Author Topic: Struggling with depression  (Read 350857 times)

Offline gazc23

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #40 on: July 1, 2010, 12:14:54 AM »
Just look at what they're doing mate. They're putting up roadblocks and obstacles in the way. It's not bcause they don't want to help you, honestly, you've got to believe that. it's because they're scared and don't know how to help properly. they're scared of fucking up when you need them most.

You don't have to say, but I'll hazard a guess that it's your dad who has done the U-turn. If I'm right, that's probably because he's one of an older generation of "mental illnesses are for weak people" mantra, and also because he has difficulty expressing his feelings in some ways. Maybe what he's really saying is that while he really wants to help, part of him is using the "man up" excuse as a way of him not having to face your difficulties with you because again, he's scared of fucking up.

All I would say is try to apologise for whatever you said that you regret. You're being too hard on yourself by talking about being disgusted and ashamed of yourself. Your mam will be upset but she won't be ashamed and disgusted by you, I promise. And mate, you are so much better than having to use JD and other helpers, so maybe it's time to leave them to one side for the night now, wouldn't you agree?

Wasn't my dad...... he's had depression before and is actually amazingly understanding

Christ mate, that's a tough pill to swallow but you've got to stop the drinking and call a friend to stay with or try and get your old flat back.
Mate, I really don't understand things like this and I'm real sorry to hear that but stop drinking and call a close mate or someone to talk too about it.

As far as the drink goes, I know I shouldn't be doing it but when ya own ma turns her back on ya what you suppose to do!?!?
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Offline Popcorn

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #41 on: July 1, 2010, 12:20:19 AM »
Wasn't my dad...... he's had depression before and is actually amazingly understanding

As far as the drink goes, I know I shouldn't be doing it but when ya own ma turns her back on ya what you suppose to do!?!?
Genuinely am sorry to hear that but you really should ring a mate who you can talk to now.

Offline Cribertinokes

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #42 on: July 1, 2010, 12:21:30 AM »
As far as the drink goes, I know I shouldn't be doing it but when ya own ma turns her back on ya what you suppose to do!?!?

But when you suffer from depression the last thing you want to add to that is alcohol. Stay strong mate and don't give into the bottle.
These are the days when I hate the world, hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers, beer drinkers, the satisfied ones. Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things and then I hate myself for realising that.

Offline jason42

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #43 on: July 1, 2010, 08:07:17 AM »
Maybe your mother struggled to help your father through his depression and is really scared at the thought of having to help her son go through the same thing....None of those excuses seemed solid enough to consider any other prospect.

You have to get yourself to your doctor who will more than likely give you tablets - these WILL help you cope. If you read my first post I tried so hard not to go on them as I thought I would be strong enough to cope but I wasn't.

You also need to ring your mum and have a proper heart to heart with her or get her to meet you somewhere for a coffee so you can both get things off your chest. I would bet that she is just scared....


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Online spen71

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #44 on: July 1, 2010, 08:11:48 AM »
I know I am a fine one to talk but do not drink it only makes it all feel worse.  Talk to your mum and explain how YOU  feel and ask her how she feels.  Also get down the docs.

Offline macca888

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #45 on: July 1, 2010, 09:42:02 AM »
Wasn't my dad...... he's had depression before and is actually amazingly understanding

As far as the drink goes, I know I shouldn't be doing it but when ya own ma turns her back on ya what you suppose to do!?!?

Sorry to hear that mate, and I hope i didn't upset you by saying it might have been your dad. It's just that in situations like these, it's usually men who have a problem coping with and talking about their feelings surrounding the situation. But the point still remains, like Jason has said with his excellent advice, that there is a reason she is acting like this, and maybe it was her experiences with your dad that are worrying her and that's why she's scared? Just a thought like, and it may well be worthwhile talking to her to find out why she's being like that.
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Offline Dr Cornwallis

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #46 on: July 1, 2010, 09:54:06 AM »
Move out of home and get yourself sorted.

Sounds harsh, but it will honestly go some way to sorting yourself out and re-gaining some independance back in all aspects of your life.
You've been used to feeling and doing what you're doing, too scared to do anything else, too comfortable in your depression and your anxiety, accomodating it.
A change in personal circumstance will change you, it will make you stronger and it will make you do things that you had previously been putting off doing.  It will make you more responsible for yourself again, more alive, more brave, more human.
Quite often, the most profound positive changes happen when they're forced on you.  Let's face it, given a choice, you'd stay right where you are, in your rut, and that's not going to get you better now is it.

If you want to help yourself out of depression then try reading through these workbooks.

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=37


If you don't read through them, then one can only assume that you like your depression-shaped comfort blanket.

