Topic: Repatriating / Returning to your home country

[shank94]

I have been living abroad for almost 7 years now, lived on three continents for studies and then work. I have recently been wondering whether it's time to move back to my home country. Mostly after the effects of the life changing pandemic (losing 2 years for nothing like everyone else). I am at an age where I would like to start settling down and be close to family (very late 20s).

I could go into the details later but I was wondering if anyone here was in the same position of living away from home and what they felt and if they went through with it.

Apologies if this thread exists, feel free to move it around.

[AndyInVA]

Been in the States for 27 years now.

No realistic way I could even entertain going home.

I think it depends if you are in a relationship and what ties you there in your foreign country.

I miss my friends the most as I have a really small family.

I thought about it a little when I was in my 20's. I'm pretty happy as an expat so those thoughts of going home never lasted long.

[RedSince86]

My folks were in Southern California for 12 years, they came back last year, living in London now.

They got fed up of it and missed England.

It's funny now though as my Mum always complained about the Drought issues there and  California had loads of snow and rain the last 6 months that recently the Governor was complaining the once dry reservoirs are over capacity now.

[Dim Glas]

I’ve been in the U.S. for over a decade, about to start the process of moving back home to Wales.

It’s what I want, but it is very daunting. So much to consider. Work a big thing of course especially with my husband as he is US citizen so we have to sort out visas etc, I am dual citizen so not an issue in so much I can work, but am self employed so have to transfer business and also probably try and work part time as well. Anyway, a lot of things to figure out 

I can’t imagine growing old(er) in this shit show of a country, I know the Uk is a mess, but at least I have family there.

[shank94]

Been in the States for 27 years now.

No realistic way I could even entertain going home.

I think it depends if you are in a relationship and what ties you there in your foreign country.

I miss my friends the most as I have a really small family.

I thought about it a little when I was in my 20's. I'm pretty happy as an expat so those thoughts of going home never lasted long.

Very interesting, sorry if I miss the big picture but would you say that your relationship was pivotal to stay on? Assuming it went to fruit around those times

[shank94]

I’ve been in the U.S. for over a decade, about to start the process of moving back home to Wales.

It’s what I want, but it is very daunting. So much to consider. Work a big thing of course especially with my husband as he is US citizen so we have to sort out visas etc, I am dual citizen so not an issue in so much I can work, but am self employed so have to transfer business and also probably try and work part time as well. Anyway, a lot of things to figure out 

I can’t imagine growing old(er) in this shit show of a country, I know the Uk is a mess, but at least I have family there.

Wow, I am relating to the person who got me my first warning and permanent custom title lol.

Huge respect, but I would love to know how your husband feels, as he will be taking a bigger step of moving imho?

At this moment in the thread, it seems a personal relationship with someone in the land, plays a huge part on staying on.

[Brissyred]

Been in Australia for 27 yrs, currently back in the UK on holiday.
Can't wait to get back there...

[rob1966]

I’ve been in the U.S. for over a decade, about to start the process of moving back home to Wales.

It’s what I want, but it is very daunting. So much to consider. Work a big thing of course especially with my husband as he is US citizen so we have to sort out visas etc, I am dual citizen so not an issue in so much I can work, but am self employed so have to transfer business and also probably try and work part time as well. Anyway, a lot of things to figure out 

I can’t imagine growing old(er) in this shit show of a country, I know the Uk is a mess, but at least I have family there.

NOW I get your username

[shank94]

I am currently living in a non English speaking country. I am at a point where I think even if become fluent (I am a bit higher than conversational), I do not feel a sense of belonging.

