Author Topic: Alan Partridge - including Alpha Papa (Read 556438 times)

penfold102 · « **Reply #200 on:** April 18, 2006, 12:09:31 pm »

Alan: And this is Michael

Michael: Hello...How do you do?

Guy from Dante Fires (the Ferrari if the coal-gas effect fire industry!!!) : Hi, that's rather a strange accent. Where is it from?

Michael: Oh well, I'm originally from Newcastle, like

Alan: Yes, Michael is our head of computers

Michael: Ay, there's nee porn on it!!

Couldn't stop pissing myself

Also:

Pete from Dante fires: YOU CAN'T ALAN

Alan: Yes Pete, we can get you PYROTICHNIKS!!!!

Dan: Let the dog see the rabbit
Alan: Yeah, but which one's which!!

Alan: That was classic intercourse!!

Sonja: I love you
Alan: Thanks a lot!!!

The-Reds · « **Reply #201 on:** April 18, 2006, 12:15:31 pm »

Farmer: [On phone-in] er, then we bring the cows in, get them milked by six am, so all the...

Alan: [Interrupting] You're listening to Today's Farmer.

[The farmer has stopped talking]

Alan: Go on, you were talking about cow bringing-in.

Farmer: Yeah, we bring them in for milking, and then...

Alan: [Interrupting] Pop the straightjackets on them?

Farmer: [Pause] What?

Alan: Thanks very much for being This Morning's Farmer, Robert Moon. Robert, did you have your breakfast this morning?

Farmer: Well I reckon the way things are going, I...

Alan: Can you just answer yes, for the purposes of a joke?

Farmer: Yes.

Alan: In which case, you must be a full moon! [Pause] Hello?

Farmer: I'm still here.

Alan: Yeah I was making a pun on your name.

Farmer: Oh right.

Alan: [Shakes his head] Anyway, thanks very much for being This Morning's Farmer.

[Alan plays an Old MacDonald accordion jingle, followed by a cow moo]

Alan: Sorry about that. Robert a bit slow on the uptake, there. I don't know what he had for breakfast. Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. Just making a quick joke there about how infected cattle feed can attack the central nervous system. It's just coming up to 5:35am, Kommen Sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwerk.

crownpaints · « **Reply #202 on:** April 18, 2006, 01:14:43 pm »

Quote from: penfold102 on April 18, 2006, 12:09:31 pm

Alan: Yes Pete, we can get you PYROTICHNIKS!!!!

So... what part of Birmingham are you from?

Alan, I'm from South Africa.

Oh of course, I should've GISSED.

Moley · « **Reply #203 on:** April 18, 2006, 06:45:58 pm »

Cant believe no ones posted on this thread for 5 hours.

Thats just S-a-a-a-a-a-a-d

Tommy316 · « **Reply #204 on:** April 19, 2006, 12:33:26 am »

Right, that's it, I've just ordered Series 1 & 2 of I'm Alan Partridge on DVD.

jaygraham · « **Reply #205 on:** April 19, 2006, 01:31:43 am »

I like the jingles he plays on his radio show. On series 2 dvd you can listen to them all on the extras bit.

"Spixworth, Crostwick,Pilson green, Oresby St Micheal, Hemsby.........This is Norfolk Nights with Alan Partridge!"

Alan's Deep bath....sponsored by dettol!

Alan's funny stories, sponsored by ginsters pasties

that sort of thing

Moley · « **Reply #206 on:** April 19, 2006, 09:15:44 am »

The following man wants to talk about being gay live on air....however to protect his identity we will only use his first name......

So say hello to Domingo from Little Oakley

Party Phil · « **Reply #207 on:** April 19, 2006, 11:14:20 am »

Quote from: Moley on April 19, 2006, 09:15:44 am

The following man wants to talk about being gay live on air....however to protect his identity we will only use his first name......

So say hello to Rodriguez from Little Oakley

It's Domingo! STOP GETTING PARTRIDGE WRONG!!!

penfold102 · « **Reply #208 on:** April 19, 2006, 11:28:15 am »

Speaking of his jingles, how about

"Camp David - oooohh!!!! Mince!!"