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #47 on: July 1, 2010, 10:57:34 AM »
Thanks for the replies guys, can anyone shed light on this;

Why is it whenever I feel I've taken a step forward, something or someone knocks me three back.

After disscusing my problems ad nausem with my parents, which was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. We all agreed it'd be best if I moved home. For a number of reasons ie financially, mentally etc. [took me a long time to decide in all fairness]. So I plucked up the courage told my housemate, who were fantastically supportive and spoke with my landlord who was also great.

Anyway getting my stuff boxed and things organised when i thought I'd ring my folks to let them know how I've been. (hadn't seen them since my birthday last weds) Only to discover that one of them has done a FUCKING u-turn [won't say which one] and doesnt want me home for the following,

1. Where would all the stuff go? You've got loads and so have we! I mean WTF???? how do I answer that

2. What if you don't get any better, we're stuck with you at home then - THERE EXACT words.

3. You're 25 yo now you should be out on your own and shouldnt be back here.

Needless to say I blew a fuse and completely lost it with 'them' said somethings I shouldn't have done but come on how is that a valid list of reasons for not wanting to help your own son.

Feel ashamed and disgusted and lost now, 3/4 through a bottle of JD and other 'helpers' what should I do????
 ??? :'(


Hi Maximus,

First things first, you are not alone in this situation.

Both my brothers have been admitted to hospital for varying lengths of time in the past for threatening self harm and both have gone through the medication regime.

You need to give yourself a break here. You were justifiably angry that your parents pulled the rug out from under your feet at the last minute especially having spoken to your landlord and house mate. Self loathing in the form of alcohol abuse and feeling ashamed for natural feelings is no good.

You must also understand your parents viewpoint here. Itís not easy to deal with somebody who is going through what you are going through at the moment and just because they donít want you to move home does not mean they donít care. They may see it as a retrograde step for you and they may feel that moving home will only increase your feelings of worthlessness and helplessness.

Itís never black and white.

You have no entitlement to live there and imo you cannot project your anger and frustration at how things are going for you onto them. I think you know this deep down and this is adding to your feeling ashamed etc.

Self respect if the starting point, you need to make decisions that you feel good about as every time you hit the bottle or numb yourself out with relaxers etc you will hate yourself more for it. This is the vicious circle. Self abuse/disgusted/self abuse and on and on and on.

Get sober. No help can be given until you have a clear head mate.
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline dutch_red

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #48 on: July 1, 2010, 11:42:52 AM »
I've been suffering from depression for a very very long time (and i'm only 23), but it all came to a big blow out last juni-september. I suffer from a burn-out combined with panic attacks and depression. All things that intense the others; a burn-out is a inefficiancy in energy while depression is an inefficiency in mood.

In september I was feeling on my lowest point I've ever felt, though I'm sure I could've actually gone lower if I hadn't fought it. I had panic attacks every evening, so bad I almost fainted, threw up and was more scared than I've ever been before.
That was the time that I actually started talking to my mum about my problems. I tried to explain to her what I was feeling. That I didn't want to get out of bed, that I was afraid to go out of the house and scared about everything and nothing. 
Even now a year later, she still doesn't really understand everything I feel but she respects it and knows how to handle it. She's really been my life saver.

In about November/December I felt a bit better (no panic attacks every day) and got my mind set on getting better. I forced myself to go with my mum to the shops to get dinner, seems like a small thing, but to me it was HUGE. We started walking around the block every day and once a week we walked further, to the lake or the park, somewhere relaxing. We planned days out; just to the city centre or to the zoo. But these were things I was looking forward to and made me proud when I made it through that day.
The first big thing I did on my own was a few months ago when I went to the bird park in my town. I took my camera because I love to make pictures, and just walked around there for a few hours. It was a quiet day in the park which helped me a lot.

Like you, I was extremly scared that people would find out. I graduated last july and to the day, am still not at work. The main "excuse" I use is that I have a shoulder injury (which I do, but that is in my opinion not the main reason of not working). But now a year later I feel I want to tell people what is really going on, especially because I get very positive and good feedback from the people that do know.

Anyway, long story short. I have a very very long way to go, but I've also have a huge part behind me. It is very true what you say about one step forward, three steps back. You'll keep getting that for a long time. But over time, the steps forward become bigger and the steps back because smaller.

I did it without professional help and without medicine, but I've had wonderfull support from my mum and my neighbour who kept saying the right things at the right time. But not everyone has those people around them and some are far deeper in the depression.  Everyone is different and there are many different types of depression. Reading this topic, filter out the things that might work for you. Try some things out (walking/running/any of the other tips) and see if it's something that's doing you good.

Some points that were helpfull for me;

- Learn to understand what makes you feel the way you do. When are you more depressed than other days? Write down what you've done that day, what you eaten and drank. Especially with panic attacks it is a major help understanding what causes the attacks. Don't get into alcohol and drugs, they are only a there for a short time, and it does NOTHING to fight this, it only makes it worse.