[AndyInVA]

Very interesting, sorry if I miss the big picture but would you say that your relationship was pivotal to stay on? Assuming it went to fruit around those times

I moved to a small southern Virginia town with an American  lady I met in London. Got married, no kids and was happy for 6-7 years and played soccer with a team that was half from UK so had loads of great friends. Then got divorced and seriously thought about coming home. I had just started my own business and it started to go well and I lived in a home that I could never afford in UK. Living in a nice home is important to me. It sounds pathetic but I really liked that and couldn’t imagine moving back to UK. I also felt like I would struggle to find work. Then got married again and had a daughter very quickly. Also got divorced again very quickly. Then I felt like I was stuck as I have week on week off custody and I love being a Dad. Been here ever since and on marriage number 3 and pretty happy and two bonus step kids. My business is sound and I’m doing ok. Hard to imagine to give that up to go anywhere other than here.

[shank94]

I moved to a small southern Virginia town with an American  lady I met in London. Got married, no kids and was happy for 6-7 years and played soccer with a team that was half from UK so had loads of great friends. Then got divorced and seriously thought about coming home. I had just started my own business and it started to go well and I lived in a home that I could never afford in UK. Living in a nice home is important to me. It sounds pathetic but I really liked that and couldn’t imagine moving back to UK. I also felt like I would struggle to find work. Then got married again and had a daughter very quickly. Also got divorced again very quickly. Then I felt like I was stuck as I have week on week off custody and I love being a Dad. Been here ever since and on marriage number 3 and pretty happy and two bonus step kids. My business is sound and I’m doing ok. Hard to imagine to give that up to go anywhere other than here.

Wow, that's some journey. Kudos to you for making it. Gives me some thing to think about.

[AndyInVA]

Wow, that's some journey. Kudos to you for making it. Gives me some thing to think about.

I think there are many variables

do you want to stay where you are
can you imagine staying there
can you meet a partner there
if you go home can you find work

good luck and keep us updated

[kj999]

I moved to Bali 9 years ago on an initial 2 year contract... thought i would just dabble with it and most likely be back in ol' Blighty pretty quickly. My then wife and I rented out the house we owned in Leicestershire and headed off.

Anyway, i'm still here in Bali 9 years later, the house in Leicestershire is long since sold, and my then wife is now the ex-wife... I fell in love with Bali and also with a wonderful Indonesian girl... got married last year. Indonesia is now my home and I have absolutely zero intent to ever return to the UK. I just couldn't countenance it. However I do always fear that at some point, I might have to...

My mum died suddenly in January after a short battle with cancer, and my dad is really struggling to come to terms with it. We all are, to be honest, but i think when you live away from home for a long time you have to acclimatise yourself to the fact that you will be away from family for long periods... My dad is not coming to terms with the loss of my mum at all, and I have felt about needing to go back... but my life is here in Indonesia now and my dad understands this.

The other issue, if i ever did have to go back, would be getting a visa for my wife... she can't even get a 6 month visit visa, so any kind of permanent visa seems like it would be impossible...

Anyway I know this post is no real advice for you shank, but maybe it is food for thought...

I think part of the reason why things went awry with me and the ex-wife was her desire to move back to the UK one day, versus my desire to never have to think about doing such a thing... we went our separate ways partly over the issue of repatriation versus not (don't get me wrong, there were a million other issues as well)

I think its a personal choice. There seems to be this 'idea' that there comes a time when one must return to their homeland, often this conception seems to be down to age, or the age of ones parents, etc...

My ex-wife went back a few years ago partly because her parents were int heir late 80s and she wanted to be near to them. Theyre both 90+ now and still going strong. Whereas I lost my fit and healthy mum suddenly at the age of 66. There's no accounting for things like that. And ultimately I am very happy in Indonesia, it is my home and will remain so. I wish I could do more for my dad, but even if i lived round the corner, I'm not sure it would make much difference to how he is feeling.

There's a million and one things to consider before repatriatiing, I think, and I would say they're personal to what matters to you.

