Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny  (Read 671631 times)

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1640 on: June 28, 2018, 06:35:26 pm »
I'm not laughing.
wersia sensa yuma, laaaa? ;D


Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1641 on: June 28, 2018, 06:42:48 pm »
I'm not laughing.

Don't look at this.

Anyone else being strangely drawn to Dion Dublin's nipples?

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1642 on: June 28, 2018, 06:45:26 pm »

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1643 on: June 28, 2018, 06:46:00 pm »
........and that, ladles and jellyspoons, is classic passive-aggressive schadenfreude ;D :wave

My form teacher in 2nd year Seniors once teased me for misspelling 'schadenfreude' but he's dead now so I win.

(apologies to Gary Delaney, I couldn't remember his version of the joke!)
« Last Edit: June 28, 2018, 06:47:50 pm by 24/7 »

Offline Tesco tearaway

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1644 on: June 28, 2018, 06:55:57 pm »
Since Germany got knocked out all my German friends have blocked me on their phones.
It's now completely Hans free.
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.

Offline Jake

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1645 on: June 28, 2018, 07:46:17 pm »
Whats the difference between an African and an Indian Elephant?

One of them is an elephant.
I'm not vaccinated against covid and ... I don't wear masks.

Offline BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1646 on: June 28, 2018, 10:25:47 pm »
I'm not laughing.
Come on Jimbo . . . you can see he's clearly asking for it   :)

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1647 on: June 29, 2018, 01:14:22 am »
Come on Jimbo . . . you can see he's clearly asking for it   :)
Gagging more like.

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1648 on: June 29, 2018, 02:03:50 pm »
Gagging more like.

Or Würgen, if google translate is working ;)
Anyone else being strangely drawn to Dion Dublin's nipples?

Offline Sangria

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1649 on: June 29, 2018, 08:09:44 pm »
Whats the difference between an African and an Indian Elephant?

One of them is an elephant.

Brilliant.
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Offline Groundskeeper Willie

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1650 on: June 29, 2018, 09:58:26 pm »
As a father of 5, I could never be a dentist. I never pull out.
Love Ren & Stimpy

Offline The Bournemouth Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1651 on: June 30, 2018, 10:02:56 am »
A man has a pet duck and he loves his duck, can't bear to be apart from it and takes it everywhere with him.

One day he decides to go to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, so off he trots, duck under his arm to the local multiplex.

When he gets to the counter, the cashier says "sorry mate, no pets, and especially no ducks, allowed."

So the bloke goes round the corner and stuffs his duck down his trousers, goes back and pays to go in.  When he gets into the cinema he sits next to two girls.

Halfway through the film the first girl turns to her friend and says "the bloke next to me has got his flies undone and his thing keeps popping out!"

He friend replies "you've seen one before, when you've seen one you've seen them all."

"I thought that," says the first girl, "but this one keeps eating my popcorn."
Falling down, getting up, always Red.

Offline Ravishing Rick Dude

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1652 on: July 1, 2018, 01:57:02 pm »
A woman goes to her Gynecologist.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.

"Something is terribly wrong.  I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said:  "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas."

 ;D
Rick for the rikes, prick for the pricks

SLAVA
UKRAINI

Offline hixxstar

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1653 on: July 1, 2018, 03:45:42 pm »
I hear Portugal have a new captain ...
He's called Carlos... and he will be flying the team home..  :lmao
Shanks on Leaving Liverpool FC

"It was the most difficult thing in the world, when I went to tell the chairman........ It was like walking to the electric chair.... That's the way it felt."

Offline Crimson_Tank

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1654 on: July 1, 2018, 04:13:07 pm »
As a father of 5, I could never be a dentist. I never pull out.

Clearly.  ;D
I watched a YouTube video and decided that Paul Konchesky looked like a player.
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Offline Willi

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1655 on: July 3, 2018, 07:40:01 am »
 :) I can, however, laugh at the Germany jokes on this side

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1656 on: July 3, 2018, 08:22:23 am »
:) I can, however, laugh at the Germany jokes on this side
Good lad. You might also be laughing at the end of today, we'll see what happens ;)

Offline Fitzy.

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1657 on: July 3, 2018, 11:11:00 am »
Whats the difference between an African and an Indian Elephant?

One of them is an elephant.
This is so simple yet so good.

Offline The Bournemouth Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1658 on: July 11, 2018, 05:20:03 pm »
I haven't been this nervous about a semi since I watched Brokeback Mountain.
Falling down, getting up, always Red.

Offline portRUSHred

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1659 on: July 11, 2018, 06:30:07 pm »
Is it true that when the Thai football team were rescued and were told they had been invited to watch man united at old trafford they all said they would rather go back in the cave??
« Last Edit: July 11, 2018, 06:31:47 pm by portRUSHred »

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1660 on: July 12, 2018, 09:33:46 am »
Had some real shitty cards dealt in the last few months,still ongoing but I'm back to piss you all off with some more shit jokes..

