Author Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread  (Read 639024 times)

Offline sms1986

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12400 on: April 6, 2019, 10:12:09 AM »
I had quite a drunk December but I've now been sober since early January and I think this time it's going to stick.

Offline Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12401 on: April 20, 2019, 04:30:13 PM »
Some of you may remember Paul or as he was known here "And could he play".

I've kept contact to him since he was helped out of here and for a long time he's been doing good. He got engaged to a lovely girl, who also happened to be Rickie Lambert's sister. All in all everything was good until about a month ago or so. Since then things have been going downhill for him. He's started drinking heavily again, he's gotten in very bad standing with his own family + his future in laws and today was the low point so far.

He's been on a 4 day bender and his fiancee has thrown him out after an incident involving her son and Paul. Paul kicked completely off over the fact that the boy misses his real dad which Paul finds disrespectful so he gave him a bollocking in front of his fiancee for not appreciating all the things Pauls does for him etc.

I finally got in touch with Paul earlier and he's shitfaced to say the least. He's upset over his situation and the fact that he's pissed everything he had down the drain and the fact that he can't get hold of his things which are still at his fiancee's house, including his laptop from which he runs his business. So after speaking to him several times this afternoon and convincing him to go and sleep it off in a room his brother has paid for he instead went to his fiancee's house and smashed a window to get in and now they've called the police on him. I don't know if he's been arrested or what.

The thing is he's in a really bad place mentally but he doesn't have the balls to ask for help himself. I've tried to get him to go to the doc and get professional help several times. As has his fiancee but he's refusing it. I'm in Copenhagen and I obviously don't know the English welfare system so I can't guide him in what to do.

I was thinking if any of you Liverpool based people perhaps could help me/Paul out here and help get him in some kind of treatment if that's even possible?

I know this is a big ask but I just can't ignore him and his problems. Ta... :wave

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12402 on: April 20, 2019, 11:07:57 PM »
Hi mate, that is really sad to hear but I'm not sure what we can do for him.

It sounds like if he is receptive to help his brother will offer it. Treatment for that is a 5 minute walk away from anyone in this country if you're prepared to seek it.

I know that's not helpful but it sounds like he's on a self destructive mission at the moment.

Has anyone got any suggestions?
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Offline Tepid T₂O

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12403 on: April 20, 2019, 11:42:02 PM »
Bennekov is an amazing person.


Can I just say that?

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Offline Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12404 on: April 21, 2019, 02:53:00 PM »
Hi mate, that is really sad to hear but I'm not sure what we can do for him.

It sounds like if he is receptive to help his brother will offer it. Treatment for that is a 5 minute walk away from anyone in this country if you're prepared to seek it.

I know that's not helpful but it sounds like he's on a self destructive mission at the moment.

Has anyone got any suggestions?

Thanks for your reply, John.

It was a long shot  I know. As you say he's on a self destructive mission and it seems no one is able to get through to him. I think he might've spent the night in jail but I haven't been able to get in touch with him today.

Thanks again. :)

Offline Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12405 on: April 21, 2019, 02:53:20 PM »
Bennekov is an amazing person.


Can I just say that?



Thank you. Appreciate it. :)

Offline Billy The Kid

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12406 on: April 21, 2019, 03:56:58 PM »
The thing is he's in a really bad place mentally but he doesn't have the balls to ask for help himself. I've tried to get him to go to the doc and get professional help several times. As has his fiancee but he's refusing it.

I'm sorry to hear all of that. He always seemed like a sound fella on here

As for him refusing help/treatment, there's nothing you can really do Tom. Even if you managed to convince him to try it for his families sake, it's a 99% certainty that he'll go straight back to drinking once he's out. There's no use in him doing it to appease others. That wont get him well

If he wants to get sober then he has to firstly acknowledge his problem (come out of denial) and then he has to want to do it for himself. Until he reaches that point, no rehab center, no doctor, and no therapist in the world can help him kick his problem

“When overtaken by defeat, as you may be many times, remember than mans faith in his own ability is tested many times before he is crowned with final victory. Defeats are nothing more than challenges to keep trying.” – Napoleon Hill.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12407 on: April 21, 2019, 04:13:23 PM »
I'm sorry to hear all of that. He always seemed like a sound fella on here

As for him refusing help/treatment, there's nothing you can really do Tom. Even if you managed to convince him to try it for his families sake, it's a 99% certainty that he'll go straight back to drinking once he's out. There's no use in him doing it to appease others. That wont get him well

If he wants to get sober then he has to firstly acknowledge his problem (come out of denial) and then he has to want to do it for himself. Until he reaches that point, no rehab center, no doctor, and no therapist in the world can help him kick his problem

Thanks for replying, Billy.

