Im doing well mate. Now im engaged ive got to behave myself 
New house is lovely , work is just work, moving up in my social standings as it were with regards to the bike club etc. Usual shit going on in the background but compared to a couple of years back im absolutely brilliant. Thats not to say i dont have my off days, as we all do , it just doesnt seem like such a pit of despair as it was before. Ive things to aim for now which didnt seem the case before.
From my viewpoint i really cant say get off the booze to you mate as that would be highly hypocritical of me as you know. What i do know is that when it all settles down for you it will become a lot easier for you to lay off it. Booze really fixes fuck all and we all know this, but it helps to blot out life for a while and imo that helps. Just some small release from the world, however temporary. Thing is, thats just some quick release, its not a fix. Its like taking Morphine for a broken leg. It takes away the pain but it dont fix the reason for the pain. I reckon you need to take a step back mate and see what your options are. You know where i am should you need me, although my phone is playing up big time so i may not get your messages very quickly.
I'm so bloody happy for you, i really, genuinely am. Carl, where you've come from to where you are now.... getting out the gutter is not easy and you've not only achieved that, you've got a solid job and now getting married!... bloody hell, be careful it'll be kids next
I know mate, i do drink to "blot it out" i know that much... i'm not daft like, i've been labelled as the guy who is great at giving advice, shocking at listening to his own.
Like i said, to me it's about people... most folk i know, just let things go when it becomes difficult whether its mates of girlfriends, i don't... i quest on trying to make it right, even when it's a futile exercise. But that's always been me, i've never walked away. I always believe that people are your life, without them on an island alone, what have you got? not a lot.... I, however focus on people that perhaps are not always healthy for my mind, which leads me to wanting to 'blot out for a bit'
My brother (who i love) tells me i need to focus on myself, he's right i do, but my nature is to focus on other people... it's just who i am, to me i'm collateral damage, i don't care much about myself, more about everybody else.... probably because i don't much like myself at this moment, so i want to find a balance in making other peoples lives better. It gives me a sense of purpose.
My mum, bless her, she's great is pretty close to the money in telling me i need to channel that into someone that's healthy for me, well find me a woman that doesn't tear your heart out your arse at times and i'll show you how to stick air onto a wall.
To be honest mate - its a mentality and as i said to my old man, i just wanna get out of the habbit of feeling like i've lost something - a couple wins and i'll be right back to where i'm best. But that's far easier said than done when the wins you're looking for are from situations that you can't manipulate. I mean who ffs wakes up 14 months after breaking up with their ex after 4 hours sleep having dreamt about a moment in time that made them happy?
I don't do the whole walking away thing very well.
