Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread

[Maggie May]

"i drink because i can forget everything.  oblivion is heaven, a relief from living...."

I've done a fair bit of this for the last four years.  Interspersed with periods of sobriety until the next trigger set me off.  I didn't find any "interests" because I wasn't interested in meeting or engaging with anyone.  As to the comments of others - it was water off a ducks back really, as I invariably found them insincere when push came to shove.  I found out early on after John died that people do not necessarily mean what they say - its just words. 

For instance - the doctor rang up "If there is anything at all you want just let me know."  "Anything?"    "Absolutely"  "OK.  Can you raise the dead?"  "Erm.. no"  "OK.  Can you reconstitute ashes?" "Erm.. no"  "OK.  I need my patio steam cleaned.  Can you work a pressure hose".  "Erm.. no"  "Well you're not much fucking use then are you?".  Well - I was feeling nowty.

I blank both sides of the families - John's and mine - as it is difficult to say which sister is the most evil and rapacious.  Mine forged my signature on numerous occasions - his tried to get me sectioned (see witless doctor referred to above), when I refused to sign a power of attorney.

And loads of other stuff.

So oblivion was very welcome. 

I have been sober for about four weeks now, and this time it feels different.  True, coming off was the worst I have known - I vomited for three days - I was horrified to realise the obscene amount of cash I spent on booze, and I was becoming physically weaker and weaker.  But I have made my own world now and I am happy in it and am content.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Hi Nana

[TepidT2O]

I've done a fair bit of this for the last four years.  Interspersed with periods of sobriety until the next trigger set me off.  I didn't find any "interests" because I wasn't interested in meeting or engaging with anyone.  As to the comments of others - it was water off a ducks back really, as I invariably found them insincere when push came to shove.  I found out early on after John died that people do not necessarily mean what they say - its just words. 

For instance - the doctor rang up "If there is anything at all you want just let me know."  "Anything?"    "Absolutely"  "OK.  Can you raise the dead?"  "Erm.. no"  "OK.  Can you reconstitute ashes?" "Erm.. no"  "OK.  I need my patio steam cleaned.  Can you work a pressure hose".  "Erm.. no"  "Well you're not much fucking use then are you then?".  Well - I was feeling nowty.

I blank both sides of the families - John's and mine - as it is difficult to say which sister is the most evil and rapacious.  Mine forged my signature on numerous occasions - his tried to get me sectioned (see witless doctor referred to above), when I refused to sign a power of attorney.

And loads of other stuff.

So oblivion was very welcome. 

I have been sober for about four weeks now, and this time it feels different.  True, coming off was the worst I have known - I vomited for three days - I was horrified to realise the obscene amount of cash I spent on booze, and I was becoming physically weaker and weaker.  But I have made my own world now and I am happy in it and am content.

That is beautifully written...

[Maggie May]

Hi Nana

Hiya beloved Grandling.  I hope all is well with you.

That is beautifully written...

Thank you.  Very kindly said.

[Peabee]

I came off buprenorphine nearly 3 weeks ago.  For the first time in 10 years, I'm opiate/opioid free. 

I'm suffering from insomnia now though, which was eased by the zoppies in the first two weeks, but it doesn't seem to be relenting much at the moment.  I'm ok in the daytime now, but I'm prone to either not be able to fall asleep or wake up an hour or two into sleep and either my body or mind or both are restless.  Restless is an understatement really.  I was even thinking about jumping out of the window last night to end the feeling.  Pacing my room like a prison cell, scared of going for a walk in case I do something stupid.

To cap it all, I went for a run and injured myself yesterday.  Running has been helping me through it, so being injured won't help. 

Anyone reading this who thinks they're developing a problem with drink or drugs: seek help as soon as possible.   The longer you're hooked, the harder it is to get clean and sober.   

[sms1986]

Drank for the first time since July 16th tonight. Nothing major, two pints of Strongbow with my tea when out with family for a meal (my brother, sister-in-law and baby niece are visiting from Dusseldorf where they live). I finished work yesterday until next Tuesday, so this long weekend has been quite nice so far, partly thanks to Liverpool.

