Topic: Miscarriage

[richiedouglas]

Thanks to everyone's messages of support on this. Found out we're pregnant again, so about 3 months after the miscarriage. Despite reading everywhere that the chances of a successful pregnancy are exactly the same whether you have miscarried or not the first time, am still bricking it. Doing my best to put a brave face on it and tell the mrs that everything is going to be fine this time around. Not due for our 12 week scan until the end of August so a nervous 6 weeks ahead!

Best of luck mate

[Crosby Nick]

Best of luck mate

Seconded. It'll seem like a long 6 weeks but I think the key is try to just do things as normal and not worry too much. Easier said than done admittedly.

[Upinsmoke]

Thanks to everyone's messages of support on this. Found out we're pregnant again, so about 3 months after the miscarriage. Despite reading everywhere that the chances of a successful pregnancy are exactly the same whether you have miscarried or not the first time, am still bricking it. Doing my best to put a brave face on it and tell the mrs that everything is going to be fine this time around. Not due for our 12 week scan until the end of August so a nervous 6 weeks ahead!

Good luck, just try not to worry because ultimately you can't change to much in these 9 months. Just enjoy it if you can.

[Corkboy]

Thanks to everyone's messages of support on this. Found out we're pregnant again, so about 3 months after the miscarriage. Despite reading everywhere that the chances of a successful pregnancy are exactly the same whether you have miscarried or not the first time, am still bricking it. Doing my best to put a brave face on it and tell the mrs that everything is going to be fine this time around. Not due for our 12 week scan until the end of August so a nervous 6 weeks ahead!

Same thing happened to me and my Mrs. A miscarriage, followed quickly by another pregnancy. The boy is now 12 years old. Best of luck!

[Les Willis]

Same thing happened to me and my Mrs. A miscarriage, followed quickly by another pregnancy. The boy is now 12 years old. Best of luck!

Same thing happened to me. My son is 12 too. Quite a coincidence, but I suppose it illustrates that women often fall pregnant soon after a miscarriage.

[Corkboy]

Same thing happened to me. My son is 12 too. Quite a coincidence, but I suppose it illustrates that women often fall pregnant soon after a miscarriage.

After the miscarriage, our ob/gyn told us belt away trying again as soon as possible and that fertility is heightened after a miscarriage. I don't know if he was just trying to make us feel better or if that's actually true but anyway, we took his advice very seriously and had lots of fun.

[pw1008]

Yea same happened to us about 4 months after miscarriage. 2nd time round we managed to get an early scan at 8 weeks which showed a heart beat. Despite it being nerve wrecking to watch and wait its worth it to save the 4 week wait till 12 weeks.

Deffo try and ask the doctor or midwife for one of them and they were boss with us and got us a scan within a few days.

[l2k83]

We have our appointment with the midwife tomorrow, we're going to ask for an early scan given what happened last time, if they make us wait too long then we can always go to one of those private scanning places.

What I want to avoid, especially for the mrs, is us having a scan too early, I know how nerve wracking it would be if we had a scan and they told us they couldnt see much and too come back in a week or so because we're too early.

I reckon we've got our dates pretty spot on, we're currently 7 weeks, how early is too early for a scan? Are we best waiting until we've passed 8 weeks?

[Corkboy]

I reckon we've got our dates pretty spot on, we're currently 7 weeks, how early is too early for a scan? Are we best waiting until we've passed 8 weeks?

I don't think it matters. Try to relax, chances are everything will be absolutely fine.

[La Vecchia Magpie]

All the best mate.

[Keita Success]

Best of luck, don't get too stressed. It'll rub off on your wife. You've got to be reassuring and calm for her. I hope everything goes well, mate

[Upinsmoke]

After the miscarriage, our ob/gyn told us belt away trying again as soon as possible and that fertility is heightened after a miscarriage. I don't know if he was just trying to make us feel better or if that's actually true but anyway, we took his advice very seriously and had lots of fun.

Yeah I think that's true. Think it's true just after child birth too.

[pw1008]

i think we had an early scan 8 weeks to the day. that was tense going to the scan. Our midwife was sound and had no problem arranging it - think we went in 2 days after seeing the midwife.