- Do what feels right. Chose a path (prof. help or not) and stick by it. Tell yourself you've chosen that path and at that point it was the right decision. As long as you believe in that path, others will to and will help you walk it.

- Begin with small steps. Don't do major things, but things that are an almost garantee that will go right. Start with lunch with two friends instead of a whole family dinner. Start with a walk around the block instead of a marathon. These small steps will give you confidence and will give you motivation for the next step.

- Find someone who will be your "therapist". This can be a professional one, or a family member or friend. If it is a non-prof, make a deal with them; you will tell everything that's going on, and they will stick by you. You have to be selfish/egoistic at times to get yourself through it, and that can hurt the ones you love badly, but as long as they know why you do it they will stick by you!

- Do things that make you feel good. If you like sitting in the park, going to the zoo or watch a match, DO IT! Those are the moments that your "mood" needs to reload the battery. It motivates you, it makes you feel good and it makes you feel proud of yourself. Don't be ashamed to go to these places often, it's what makes YOU feel better, so do it. (I've been going to the petting zoo almost every other week, and I don't give a fck, I actually call it "goat therapy" haha)

- Know that people are here to help you and that there are loads of people that understand you. For me this forum was a major help in feeling better (Topic: Anxiety, anyone else suffers from it?"). I got tips and I learned that I'm not the only one. I actually read somethings to my mum, what others said, to try and explain how I feel. It really helped her as well.

Anyway, I hope that in a year time you will look back at this thread and realise how far you've come. How much better you feel and how happy you are that you fought this!

You have the power in you to take on the battle!


Gon
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Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #49 on: July 1, 2010, 12:05:23 PM »
Great post Dutch Red.

Lots of hope in there.
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline Dr Cornwallis

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #50 on: July 1, 2010, 12:49:24 PM »
Gon,

I suggest you also look at the link I posted earlier, and have a look through the worry workbook.
Anxiety is bollocks, utter bollocks, and you have to see it for what it is.

From talking to a therapist recently, one of the things I've come to realise is that I've put off 'feeling' things for so long now.  Everything has been geared around numbing my anxiety, to the point where I don't like feeling really happy, or really sad, or excited, or any type of emotion.  I need to start, and have started, to just let go and let my thoughts and feelings run wild.  Of course, I've been armed with knowledge so that when I feel I need it, I can rationalise these feelings if I feel I need to.
But, you're NOT going crazy, you're not losing control, it's never going to get to 'that point' you dread, it's not uncontrollable.
Your thoughts are just thoughts.
Try and not think of a pink elephant for 30 seconds.

Right.  You failed.  This is exactly what's happening with anxious thoughts.  You're telling yourself that it's 'bad' to think some things, that it's a sign of something horrible if you keep on having nasty thoughts.  But the more you tell yourself not to have them, well the more you have to think of the thought first...and so it goes on and on.
You control you.  Depression is shitty, no doubt, but it's controllable by medication and your own thoughts.  If Stephen Fry can still host QI and do everything else he does, even with manic depression, then I'm sure you can get to the shops or go back to work, even part time.
There's nothing to fear except fear itself.  Honestly, there's some mileage in that old adage.

Offline dutch_red

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #51 on: July 1, 2010, 02:52:31 PM »
Great post Dutch Red.

Lots of hope in there.

Thank you!

Gon,

I suggest you also look at the link I posted earlier, and have a look through the worry workbook.
Anxiety is bollocks, utter bollocks, and you have to see it for what it is.

From talking to a therapist recently, one of the things I've come to realise is that I've put off 'feeling' things for so long now.  Everything has been geared around numbing my anxiety, to the point where I don't like feeling really happy, or really sad, or excited, or any type of emotion.  I need to start, and have started, to just let go and let my thoughts and feelings run wild.  Of course, I've been armed with knowledge so that when I feel I need it, I can rationalise these feelings if I feel I need to.
But, you're NOT going crazy, you're not losing control, it's never going to get to 'that point' you dread, it's not uncontrollable.
Your thoughts are just thoughts.
Try and not think of a pink elephant for 30 seconds.

Right.  You failed.  This is exactly what's happening with anxious thoughts.  You're telling yourself that it's 'bad' to think some things, that it's a sign of something horrible if you keep on having nasty thoughts.  But the more you tell yourself not to have them, well the more you have to think of the thought first...and so it goes on and on.
You control you.  Depression is shitty, no doubt, but it's controllable by medication and your own thoughts.  If Stephen Fry can still host QI and do everything else he does, even with manic depression, then I'm sure you can get to the shops or go back to work, even part time.
There's nothing to fear except fear itself.  Honestly, there's some mileage in that old adage.

