Topic: Life as a Single Dad - stories of Meerkats, peedo's and wet sticky things

[Samee]

Remind's me of a time when my eldest was about 4 and I was still married. To be fair to the ex, she'd had taken Emily to the loo loads of times so it was my turn. And there was a queue for the ladies as well so, it was the Gents or nothing....

My ex gave me the 'kit bag' which contained everything from spare knickers through to half eaten Toblerone. And, supposedly, a pack of tissues, just in case there was no loo roll.

The problem was Emily hated going to the Gents loo - she said it was 'pooey' (translation: 'stank') - but there was no other option.  However, the Gents was busy also and there was a little queue for the cubicles.   It was whilst waiting for a cubicle to become free that I discovered that there were no tissues in the bag to wipe Em's bum - only wet wipes. It transpired that Em didn't like the idea of her bum being cleaned with Wet wipes (understandable I suppose - but it was an emergency).

So, picture the scene.

Man enters Gents toilet, dragging little girl who's shouting 'No No No!!' - and crying uncontrollably.

Cubicle becomes free and man drags little girl into cubicle who's now shouting 'I don't want to! I don't want to! Stop it! I want my Mummy!'....

Then, after a few minutes.. little girl starts to shout 'Don't touch me with that!' Please don't touch me with that!'

Then 'Please don't touch my bum with that....please!'  ....'oh, nooooooooo......it's all wet and sticky.......'

Flush toilet.

Man leaves cubicle with little girl, and walks through gathered throng of concerned men, holding wet wipes in the air, like some sort of trophy.....

You are definitely Louis CK.

[Ultimate Bromance]

Haha, even better.

[stevedo]

haha that made me laugh more than your initial story!

+1 

[-Willo-]

I stop myself slide-tackling my daughter into hedge

My trophy daughter, held firmly in a fatherly embrace e.g. half-Nelson. 

[Matt S]

awesome thread!

[Garstonite]

Remind's me of a time when my eldest was about 4 and I was still married. To be fair to the ex, she'd had taken Emily to the loo loads of times so it was my turn. And there was a queue for the ladies as well so, it was the Gents or nothing....

My ex gave me the 'kit bag' which contained everything from spare knickers through to half eaten Toblerone. And, supposedly, a pack of tissues, just in case there was no loo roll.

The problem was Emily hated going to the Gents loo - she said it was 'pooey' (translation: 'stank') - but there was no other option.  However, the Gents was busy also and there was a little queue for the cubicles.   It was whilst waiting for a cubicle to become free that I discovered that there were no tissues in the bag to wipe Em's bum - only wet wipes. It transpired that Em didn't like the idea of her bum being cleaned with Wet wipes (understandable I suppose - but it was an emergency).

So, picture the scene.

Man enters Gents toilet, dragging little girl who's shouting 'No No No!!' - and crying uncontrollably.

Cubicle becomes free and man drags little girl into cubicle who's now shouting 'I don't want to! I don't want to! Stop it! I want my Mummy!'....

Then, after a few minutes.. little girl starts to shout 'Don't touch me with that!' Please don't touch me with that!'

Then 'Please don't touch my bum with that....please!'  ....'oh, nooooooooo......it's all wet and sticky.......'

Flush toilet.

Man leaves cubicle with little girl, and walks through gathered throng of concerned men, holding wet wipes in the air, like some sort of trophy.....

[♠Dirty Harry♠]

Remind's me of a time when my eldest was about 4 and I was still married. To be fair to the ex, she'd had taken Emily to the loo loads of times so it was my turn. And there was a queue for the ladies as well so, it was the Gents or nothing....

My ex gave me the 'kit bag' which contained everything from spare knickers through to half eaten Toblerone. And, supposedly, a pack of tissues, just in case there was no loo roll.

The problem was Emily hated going to the Gents loo - she said it was 'pooey' (translation: 'stank') - but there was no other option.  However, the Gents was busy also and there was a little queue for the cubicles.   It was whilst waiting for a cubicle to become free that I discovered that there were no tissues in the bag to wipe Em's bum - only wet wipes. It transpired that Em didn't like the idea of her bum being cleaned with Wet wipes (understandable I suppose - but it was an emergency).

So, picture the scene.

Man enters Gents toilet, dragging little girl who's shouting 'No No No!!' - and crying uncontrollably.

Cubicle becomes free and man drags little girl into cubicle who's now shouting 'I don't want to! I don't want to! Stop it! I want my Mummy!'....

Then, after a few minutes.. little girl starts to shout 'Don't touch me with that!' Please don't touch me with that!'

Then 'Please don't touch my bum with that....please!'  ....'oh, nooooooooo......it's all wet and sticky.......'

Flush toilet.

Man leaves cubicle with little girl, and walks through gathered throng of concerned men, holding wet wipes in the air, like some sort of trophy.....

Fantastic

[damomad]

Two great stories.

You are definitely Louis CK.

[And Could He Play]

 

quality, going on a single dad trip with my daughter soon. Could be tricky.

[AndyInVA]

great read, pretty sad though that things are the way they are

[jed the red]

cant believe ive missed this thread, ive had a really shit couple days at work this week and really considering jacking it all in............then i read this OP and howled like a banshee! its a shocking state of affairs that we have to think like this in todays day and age, but none the less hilarious, it has really cheered me up, cheers.

oh, and ACHP, hope nothing like this happens to you, but then again i do!!

[And Could He Play]

cant believe ive missed this thread, ive had a really shit couple days at work this week and really considering jacking it all in............then i read this OP and howled like a banshee! its a shocking state of affairs that we have to think like this in todays day and age, but none the less hilarious, it has really cheered me up, cheers.

oh, and ACHP, hope nothing like this happens to you, but then again i do!!

nah ill be fine ha ha

[TheTeflonJohn]

haha Roger that OP is one of the best reads I`ve had on Rawk. Quality