I don't have any drinks here at home, so I think I've done well to just drink in moderation. I enjoyed a drink without needing to continue drinking, although part of me does still want to have a few more, but I won't be satisfying that part of me tonight.

[Billy The Kid]

Have any of you ever read the AA big book?

I just read it out of curiosity and have a completely different understanding of it now

I guess its true what the say, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at start to change 

[Rysoph76]

Drank for the first time since July 16th tonight. Nothing major, two pints of Strongbow with my tea when out with family for a meal (my brother, sister-in-law and baby niece are visiting from Dusseldorf where they live). I finished work yesterday until next Tuesday, so this long weekend has been quite nice so far, partly thanks to Liverpool.

I don't have any drinks here at home, so I think I've done well to just drink in moderation. I enjoyed a drink without needing to continue drinking, although part of me does still want to have a few more, but I won't be satisfying that part of me tonight.

Don't beat yourself up mate. I know I need to calm down with it and I was going to have a week off but had 3 good days but then having a few beers tonight because I had some good news today at work. Won't go mad and will then stay off it until the weekend. Life can be hard, we each find our own way and that way sometimes needs a bit of help to relax you. Each to our/their own.

[Billy The Kid]

I know I need to calm down with it

Well? Have you calmed down with it?

[Rysoph76]

Well? Have you calmed down with it?

Off and on although i'm on a warning for abusing a spurs fan on here after a few beers (to be fair it was in jest although it may not have come across that way in print!) so maybe not

[Billy The Kid]

I've been watching a lot of this guy recently. His name is Father Joseph Martin. His videos are great

Don't let the fact that he's a priest put you off listening to him. As a recovered alcoholic himself, he knows what he's talking about


<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/fIbAn16mqlI&amp;t=796s" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/fIbAn16mqlI&amp;t=796s</a>

[Chakan]

bump

[spen71]

Any news on Carl?  Read in a different thread that he was in hospital with liver failure

[Billy The Kid]

Any news on Carl?  Read in a different thread that he was in hospital with liver failure

I think he made it out of hospital in the end

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I was told yesterday that he’s out of hospital but he’s been seen in town and “he looked emaciated and yellow. He told her he was dying.”

Not good signs at all....

[TepidT2O]

No.  Not good.

There’s always hope though

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I’ve received a message from Carl’s sister. Here’s the gist of it:

“We’ve found him! Was taken into hospital last night . Ambulance called by a resident after finding him seriously ill in the area.

Carl has liver failure. He also has a blood infection. They are drip feeding him vitamin supplements as his body is in detox and giving antibiotics via catheter. He has a morphine drip for pain.  He will be in for the foreseeable. Carl seems to think he was going to a hospice but he maybe confused.
The doctor in charge is scheduled to see him around 10 in the morning. We should get some real answers then.”

I’ll post more when I get news...

[John C]

Thanks mate, please give us every update you can if its not too sensitive and give him regards from everyone one of us on here.

[TepidT2O]

Oh poor Carl

Hang in thre fella

[deFacto please, you bastards]

I sincerely hope he gets better. God bless him

[sms1986]

He's a fighter and a survivor, hopefully he gets better soon.

[JLStretton]

Dreadful news, thinking of you Carl

[Tesco tearaway]

Shit news  Hang on there fella.

[AndyInVA]

I’ve received a message from Carl’s sister. Here’s the gist of it:

“We’ve found him! Was taken into hospital last night . Ambulance called by a resident after finding him seriously ill in the area.

Carl has liver failure. He also has a blood infection. They are drip feeding him vitamin supplements as his body is in detox and giving antibiotics via catheter. He has a morphine drip for pain.  He will be in for the foreseeable. Carl seems to think he was going to a hospice but he maybe confused.
The doctor in charge is scheduled to see him around 10 in the morning. We should get some real answers then.”

I’ll post more when I get news...

Thats terrible news. He seems to have tried and tried and often be able to get himself stable and it seems to keep getting him.