I will certainly have a look at that link!

I totally hear what you're saying. In the beginning I just didn't want to feel low and down and did everything I could to not feel like that. But now I know that it's normal to sometimes to not feel to well. In the beginning a bad mood resulted in not feeling well for a few days and after that a huge panic attack. After that I got it all out and I felt good again. I just needed to get it all out.
But since a month or two, it doesn't build up to an attack anymore, just a good cry at times but most of the time not even that anymore. I've find that I somehow find a way to deal with the mood swings.

But I'm now at a point that I'm not feeling really low (black zone I call it) but also not feeling really good, mentally strong (the white zone). I'm a bit in the light gray area.
What you say about "You're in control" is true, and rationally I know that. I'm now just working on actually bringing it to practise. When I now feel panic coming up when I'm somewhere I can actually get myself out of that "mood" and not let it grow to a attack. It just costs a lot of energy and practice. It all needs to become more natural again.
But I'm on the right path and what you say about work etc. I know that I will be able to do that again one day. I'm not setting a time frame for it, because I know the pressure is working against me, but I'm positive it won't take another year for it to happen.
Realism is the denial of reality
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Imigination the means to explore reality

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Offline Dr Cornwallis

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #52 on: July 1, 2010, 03:16:27 PM »

But I'm on the right path and what you say about work etc. I know that I will be able to do that again one day. I'm not setting a time frame for it, because I know the pressure is working against me, but I'm positive it won't take another year for it to happen.

Set a day and date for it.  Don't put it off and off.  Try and find a job for one day a week, even an afternoon a week, do it ASAP.
Make it fun, I can't imagine being in a position now where I can choose a job, I feel so stuck in my current job.  I'd be brimming with excitement if I was you! 
Work in a dogs home, or behind a bar, anything, but keep it short to begin with.  Make it feel fun, and you'll look forward to it every week.  You'll also feel a little better about having 'time off' as you currently are, rather than always feeling a bit guilty about it.

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #53 on: July 1, 2010, 03:20:51 PM »
For what itís worth Dutch Red I think you are doing very well mate.

Depression is something that most people cannot get their head around if they have not been through it. Feeling down in the everyday sense does not compare in any way really.

From my family experience medication is not the way to go. Thatís not to say that they will not help some people or that anyone who is currently on prescription drugs for medical reasons should stop taking them because someone like me recommends that they do.

That being said I think they make people worse. They numb whatís left of a personís personality and make them more distant if anything.

Just my experience mind.
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #54 on: July 1, 2010, 03:25:41 PM »
Set a day and date for it.  Don't put it off and off.  Try and find a job for one day a week, even an afternoon a week, do it ASAP.
Make it fun, I can't imagine being in a position now where I can choose a job, I feel so stuck in my current job.  I'd be brimming with excitement if I was you! 
Work in a dogs home, or behind a bar, anything, but keep it short to begin with.  Make it feel fun, and you'll look forward to it every week.  You'll also feel a little better about having 'time off' as you currently are, rather than always feeling a bit guilty about it.


A bit of voluntary work could be useful also. Added feel good factor in giving your time to other people for no return.

All helps towards good self esteem which is the promised land for most people suffering with this condition.
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline Red_Isle_Chap

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #55 on: July 1, 2010, 11:47:44 PM »
Move out of home and get yourself sorted.

Sounds harsh, but it will honestly go some way to sorting yourself out and re-gaining some independance back in all aspects of your life.
You've been used to feeling and doing what you're doing, too scared to do anything else, too comfortable in your depression and your anxiety, accomodating it.
A change in personal circumstance will change you, it will make you stronger and it will make you do things that you had previously been putting off doing.  It will make you more responsible for yourself again, more alive, more brave, more human.
Quite often, the most profound positive changes happen when they're forced on you.  Let's face it, given a choice, you'd stay right where you are, in your rut, and that's not going to get you better now is it.

If you want to help yourself out of depression then try reading through these workbooks.

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=37


If you don't read through them, then one can only assume that you like your depression-shaped comfort blanket.
Mate, come on. If you're going to breeze in here with the attitude you have, at least have the decency to read Max's posts, in fact, read the thread from the start. You owe the lad an apology for that post, despite meaning it in the best possible way.
And when you find yourself along the untrodden path
Remember me with a smile, a drink, a gesture or a laugh
And a toast for the man who loves every hour of every day
And a feast for the friends and faces met along way
Gratitude

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #56 on: July 7, 2010, 05:03:12 PM »
Hey Gaz,

How are things now,

Have not seen you post in a bit mate.