Best of luck

[mkferdy]

Best of luck I hope it goes well and it helps with calming you both down. Just bear in mind that it can only show how the baby is doing at that point.

[mkferdy]

Due date should of been today for our second miscarriage. To say in a personal level the last 12 months has been shit is an understatement. Two missed miscarriages have really taken an effect on our 7 year relationship.

I would love to say it has got easier with time but it really hasn't. This has really effected mrs mkferdy very badly. With being a midwife delivering other women's babies is having such a mental effect on her it's a constant slap in the face. I wish she would give it up and do something else until she's mentally at a better place but she doesn't want to give up her career despite admitting she's finding it emotionally very difficult.

I try my best to console her and do whatever I can and it's truly heartbreaking not being able to fix things as it were. It's having such a strain on our relationship I just want her back, she's like a shell of herself. She cries herself to sleep every month. It's so hard.

We are trying again but the pressure of it all is causing so many arguments. We both work full time and with her on shift work it can be really difficult especially when she's on 13 hour nights not including travel time home. We had complications with the erpc last time and we are both worried it's going to cause problems with conception. Then even if we do full pregnant there's the fear it's going to happen again.

My heart goes out to others who have experienced this.

[Red_Mist]

Every sympathy (and empathy) with what you're going through mate. I'm struggling to give any useful advise, I've typed some out then picked holes in it and deleted it. Just keep on being gentle and patient and loving towards her. She'll come back to you in time.

[RedSince86]

Thanks to everyone's messages of support on this. Found out we're pregnant again, so about 3 months after the miscarriage. Despite reading everywhere that the chances of a successful pregnancy are exactly the same whether you have miscarried or not the first time, am still bricking it. Doing my best to put a brave face on it and tell the mrs that everything is going to be fine this time around. Not due for our 12 week scan until the end of August so a nervous 6 weeks ahead!

Good news and stay strong and i look forward to reading about the newborn in 2015.

[Kochevnik]

Due date should of been today for our second miscarriage. To say in a personal level the last 12 months has been shit is an understatement. Two missed miscarriages have really taken an effect on our 7 year relationship.

I would love to say it has got easier with time but it really hasn't. This has really effected mrs mkferdy very badly. With being a midwife delivering other women's babies is having such a mental effect on her it's a constant slap in the face. I wish she would give it up and do something else until she's mentally at a better place but she doesn't want to give up her career despite admitting she's finding it emotionally very difficult.

I try my best to console her and do whatever I can and it's truly heartbreaking not being able to fix things as it were. It's having such a strain on our relationship I just want her back, she's like a shell of herself. She cries herself to sleep every month. It's so hard.

We are trying again but the pressure of it all is causing so many arguments. We both work full time and with her on shift work it can be really difficult especially when she's on 13 hour nights not including travel time home. We had complications with the erpc last time and we are both worried it's going to cause problems with conception. Then even if we do full pregnant there's the fear it's going to happen again.

My heart goes out to others who have experienced this.

And my heart goes out to you.

As I said on the last page my wife had four miscarriages before she carried a child to term.  Seems so long ago now, we have two healthy sons ages 7 and 6, but I well remember the tension and despair you're talking about.  I don't really have any advice other than to try your best to not react to her - I found that the way I grieved was very, very different from my missus.  Just let her deal with it in whatever way she can and do your best to make it better instead of worse.

I fully recognise that this is mostly useless advice because time is the only thing that can really help.  I really hope you guys start doing better, my heart definitely goes out to both of you!

[killer-heels]

Bumping an old thread. Just wanted to know if after multiple of these do the NHS do tests and examinations to try to get to the bottom of the problem?

[RedSince86]

I think it's after 3 miscarriages then they do tests to check the uterus, I'm guessing ultrasounds and camera etc.

[MBL?]

Bumping an old thread. Just wanted to know if after multiple of these do the NHS do tests and examinations to try to get to the bottom of the problem?

I don’t want to make any assumptions but I have so my heart goes out to you if it has happened to you.

It happened to my partner a few years ago. We were that excited about the possibility of a child even though we weren’t financially ready then. We told family and a few close friends, it was an unexpected happiness. A few weeks later we found out on Christmas Eve that it was gone.

Was a shite Christmas.