I was fearing that answer but somewhere deep within I knew even before I asked. How's that for denial, eh? :sad

I'll keep trying to push him into acknowledging his demons and hopefully that'll be enough at some point.

Enjoy the match lads! :wave

Offline Billy The Kid

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12408 on: April 21, 2019, 06:29:58 PM »
Thanks for replying, Billy.

I was fearing that answer but somewhere deep within I knew even before I asked. How's that for denial, eh? :sad

I'll keep trying to push him into acknowledging his demons and hopefully that'll be enough at some point.

Enjoy the match lads! :wave

Tom, next time you're talking to Paul, mention to him that I was asking for him

Tell him that if he'd like someone to talk to in private, outside of his family and off the record, then I'd be happy to get on the phone with him

Even if all it is is a few text exchanges on WhatsApp, I'd still be happy to listen and offer any help/support/advice that I can

Let him know the offer is there. I can shoot you over my contact details via PM if he goes for it
“When overtaken by defeat, as you may be many times, remember than mans faith in his own ability is tested many times before he is crowned with final victory. Defeats are nothing more than challenges to keep trying.” – Napoleon Hill.

Offline Billy The Kid

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12409 on: April 21, 2019, 08:37:44 PM »
Bennekov is an amazing person.


Can I just say that?

I'd like to echo this 10 fold

You're one of a kind Tom!
“When overtaken by defeat, as you may be many times, remember than mans faith in his own ability is tested many times before he is crowned with final victory. Defeats are nothing more than challenges to keep trying.” – Napoleon Hill.

Offline Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12410 on: April 21, 2019, 09:08:10 PM »
Tom, next time you're talking to Paul, mention to him that I was asking for him

Tell him that if he'd like someone to talk to in private, outside of his family and off the record, then I'd be happy to get on the phone with him

Even if all it is is a few text exchanges on WhatsApp, I'd still be happy to listen and offer any help/support/advice that I can

Let him know the offer is there. I can shoot you over my contact details via PM if he goes for it

I will tell him, Billy. Hopefully you have the magic words to make him realize it's time now. :)

I'd like to echo this 10 fold

You're one of a kind Tom!

Ta, Billy. Means a lot coming from you. :)

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12411 on: April 21, 2019, 09:40:56 PM »
det er ikke mange som deg tom.. håber paul kan fight his demons. mvh lars
It’s not even about individuality, it’s about the team. Our game was based on his controlling of the tempo. Squeeze the life out of the opposition and then strike. That is our game. Like a pack of pythons.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12412 on: April 27, 2019, 07:59:28 AM »
det er ikke mange som deg tom.. håber paul kan fight his demons. mvh lars

Tak, Johnny! 😊

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12413 on: April 27, 2019, 08:03:01 AM »
I haven’t been able to get in touch with Paul since last Saturday. It seems he’s been cut off by his family because of things in the past. His brother has stopped giving him money for a room because he basically drinks it all away before he even gets it.

According to his ex he’s alive but she’s trying to get on with her life and doesn’t want him around anymore.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12414 on: April 27, 2019, 10:30:19 AM »
Thanks for the update mate. It's very sad to hear all that, he was a large part of this site at one point and it's grim to hear about a Red, or indeed anyone going downhill like that.
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Offline Tepid T₂O

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12415 on: April 27, 2019, 11:03:18 AM »
He had a really successful leaflet business at one point didn’t he? (Or am I mixing him up with someone else?)
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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12416 on: April 27, 2019, 01:10:50 PM »
He had a really successful leaflet business at one point didn’t he? (Or am I mixing him up with someone else?)
Yep, he did.
We aren't walking through the storm now - we are the storm.

Offline Billy The Kid

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12417 on: April 27, 2019, 01:27:45 PM »
He had a really successful leaflet business at one point didn’t he? (Or am I mixing him up with someone else?)

You're correct mate. Same fella. Himself, Carl and myself used to frequent this thread quite a lot 5+ years ago. I remember him sharing quite a few stories about going on benders and then talking about how he planned to stay sober for a while. Then he'd show up in the thread a day or two later with another story about his latest drinking spree. He was a good lad but was, and it appears he still is, in complete denial about his problem and what he needs to do to fix it.