A woman is at home when she hears a knock at the door..
She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.

He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?"

She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?"

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking a day off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.

The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?"

"Yes I do." says the lady.

The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline Tesco tearaway

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1661 on: July 13, 2018, 10:07:39 am »
A native American Indian introduced me to his wife...
"This is four horses." He said.
"Wow! That's a beautiful name. What does it mean?" I asked.
He replied...
"Fuckin' nag nag nag nag."
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.

Online Elmo!

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1662 on: July 13, 2018, 03:00:13 pm »

Offline The Bournemouth Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1663 on: July 14, 2018, 08:38:34 am »
I've got a mate who's 6' 11'' and his wife is only 3' 6''.

They've been married a decade and he's still nuts over her.
Falling down, getting up, always Red.

Offline McrRed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1664 on: July 14, 2018, 09:22:02 am »
A woman from Texas was this week caught stealing a bible from Walmart.When apprehended by security she was told ''You shouldnt steal'' to which she quickly responded by putting her hands over ears and shouting ''LA LA LA CANT HEAR YOU....NO SPOILERS....CANT HEAR YOU''
[emoji4]

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1665 on: July 14, 2018, 10:33:56 am »
A German tourist jumped into the freezing water to save my drowning dog..

After he climbed out of the water, he handed me my dog and said “here is ze dog. Keep him warm, and he vill be fine.”

I asked him “Are you a vet?”

He replied “Vet? I’m fucking soaking!”

Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1666 on: July 14, 2018, 11:00:02 am »
..for everyone saying Shaqiri will offer more depth to the squad.
He will also add exactly the same amount of height and width.

Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline The Bournemouth Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1667 on: July 14, 2018, 12:09:20 pm »
..for everyone saying Shaqiri will offer more depth to the squad.
He will also add exactly the same amount of height and width.
Falling down, getting up, always Red.

Offline hixxstar

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1668 on: July 14, 2018, 10:00:24 pm »
I heard the man who wrote 'Hokey Cokey' died last week....

Took ages to get him in the coffin..  :mooncat
Shanks on Leaving Liverpool FC

"It was the most difficult thing in the world, when I went to tell the chairman........ It was like walking to the electric chair.... That's the way it felt."

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1669 on: July 17, 2018, 01:27:46 pm »
Breaking news from the USA is Trump has slapped a 40% tax on shredded cheese.
It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.

Runs..

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Offline McrRed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1670 on: July 17, 2018, 08:12:12 pm »
..for everyone saying Shaqiri will offer more depth to the squad.
He will also add exactly the same amount of height and width.
Recently spotted on Reddit... It was just as bad there

Offline james791

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1671 on: July 18, 2018, 02:14:56 pm »
word has it that Bill Gates is such a fan of Elon Musk he wanted to name one of his children after him. Bit of a stretch if you ask me.
"No dont actually do it! Have some self re-cocking-spect"

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1672 on: July 18, 2018, 02:41:32 pm »
word has it that Bill Gates is such a fan of Elon Musk he wanted to name one of his children after him. Bit of a stretch if you ask me.

JFC ;D
Anyone else being strangely drawn to Dion Dublin's nipples?

Offline The Bournemouth Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1673 on: July 18, 2018, 03:14:26 pm »
I bought one of those travelling irons yesterday.

Woke up this morning and it was gone.
Falling down, getting up, always Red.

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1674 on: July 18, 2018, 03:29:47 pm »
I heard about this dog that will go up to five miles to catch a Frisbee. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Anyone else being strangely drawn to Dion Dublin's nipples?

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1675 on: July 18, 2018, 04:55:52 pm »
What do we want?

Low flying private jets from Rome!

When do we want them?

Neeeeeooooow!

Fuckoff.
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Offline reddav72

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1676 on: July 19, 2018, 01:15:39 pm »
took the dog the vets today

vet said "il have to put him down"

"why whats up with him"

"nothing hes just to heavy"
part of the noise!!
i was once told 'why dont you go out and meet somebody' i said 'i dont want to meet somebody. I want to meet everybody'!!

Offline oldfordie

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1677 on: July 20, 2018, 10:53:39 pm »
My therapist says I'm obsessed with toilet humour. I'm not, but I daren't argue with him, he's built like a brick shithouse.
It might take our producers five minutes to find 60 economists who feared Brexit and five hours to find a sole voice who espoused it.
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Offline rob1966

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1678 on: July 20, 2018, 11:03:44 pm »
The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A90 near Stonehaven recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"
Jurgen, you made us laugh, you made us cry, you made Liverpool a bastion of invincibilty, now leave us on a high - YNWA

Offline hixxstar

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1679 on: July 21, 2018, 07:06:29 pm »
Went to mates funeral the other day...  :'(
he died at a tennis match...
hit between the eyes with a ball...
it was a lovely service..  ;)
Shanks on Leaving Liverpool FC

"It was the most difficult thing in the world, when I went to tell the chairman........ It was like walking to the electric chair.... That's the way it felt."