[Red_Mist]

Bumping an old thread. Just wanted to know if after multiple of these do the NHS do tests and examinations to try to get to the bottom of the problem?

We lived in Spain when ours happened, so I can’t help you with what the NHS do, but we were given every test going after the first two and they all came back as no problem, so it was put down to bad luck. We then had a third one unfortunately which does make you wonder if there was some underlying issue, although it still could have been just luck. We won’t ever know. If it’s happened to you or someone you know, first and foremost I sympathise completely. But I’d definitely recommend pushing for the tests as it’s good to know and will help with other decisions.

[killer-heels]

We lived in Spain when ours happened, so I can’t help you with what the NHS do, but we were given every test going after the first two and they all came back as no problem, so it was put down to bad luck. We then had a third one unfortunately which does make you wonder if there was some underlying issue, although it still could have been just luck. We won’t ever know. If it’s happened to you or someone you know, first and foremost I sympathise completely. But I’d definitely recommend pushing for the tests as it’s good to know and will help with other decisions.

Thanks. I think I am on my 6th one. I went to the GP after my third and the GP at the reception said if there were women coming to see their doctor after a miscarriage then the line would be out the door. They had to escort me off the premises because I was ready to kick her head in.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

Don't know anything about this but 6th...ugh.  Not much use,  but sorry to hear that.

[TepidT2O]

Miscarriage is quite common in the first trimester, much more so than people realise (although many people don’t even realise they were pregnant) . Pretty sure that three is point where there is further investigation though. My big sister works in this field and works with people in this situation.

Important not to lose hope though. Plenty can be done

Oh, and receptionists? You have no need to tell them what is wrong with you.  Don’t let them act as a barrier, they are not medically trained

[amir87]

Thanks. I think I am on my 6th one. I went to the GP after my third and the GP at the reception said if there were women coming to see their doctor after a miscarriage then the line would be out the door. They had to escort me off the premises because I was ready to kick her head in.

Sorry to hear that. They should really be running some tests by now. You should definitely be allowed to speak to the Doctor regarding this now based on what you've already been through.

Oh and if you're willing to beat the shit out of my GP receptionist I'd happily do the same to yours. Apparently asking if the Doctor has signed the prescription for my son's formula is too much to ask this bitch.

[Circa1892]

Hello.

Firstly, I wanted to say sorry for bumping this thread up and surfacing a topic that will be silently painful for so many - but keen to use the RAWK hive mind and hope people can help us see a way through.

We’ve just had the worst day sadly. My partner saw some spotting the other night; which led to a night of worry - it got slightly worse so we headed to the hospital (who told us it was probably a UTI…). We managed to press for an ultrasound later - but by the time we had that we knew. We’d had a heartbeat at 7 weeks so had started to be confident everything would be ok and started planning the rest of our lives. The sonograper told us the news and I’m broken. I’m sure there are support facilities around but I’m a bit lost. At the moment we’re about 10,000 miles from home and basically got a “thank you goodbye” from the hospital - and I’m sure once we’re back the support services will be signposted - but I just wondered if anyone had any references/thoughts on organisations which are really helpful. I feel lost and like I’m not going to be who I am anymore - I thought I’d be strong and stoic etc in this situation but am just weeping at random (including midway through a parkrun which was an experience). Anyone who has any tips on coping/support available would be amazing.

Again so sorry for raising this topic and a million apologies if doing so has upset anyone.

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

Alright mate. Sorry to hear all that . Ive got no advice etc but my parents went through this before i was  born and also lost a 4 year old boy just after i was born, amongst a lot of other things. They went through a lot and brought us up like theyd never had to deal with anything bad in their lives. I dont know how they did it to be honest as i cant imagine what its like. Its the reason i am the way i am

Just hope youre both gonna be ok and wanna say take care mate. xx

[John C]

Don't worry about bumping the thread and expressing your thoughts mate.
The entirety of RAWK wishes you both well.
My mum had a still-born boy before she had my sister & me, stay strong Circa.
Hugs.

[rob1966]

I can't offer advice either having not had to deal with this, but my brother and his wife had 2 miscarriages and 4 healthy births and I've friends who've had still births. All I can say is allow yourselves to grieve and to just be there for each other, that's how they all dealt with it

Take care both of you

[The G in Gerrard]

So sorry to hear this. Hope both of you are ok.