[gravey101]

Moved to the US in 1992 so 31 years now. 5 in NYC the rest in Des Moines Iowa. I'd never heard of the place, but i love it now (apart from Jan/Feb) and doubt i will ever leave. I went back to the UK twice a year until my mum died in 2017 and have not been back since. Miss my brother but we talk a lot. I get footie and cricket on TV, and have learned how to make a decent curry. Fortunate enough to have a good job in IT with a big bank and Iowa is relatively low cost of living but still expensive. 13 year old son who i adore.

[AndyInVA]

Moved to the US in 1992 so 31 years now. 5 in NYC the rest in Des Moines Iowa. I'd never heard of the place, but i love it now (apart from Jan/Feb) and doubt i will ever leave. I went back to the UK twice a year until my mum died in 2017 and have not been back since. Miss my brother but we talk a lot. I get footie and cricket on TV, and have learned how to make a decent curry. Fortunate enough to have a good job in IT with a big bank and Iowa is relatively low cost of living but still expensive. 13 year old son who i adore.

I first moved here in 96 and was initially incredibly lonely. Lost all my friends etc and no way to connect. The internet changed everything. I now listen to BBC and british podcasts all the time, watch british TV programs and chat with my friends on Whatsapp. I don't feel so disconnected anymore at all. I think it would be harder in a country you didn't speak the language. I identify with everything you said. Once you had child over here that is raised in a US system, it's just about impossible to even think about going home. Given I'm now divorced from my daughters mother, leaving her doesn't even enter my head.

[SamLad]

Been in Australia for 27 yrs, currently back in the UK on holiday.
Can't wait to get back there...

sorry - find that a bit ambiguous - which "there" do you mean?

[TepidT2O]

sorry - find that a bit ambiguous - which "there" do you mean?

Brissy surely?

[SamLad]

I moved to Canada almost exactly 50 years ago.  my wife and I (she's from Liverpool too) have often asked ourselves the question over the years "can you see moving back to England?" and we'd get into a pro's and con's discussion for a while.

usually at those times, one of us kinda leaned towards "lets' go back" while the other one was at best neutral, and in the end the feeling was never strong enough to push us to do it.

at this stage we won't go back, although if / when one of us pops our clogs the other might well want to move back to be closer to family (we have no kids).


what I have observed over the years is that after a certain age changing countries (other than temporarily for work for example) don't seem to stick.  we've met a number of UK ex-pats over the years who decide to return to the UK after a couple of years or so -- and they all left the UK at the point where their careers and way-of-life were well set.  emigrating when in your early/mid 20's is a MUCH different proposition.

[SamLad]

Brissy surely?

is that slang for Brisbane? (not heard that before)

you're probably right I think but not 100% clear.

[gravey101]

> I first moved here in 96 and was initially incredibly lonely. Lost all my friends etc and no way to connect. The internet changed everything. I now listen to BBC and british podcasts all the time, watch british TV programs and chat with my friends on Whatsapp. I don't feel so disconnected anymore at all. I think it would be harder in a country you didn't speak the language. I identify with everything you said. Once you had child over here that is raised in a US system, it's just about impossible to even think about going home. Given I'm now divorced from my daughters mother, leaving her doesn't even enter my head.

I had it a bit easier Andy as mine was a corporate move so there were other Brits there from the UK office that i was knew pretty well already, and got on well with, and i also knew a few local Americans well that I had met while at Uni. We played footie for a New Jersey team with Yanks, Germans, Swiss, French, Swede, and us 3 English. Instant group of mates that i still keep in contact with. When i moved to Des Moines I was lucky that there was a group of folk around 30 at work that would play golf and socialize/drink and i found a footie team here as well so another social circle of like minded lads. There was a bald tatooed guy from Birmingham called Jim who drove lorries and scared the fuck out of the opposition. Not just becuase he looked crazy, he was crazy. Agree completely about being in a country where you do not know the language. We have a refugee program here in Iowa (mainly Afghans and Africans) which i donate to when i can. The people here that are in that group are incredible - they give up every weekend to take these kids to play football. Utterly selfless

[Brissyred]

sorry - find that a bit ambiguous - which "there" do you mean?