Cheers

Frank
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline flw

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #57 on: July 8, 2010, 01:07:08 AM »
I  have to agree somewhat with bleedsred 1978 . I advise you to get help obviously and some form of anti depressants will be given which will help you initially, but they only mask the anxiety and is not dealing with what is  causing the depression, not all forms of depression can be cured by ones self ,but you can in some cases help yourself.
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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #58 on: July 8, 2010, 05:37:43 PM »
Won't go into to much depth about it here but I've suffered depression on and off for a long , long time .

Anyway to cut a long story short , I been on and off the pills for years , and although they help at times the depression always returns . Never really been into the therapy thing , so always on the internet checking the various articles .

Anyway , at the start of the year , I came across an article on the BBC website relating to depression and came across an article on a therapy called Mindfullness . Apparently it's been around for a good 40 years or so but it's now getting good reviews in relation to treating depression in the long term .

Although it's a bit heavy , it's basically to do with teaching the mind not to ruminate ( which is pretty much the root cause of depression ) , and to recognise that negative feelings etc are just thoughts and more often than not don't relate to the present . Mindfullness practise largely involves meditation and also being aware of how the mind works and steering it away from negative patterns.Wont waffle on to much about it , but if you you want to check it out further on the internet check out Mindfullness , Mindfullness Based Cognitive therapy ( MBCT ) , and Mindfullness Based Stress Reduction ( MBSR ).It deals with stress and anxiety as well as depression.

After checking it out there are various practioners working across the UK . I'm just finishing a course at the moment and fingers crossed , so far so good .

There's also a good book ( if you prefer the self help route ) called The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness

Like I say , it can be a bit heavy getting into , but it's worth a go . If anyone in the area wants to know of a local course , or wants more information on it , send me am email / PM and I'll get back to you .

Hope this helps .
« Last Edit: July 9, 2010, 07:49:02 AM by wavertree pedro »
Before you criticise a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Then, when you do criticise him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #59 on: July 9, 2010, 10:44:13 AM »
Won't go into to much depth about it here but I've suffered depression on and off for a long , long time .

Anyway to cut a long story short , I been on and off the pills for years , and although they help at times the depression always returns . Never really been into the therapy thing , so always on the internet checking the various articles .

Anyway , at the start of the year , I came across an article on the BBC website relating to depression and came across an article on a therapy called Mindfullness . Apparently it's been around for a good 40 years or so but it's now getting good reviews in relation to treating depression in the long term .

Although it's a bit heavy , it's basically to do with teaching the mind not to ruminate ( which is pretty much the root cause of depression ) , and to recognise that negative feelings etc are just thoughts and more often than not don't relate to the present . Mindfullness practise largely involves meditation and also being aware of how the mind works and steering it away from negative patterns.Wont waffle on to much about it , but if you you want to check it out further on the internet check out Mindfullness , Mindfullness Based Cognitive therapy ( MBCT ) , and Mindfullness Based Stress Reduction ( MBSR ).It deals with stress and anxiety as well as depression.

After checking it out there are various practioners working across the UK . I'm just finishing a course at the moment and fingers crossed , so far so good .

There's also a good book ( if you prefer the self help route ) called The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness

Like I say , it can be a bit heavy getting into , but it's worth a go . If anyone in the area wants to know of a local course , or wants more information on it , send me am email / PM and I'll get back to you .

Hope this helps .

Fair play Pedro,

Hope this does the trick for you mate.
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline Dr Cornwallis

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #60 on: July 9, 2010, 11:17:16 AM »
Mate, come on. If you're going to breeze in here with the attitude you have, at least have the decency to read Max's posts, in fact, read the thread from the start. You owe the lad an apology for that post, despite meaning it in the best possible way.

No I don't!
I sympathise with anyone who suffered from depression/panic attacks/anxiety, as I do as well, but I'm also my biggest critic.
The situation with his parents isn't nice, but let's not pretend that that is the problem here.  It's a set-back but it isn't the root cause of the problem.  If he was enjoying a 'normal' life, then he wouldn't have wanted to return home.
There does tend to be a degree of 'poor me' about people, like me, with these conditions, and if you let people indulge that then you'll wallow in it for as long as it makes you comfortable.

Only one way out of panic/anxiety, and that's getting on with shit.  Make yourself strategically uncomfortable, do things you don't want to do, disprove your theories about what will happen, and stop worrying all day every day.
Depression itself is something I know little about as I don't think I suffer from it.  Anxiety mimics depression, you end up feeling 'fucking fed up' with the anxiety and it feels like you're very depressed, but then of course you are anxious about depression as well, you worry that you have depression and that it's yet another obstacle.
My theory is that I take medication for anxiety that actually treats depression, so I should not ever suffer from depression because the pills take care of the seratonin levels in my bwain.  So why do I still sometimes feel 'depressed', and why is it that I notice that I can shake this 'depression' by doing certain things for short periods?  If it was all-encompassing and unstoppable, then why can I enjoy peaceful respite's from it when doing certain things like exercising, or watching footy, or something that diverts me?
Logic dictates that I am suffering from a thoughts and mood based condition, and that if I break free of those things then the 'depression' lifts. 
There's only one person who's going to get Max better, and it's neither his mum or his dad, it's him.
Yes, they're dealing with it very badly it seems, unless they're doing it on purpose, to make him stand on his own two feet and get some self-esteem and self-worth back, but I doubt it...