[Circa1892]

Thanks guys - kind words much appreciated while we’ve been far from friends and family.

Upon returning to the UK slightly taken aback by the midwife’s response effectively being “hard luck see you next time” - not even so much as a gentle signpost or anything. Shambles.

[MrGrumpy]

Circa

My wife and I suffered a miscarriage before we were blessed with our daughter. Words escape me when I think about how I can advise you. All I can say are not alone, everyone here wishes you and your partner well.

[JerseyKloppite]

Thanks guys - kind words much appreciated while we’ve been far from friends and family.

Upon returning to the UK slightly taken aback by the midwife’s response effectively being “hard luck see you next time” - not even so much as a gentle signpost or anything. Shambles.

So sorry both with what you've had to go through but also that lack of compassion. It's a horrendous thing to go through and they should be far more sympathetic.

We had a miscarriage of twins at about 12 weeks (we found out when we went for our 3 month scan that neither baby had a heartbeat) and it was devastating. As you say, you're in a place of planning your futures and we'd also just started telling people our good news - having to send follow up messages after the miscarriage was incredibly difficult, though friends who knew were wonderfully supportive and understanding.

I'd love to be able to give you some useful advice but I'm afraid that I can't think of much to say. I don't think either of us grieved properly at the time, which was made all the more traumatic by my wife having to go through a difficult surgical management. With hindsight and as others have said, I'd advise grieving, being there for each other as much possible, and seeking support from family. Don't be afraid to talk about it - it happens to a LOT of people, but it's one of those areas where there seems to be a lingering sense of taboo. Look for support when you need it, and do your best to support your other half.

And if you are planning on trying again, make sure that you both feel ready for it. We were told that some people are so keen to put in behind them that they try to get pregnant again immediately in the hope that it will resolve the issues. And it might to an extent, but I don't think those people will have had the opportunity to grieve and it might come back at a future time.

Ultimately grief is a very personal thing, so try to work out what you both need to support each other in the immediate future. And sorry again for your loss mate.

[killer-heels]

Hello.

Firstly, I wanted to say sorry for bumping this thread up and surfacing a topic that will be silently painful for so many - but keen to use the RAWK hive mind and hope people can help us see a way through.

We’ve just had the worst day sadly. My partner saw some spotting the other night; which led to a night of worry - it got slightly worse so we headed to the hospital (who told us it was probably a UTI…). We managed to press for an ultrasound later - but by the time we had that we knew. We’d had a heartbeat at 7 weeks so had started to be confident everything would be ok and started planning the rest of our lives. The sonograper told us the news and I’m broken. I’m sure there are support facilities around but I’m a bit lost. At the moment we’re about 10,000 miles from home and basically got a “thank you goodbye” from the hospital - and I’m sure once we’re back the support services will be signposted - but I just wondered if anyone had any references/thoughts on organisations which are really helpful. I feel lost and like I’m not going to be who I am anymore - I thought I’d be strong and stoic etc in this situation but am just weeping at random (including midway through a parkrun which was an experience). Anyone who has any tips on coping/support available would be amazing.

Again so sorry for raising this topic and a million apologies if doing so has upset anyone.

Meant to reply to this a while ago but totally forgot.

I am not surprised about the ‘support’ you received. I presume you went through the NHS but I had 6 miscarriages and not once did I get anything but the “sorry, see you later” line. I even had a GP saying that if women came to try to find out what happened after miscarriage, the line would be out the door. Thats after my 4th miscarriage when i went to ask them to see if any tests could be organised. Luckily for her she was behind a glass screen, but I suitably told her to fuck off.

I didnt use any support groups but I know some people that did and Tommy’s is talked about a lot. I think they had Facebook groups as well that can help. Also sites like Mumsnet have discussion forums and are a good place to start.

Not sure how many occasions its happened but as I mentioned I had 6 and on my 7th pregnancy I went on to have twins and now on my 8th I am due my 3rd. Its one of those mysteries of the human body.

