Mate - can i say thank you? is that allowed on these parts without being a pansy...
Honestly fella, your thought process is faultless other than one thing, her giving two fucks about it.... she don't... at first i cling on to your school of thought, now i know it's gone i give myself no reason to 'give a fuck' so i sit down, crack open a beer...(or 10) and forget how badly i messed shit up.
But you're right, goals are good (AA) tells me that, but i need something i want... and all i want is her, she just don't want me..
Can she remember you as anything but a piss head ?
She got with you for a reason mate, you must have been 'straight' at one point.
Identify what drives the craving for beer, and remove it.
I used to drink a bottle of Vodka at least 5 or 6 times a week, now, me and the wife share a bottle on either Friday or Saturday, and maybe a bottle on Sunday afternoon. It's not giving up, but I now have it 'under control'. I never drink if there's been any sort of emotional event in the previous 24 hrs.
When she booted me out last year I went proper off the scale, spent 3 months in my parents caravan in their back garden, and remember very little, other than having to put my empties in the boot of the car because I was embarrassed they would see how much I was getting through.
Yet when she took me back in I stopped instantly, never had a drink for a month, we have our drink now so she can wind down from her degree course, and truth be known, I could possibly knock it on the head completely. I do the school run in a morning so can't drink during the week, and only join her on a Sunday because the kids spend the day at Grandparents, and it's our only quality time together, we have a few Vodkas, home made curry, and always have plenty of Comedies Sky+, always create a funny, lighthearted environment, 'cos nowts better than a fucking good laugh, that and I usually get an empty
You need to find a reason not to drink mate, and it's fucking hard, because as Billy points out, there's always a reason to 'celebrate/drown your sorrows'.
You shouldn't be worrying about building bridges with your ex, you should channel all that energy into drying out, she'll never accept anything from you if you're a piss head, 'cos you're still weak. Show her, yourself, and your family that you can be strong. Cold Turkey ? Gradual weaning ? Doesn't matter pal, do what's best for you, and don't let any other fucker tell you otherwise. It might take a few goes to get there, a little bit of trial and error along the way, you'll prolly even fall off a few times, we've all been there, but you know what, at least you're trying.
Best of luck fella.
