Author Topic: Fat Sam Allardyce on Twitter (@TheBig_Sam tweets only!) (Read 396773 times)

Una cerveza, por favor · « **Reply #80 on:** April 17, 2010, 12:29:52 am »

TheBig_Sam

Won't even worry about it, though. Gonna sober myself up with a Powerade and get stuck into my new Queen Mother commemorative jigsaw puzzle.

La Vecchia Magpie · « **Reply #81 on:** April 17, 2010, 12:54:30 am »

In tears. That mountaineer one had me rolling for ages

scousepower · « **Reply #82 on:** April 17, 2010, 01:07:44 am »

this is bloody brilliant

Phil M · « **Reply #83 on:** April 17, 2010, 01:44:17 am »

Genius.

Ecuared · « **Reply #84 on:** April 17, 2010, 03:07:28 am »

Was having a lunchtime wank earlier and my dog, Fergie, trotted past. There's no excuse for some of the thoughts that raced through my head.

Rotation · « **Reply #85 on:** April 17, 2010, 03:16:06 am »

Phil Brown just off the phone. Stupid sod didn't know what 'Gardening Leave' meant. He's spent the past week planting fucking roses.
4:03 AM Mar 22nd via web

Having some Jelly Babies. Love placing the black ones & yellow ones in sexy positions. Like an inter-racial, confectionary-based fuck-fest.
1:38 PM Mar 25th via web

guest · « **Reply #86 on:** April 17, 2010, 03:18:16 am »

Quote from: cissepower on April 17, 2010, 12:08:59 am

This is amazing, but it surely cant be him??

Are you a bit simple?

Red_Isle_Chap · « **Reply #87 on:** April 17, 2010, 03:50:43 am »

Best thread in months, keep em coming

NineTails20 · « **Reply #88 on:** April 17, 2010, 08:41:10 am »

"Won't even worry about it, though. Gonna sober myself up with a Powerade and get stuck into my new Queen Mother commemorative jigsaw puzzle.".

This is classic!

PhilV · « **Reply #89 on:** April 17, 2010, 08:59:01 am »

whoever writes that is my new hero!! classic!

Rotation · « **Reply #90 on:** April 17, 2010, 01:14:47 pm »

I've had a few beers and i've got myself into a bit of trouble.
about 14 hours ago via web

Was phoning round all the local taxi firms, hoping to get a lass on the other end so I could do a bit of my patented phone flirting.
about 14 hours ago via web

Eventually got one. Rhonda was her name. I tried all my moves but the cow just wasn't biting. Decided i'd better bring out the big guns.
about 14 hours ago via web

Told her I'd like to make love to her "via the back door". "Right up the wrong 'un, Rhonda," I said. "Right up the bisuit aisle."
about 13 hours ago via web

Big Sam now plays the waiting game to see if she's got the balls to go to the cops, like she said.
about 13 hours ago via web

Squinks · « **Reply #91 on:** April 17, 2010, 01:43:32 pm »

"Have glued a Jaffa Cake to my upper lip. Want to see how long I can resist the temptation to lick it."

"47 seconds. Big Sam smirks in the face of temptation and scoffs at the idea of failure."

"I can also fit six Jaffa Cakes in my mouth at once. Smashing."

Squinks · « **Reply #92 on:** April 17, 2010, 01:45:19 pm »

"Never want to get out of this bubble bath. So relaxed. I've had three wanks & went to the toilet twice. I just go into my own little world. "

Squinks · « **Reply #93 on:** April 17, 2010, 01:47:06 pm »

"Had a bit of a scare there. Thought I'd found a grey patch on my pubes. It's okay though - it was only dried-in Yop."

Loving this.

Squinks · « **Reply #94 on:** April 17, 2010, 01:51:32 pm »

"In a right bad mood today. Someone took a shit in my empty milk bottles again. That's the fourth time in the last week it's happened."

Phil M · « **Reply #95 on:** April 17, 2010, 01:59:24 pm »

Quote from: PhilV on April 17, 2010, 08:59:01 am

whoever writes that is my new hero!! classic!

Err, it's Big Sam Allardyce.

rafasredangel · « **Reply #96 on:** April 17, 2010, 02:06:26 pm »

Genius.

Might sign up for twitter just for this.

BIGdavalad · « **Reply #97 on:** April 17, 2010, 02:07:26 pm »

I like Danny and I like Kenickie, but I won't be forced to choose between them. I honestly believe they're both integral to the T-Birds.

This is genius

buchigo! · « **Reply #98 on:** April 17, 2010, 02:12:08 pm »

i love this:

Ordered a keytar off the internet. Neither my keyboard nor my guitar can produce the melodies I have in my head, so this could be the answer.

genius.

