Author Topic: Corkboy Broke My Toilet  (Read 9371 times)

Offline El Campeador

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Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« on: May 8, 2011, 10:31:02 PM »
Ten minutes before he leaves my house, after spending the weekend bigging up himself with such grand declarations such as "You're welcome, America" and "I think I have autism, because it's cool", he locks himself in the bathroom, ostensibly to change his pants for airport security. A loud crash follows. Irishman emerges from bathroom, jeans nervously folded in front of him.

He looks at the Mrs and goes - "Hands up who hasn't broken anything in the house today?"

Fucking langer sat on the toilet seat with the cover on and broke right through it. Why would anyone need to sit down in order to change trousers? Strange fucker, that boy.

He's now the responsibility of the Transportation Security Administration, who are in charge of placing him on a plane back to deepest darkest Blackrock. Just in case, though, I've turned my mobile phone off in case he continues his path of lavatory destruction in Logan Airport.

Offline SMD

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #1 on: May 8, 2011, 10:37:05 PM »
Joke's on you, he nicked your drugs stashed in the toilet.
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Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #2 on: May 8, 2011, 10:39:27 PM »
There wasn't any left. He'd finished them all by Sunday morning.

"If I wasn't here, would you roll a doobie this early in the morning?"

"Probably not."

"Yeah, me neither probably. But could you go ahead and roll one anyway?"

Offline SMD

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #3 on: May 8, 2011, 10:40:54 PM »
Your pillow talk is amazing.
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Offline PeterJM

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #4 on: May 8, 2011, 10:50:25 PM »
This thread just reminds me of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7l6jg4Hlog

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #5 on: May 8, 2011, 11:18:57 PM »
Is corky laaaaaaaarge?

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #6 on: May 8, 2011, 11:21:48 PM »
Is corky laaaaaaaarge?

He's skinnier than a fucking post, which is incredible given the fact that he only eats processed meat.

I made him steak and cheeses last night. The residue at the bottom of the wok shall keep Charlestown warm next winter if the coal ever runs out.

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #7 on: May 8, 2011, 11:24:14 PM »
He's skinnier than a fucking post, which is incredible given the fact that he only eats processed meat.

I made him steak and cheeses last night. The residue at the bottom of the wok shall keep Charlestown warm next winter if the coal ever runs out.
steak as in steak ums steak?

Offline Sir Harvest Fields

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #8 on: May 8, 2011, 11:27:04 PM »
Im sorry but im laughing like a right twat here :)
"Woe to you, Oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short...Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast for it is a human number, its number is Six hundred and sixty six."

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #9 on: May 8, 2011, 11:27:40 PM »
steak as in steak ums steak?

There's medium rare. There's medium, medium well, and well done.

And then there's "black" as in "Blackrock".

Offline Lawnmowerman

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #10 on: May 8, 2011, 11:28:25 PM »
aka Hugh Jass

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #11 on: May 8, 2011, 11:32:20 PM »
There's medium rare. There's medium, medium well, and well done.

And then there's "black" as in "Blackrock".
that you got him eating a steak steak is miracle in it's self

Offline RedRabbit

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #12 on: May 8, 2011, 11:37:38 PM »
It's a Corkonian thing. We have to sit down when pulling on trousers cause of our enormous langers.
He shouldn't have let anybody know though and will have to be dealt with on his return:



You have disappointed us corky. For the last time.

Offline Ray K

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #13 on: May 8, 2011, 11:46:30 PM »
I reckon he was in there googling pictures of Michelle Backman and Sarah Palin, but got a bit over-excited.

Hence the broken toilet seat and the change of pants.  The langer.
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Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #14 on: May 8, 2011, 11:48:15 PM »
Exhibit A


Offline Sir Harvest Fields

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #15 on: May 8, 2011, 11:50:26 PM »
Fuck me thats funny.
"Woe to you, Oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short...Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast for it is a human number, its number is Six hundred and sixty six."

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #16 on: May 8, 2011, 11:57:10 PM »
Fuck me thats funny.

Mrs Campeador is all excited because it means, apparently, that the repairs of the toilet seat *must* involve a new sink and bathtub. Apparently, we cannot change one without changing everyfuckingthing in the shitter. Apparently.

Langer cost me a grand changing his trousers, but is only legally liable for fifty bucks. Typical.

Offline SMD

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #17 on: May 9, 2011, 12:00:58 AM »
Mrs Campeador is all excited because it means, apparently, that the repairs of the toilet seat *must* involve a new sink and bathtub. Apparently, we cannot change one without changing everyfuckingthing in the shitter. Apparently.

Langer cost me a grand changing his trousers, but is only legally liable for fifty bucks. Typical.

Yeah but he has to put you up at Chez Corkboy...
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Offline John C

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #18 on: May 9, 2011, 12:03:01 AM »
Exhibit A
haha, that takes some doing. How fuck did the mad get do that. Bloody hell.

Hang on, he didn't philosophise it in half did he?

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #19 on: May 9, 2011, 12:04:51 AM »
Yeah but he has to put you up at Chez Corkboy...

Tell you what, RAWK's costing me a bloody fortune. Between corkboy and the money that Juan Loco owes me, I might have to hire a Baathist enforcement squad across the pond.

You interested in a life of mustachioed skulduggery?

