Things haven't changed much since the few months ago I posted. Well sort of, but not for the better. I lived on my own for a few years and could somewhat maintain my alcohol intake. Maintain, meaning I drank every night but could at least somewhat limit it. A good night was about 8 beers.
My brother moved in with me a couple months ago, and I thought it would help having someone there that could somewhat maintain his drinking, although it is most definitely a past time of his. Also thought it would be nice to socialize with someone daily, I work with animals so I use my "dog-voice" more often than speaking to people. For whatever reason it's taken a turn for the worse, and now it's been drink til I physically can't anymore each night, usually between 12-16 cans.
I don't mean to sound as if I'm blaming him, it's more the circumstances. Work has been slow, as was expected this time of the year, so I have more days off and regularly get off around noon. So when I know I have no obligations the rest of the day my only motivation is to go home and drink til I'm done. I am aware he is enabling me though, maybe a sly jab on my days off when I start at 10, but other than that he's just accepted that's who I am. I haven't dated since this all started, about 6 years ago, so he tried setting me up with someone solely based on the fact she drank a lot too. Bless him, he knows I'm self conscious about my drinking so thought it would be ideal. It was with good intentions.
When he moved in we talked about going to aa meetings. He only talked about it the day after he made bad decisions while drinking, then convinced himself he was fine when he wasn't dwelling in it. He also tries convincing me my problem is normal and I shouldn't look at it as problem, but the other side of this is if he even dared criticized me, or god forbid tell me to stop, I would most likely be livid. Probably receptive in the morning, but if I'm in the zone I'm not having it.
Enough about that, I'm actually starting to slightly feel the long term effects of drinking this much, like my right side is often in pain, I'm almost always bleeding after going to the restroom, and I often feel as if my complexion is slowly changing. Most of the time I just accept the inevitable will happen, and having no insurance I could never afford even a doctors visit. At this point it's not unbearable, but often uncomfortable.
Along with my usual posts in here, sorry I haven't kept up with the rest of you and your progress, I for some reason actively avoid this thread even with the amazing compassion, people, and support. Also sorry if there are a few grammatical errors or if it's jumbled, typing on my phone. I know I wouldn't have posted in here by the time I got home. I'm always self conscious about sharing the personal info, like the medical issues I've been having, but wanted to give an update. I may edit that out later when my thoughts get a gold of me and remind me this is a public forum.