Certainly the "worth of boast worlds"

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #209 on:** April 19, 2006, 11:31:37 am »

Quote from: Moley on April 19, 2006, 09:15:44 am

The following man wants to talk about being gay live on air....however to protect his identity we will only use his first name......

So say hello to Domingo from Little Oakley

I know a great little Tapas restaurant there

crownpaints · « **Reply #210 on:** April 19, 2006, 01:50:13 pm »

Quote from: penfold102 on April 19, 2006, 11:28:15 am

Certainly the "worth of boast worlds"

No, no, I DO mean the worth of boast worlds because in the world of boasters, not the biscuits, but people who boast, like you, their worth is worth...

I'm not Enya.

Moley · « **Reply #211 on:** April 19, 2006, 01:51:36 pm »

Right Im off for a mushroom slice at the BP garage

jaygraham · « **Reply #212 on:** April 20, 2006, 01:16:27 pm »

Well i'm about to crack open a couple of bottles of Sunny Delight so i think i'll join you!

crownpaints · « **Reply #213 on:** April 20, 2006, 01:48:45 pm »

And I've just cracked open a tin of Directors.

Followed by... Strawberry Nequilk, fishcakes.

Dump - question mark. See how I feel after the fishcakes.

Moley · « **Reply #214 on:** April 20, 2006, 02:02:56 pm »

Right im off to watch a film........

'Clang, Clang-a-lang a-lang a-lang a-lang, clang a-lang, clang a-lang a-lang. NOBODY DOES IT BETTER....

Moley · « **Reply #215 on:** April 20, 2006, 02:04:34 pm »

By the way just to note.....I live only about a mile away from the BP garage used in Partridge and play golf at 'choristors' - although its not called that really, and you dont need a security care/to pierce you foot on a spike to get in

penfold102 · « **Reply #216 on:** April 20, 2006, 02:56:12 pm »

Quote from: Moley on April 20, 2006, 02:04:34 pm

By the way just to note.....I live only about a mile away from the BP garage used in Partridge and play golf at 'choristors' - although its not called that really, and you dont need a security care/to pierce you foot on a spike to get in

You should try booking a room under the Real IRA

Moley · « **Reply #217 on:** April 20, 2006, 03:56:25 pm »

Quote from: penfold102 on April 20, 2006, 02:56:12 pm

You should try booking a room under the Real IRA

crownpaints · « **Reply #218 on:** April 20, 2006, 04:06:50 pm »

Quote from: Moley on April 20, 2006, 02:04:34 pm

By the way just to note.....I live only about a mile away from the BP garage used in Partridge and play golf at 'choristors' - although its not called that really, and you dont need a security care/to pierce you foot on a spike to get in

You're just quoting bits from Casualty now!

Quote from: penfold102 on April 20, 2006, 02:56:12 pm

You should try booking a room under the Real IRA

I did, they didn't bat an eyelid. I'll just go and tell them it's me...

Hello, I'm a communist with a gun, I hate you lot. I've just thrown the royal family off a plane. Can I use your toilet please?

jaygraham · « **Reply #219 on:** April 21, 2006, 01:33:56 am »

...and i've just swallowed a load of anthrax!...

hooded claw · « **Reply #220 on:** April 21, 2006, 02:35:36 pm »

Stephen McComb.

Dam · « **Reply #221 on:** April 21, 2006, 03:07:40 pm »

Quote from: gerrardisgod on April 11, 2006, 12:58:24 pm

"It's a nice chest, but it's full of wires".

Quite easily my favourite sitcom character, the first series was the best out of the two I'm Alan Partridge, though the second was pretty damn funny too. Have to say that I prefered his chat show though, Knowing Me...Knowing Yule is such a classic Christmas show.

The bit where he punched the disabled golfer (Gordon Heron was it?) with a turkey is classic.

Who d'ya like best Peter or Fanny?

Moley · « **Reply #222 on:** April 21, 2006, 09:45:34 pm »

Quote from: Dam on April 21, 2006, 03:07:40 pm

Who d'ya like best Peter or Fanny?

Is it a rover?

Party Phil · « **Reply #223 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:09:14 pm »

Fernando, you're 22 years old and you're spending your Saturdays in bed with a girl. You're wasting your life! Take her to a fort or a victorian folly.

hooded claw · « **Reply #224 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:10:13 pm »

You ought to have a basic grasp of Latin if you're working in Curry's.