Brisbane.

[rob1966]

I moved to Canada almost exactly 50 years ago.  my wife and I (she's from Liverpool too) have often asked ourselves the question over the years "can you see moving back to England?" and we'd get into a pro's and con's discussion for a while.

usually at those times, one of us kinda leaned towards "lets' go back" while the other one was at best neutral, and in the end the feeling was never strong enough to push us to do it.

at this stage we won't go back, although if / when one of us pops our clogs the other might well want to move back to be closer to family (we have no kids).


what I have observed over the years is that after a certain age changing countries (other than temporarily for work for example) don't seem to stick.  we've met a number of UK ex-pats over the years who decide to return to the UK after a couple of years or so -- and they all left the UK at the point where their careers and way-of-life were well set.  emigrating when in your early/mid 20's is a MUCH different proposition.

Don't do it.

[The G in Gerrard]

I'm envious of those that made the move abroad.

[Kenny's Jacket]

I have been living abroad for almost 7 years now, lived on three continents for studies and then work. I have recently been wondering whether it's time to move back to my home country. Mostly after the effects of the life changing pandemic (losing 2 years for nothing like everyone else). I am at an age where I would like to start settling down and be close to family (very late 20s).

I could go into the details later but I was wondering if anyone here was in the same position of living away from home and what they felt and if they went through with it.

Apologies if this thread exists, feel free to move it around.

I worked away for years,  across numerous countries I came home last time as my Dad was dying. I never got to go back.
It was a massive mistake to come back and stay, now Im stuck in UK.  Massive mistake on my part

You dont mention where you live or how happy you are there. Why cant you settle down where you live?
Why cant you see family on holiday.
My strong advice would be dont come back, its awful living  here, but we dont kkow much about your situation

[redbyrdz]

I have been living abroad for almost 7 years now, lived on three continents for studies and then work. I have recently been wondering whether it's time to move back to my home country. Mostly after the effects of the life changing pandemic (losing 2 years for nothing like everyone else). I am at an age where I would like to start settling down and be close to family (very late 20s).

I could go into the details later but I was wondering if anyone here was in the same position of living away from home and what they felt and if they went through with it.

Apologies if this thread exists, feel free to move it around.

To be honest, three continents in seven years is just a bit over two in each, even less if studying took three or four years. Not really enough time to get settled anywhere, apart from maybe where you went to uni. I don't think its weird to feel like you want to settle somewhere.

It is hard to make real friends if you move abroad as an adult. You can find friends through shared hobbies, or have good mates at work, but it often can't make up for the long-term friends and family that truly share your values. The best way around that is to find a partner and have kids of your own. Having kids in local schools etc integrates you much more easily into society.

Is moving back the answer? I don't know, I think a lot of people don't neccessarily miss the place, but the time they have left there (often their youth). You can't turn back time, and you might not find what you are looking for, even when going back.
That being said, some things will likely be easier. You'll speak the language perfectly, you'll understand the political and legal system. Your qualifications will likely be recognised, and the process of finding a job might be easier.

On the other hand, maybe your friends and family have gone away too, and you can't really "return". Maybe your job and quality of life is better abroad, and you'd struggle to get the same "back home"

[SamLad]

My strong advice would be dont come back, its awful living  here, but we dont kkow much about your situation

Don't do it.

I understand why people move "back home" but I can't see ever doing it.

my siblings - all are in UK - would love to see me more often (the feeling is very mutual) but they would all give the same advice as you guys. reading their comments about UK politics on Whatsapp is very illuminating.

and redbyrdz is spot on -- you can't ever really go back again. the UK now is worlds away from what I remember.

[AndyInVA]

I'm envious of those that made the move abroad.

Everyone wants what they don't have. I'm envious of people who watch the games live. I miss my friends terribly when I see they had some big party and I'm not there and I hate not seeing their kids grow up.

Horses for courses.