All my love to Max, sincerely.

Offline Lo

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #61 on: July 9, 2010, 11:40:00 AM »
How are you doing matey?

Had a wobbly week myself and ended up having total melt down at work thankfully they picked me up brushed me of and wiped away my tears replacing them with laughter and huggles and tea, it also made them act the same the next day so all in all a bonus 2 days of people not making me do much and a constant tea supply, sometimes being depressed has its good sides  :P

Anyway getting back on track again and I hope you are too  :-*

Offline Dr Cornwallis

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #62 on: July 9, 2010, 12:10:15 PM »
And look what happened to you!
It was the end of the world one minute, now look at you!

Nothing to fear but fear itself.

Yeah, I'm coping.  Been seeing a psychological therapist at the GP's, just 30 mins per fortnight, but it's been worth it.  Worry is my problem, nothing else.  Worrying that gets unreasonable and judged on rubbish assumptions, and so I've been learning how to deal with this worry.  Set aside 10 mins every day to worry about things and don't allow yourself a minute of thinking at any other time.  Set a time, like 7pm, and tell your brain it'll have it's say then, not now.
Such a basic premise but works so well.

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #63 on: July 9, 2010, 12:49:28 PM »
And look what happened to you!
It was the end of the world one minute, now look at you!

Nothing to fear but fear itself.

Yeah, I'm coping.  Been seeing a psychological therapist at the GP's, just 30 mins per fortnight, but it's been worth it.  Worry is my problem, nothing else.  Worrying that gets unreasonable and judged on rubbish assumptions, and so I've been learning how to deal with this worry.  Set aside 10 mins every day to worry about things and don't allow yourself a minute of thinking at any other time.  Set a time, like 7pm, and tell your brain it'll have it's say then, not now.
Such a basic premise but works so well.

I have often wondered whether a dose of therapy would be worth my while. Too much to go into but lets just say I have been through the ringer a bit.

Both my brothers have threathened to take their own life at different times over the last 3/4 years and both my old fella and my mother suffer from depression to varying degrees.

I have found that rather than get depressed or anything my personality has become very Vulcan ie devoid of emotion. To me this makes me level headed and logical but to others I can see why they could find me aloof if they did not know me.

I guess it affects people in different ways but I often wondered to myself if I would benefit from telling my story to a therapist etc.

Did you get anything worthwhile from it Doc?
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline ♠Dirty Harry♠

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #64 on: July 9, 2010, 12:53:28 PM »
Think I'm suffering again, but this time I think it's reactive to stress in my job, which has started me procrastinating as I don't have the motivation to do the work. Could be a serious problem if I start falling behind.

Would it be any point seeing a doctor about medication? I'm already doing exercise etc but not helping much to be honest.

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #65 on: July 9, 2010, 01:00:25 PM »
Think I'm suffering again, but this time I think it's reactive to stress in my job, which has started me procrastinating as I don't have the motivation to do the work. Could be a serious problem if I start falling behind.

Would it be any point seeing a doctor about medication? I'm already doing exercise etc but not helping much to be honest.

I find I go through cycles. Flying in work for a couple of months and then can easily fall into drifting along for a couple of months.  If at all possible I would avoid the medication route. Just my opinion.

Try herbal even. Gin sing etc?
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline Spongebob Redpants

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #66 on: July 9, 2010, 01:17:09 PM »
Fair play Pedro,

Hope this does the trick for you mate.

Cheers mate !

Early days as far as the mindfulness goes , but will post back in 6 months or so and fingers crossed still good.

Don't like to take the pills if I can help it but also find them to be a hit & miss . Think it's also possible to build up a tolerance to them .

I see you mentioned to someone to maybe try the herbal route - St Johns wort is often touted , but didn't do much for me unfortunately when I tried it.

Before you criticise a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Then, when you do criticise him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #67 on: July 9, 2010, 01:40:54 PM »
Good stuff,

Like all Pharma products it is defo possible to build up a tolerance to them. As with all things in life it's about choices isnít it.

What works for one may not work for another. What I can say that Diazepam and the like leave the taker numb and with reduced motor skills etc.

When my brother was in a bad way they basically turned him into a walking not talking zombie for want of a better word.

