Topic: Struggling with depression

[Son of Spion]

Yeah, at least I'm engaged with the Psychology dept now. I tried the medical route using antidepressants, but it wasn't for me. They say it's understandable to be averse to using medication after my struggles with addiction. I'd rather try to retrain my brain to cope with depression, anxiety, etc, so I'm sticking with it after the chat I just had with one of their team.

I'm glad you went and have decided to stick with it. I hope it helps. All the best.

[kesey]

Don't know where to start with this one .. ah the beginning !

I found out this morning that a lad I knew from my local committed suicide last week and threw himself under a train.. He was a window cleaner around smithdown and penny lane ways and about 50 . He always was chirpy and chatty to all and I last seen him just after Chrimbo . If I would have anyone on a list to do such a thing he'd be down by the bottom of it . He leaves his wife and his seven year old Son which saddens me even more . He use to take his lad the match and camping in Wales and when I seen them together in the park it always brought a smile to my face . He left a note for his loved ones . What is getting me at the minute is what were his last thoughts and someone most probably his wife telling their Son. This one is off it's cake and it just goes to prove that when we all look in from the outside to someones life we haven't got any insight whatsover as to what is going on.  It saddens me !  If any of youse reading this feel at the tipping point of it all then please speak about it and tell people.

[Black Bull Nova]

The trouble with men is they often don't tell anyone beforehand, there are few warnings and that's part of the shock to those who know them.

https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/
free, life-saving treatment to suicidal men
(Liverpool, London and Newcastle)

[kesey]

The trouble with men is they often don't tell anyone beforehand, there are few warnings and that's part of the shock to those who know them.

https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/
free, life-saving treatment to suicidal men
(Liverpool, London and Newcastle)

Well in !

[ToneLa]

The trouble with men is they often don't tell anyone beforehand, there are few warnings and that's part of the shock to those who know them.

https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/
free, life-saving treatment to suicidal men
(Liverpool, London and Newcastle)

Yes, very true. We all "mask" to some extent - even the most natural person in the world, is not capable of showing you 100% of everything (maybe not even everyone knows 100% of themselves to show).

There's something under the surface to everyone.

Suicide is a way out for some when it gets that bad. Obviously it's horrifying to think about it getting that way.

I wouldn't go around thinking everyone I meet is struggling, but .... that's why the extra little helps, to me. You often see someone's surface, not their inner life. I think you don't often know what your words or actions mean... I'm nice to pretty much everyone, but not everyone is. It all ramps up, it all compiles into the overall impression of the world.

be extra kind .... and be safe, all x

I'm not about loads but I've dealt with loads and loads and if anyone wants to send me a PM about their troubles have at it. I've seen loads, I've done loads, I can't judge, just... do not feel alone, that's a myth, you don't have to be

[damomad]

We just can't know what's going on in someone's head. I lost a close mate about 15 years ago now, out of all the fellas around my age at the time, if I was to pick one with the most lust for life, it would have been him.

It really wrecked my head because if any mate told me they were struggling, I'd drop absolutely everything for them. With him, what could I have done? Any personal questions would have been laughed off. Some day’s I struggle but I certainly don't want to talk about it all the time and don't want to be invading others privacy.

I can't fathom how anyone can go through life without bouts of depression, considering what we all individually put up with. Maybe those who have happy and cheery demeanours find it more difficult to break that image and talk about the dark stuff?

I'm not sure on anything, just hope anyone struggling out there takes care of themselves and finds the help they deserve x

[Sudden Death Draft Loser]

It really wrecked my head because if any mate told me they were struggling, I'd drop absolutely everything for them.

That's brilliant, but would you actually.

Really not having a go or trying to put you down or question you, it's more of a general question.

I've been struggling on and off with depression and anxiety for years. I've told loads of good friends and not one of them has dropped absolutely everything for me. In fact one of my oldest friends recently said "I'm not helping you anymore, because you won't help yourself".

Truth is, as far as can see, that no one has the time to drop everything, at the end of the day their own lives and families are more important.

[damomad]

That's brilliant, but would you actually.

Really not having a go or trying to put you down or question you, it's more of a general question.

I've been struggling on and off with depression and anxiety for years. I've told loads of good friends and not one of them has dropped absolutely everything for me. In fact one of my oldest friends recently said "I'm not helping you anymore, because you won't help yourself".