[TepidT2O]

Everyone wants what they don't have. I'm envious of people who watch the games live. I miss my friends terribly when I see they had some big party and I'm not there and I hate not seeing their kids grow up.

Horses for courses.

These are wise words

But the uk is in a bit of a state right now to be fair ….

[The G in Gerrard]

Everyone wants what they don't have. I'm envious of people who watch the games live. I miss my friends terribly when I see they had some big party and I'm not there and I hate not seeing their kids grow up.

Horses for courses.

I should have tried it once I'd graduated from university. It's a regret for sure.

Doing it now is probably a better idea as there's a lot wrong with this country.

[Titi Camara]

Doing it now is probably a better idea as there's a lot wrong with this country.

But one of the key reasons it's currently shite.....will stop you freely moving to 27 other countries.

I will probably do it in the next couple of years but I'm under no illusion of how difficult it's going to be, nor how stressful.

Things that you probably take for granted here but might take years to recreate in another country, credit for example is a big one. No credit, means no mortgage, means renting. Unless you can afford to buy outright of course, but by that point you are probably retired and not that many countries are keen on old people coming to live and not pay tax

[SamLad]

But one of the key reasons it's currently shite.....will stop you freely moving to 27 other countries.

I will probably do it in the next couple of years but I'm under no illusion of how difficult it's going to be, nor how stressful.

Things that you probably take for granted here but might take years to recreate in another country, credit for example is a big one. No credit, means no mortgage, means renting. Unless you can afford to buy outright of course, but by that point you are probably retired and not that many countries are keen on old people coming to live and not pay tax

don't want to sidetrack the discussion, but that's not really accurate.  there are quite a few countries (eg in Central / S America) who are more than happy to welcome retirees from other countries.  a lot of US retirees e.g. move to places like Costa Rica, Panama, Ecuador. 

[rob1966]

don't want to sidetrack the discussion, but that's not really accurate.  there are quite a few countries (eg in Central / S America) who are more than happy to welcome retirees from other countries.  a lot of US retirees e.g. move to places like Costa Rica, Panama, Ecuador. 

Yeah but before Brexit, which a lot of fucking cunting expats voted for, you could toddle off to Spain, buy an apartment while renting out your UK house, live there in a nice ex pat community (the thought of that makes me wanna puke btw) and flit back and forth to get treated on the NHS when you needed to, then when you were ready to curl your toes, move back home. With the new way of working, you could even get a video appt now to speak to your GP...

[SamLad]

Yeah but before Brexit, which a lot of fucking cunting expats voted for, you could toddle off to Spain, buy an apartment while renting out your UK house, live there in a nice ex pat community (the thought of that makes me wanna puke btw) and flit back and forth to get treated on the NHS when you needed to, then when you were ready to curl your toes, move back home. With the new way of working, you could even get a video appt now to speak to your GP...

what's been the impact on ppl being able to retire abroad in a Euro country  (vs having a vacation property)?  I don't recall seeing much about that aspect to be honest.

do places like Spain etc not allow Brits to take up any kind of permanent residence?

[rob1966]

what's been the impact on ppl being able to retire abroad in a Euro country  (vs having a vacation property)?  I don't recall seeing much about that aspect to be honest.

do places like Spain etc not allow Brits to take up any kind of permanent residence?

You're only allowed to spend 180 days in a year in the ENTIRE EU and once your 180 days is up, you cannot return for 180 days. I remember the actress Miriam MArgoyles was going mental about it on telly, as she had a place in Italy and during covid, due to the new rules, she was being forced to return to the UK, she's a good one her, hates the Tories and the Brexiteers. You can go and live there, but you now need a long term Visa and as Titi says, they may not want you there, so can refuse it. After 5 years you can apply for residency. If you wanted to apply for Spanish citizenship you have to give up your British citizenship. Loads of dickheads voted leave while living in spain and then had to come home, in floods of tears, after learning they could no longer stay - in between calling them c*nts I laughed at them.