BIGdavalad · « **Reply #99 on:** April 17, 2010, 02:27:30 pm »

Big Dion Dublin's on the TV. Saw him in a spa in Preston a few years back. Lovely fella. So down to earth. Has a cock bigger than Lil' Kim.

Squinks · « **Reply #100 on:** April 17, 2010, 02:38:00 pm »

"Been barred from our local shop. Was pissed out of my head and caused a bit of a scene when I was in there last week.

Took my cock out and pretended it was a snooker cue. Then I began to "chalk" it with a Creme Egg.

Was striding round the shop singing the 'Big Break' theme tune, potting cans of Baked Beans with my tadger. Utterly disgraceful."

Party Phil · « **Reply #101 on:** April 17, 2010, 03:00:03 pm »

# Was just about to leave the house to go to training, when Mother pulls up in the driveway. Fuck. 1:12 AM Apr 1st via web
# Oh God. Mother has a vibrator with a picture of my face on the tip. What kind of message is she trying to send?? 1:15 AM Apr 1st via web
# She just told me she loved me and was really proud of my achievements. Even my time at Newcastle. 1:43 AM Apr 1st via web
# Went in for the hug, then she shouted "April Fools you fat bliff" and spat in my face. Why does she hurt me so, Lord, why? 1:45 AM Apr 1st via web
# She's away home now. Says she's off to get an anal bleaching. 2:05 AM Apr 1st via web

NineTails20 · « **Reply #102 on:** April 17, 2010, 11:05:54 pm »

"Having a few glasses of Lambrini and listening to 'ABBA Gold'. I really fancy popping on my dancing shoes and hitting the town.".

"Might go hang around outside that new nightclub at the end of our road - pick off some of the young lasses who don't get in.".

GBF · « **Reply #103 on:** April 17, 2010, 11:13:43 pm »

Quote from: cissepower on April 17, 2010, 12:08:59 am

This is amazing, but it surely cant be him??

I dont know which one is funnier...you or the twitter

Rotation · « **Reply #104 on:** April 18, 2010, 12:52:40 am »

Was up from 8am waiting for my new sceptre to be delivered and they didn't show, and then we lose to a last minute goal. Big bag of wank.
about 7 hours ago via web

finchie · « **Reply #105 on:** April 18, 2010, 06:50:42 am »

Quote from: GBF on April 17, 2010, 11:13:43 pm

I dont know which one is funnier...you or the twitter

I've chuckled away at that post. That someone on here thinks the real Sam Allardyce might tweet about when he has/plans a wank is hilarious.

KERRYKOP · « **Reply #106 on:** April 18, 2010, 07:15:43 am »

Quote from: finchie on April 18, 2010, 06:50:42 am

I've chuckled away at that post. That someone on here thinks the real Sam Allardyce might tweet about when he has/plans a wank is hilarious.

I sent the link to one of mates and i new invatible what id get "is that really him?" no its not you stupid motherfucker!!!!

Dan86 · « **Reply #107 on:** April 18, 2010, 08:05:17 am »

Fantastic, very funny, keep em coming so I don't have to register to Twitter.

The Bill Hicks Appreciation Society · « **Reply #108 on:** April 18, 2010, 09:16:24 am »

Quote from: GBF on April 17, 2010, 11:13:43 pm

I dont know which one is funnier...you or the twitter

22 Years old too, if it was Matty Purchase you might let him off

only kidding Matt, love you!

♠Dirty Harry♠ · « **Reply #109 on:** April 18, 2010, 09:43:02 am »

Quote from: Dan86 on April 18, 2010, 08:05:17 am

Fantastic, very funny, keep em coming so I don't have to register to Twitter.

Don't have to register

Stensgaards_ironing · « **Reply #110 on:** April 18, 2010, 01:10:49 pm »

A sausage sandwich, a pint of Ovaltine and the sweet sounds of 'Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine' blasting from my stereo. Magic

This is hilarious!

Cusamano · « **Reply #111 on:** April 18, 2010, 01:17:43 pm »

Quote from: cissepower on April 17, 2010, 12:08:59 am

This is amazing, but it surely cant be him??

jesus wept

please tell me your fishing

Hyderabad Red · « **Reply #112 on:** April 18, 2010, 01:50:09 pm »

Ha,just saw this thread after a break from RAWK.Lol,this seems to be funny.FAT SAM

Cleary · « **Reply #113 on:** April 18, 2010, 02:04:44 pm »

Quote from: Squinks on April 17, 2010, 02:38:00 pm

"Been barred from our local shop. Was pissed out of my head and caused a bit of a scene when I was in there last week.

Took my cock out and pretended it was a snooker cue. Then I began to "chalk" it with a Creme Egg.

Was striding round the shop singing the 'Big Break' theme tune, potting cans of Baked Beans with my tadger. Utterly disgraceful."