Truth is, as far as can see, that no one has the time to drop everything, at the end of the day their own lives and families are more important.

Fair questions. I definitely would initially, which is more what my point was about. If it came out of the blue, I'd be there to lend an ear and support them.

If it's repeated, then my help is clearly not of much use long term and they'd be better off with professional support which I would guide them towards. I've had experience with this, I once had a housemate who suffered from bad depression, to be honest it was really draining dealing with it everyday. It felt like every conversation would end on a down note and for the life of them they wouldn't go and get professional help (that I knew of). I gradually started resenting them and for my own sanity and had to move out.

More recently, I have a sister who I've talked about on here before, I could write a book on her drug and mental issues. Literally every conversation we have, her situation is brought up. And she is the definition of someone who "won't help herself". I have to set serious boundaries with her because almost 20 years of my adult life has been giving advice and listening and it hasn't done a damn thing. Maybe it has offered relief temporarily but nothing I say matters and it's all forgotten the next day. Objectively I know the issues aren't all her fault but if nothing changes and things only gets worse, after all the years of talking, what exactly is the point to being so available?

So that perhaps proves your point, I'm certainly no saint.

[RedDeadRejection]

Suffered my whole life. Going through it hard right now. No superficial reason to feel this way. Got a good job. Beautiful daughter and good friends who just want me to be happy. But that's it isn't it? Getting through a day is enough at the moment. Some people don't understand that it's not NOT wanting to help myself, it's that I literally cannot bring myself to get up and do it.

Of course, booze doesn't help. But having a social life so intertwined with the pub makes it difficult to avoid when you rely on friends to feel normal.

Anyway, got my little girl. Days will get longer soon, that always helps. Stay strong all. Here to help if people want a chat.

[Black Bull Nova]

Suffered my whole life. Going through it hard right now. No superficial reason to feel this way. Got a good job. Beautiful daughter and good friends who just want me to be happy. But that's it isn't it? Getting through a day is enough at the moment. Some people don't understand that it's not NOT wanting to help myself, it's that I literally cannot bring myself to get up and do it.

Of course, booze doesn't help. But having a social life so intertwined with the pub makes it difficult to avoid when you rely on friends to feel normal.

Anyway, got my little girl. Days will get longer soon, that always helps. Stay strong all. Here to help if people want a chat.

Don't forget that the drink affects your mood, especially the next day and afterwards. Depression and alcohol are a bad mix, trust me. At least moderate.

[RedDeadRejection]

Don't forget that the drink affects your mood, especially the next day and afterwards. Depression and alcohol are a bad mix, trust me. At least moderate.

I'm certainly going to try. Thank you

[reddebs]

I'm certainly going to try. Thank you

You may or may not be aware but there is a superb thread in here regarding alcohol and substance misuse with loads of help, advice and support to anyone suffering.

I'd post the link but I've not time to search for it atm though I'm sure somebody will.

Never suffer in silence mate, this place is full of beautiful folks willing to listen 👍

Here you go mate https://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=248233.0

[RedDeadRejection]

You may or may not be aware but there is a superb thread in here regarding alcohol and substance misuse with loads of help, advice and support to anyone suffering.

I'd post the link but I've not time to search for it atm though I'm sure somebody will.

Never suffer in silence mate, this place is full of beautiful folks willing to listen 👍

Here you go mate https://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=248233.0

Ah thank you. I'll read it tonight. All help appreciated 👏. That's why reds are the best.

[Black Bull Nova]

Alcohol is a depressant, which can disrupt the balance of neurotransmitters (chemical messengers) in your brain and affect your feelings, thoughts and behaviour. Alcohol affects the part of your brain that controls inhibition, so you may feel relaxed, less anxious, and more confident after a drink. But these effects quickly wear off. The chemical changes in your brain can soon lead to more negative feelings, such as anger, depression or anxiety, regardless of your mood. Alcohol also slows down how your brain processes information, making it harder to work out what you’re really feeling and the possible consequences of your actions. In the long-term, alcohol uses up and reduces the number of neurotransmitters in our brains, but we need a certain level to ward off anxiety and depression. This can make you want to drink more to relieve these difficult feelings – which can start a cycle of dependence.