It used to be an absolute piece of piss, go over, buy or rent a place and come and go as you pleased and now loads of twats, thousands who are now fucking dead, screwed it up for everyone.

[SamLad]

can completely understand your anger Rob. 

do you have any hopes that Brexit will ever get reversed or "fixed" in any way?

[reddebs]

what's been the impact on ppl being able to retire abroad in a Euro country  (vs having a vacation property)?  I don't recall seeing much about that aspect to be honest.

do places like Spain etc not allow Brits to take up any kind of permanent residence?

They'll let you in permanently on a golden ticket which basically means enough cash to live on for your remaining days without needing handouts.

I think it's about half a mill provable cash and it has to be cash not assets.

[rob1966]

can completely understand your anger Rob. 

do you have any hopes that Brexit will ever get reversed or "fixed" in any way?

It will yes, because my kids generation, from talking to him, are fucking fuming about what the arl c*nts and dickheads robbed them of, they're bright enough to see we need to be back in close ties with the EU. They're also used to living in diverse communities, both my kids have mates from the BAME communities, one of my eldests mates is half Chinese/Half Indian, so they are used to different religions, lifestyles etc.

What is funny is, the gammons wanted the eastern europeans gone, and in haulage I'm seeing that we've replaced people from Poland with people from Africa. I'm also seeing an influx of new drivers from Indian and Pakistani backgrounds. Hope the gammons choke on their cornflakes when they realise this

[The G in Gerrard]

But one of the key reasons it's currently shite.....will stop you freely moving to 27 other countries.

I will probably do it in the next couple of years but I'm under no illusion of how difficult it's going to be, nor how stressful.

Things that you probably take for granted here but might take years to recreate in another country, credit for example is a big one. No credit, means no mortgage, means renting. Unless you can afford to buy outright of course, but by that point you are probably retired and not that many countries are keen on old people coming to live and not pay tax

Ah good luck with it! If it wasn't for immediate family we'd have moved Stateside ideally already! Doubt it'll ever happen though.

[AndyInVA]

in between calling them c*nts I laughed at them.

hahhahahhaaa

Not derailing the thread but that decision was so stupid by so many people who had no idea what they were voting for.

Loads of US retirees look at Costa Rica and Portugal. I have not looked into it but I have the feeling it is easier to move there than traditional first world countries. I heard of one recently where one guy ran up huge debts in the States, as did his wife, so they developed an internet business and then moved to somewhere like Thailand or somewhere with no intention of going back to the States. There is a podcast on it. I think This American Life. Although you don't pay income tax you pay every other tax, so I am sure the host country looks favorably on educated foreigners moving into the country.

That is clearly a bigger jump to a non English speaking country though with an unfamiliar culture. I am just saying there are other options if moving abroad is all you want.

Isn't Austrailia still fairly easy for Brits. My Aunt and Uncle left Walton for Perth and have zero regrets.

[SamLad]

hahhahahhaaa

Not derailing the thread but that decision was so stupid by so many people who had no idea what they were voting for.

Loads of US retirees look at Costa Rica and Portugal. I have not looked into it but I have the feeling it is easier to move there than traditional first world countries. I heard of one recently where one guy ran up huge debts in the States, as did his wife, so they developed an internet business and then moved to somewhere like Thailand or somewhere with no intention of going back to the States. There is a podcast on it. I think This American Life. Although you don't pay income tax you pay every other tax, so I am sure the host country looks favorably on educated foreigners moving into the country.

That is clearly a bigger jump to a non English speaking country though with an unfamiliar culture. I am just saying there are other options if moving abroad is all you want.

Isn't Austrailia still fairly easy for Brits. My Aunt and Uncle left Walton for Perth and have zero regrets.

in March we visited Panama City, got chatting to a NJ guy around the hotel pool. he moved there 2 years ago, and lives in the hotel year round.  loves it to bits.  no worries at all about health care quality, access or cost (big issue of course).