He within a matter of weeks had begun abusing the dose to recreate the initial zombie like state. I guess when you feel the way he did and were threatening to end it all they want to dull you down to a great extent.

The jury is out in my eyes whether they helped or not. The proof is in the pudding I suppose taking in the fact that he did not do away with himself but the fact remains that it was only when he came off the pills after much prompting from me that he began to feel like himself again and was able to talk again coherently about what he was feeling and going through.

They say you canít base any finding on anecdotal evidence but for me pills basically are designed to tell you shut up and sit down and be quiet.
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline Red_Isle_Chap

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #68 on: July 10, 2010, 07:40:14 AM »
No I don't!
I'm not going to quote the whole thing and i'm not going to sidetrack the thread, but your opening line mate went

"Move out of home and get yourself sorted"

and the rest of the post revolved around that and comfort zones. That's what you owe him an apology for Dr C. Never said you didn't care, or haven't been through it or anything and a lot of the rest of your post is sound advice. But your first post was wrong in the context you set it out and at the time, I imagine reading someone spouting off their advice to a situation that he clearly wasn't in wouldn't have been a help.

Like i said, you meant it in the best possible way, don't interpret this (or the other one) as some sort of attack on you mate, it's not intended that way in the slightest (if i come across as a picky wanker, i'm sorry, i don't mean to be)
And when you find yourself along the untrodden path
Remember me with a smile, a drink, a gesture or a laugh
And a toast for the man who loves every hour of every day
And a feast for the friends and faces met along way
Gratitude

Offline Dr Cornwallis

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #69 on: July 10, 2010, 11:25:08 AM »

I have found that rather than get depressed or anything my personality has become very Vulcan ie devoid of emotion. To me this makes me level headed and logical but to others I can see why they could find me aloof if they did not know me.

You're scared of feeling any emotion, scared of what it might do to your depression or anxiety.  I only realised this myself the other day, i just try and keep myself on this middle ground, away from highs and lows.  Time to stop that.

Offline PeterJM

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #70 on: July 14, 2010, 04:34:58 PM »
I can feel myself drifting back into depression.

I feel trapped by families expectations,arguments and their own agenda.Its alright for them in their lives cos they've someone to turn to offload all the problems but i'm a 37 year old sad single with no hope and no real future.If i'm honest then i've never really got to grips with depression ever since i started suffering with it.I just thought i had but fooled myself.

I can honestly say i'm scared about what my future holds.

Sorry if it this sounds like useless rambling but i'm just too confused at the moment.

Offline rosie

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #71 on: July 14, 2010, 04:40:11 PM »
I can feel myself drifting back into depression.

I feel trapped by families expectations,arguments and their own agenda.Its alright for them in their lives cos they've someone to turn to offload all the problems but i'm a 37 year old sad single with no hope and no real future.If i'm honest then i've never really got to grips with depression ever since i started suffering with it.I just thought i had but fooled myself.

I can honestly say i'm scared about what my future holds.

Sorry if it this sounds like useless rambling but i'm just too confused at the moment.

hang in there fella, i suffer from this bitch of a condition and its got its claws into me deep at the moment,  i wish you well, keep fighting.
no coward soul is mine

Offline PeterJM

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #72 on: July 14, 2010, 04:44:47 PM »
hang in there fella, i suffer from this bitch of a condition and its got its claws into me deep at the moment,  i wish you well, keep fighting.
I really can't be bothered to fight anymore.I've got nobody who really cares about me.I wish i could live on a desert island.

Offline rosie

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #73 on: July 14, 2010, 04:52:07 PM »
I really can't be bothered to fight anymore.I've got nobody who really cares about me.I wish i could live on a desert island.

peter, no man is an island. keep fighting. keep writing.
no coward soul is mine

Offline Refo

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #74 on: July 14, 2010, 05:20:34 PM »
I really can't be bothered to fight anymore.I've got nobody who really cares about me.I wish i could live on a desert island.

Been there. Listen, you really haven't got any options but to fight to be honest. You've gotta fight.

Haven't got prospects at work, with women, etc? Fuck it, just focus your energy on a different goal.
Go do something active, that always helps, like jogging or even better get a gym membership. If you can, pick up some martial art, you'll be shit at it, but you'll make friends and get to beat the shit out of things.

Keep doing said thing on a daily basis, you'll get fitter, you'll have endorphins pumping through your veins, you'll feel better about yourself in general, people will notice and things will get better for you elsewhere.

Stay strong mate.
I'm liking this Refo-fella. Wanna adopt?

Offline 24/7

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #75 on: July 14, 2010, 06:43:05 PM »
My better half is fighting hard against the worst depression she has ever encountered (by her own definition). She has been given some techniques in CBT but those sessions have now stopped. Her blog normally describes the most crushing, heartbreaking stuff I've ever read and the feelings I have are indescribable, reading what she goes through.