[ToneLa]

Don't forget that the drink affects your mood, especially the next day and afterwards. Depression and alcohol are a bad mix, trust me. At least moderate.

Yeah, this is the reason I kicked the drink. Depression, but I also have trauma.

It was more the inability to repair, alcohol is pretty terrible for any kind of recovery. But add in trauma and it got a whole lot worse.

I'm a lot... not happier exactly, but lot more myself. Happiness happens. Hey, depression happens, but it's a lot milder

I appreciate it was easier for me than a lot of people (not actually sure why, but hardly gonna complain - I did got to AA meetings, I did everything by the book) - lovely to see we have a thread for it.

[reddebs]

Ah thank you. I'll read it tonight. All help appreciated 👏. That's why reds are the best.

You're welcome mate we do our best where we can 👍

[reddebs]

Really starting to feel that battle building again where the constant negatives are getting the better of the positives.

So much shit happening in the country and worldwide that's impossible to change or influence.  So many dissenting voices, the crap weather and feeling like a caged animal stuck inside. 

A constant battle financially to keep our heads above water and wondering how the hell we keep working to pay for everything.

I'm eternally grateful that we're living where we are as that at least is keeping me going and I'm trying really hard to keep smiling through it all but I'm not sure how much longer that'll last.

[RedDeadRejection]

Really starting to feel that battle building again where the constant negatives are getting the better of the positives.

So much shit happening in the country and worldwide that's impossible to change or influence.  So many dissenting voices, the crap weather and feeling like a caged animal stuck inside. 

A constant battle financially to keep our heads above water and wondering how the hell we keep working to pay for everything.

I'm eternally grateful that we're living where we are as that at least is keeping me going and I'm trying really hard to keep smiling through it all but I'm not sure how much longer that'll last.

Being aware comes with its own set of issues I know. We are on the cusp of spring, the birds will be singing and the smell of the grass will fill the air. Allow yourself to switch off from the world when you can and sit with any sadness and allow it to work its way through you.
If I  can be bold, can I suggest a book called Your Pocket Therapist by Annie Zimmerman? Played it in audio last week and it really helped me understand certain things. Worth a listen for anyone facing the battle. Be safe

[Black Bull Nova]

Really starting to feel that battle building again where the constant negatives are getting the better of the positives.

So much shit happening in the country and worldwide that's impossible to change or influence.  So many dissenting voices, the crap weather and feeling like a caged animal stuck inside. 

A constant battle financially to keep our heads above water and wondering how the hell we keep working to pay for everything.

I'm eternally grateful that we're living where we are as that at least is keeping me going and I'm trying really hard to keep smiling through it all but I'm not sure how much longer that'll last.

Hang on, this is just around the corner, rather than look at the news go out and enjoy spring, its free and it really is good for you.
A simple life can be richly rewarding, its a state of mind. Take notice of the little things, every day and ignore the things you can do nothing about.
I get your concerns about money and they will keep you awake at night, I had it for 35 years, nearly every day. It passed in the end, I was lucky but that's a long time I spent worrying about something I could do little about.

[reddebs]

Appreciate the replies guys and absolutely yes spring is just around the corner so naturally my spirits will improve once I can get outside to truly enjoy it..

I've always struggled through January and February but this is the first time it's negatively effected me since we moved here and I know it's due to the inclement weather and I'll feel better once it improves but what if it doesn't improve?

That's where I'm struggling.  This shitty weather isn't restricted to just here, these extremes are hitting everywhere with nothing to say it'll settle back to "normal" anytime soon.

My garden is my sanctuary so if I can't get outside to feel the peace it brings me how do I overcome this downward spiral I'm experiencing.

[WhereAngelsPlay]

Whenever I feel the darkness lurking I put my tackle in the van & go fishing, it has always been my therapy for the same reason that your garden is yours, natures hum & smells, catching fish is secondary when I'm alone.

[Son of Spion]

Whenever I feel the darkness lurking I put my tackle in the van & go fishing, it has always been my therapy for the same reason that your garden is yours, natures hum & smells, catching fish is secondary when I'm alone.

I do the same. I get off to West Lancashire on the canal at dawn then fish until dusk when I get the opportunity. Farmland, nature, peace and quiet. Passing locals are generally really pleasant, as are the boaters.

