, and I only started out with ACT via a basic self-help book by Russ Harris called 'The Happiness Trap'. I then went on to learn it more thoroughly via text books.
This brings me onto another aspect of improving our mental wellbeing. Being holistic. By that, I mean looking into anything that might help us and employing it. I take stuff from all kinds of mental health resources online, self-help books, therapy text books, my own personal counselling, CBT or any other therapies I can access, then I take out what fits best with me personally and I use it. There is no right or wrong way. No therapy has ever been proven superior to the rest in research either. All therapies are theories rather than absolute facts. What helps one may not help another. It's really a case of extracting what helps you from wherever you can get it.
You said people talk to you about 'just moving forward.' I think it's so hard for people to understand what goes on inside our heads. Unless you've lived it you can't understand it. People often mean well, but if it were a simple case of just moving forward we'd have done so by now, wouldn't we? When everything feels so dark and bleak, our outlooks almost become tunnel-visioned. It's so difficult to see anything outside of what's right in front, and what's in front can be so horribly painful, can't it.
I've gone through my own stuff all my life and still deal with the fall-out on a daily basis so I know how tough it can be. I also know how difficult it can be to get support right when you need it. I qualified in counselling myself so I know how long the waiting lists often are these days. Despite that, getting yourself on the lists is better sooner rather than later. Can your GP get you on any lists for counselling or CBT? If so, get yourself on the list asap, and at least you will know that you have support coming up in the near future. By the time it comes around the meds should have kicked in and you may feel more stable by then and better able to make use of any therapy you may have.
If you speak to your GP, make sure s/he is fully aware of how serious you feel things are for you. You mentioned the words 'utter despair' and 'suicidal' in your post. So, clearly you are not in a good place at the moment. Your GP and anyone that you speak to about your issues need to know this. As I said, get yourself on any lists there may be for therapy and any other available support via your GP as soon as you can.
In the meantime, it might be useful to use a bit of Mindfulness with regard to Christmas and getting through it. Basically by recognising just how you are feeling, not trying to fight with it, but instead, just vowing to smile and push through Christmas regardless. We had to do that last Christmas. We lost our dad, mum lost her life partner just before Christmas. We basically had to acknowledge that we all felt like utter shit, but make it as good as we could for our own sakes and in memory of him. We are bound to feel totally miserable, but we can acknowledge that whilst also making the best of the day we have in front of us. I'm not sure if that makes any sense to you, but I hope it does in some small way. I'm not in any way trying to play down the gravity of how you feel. I'm just saying that when we have a few days in front of us that we have to negotiate no matter what, how we approach them can make a big difference to how we cope and get through them.
I'm sure you will give your daughter a wonderful Christmas regardless. If you do feel like you might need a little bit of time to feel emotional maybe just nip off upstairs for a bit and give yourself that freedom. We all need that safety valve for our emotions. I have no issues with crying my heart out to release tension sometimes. Just do what you need to do to look after yourself and get you through what is a very stressful time of year anyway.
I do wish you all the best in getting the support you need. I also hope the meds kick in pretty soon and help stabilise things a little.
Take care, eh.
