Author Topic: Better half stuck in the Cat flap  (Read 34127 times)

Offline Hazzak

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Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« on: May 10, 2007, 11:44:27 PM »
Really annoyed, got home from the pub, only 4 pints and the dog knocks down the stair gate that prevents him going upstairs, stair gate gets stuck against the wall and cant open the front door (small gap but not enough to open it or move said stair gate) .
Try to go round the back of the house through the neighbours (not in) and push the key through the back door to retrive through the cat flap. Key slightly turned, therefore no joy.

Try to break through old wooden patio doors, no luck, handle breaks off the door on the outside but still no entry (doors now knackered). climb back over fence, 17 stone, not an easy feat! trying to lift stair gate through small gap in front door with meter metal ruler, just about there when i hear
"I'm in hun, back door open"
lovely, i wait for the front door to open, waiting, waiting, nothing?
"i need help"
Confused, " you need to jump the fence again, im stuck!"
I do that, knees now crumbling, 6 foot drop on these legs, not easy!
and there it is, woman, stuck half way through the cat flap.

Try everything to get her out without success, i have now had to use pliers to break off about 6 inches of wood from the door, totally destoying both it and the cat flap, we are both covered in blood from combined efforts, i have two broken doors, we are not talking, she is in the garden crying, and i come here to vent! and all this from a lurker!!!

Right, now thta's done i'm off to try to make peace, i may have called her stupid several times for getting stuck and apparently that's an issue? Sheesh, women!!!

Wish me luck all!

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2007, 11:49:20 PM »
 ;D You should make a film out of that..
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Offline SportBilly

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2007, 11:49:26 PM »
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.   (John Ruskin - English critic, essayist, & reformer (1819 - 1900) )

Offline Danny Boys Dad

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2007, 11:51:04 PM »
Did you take advantage while she was stuck? Shame to miss the opportunity.
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Offline Hazzak

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2007, 11:52:28 PM »
I think i'm still in shock, she has gone for a bath, not that she has told me, we are totally ignoring eachother still, i have reheated the Chinese chicken curry that has been sat outside the front door for an hour and a half and may be sleeping on the sofa!

Offline ♠Dirty Harry♠

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Offline MomoIsBoss

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2007, 11:53:46 PM »
:lmao
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Offline SportBilly

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2007, 12:02:14 AM »
I think i'm still in shock, she has gone for a bath, not that she has told me, we are totally ignoring eachother still, i have reheated the Chinese chicken curry that has been sat outside the front door for an hour and a half and may be sleeping on the sofa!

Forget the chicken curry, maybe a tin of Whiskas will do the trick ;D
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Offline waittillmay

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2007, 12:03:44 AM »
brilliant, sorry but it is.

Offline Elli

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2007, 12:04:09 AM »
How has that become a row? It's hilarious!

Offline Danny Boys Dad

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2007, 12:05:44 AM »
Maybe she's upset that you didn't give her a good sausaging while she was there for the taking. Women get a bit upset about stuff like that.

You should go up and offer her a sausaging while she's in the bath, that should get you back in the good books.
C is for cookie, that's good enough for me

Offline SportBilly

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2007, 12:08:52 AM »
Maybe she's upset that you didn't give her a good sausaging while she was there for the taking. Women get a bit upset about stuff like that.

You should go up and offer her a sausaging while she's in the bath, that should get you back in the good books.

sausaging . Got to be one of the greatest words in the English language
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.   (John Ruskin - English critic, essayist, & reformer (1819 - 1900) )

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2007, 12:12:21 AM »
sausaging . Got to be one of the greatest words in the English language
I prefer Rogering.
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Offline bradigor

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2007, 12:16:42 AM »
Best thread title EVER :lmao

Offline Danny Boys Dad

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2007, 12:17:06 AM »
I prefer Rogering.

Whether the correct term is sausaged her, rogered her or slipped her a crippler is neither here nor there, he should have done something and she's obviously upset that he didn't.
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Offline Lo

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2007, 12:20:35 AM »
How has that become a row? It's hilarious!

was thinking that myself, tomorrow they will see the funny side :P

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2007, 12:22:44 AM »
How has that become a row? It's hilarious!

i may have called her stupid several times for getting stuck and apparently that's an issue? Sheesh, women!!!



Offline SportBilly

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2007, 12:47:02 AM »
I prefer Rogering.