I think Paul's problem is that he thinks everything will works itself out eventually. He thinks that in time, he'll manage to get a grip on things, but as Tom's account evidences, he wont. His circumstances may have changed over the last 5 years but the carnage is exactly the same as it's always been. He's like a tornado, nice to look at from a distance, but if he crosses your path then he will proceed to wreck you and everything around you. Not because he's a bad guy at heart. It's because sadly, that's just the unfortunate nature of the illness that he has 

Real alcoholics in the true sense of the word are unable to stop of their own accord. No matter how much they want to stop, they simply cannot do it. Willpower avails us nothing. The illness is too cunning and too deep rooted in our programming for us to be able to overcome it through self-control. And therein lies Paul's problem. His willpower is NEVER going to come to his rescue EVER. Carl relied on his willpower and it ended up killing him. Again, it pains me to say it, but Paul is headed in the very same direction

The 12 steps of AA work if you work them. I can attest to that. But it's up to Paul to embrace AA. Neither I, nor anyone else can do it for him. I just hope he realizes that before its too late for him. 

“When overtaken by defeat, as you may be many times, remember than mans faith in his own ability is tested many times before he is crowned with final victory. Defeats are nothing more than challenges to keep trying.” – Napoleon Hill.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12418 on: April 27, 2019, 10:04:44 PM »
Yep, he did.
He was on twitter.  Had leaflet drop in his twitter name .....
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Offline morrisonlfc

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12419 on: May 1, 2019, 01:56:23 PM »
I was off the booze for around 12 weeks until my son was born on 07/03/19 and since then I've been drinking every weekend, not much but usually around 6-7 craft beers Friday and Saturday, then maybe 2/3 on a Sunday, which can be quite strong in some cases. I felt amazing when I was off it and my anxiety was non existent.

In no way do I think I'm an alcoholic but there is just a trigger that goes off when I finish work on a Friday and I feel the urge to get a few beers.

I want to break this habit as I don't want to be hungover or just feeling groggy around the little man. I know I sometimes give myself a hard time but I shouldn't really be drinking every weekend when my missus gets up with the baby, it just isn't fair.

I was only off the drink because she could have gone into labor at any time, so I know if I done it once I can do it again, but I'm just finding it hard to get back into that frame of mind again.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12420 on: May 1, 2019, 04:32:48 PM »
I was off the booze for around 12 weeks until my son was born on 07/03/19 and since then I've been drinking every weekend, not much but usually around 6-7 craft beers Friday and Saturday, then maybe 2/3 on a Sunday, which can be quite strong in some cases. I felt amazing when I was off it and my anxiety was non existent.

In no way do I think I'm an alcoholic but there is just a trigger that goes off when I finish work on a Friday and I feel the urge to get a few beers.

I want to break this habit as I don't want to be hungover or just feeling groggy around the little man. I know I sometimes give myself a hard time but I shouldn't really be drinking every weekend when my missus gets up with the baby, it just isn't fair.

I was only off the drink because she could have gone into labor at any time, so I know if I done it once I can do it again, but I'm just finding it hard to get back into that frame of mind again.

Very similar to me, it's just habit and you can break it. I just told myself I was going to have max 3 beers, and this is key - hold off on the first one as long as you can. I used to walk in the door on a Friday and go straight to the fridge, once you do that it's a slippery slope and you've had 4 before you have your tea.


Offline Johnnyboy1973

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12421 on: May 1, 2019, 10:33:39 PM »
Sad news on Paul.

Last I heard everything was rosy and he was getting married.

Amazing how quickly this disease can take it all away from you.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12422 on: May 2, 2019, 07:36:37 AM »
Sad news on Paul.

Last I heard everything was rosy and he was getting married.

Amazing how quickly this disease can take it all away from you.

Yeah. Very sad to be honest.

I texted with his ex yesterday. She was supposed to meet him at her house. He was going to pick some of his stuff up from her place. He's alive but I have no idea of how he's doing. He has no phone at the moment. He's smashed his phone while he was shitfaced. I'll try to get in touch with his ex today and hear how he's doing.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12423 on: May 2, 2019, 08:23:29 AM »
Fucking hell that’s a sad read. Well done Bennekov (Tom?) for being so good in these situations. Wish Paul all the best please, you could tell his heart was always in the right place but that’s all so sad and self-destructive.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12424 on: May 2, 2019, 08:43:42 AM »
Well done Bennekov (Tom?)

Guilty as charged, sir. :)

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12425 on: May 2, 2019, 05:43:34 PM »
Very similar to me, it's just habit and you can break it. I just told myself I was going to have max 3 beers, and this is key - hold off on the first one as long as you can. I used to walk in the door on a Friday and go straight to the fridge, once you do that it's a slippery slope and you've had 4 before you have your tea.