[Barefoot Doctor]

Not sure how many occasions its happened but as I mentioned I had 6 and on my 7th pregnancy I went on to have twins and now on my 8th I am due my 3rd. Its one of those mysteries of the human body.

Sorry you had to go through that KH but great to hear your good news.

It's a brutal experience, we had a miscarriage at around 5/6 weeks which was obviously very early but still horrible. I can only imagine how tough it is further along. Weirdly I'd say the miscarriage itself wasn't the hardest part, it was every month after when we found out we weren't pregnant again. Anyway, things are looking up now and we're at around 13 weeks and have just had a positive scan. Doesn't stop you worrying that something is going to happen, but we're hopeful that it will all be ok. And we've made a point of telling people about the miscarriage, think it's important because you don't know what others are going through and it might help them.

[Nobby Reserve]

I cannot stand James Blunt, but heard his latest song on the radio start of this week: The Girl That Never Was. Took me a while to twig what it was about (despite it being laid on pretty thick) then it hit me pretty hard. Heard it again a day or two later, and I was driving along in bits, tears rolling down my face.

I was actually pleased to found out when I googled that he has two other kids. And the song is genuinely about a miscarriage him and his wife suffered.

I hope BD's wife's pregnancy is still going well. And others who have suffered the same tragedy have found their happiness since.

Like so many others, I know what that's like. When my wife and I decided to start a family back in around 2001, we struggled. After about 6 months of nothing happening, and me having private health cover through my work at the time, we both had fertility tests. Turned out she had one blocked fallopian tube and one partially blocked. They did a 'dust'n'clean' and put her on Clomid. This would have been mid-2002. A couple of months later, she didn't come on. We did a test and bingo! So delighted.

Had the first couple of scans and all was fine. Then the next scan at around 3 months, found no heartbeat and only the shadow of something that should have been larger. The baby was dead. My wife had to stay in overnight for an evac.

I went home and felt utterly broken. It's cliched, but for the one and only time in my life, I literally sat at our little dining table with a glass and bottle (this was overproof rum) and set out to drink myself into oblivion. All sorts of things raged through my head. Why us? Why me? Was I destined never to have kids? Was this a punishment? (when we first started going out in the earlyish 90's, we weren't careful enough and she got pregnant. we were both in full agreement this was not the time to have a baby so she had an abortion - during the later fertility test, they said this likely caused the tube blockages). Would we be able to conceive again? Would this happen again?

Most of that evening/night I was sobbing in grief and self-pity.

We were advised to wait a few months before trying again, and we did. Back on the Clomid. She got pregnant again within a couple of months. We couldn't get anything like as excited as the first time. Every month that passed seemed like a hurdle, er, hurdled. At around 7 months, my wife's blood pressure (she'd been on tablets to reduce blood pressure since her late teens) started to spike. She had to go into the maternity wing once a week for it to be monitored. It was always on the high side so they'd keep her in, but the following day it was back down and they'd let her go home. Cue jokes about living with me causing the high blood pressure. Repeat the following week. At 35 weeks, they decided to induce. Some complications with the birth (the baby's heart rate kept plummeting each contraction, and I'll never forget the obstetrician saying, in an urgent voice to the midwife "we have to get this baby out right now", then the ventouse snapped so it was a forceps job) but our girl was born perfectly, if a little underweight (5lb10oz). Almost exactly 9 months on from my birthday  ). She turned 20 couple of weeks ago. And, curiously, my wife's high blood pressure disappeared completely after the pregnancy so no more tablets.

Our second wasn't planned (we'd agreed to wait until we were more financially sorted before trying again, which never happened so we kind of made an unspoken agreement to stick at one... then she got pregnant) and the pregnancy was more relaxed. Until we were on holiday in Spain, about 4 months into it. She was in the bath one morning and I heard her scream. The bath was filled with blood. We assumed another miscarriage. She hadn't drunk a drop of alcohol since finding out she was pregnant again but figured what was the point in not so had a few drinks for the rest of the holiday; made the best of it. We went to the hospital the day after we got home and they did a scan. There it was, a heartbeat and developing baby. There were no more issues throughout and our second daughter was born on bloody leap year day, 11 days late. She's 16 in Feb and again perfect. But soon after she was born, my wife's high blood pressure returned after over 4 years.