Very sad.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

This one is difficult for me to post so I’ll just copy/ paste Carl’s sister’s message to me:

“Ok. I really do not know where to start. I will try to avoid war and peace but there is a lot to digest.
Carl has end stage liver failure.
Acute Cirrhosis I believe the term is.
He is being pumped full of antibiotics to prevent peritonitis (sepsis) as this alone can be life threatening.
The meeting I had with his doctor was pretty unpleasant. In a nutshell he is not a suitable candidate for a liver transplant. Which pretty much is the only thing that could help.
A) because his body is in such a bad way and his overall health is questionable they cannot risk the operation as they do not think he will survive it due to the potential difficulties that may arise as they won't be operating on a strong healthy individual.
b) Even if they felt  the chances of Carl surviving the op were average/good they would look at his aftercare once he leaves 'medical support'
Carl's history of alcohol related hospital admissions are a factor. I saw his file . It's embarrassingly thick. They do not feel Carl would follow a strict regime of lifelong medication to protect the new liver or adopt a healthy alcohol free lifestyle.
The panel has discussed this and I do not think family or even Carl can overturn that decision.
They are concerned about Carl's mental capacity and cannot discuss his health or care, which is why they have asked us to consider DNR in the event his body goes into shock, which I guess is what they are expecting.
This is all a bit surreal and to be honest I cannot take it in.
I subsequently went to see Carl and as best I could I explained what the doctor discussed but not the subject of DNR.
He was lucid. He's been an arse refusing meds and I bollocked him and then I'm afraid I gave it to him all barrels.
After delivering a very blunt summary of Carl's life and reminding him of his recent statement of 'why won't you just leave me alone to die' I asked him if that is really what he wanted. I told him if it was then he was so close to getting his wish he only had to wait a while.
He told me he does not want to die, he told me he was scared and he wanted another chance,  a fresh start....he wants to be put on a transplant list.
I have explained to him the doctors views. He still wants the chance.
I left telling him to do what ever it took to get his current health threat under control, to take his medication and not be a dick. I told him I would be back again tomorrow and that we would pick up from there.
Now, how do I tell my brother that this is it?  He looked a scared tragic little boy who was lost. After all these years I actually think he's just realised that he's made some catastrophic choices and knows there are no more chances for him.
If the hospital has got him medically stable they anticipate that he will go into palliative care where he will be kept free from infection and pain until the body naturally gives up.
He's 43.........😞”

[Mumm-Ra]

Wow. What a horrible disease...

[Chakan]

[TepidT2O]

Carl, if you read this...  we all love you to bits mate...

[BRdispatch05]

Hard to read.

Can't imagine what he and his sister are going through at the moment. Prayers are with the both of them.

[damomad]

Awful to read that, just hope he is surrounded by those who love him at this time.

[sms1986]

What an horrible situation both for Carl and his friends and family, alcoholism really is a nasty disease. Hopefully he's as pain free as is possible with plenty of love and support around him.

[Crimson_Tank]

Carl mate, we are all thinking of you. 

[AndyMuller]

That was heartbreaking to read. Thoughts with Carl and family.


[You may have an iPhone but you are still using the free version of Tapatalk and spamming us with that knowledge]

[Peabee]

This is sad news.   

[Ziltoid]

Fucking hell Sir HF, come on lad, we all love you to bits. Think of all those close to you. Don't fuck it up you've got so much time to live.

[Corkboy]

Fucking hell Sir HF, come on lad, we all love you to bits. Think of all those close to you. Don't fuck it up you've got so much time to live.

I'm not sure the matter is within his control now, if it ever was.

[Ziltoid]

I'm not sure the matter is within his control now, if it ever was.

I know mate, I'm just clinging to some hope. He loves the guitar and in particular steve vai and that's how I clocked onto sir HF. His apparent hatred of cats should have made me dislike him but I felt an even stronger affinity as I always posted kittens when he was a bit ott. I'm just heartbroken that it's come to this.

[Branno]

Fuck...reality check right there. Wish you all the best HF

[El Lobo]

Heartbreaking to read that

Thinking of you buddy

[Billy The Kid]

I'm not sure the matter is within his control now, if it ever was.

The first step in any addiction recovery program is for the addict to accept that they have no control over whatever substance or behavior they're addicted to. It's one thing to be able to admit to it - but it's a whole other matter entirely to be able to accept it. It's only through acceptance can one develop a regime of abstinence.

Carl I wish you well and hope you pull through. God speed