Today on her blog she posted this - and I cried happy tears, because it's a reminder that no matter how bad things can appear, there is always hope if you dig deep enough. She just described a future I can share, a future with her, not without. I am assuming it's derived from the coping strategies she's been taught - if so, great, something's working - if not, great, it proves she can still keep her head above water.

Peter (and anyone else suffering from this cruel affliction) - take heart from this post if you can - let it remind you that there is always something to aim for. Don't give up mate.

"Wednesday, 14 July 2010

July 14th 2015

I'm living with my husband of 8 years in a pretty cottage by the sea in Cornwall. The garden's not huge but is necessary for our little one (2 years old) to run around and play in. I'm a qualified cognitive-behavioural therapist and work mainly with people who suffer from OCD, although they sometimes have co-morbid conditions such as depression or social anxiety. My own depression and social anxiety are well in remission, and my self-esteem is vastly improved when compared to the shy, fearful 23 year-old I was a few years' back. My work as a CB therapist enables me also to hold a voluntary post as adviser to OCD-UK, for whom I have co-written/-edited several articles and publications. I love my work as it makes me feel I am doing something worthwhile in trying to help people who are going through similar experiences to those which I've undergone. I don't believe that OCD is completely cureable - more I believe that it can be controlled and sent into remission so that it no longer has the power to affect and upset sufferers. I spend most of my spare time with my hubby and little one, but also enjoy sports and spending time with friends. I've started to train as a football referee, building on the basic skills I learned when living in Sweden. I have a good relationship with my parents and sister, and we regularly meet up for meals and just to catch up with each other."
"Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom." - Rabindranath Tagore.

Offline phoenix wright

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #76 on: July 14, 2010, 08:04:28 PM »
Well... I think I can't tell you how to cope with it because I barely can't cope with mine.

dutch_red gave you some good advices... I had to see how my mom got serious neurological problems in the past two months. I left the last months of my studies to be with her each day it passed and it's really hard to be there knowing you can't do anything but try to make her feel a bit better. This all ends the day you found her in coma and you see yourself lonely and not having the chance to even say bye after so much time fighting and so many things left behind for it.

There is always a bit of hope... I wouldn't be able to live not knowing there is a little chance of recovering. I have it even when doctors say these chances are really low. For me helped a bit to talk about this with my best friends... at the start I tried to act as nothing was happening but at the end I talk about all this with a friend and getting a little of support from her, knowing she is there for everything I needed, was a relief.

Probably I won't be able to cope with all this. Sure I won't while things continue the same as now... I know too what is not being able to sleep, to eat or to go ahead with your life. There are moments in your life than change you probably forever and put you in really difficult situations... But to close in myself was a mistake that made me feel even worse. If you can, try to find all support you are able to get. Even to talk about it here was a good idea imo.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2010, 08:14:13 PM by phoenix wright »
But tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun.

Offline Refo

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #77 on: July 14, 2010, 08:52:19 PM »
Well... I think I can't tell you how to cope with it because I barely can't cope with mine.

dutch_red gave you some good advices... I had to see how my mom got serious neurological problems in the past two months. I left the last months of my studies to be with her each day it passed and it's really hard to be there knowing you can't do anything but try to make her feel a bit better. This all ends the day you found her in coma and you see yourself lonely and not having the chance to even say bye after so much time fighting and so many things left behind for it.

There is always a bit of hope... I wouldn't be able to live not knowing there is a little chance of recovering. I have it even when doctors say these chances are really low. For me helped a bit to talk about this with my best friends... at the start I tried to act as nothing was happening but at the end I talk about all this with a friend and getting a little of support from her, knowing she is there for everything I needed, was a relief.

Probably I won't be able to cope with all this. Sure I won't while things continue the same as now... I know too what is not being able to sleep, to eat or to go ahead with your life. There are moments in your life than change you probably forever and put you in really difficult situations... But to close in myself was a mistake that made me feel even worse. If you can, try to find all support you are able to get. Even to talk about it here was a good idea imo.

Very sad to hear about your mom. Hope she recovers, and keep your chin up! Good luck.
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Offline manifest

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #78 on: July 16, 2010, 02:39:07 AM »
maximus.....not heard from you since July 1st.....you out there?

I pm'd him.....anyone know ...he was obviously feeling very trapped.

I know depression too, thanks for the words from everyone...it's always surprises me how many of us struggle, even in small ways.

Offline Refo

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Re: Struggling with depression.
« Reply #79 on: July 16, 2010, 10:23:10 AM »
July 14th, but hopefully hes OK. Let us know if when you read this.
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