I was exactly the same. Finish work Friday, glass of wine and music cooking, other glass of wine with tea, post tea glass of wine and a couple of beers watching something on the telly. The same Saturday and a bit less on Sunday.

Now no wine before or after food and a large gladd of water with my food, just a large glass or a bottle of beer watching the telly.

Feel much better

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12426 on: May 2, 2019, 10:39:36 PM »
rip Carl. Ill see you soon up there, with my 2 bottles of wine and a few beers every day, 30 fags and a couple joints. cheers

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12427 on: May 3, 2019, 09:30:39 AM »
Sad to hear about Paul.

It did sound like he'd improved things, and i saw more activity from him on the likes of Linkedin for a period which suggested he was focusing on the right areas of his life.

I hope he can find some solace and refocus.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12428 on: May 3, 2019, 11:21:42 AM »
Update: Paul met with his ex to pick up more of his stuff. The police still as his phone, so I can't get in touch with him. He'll probably get it back in a weeks time or so. He keeps asking if he can come back but he has done a lot of damage to their relationship and her son was suffering from Paul's complete lack of understandig for his longing for his biological father. So he's not coming back. Not now or later.

I'll let you know more when I hear more.

Have a great weekend all! :)

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12429 on: May 3, 2019, 11:40:34 PM »
Anyone out in Liverpool tonight - am out with my better half in Liverpool if anyone would like to join us?

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12430 on: May 4, 2019, 07:56:46 AM »
Tom do you know if Paul is on Facefuck?
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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12431 on: May 4, 2019, 07:27:28 PM »
Tom do you know if Paul is on Facefuck?

He is yes. Not very active though. I think his brother operates the company page.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12432 on: May 5, 2019, 06:04:48 PM »
Tom do you know if Paul is on Facefuck?

He is, Billy. I’m not sure he’s got access to it at the moment though.


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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12433 on: May 6, 2019, 12:44:04 PM »
He is, Billy. I’m not sure he’s got access to it at the moment though.


He's not tweeted in a while either.

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12434 on: May 6, 2019, 01:00:46 PM »
He's not tweeted in a while either.

You're right, Tony.

Just spoke to a fella who has given Paul roof over his head for now. The fella himself is a recovering alcoholic who has his life back on track and he's "working on" Paul too. On top of the alcohol it seems drugs are involved too. This fella has told him he doesn't mind the bevvies but the lines have to stop. So that's one thing he's doing fine this fella. I know his name but I don't want to put it here.

So Paul is really up shit creek without a paddle right now. I'm just hoping he'll realise he needs help before he kills himself with the drink and the snort... :sad

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12435 on: May 7, 2019, 04:44:28 PM »
sad, sad , sad

its Carl all over again

I hope his guardian angel has the strength to help and I hope Paul listens

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12436 on: May 9, 2019, 08:38:10 AM »
I spoke to Paul yesterday. He sounded ok as in not hungover or mumbling because he was high.

He's obviously hurting because his life has been turned upside down. His version of the things that have happened is obviously almost the complete opposite to his ex's version. However he does recognize that he's to blame for things falling apart between them. To an extend that is.

As with other alchies I've known throughout my life self-pity is a big part of his way of thinking. It's somebody else's fault almost all the time when something shitty happens to him. He's not taking responsibility for his own actions and his own life.

Billy, I've handed him your contact info and asked him to get in touch with you - so we'll have to wait and see if he does so.

Just wanted you guys to know he's alive and breathing.

Have a good one all! :wave

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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12437 on: May 9, 2019, 10:30:49 PM »
Thanks for the update mate.
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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12438 on: May 9, 2019, 10:44:56 PM »
Wasnt paul mates with juan loco and smd?

i know theyve been out drinking together
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Re: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread
« Reply #12439 on: May 9, 2019, 10:50:22 PM »
Billy, I've handed him your contact info and asked him to get in touch with you - so we'll have to wait and see if he does so.

Thanks Tom. Hopefully he takes the offer up. I'd be happy to sponsor him.

If he's reserved about it, tell him I've no intentions of recommending that he goes to AA meetings as of yet

Just let him know that I'm available if he wants to talk in private. A text exchange will do fine for now

My phone's on for him anytime, day or night. All he has to do is reach out





“When overtaken by defeat, as you may be many times, remember than mans faith in his own ability is tested many times before he is crowned with final victory. Defeats are nothing more than challenges to keep trying.” – Napoleon Hill.