[Son of Spion]

Appreciate the replies guys and absolutely yes spring is just around the corner so naturally my spirits will improve once I can get outside to truly enjoy it..

I've always struggled through January and February but this is the first time it's negatively effected me since we moved here and I know it's due to the inclement weather and I'll feel better once it improves but what if it doesn't improve?

That's where I'm struggling.  This shitty weather isn't restricted to just here, these extremes are hitting everywhere with nothing to say it'll settle back to "normal" anytime soon.

My garden is my sanctuary so if I can't get outside to feel the peace it brings me how do I overcome this downward spiral I'm experiencing.

A friend of one has just messaged me and she was also saying how the weather is getting her down. Mrs Spion is complaining about it as well.

I'm usually outside when I've got free time. Either doing things in the garden or doing woodwork projects. I usually struggle between October and March. It felt to me like everything was dying. I had to eventually reframe it in my mind so that I saw it not as everything dying, but everything resting. That helped me cope with it better.

Nothing lasts forever. Not even this awful weather. It won't be long before it's light at past 9pm and we're complaining about the heat. It's just around the corner. 🌞 We've no doubt got a few hosepipe bans to look forward to. 😃

I definitely understand your feelings on this. I even put a gazebo up a year or so ago so I could do my woodworking in the garden. It was freezing, and the gazebo ended up with snow on the roof, but it got me outside and busy. Anyway, I hope you're feeling a lot better very soon. Life's slowly starting to open up again. Coots are building nests in the park. Wood pigeons were mating in the tree earlier. We had a Blue Tit checking out the nest box too. Take care of yourself. ♥️

[reddebs]

You've all inspired me guys thank you.

We've got no rain forecast now till Tuesday so I've got my notebook out to make some plans for jobs I can get done whilst it's dry.

One way or another I'll be outside this weekend so fingers crossed I'll be feeling more positive next week 👍

[Kenny's Jacket]

You've all inspired me guys thank you.

We've got no rain forecast now till Tuesday so I've got my notebook out to make some plans for jobs I can get done whilst it's dry.

One way or another I'll be outside this weekend so fingers crossed I'll be feeling more positive next week 👍

Hi mate,  When Im down a usually find reason to not go outside and make what my therapist calls towards moves
If this happens to you it might be a good idea to join a ramblers club, it lowers the chance of you not going out.

All the best look after yourself

[Red Beret]

I try to tell myself that the world is a far more wonderful and beautiful place, full of kind and decent people than the news leads us to believe. Humanity seems to focus on misery; I choose not to be a part of that. I'm not use to anybody if I'm so miserable I can't even get out of bed. I just try to help people as best I can.

[damomad]

Hi mate,  When Im down a usually find reason to not go outside and make what my therapist calls towards moves
If this happens to you it might be a good idea to join a ramblers club, it lowers the chance of you not going out.

All the best look after yourself

That's great advice and relatable. There have been times I've had to really force myself outside recently so I invested in proper outdoor all weather gear. A good rain coat with a wind breaker, umbrella and woolies. I always feel like I can face the poor weather when wrapped up and rarely regret it during and after. The sound of rain can be really meditative and the cold wind on my face while wrapped up makes me feel fresh. Even the evergreen trees when wet glisten and look lively. These are all energising experiences I just couldn't have any other time of year.

So much of it is just perspective, just this evening I walked out the door and was cursing (literally, a passerby must have thought I was a madman) over something that happened in work today. I walked further and looked ahead and saw the almost full moon, lit up like a bulb, and caught myself on. That big rock floating about in the sky, our earth's night light. It's hard to be aware of how beautiful, weird and wonderful the world is all the time but it really is.

[Black Bull Nova]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001ryhr                     Michael uncovers why going for a walk on a rainy day could improve your mood and even give your immune system a boost!       


Oh, and by the way, going out after the rain is good for you, see above

[Red Beret]

Been wrestling with low mood and paranoia for months and last night it came very close to getting on top of me. Please keep me in your thoughts.

I'm trying to sort private therapy, but it seems the waiting lists are almost as bad as with the NHS.

[Black Bull Nova]

Been wrestling with low mood and paranoia for months and last night it came very close to getting on top of me. Please keep me in your thoughts.