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #20 on: May 9, 2011, 12:06:32 AM »
Hang on, he didn't philosophise it in half did he?

;D

The fucking piece of plastic just gave up, and split in two :lmao

Offline conman

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #21 on: May 9, 2011, 12:10:12 AM »
well, at least he flushed ;D

Offline conman

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #22 on: May 9, 2011, 12:11:17 AM »
He's from the rebel county,

Toilets be shittin em selves, from his crack attack... literally.

Offline Bigly Red Richie

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #23 on: May 9, 2011, 12:12:57 AM »
Exhibit A


Are you sure he didn't try to take a bite out of it ?


It has that jagged look, that Easter eggs have when you smash them open.

Offline redbyrdz

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #24 on: May 9, 2011, 12:14:07 AM »
I love the fact that you posted this while he is on a trans-atlantic flight, about 8 hours from his next internet access point.
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Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #25 on: May 9, 2011, 12:14:25 AM »
Are you sure he didn't try to take a bite out of it ?

Quite sure. He eats nothing but processed meat, deep fried.

Offline Bigly Red Richie

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #26 on: May 9, 2011, 12:16:41 AM »
I love the fact that you posted this while he is on a trans-atlantic flight, about 8 hours from his next internet access point.
HaHaHa.

Whe he next checks in, he'll have  a 10 page thread all to himself.  ;D

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #27 on: May 9, 2011, 12:17:03 AM »
I love the fact that you posted this while he is on a trans-atlantic flight, about 8 hours from his next internet access point.

"Why would I need an iPhone?" - corkboy, May 7, 2011

Offline John C

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #28 on: May 9, 2011, 12:18:04 AM »
;D

The fucking piece of plastic just gave up, and split in two :lmao
Recycle me lord, recycle me. Why couldn't I have been a bicycle seat instead of a toilet seat.

Offline SMD

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #29 on: May 9, 2011, 12:23:58 AM »
Tell you what, RAWK's costing me a bloody fortune. Between corkboy and the money that Juan Loco owes me, I might have to hire a Baathist enforcement squad across the pond.

You interested in a life of mustachioed skulduggery?

Tune in next week, as I roam the streets of <where Juan Loco lives> with a rake, looking for long haired poofters (copyright L6 Red) to beat for money.
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Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #30 on: May 9, 2011, 12:45:09 AM »
If defence of corkboy, that looks like one of those seats that is about 2 mm thick. He's given you the excuse to get a proper one.

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #31 on: May 9, 2011, 12:53:30 AM »
Overall, it was a stunning performance by the Corkish one. His mere presence 500 yards of the Garden powered the Bruins past Philly for a series sweep, then he snapped the Sox losing streak by his onesey, adding a second win for good measure.

Corkboy's biggest challenge was channeling some luck towards our Celtics. When Rondo snapped his elbow backwards, our season looked to be on the abyss. But he willed Rajon Rondo's dislocated elbow back out of the changing room, presiding over the sickest playoff game the Boston Garden has seen in some time. He calmly observed Rajon Rondo tear LeBron James a new fucking asshole, Rondo's recently dislocated left arm hanging gimpishly at his side, leaned over, and went "You're welcome, America." Class. Godlike, to be honest.

We thank him profusely for the so-called Luck of the Corkish. He singlehandedly set Boston sports teams on the straight and narrow road to victory. Send him back anytime, preferably with a new toilet seat if at all possible.
« Last Edit: May 9, 2011, 12:58:49 AM by El Campeador »

Offline SMD

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #32 on: May 9, 2011, 12:55:37 AM »
Yeah but he only gave us a 2-2 draw against Sunderland.
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Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #33 on: May 9, 2011, 12:56:12 AM »
If defence of corkboy, that looks like one of those seats that is about 2 mm thick. He's given you the excuse to get a proper one.

It's thick enough to have lasted 6 years of use by guests from around the world. It's a toilet seat cover, not a chez fucking lounge.

What do they do in the toilets of Cork?
« Last Edit: May 9, 2011, 03:26:43 AM by El Campeador »

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #34 on: May 9, 2011, 01:01:20 AM »
It's thick enough to have lasted 6 years of use by guests from around the world. It's a fuckiing toilet seat cover, not a chez fucking lounge.

What do they do in the toilets of Cork?
cork toilets are known for their robustness. This was rookie error.

Although I'm defending the defenseless, those without voice must be given one.

Offline RedRabbit

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #35 on: May 9, 2011, 01:02:18 AM »
What do they do in the toilets of Cork?



Might explain a few things.

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #36 on: May 9, 2011, 01:05:54 AM »
Yeah but he only gave us a 2-2 draw against Sunderland.

Try sacrificing toilet seats in His honour, it seems to work.

Offline Moldyman

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #37 on: May 9, 2011, 01:10:21 AM »
:lmao This is brilliant!

Offline El Campeador

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #38 on: May 9, 2011, 01:17:57 AM »



Might explain a few things.

Corkboy's toilet looked nothing like that. If it did, I'd have wired it up for internet and never left.
« Last Edit: May 9, 2011, 03:28:27 AM by El Campeador »

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Corkboy Broke My Toilet
« Reply #39 on: May 9, 2011, 04:37:26 AM »
Have you considered that he may have smashed his foot into it on purpose? You know the oirish and terryism.