Thanks for sharing details of your sex life there, Terry ;)
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.   (John Ruskin - English critic, essayist, & reformer (1819 - 1900) )

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2007, 01:01:29 AM »
Thanks for sharing details of your sex life there, Terry ;)
:D
"If you can't support us when we lose or draw, don't support us when we win"

http://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=219996.msg7899639#msg7899639

Rest in peace Ray Osborne/shanklyboy

Offline Hazzak

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2007, 07:29:28 AM »
I'm not sure if the lack of sausaging caused this to turn into an argument, i would never say i understand the lady but i would hazzard a guess that any attempt at this on my part would not have aided the situation.
No words have been spoken as of yet today, (Now in work and she was asleep when i left) there was however fresh tea by the bed for me when i awoke, she must have got up and made it for me so surely a good sign for the day?

Offline kopbird

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #20 on: May 11, 2007, 07:41:24 AM »
The cup of tea is definately a good sign, you should send her a nice text now to get back in her good books, don't forget to ask if she has fed the cat though  ;)

Offline BIGdavalad

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #21 on: May 11, 2007, 07:44:35 AM »
Maybe she's upset that you didn't give her a good sausaging while she was there for the taking

I have to admit, that bit did confuse me too.
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Offline Bradigors Mum

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #22 on: May 11, 2007, 07:47:41 AM »
 :lmao  I'm sorry, but that is one of the funniest things I've read in ages
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Offline ۩ Imperator ۩

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #23 on: May 11, 2007, 08:01:00 AM »
What a fantastic story. That's really cheered me up. ;D
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Offline Graham Smith

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #24 on: May 11, 2007, 08:04:34 AM »
On reflection - how big is your missus or more worryingly - how big is your fucking cat?
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Offline Hazzak

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #25 on: May 11, 2007, 08:16:24 AM »
Better half, not very big at all, Cat, Huge, Spaniel, who also uses the flap, medium.

Before it all became a bit strained i did take a photo on the phone  but i'm having reservations about posting that, i'm thinking she would kill me as it is if she ever saw this thread!!

Offline GinKop

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #26 on: May 11, 2007, 08:35:29 AM »
What a fantastic story. That's really cheered me up. ;D

;D

Me too! Calamity ensued.

It's what the "off-topic discussion" board was made for.

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Offline MichaelA

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #27 on: May 11, 2007, 08:43:03 AM »
This thread is better than the previous best thread ever which was the RAWKite who tried to get rid of the mouse in his house by using...Bonjella. ;D

Offline In Seasonal Fowl We Trust

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #28 on: May 11, 2007, 09:18:09 AM »
fecking hilarious - mind you I would kill you if I knew the story was doing the rounds over the net  ;D
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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #29 on: May 11, 2007, 09:25:46 AM »
This thread is better than the previous best thread ever which was the RAWKite who tried to get rid of the mouse in his house by using...Bonjella. ;D
Genius. ;D

Offline Marcus6

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #30 on: May 11, 2007, 09:29:35 AM »
Great start to the day  ;D

This thread is better than the previous best thread ever which was the RAWKite who tried to get rid of the mouse in his house by using...Bonjella. ;D

Link?
From custard slices to menstrual waste in 4 posts. That's impressive, even for RAWK.

Offline Bushy

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #31 on: May 11, 2007, 09:31:34 AM »
Funiest thing i've read in ages! ;D

Offline Marcus6

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #32 on: May 11, 2007, 09:36:23 AM »
From custard slices to menstrual waste in 4 posts. That's impressive, even for RAWK.

Offline bryanhohoho.....d

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #33 on: May 11, 2007, 09:41:18 AM »
What a fantastic story. That's really cheered me up. ;D

yep i have lil tears streaming down my face here ;D
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Offline jesslfc

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #34 on: May 11, 2007, 09:44:05 AM »
Funniest thing I've read in ages !!

 :lmao

Offline rogermoore

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #35 on: May 11, 2007, 09:56:48 AM »
Sorry but you really hyave no choice.  The photo must be posted.  Is it a good picture?  Is the quality as good as you would have wished for?  Do not hesitate add a visual aspect to this thread.  Make the thread really stand out.

Offline TonyTheRed

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #36 on: May 11, 2007, 09:58:10 AM »
That is class. You have to put the pic up here.....NOW!!!!!   :lmao

 :hump ----> sausaging   ;D
like one day u will find out im not female :)

Offline Hazzak

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #37 on: May 11, 2007, 09:59:41 AM »
I'm not that big!!

Offline Okkervil

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #38 on: May 11, 2007, 10:04:44 AM »
I'm not that big!!

Compared to the cat or the man?
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Offline Live4pool

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Re: Better half stuck in the Cat flap
« Reply #39 on: May 11, 2007, 10:13:29 AM »
you started off your first post with 'really annoyed' when really you should have said 'fucking hilarious'

funny as fuck that story ;D
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