Ben_JP · « **Reply #225 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:25:31 pm »

"Ooooh...Ladyboys..."

Party Phil · « **Reply #226 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:29:03 pm »

Do you ever think suicide might be the answer?
Aye, sometimes when yer lookin really doon like

Party Phil · « **Reply #227 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:30:34 pm »

I'll be honest, I'm at a loose end. That's why I'm talking...talking...taaaalking

Party Phil · « **Reply #228 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:33:15 pm »

Read the small print on your cone-tract

Fannys!

hooded claw · « **Reply #229 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:35:01 pm »

I even went into B&Q for some tungsten-tipped screws.Never gonna use them, Lynne.

Never going to use them.

Party Phil · « **Reply #230 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:38:20 pm »

I'm going nowhere Lynn. Literally - I'm on the ring road.

youtookmyname · « **Reply #231 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:43:45 pm »

YES! It's an extender.

Ben_JP · « **Reply #232 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:46:51 pm »

Well at this stage of the show, some of my viewers maybe thinking "Alan, You're a liar! You promised that this show would be hot and now you're chatting to three senior citizens." But if I said I am now going to jump into a TARDIS, go back in time and recreate the Berlin Olympics with these three old women, you'd say "Alan, that is hot, we were wrong earlier."

Fat Tony · « **Reply #233 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:49:12 pm »

Actually I've made some notes. Bacon, 10 on 10. Black pudding, fantastic. One minor criticism, more distance between the location of the eggs and beans on the plate, maybe use a sausage as a breakwater. I may want to mix them, but I want that to be my choice. But I'm nitpicking, all in all a pretty good fry up, 7 out of 10, lets make love!

Genius.

Ben_JP · « **Reply #234 on:** April 21, 2006, 11:59:53 pm »

"I'm destroying my cereal."

Fat Tony · « **Reply #235 on:** April 22, 2006, 12:02:38 am »

Quote from: Ben_JP on April 21, 2006, 11:59:53 pm

"I'm destroying my cereal."

Watch it. Folk might say you're a cereal killer!

Ben_JP · « **Reply #236 on:** April 22, 2006, 12:10:11 am »

Quote from: Fat Tony on April 22, 2006, 12:02:38 am

Watch it. Folk might say you're a cereal killer!

Michael: "I believe in reincarnaton like. I'd like to come back as an animal like a dolphin."
Alan: "Dolphins are quite intelligent, Michael."

Fat Tony · « **Reply #237 on:** April 22, 2006, 12:16:25 am »

Michael : I can do a whale... Woooooooooooooo!!!

Alan : Michael, thats a homosexual!

cracks me up every time that bit.

Ben_JP · « **Reply #238 on:** April 22, 2006, 12:24:14 am »

Forgot that one. Such a good comedy duo, would love to see them do one more spin-off, even just a single special. Until that day:

Michael: "And then I'd go looking for Tom Donaldson. I'd be hovering just down the road from his house, there. And he'd see us, but I'd duck down behind the trees, and he thinks he's safe, right? And he's just about to put the key in his front door, and I come up from behind the hedge, 'Hello, you bastard.' He panics, right? And he goes in the house, so I get the 30-millimetre canon and I take out the fish pond, coy carp in there couple of rounds each, right? And then I just tilt the helicopter over to one side and the machine-gun bullets is chewing up the drive, right? He comes out. 'Oh no! Not me Triumph Stag! I've just had it resprayed!' I cut it right in half, right? And then he goes, 'Ahhh!' He runs up on to the garage roof. I say, 'Right. This is for you, Tom.' He goes, 'No, no!' He's begging us, he's begging us man, 'No, please don't!' And then I fly off to Cornwall and I just smash in the sea in a big ball of flames."

Alan: "Sleep well, Michael. Erm, who's Tom Donaldson?"

Michael: "Oh, he's just a mate."

crownpaints · « **Reply #239 on:** April 22, 2006, 12:33:58 am »

It's funny how you've got this obsession with American things, Michael, and yet you work for BRITISH Petroleum. I mean, hellooo?

Hello