I'm trying to sort private therapy, but it seems the waiting lists are almost as bad as with the NHS.

Which area of the country are you GP registered?

[Kenny's Jacket]

Been wrestling with low mood and paranoia for months and last night it came very close to getting on top of me. Please keep me in your thoughts.

I'm trying to sort private therapy, but it seems the waiting lists are almost as bad as with the NHS.

Whilst you are waiting is it worth telephone services, Samaritans etc?

There is a service you can pay for that will do it over video if you have that facility
https://www.betterhelp.com

I have no experience of them but have heard there adverts on podcasts

[Peabee]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001ryhr                     Michael uncovers why going for a walk on a rainy day could improve your mood and even give your immune system a boost!       


Oh, and by the way, going out after the rain is good for you, see above

Yeah, there's fewer people about. The smell of rain on the ground (petrichor) is relaxing too.

"There's no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing."

[Nitramdorf]

Been wrestling with low mood and paranoia for months and last night it came very close to getting on top of me. Please keep me in your thoughts.

I'm trying to sort private therapy, but it seems the waiting lists are almost as bad as with the NHS.

I'm sorry to hear that buddy. Hope things get a little bit better over the next few days. Take care.

[Son of Spion]

I'm sorry to hear that buddy. Hope things get a little bit better over the next few days. Take care.

I'd like to echo that sentiment.

Take care, Red.

[mattD]

Been wrestling with low mood and paranoia for months and last night it came very close to getting on top of me. Please keep me in your thoughts.

I'm trying to sort private therapy, but it seems the waiting lists are almost as bad as with the NHS.

Take it easy man, keep in touch with us here and know we're here. The depths of utter despair, and the isolation and loneliness that accompanies it, is a universal feeling I'm sure all of us have felt. It's fine to be scared, just know you're not alone in those feelings.

[ianburns252]

Been wrestling with low mood and paranoia for months and last night it came very close to getting on top of me. Please keep me in your thoughts.

I'm trying to sort private therapy, but it seems the waiting lists are almost as bad as with the NHS.

A lot of companies have EAP programmes which offer a limited (usually 6) free sessions with a counsellor and it is near instant - fully anonymous too so your work won't know

Might be worth looking into - really helped me at times (especially when I couldn't afford private sessions)

[Red Beret]

Which area of the country are you GP registered?

I'm on Merseyside. I've tried it all virtually. Talk Liverpool is garbage, and I don't feel comfortable with the Samaritans.

When I said therapy, I probably just want counselling. Therapy requires you to think a lot, and my brain is tired. I just want to talk to someone. I don't/can't burden my friends with it, and I don't want to be constantly reliving it either. I'm of the belief that talking about your shit constantly tends to keep you mired in it, rather than being able to look for a way out.

[Red Beret]

A lot of companies have EAP programmes which offer a limited (usually 6) free sessions with a counsellor and it is near instant - fully anonymous too so your work won't know

Might be worth looking into - really helped me at times (especially when I couldn't afford private sessions)

I had a breakdown in 2010/11. I've been classed as mentally disabled ever since, so I don't work. I've got enough benefit to afford some measure of private therapy, but the initial consultation is £80, so it would probably be just a once a month or once a fortnight thing.

I've got some trips planned for April and May. I hate travel anxiety but being in different places really soothes my heart. I hope the weather improves!

[WhereAngelsPlay]

I had a breakdown in 2010/11. I've been classed as mentally disabled ever since, so I don't work. I've got enough benefit to afford some measure of private therapy, but the initial consultation is £80, so it would probably be just a once a month or once a fortnight thing.

I've got some trips planned for April and May. I hate travel anxiety but being in different places really soothes my heart. I hope the weather improves!

I've mentioned it before in here that I go fishing, some ramble, others swim. If you could find something like that which you enjoy, it'd help massively, it even helps just knowing that there's something that you can do that's able level you out.

[Henry Gale]

Of course,  each to their own Rob.  Wasn’t having a go,  much prefer my own company, it’s just the way I’m made.

You're not alone with this! I love my own company. I will frequently arrange for the Mrs to go away for a week with her sister so I can have the week to myself. I can quite easily spend a week home alone and not talk to a single person! it's great