I wish I could be more focussed in therapy. I've done loads and have learned many techniques. But honestly I don't remember half of them, and I feel unmotivated to read back through all the notes I have.
I've thought about getting a private therapist, thinking if I'm spending money on it I might be more invested in it. I think I might just end up pissing money away though.
I'd probably ask you what you feel you want/need from therapy that you don't feel you are getting?
What are your expectations of therapy? Have you ever discussed your expectations with a therapist before working with them?
I only asked because people come to counselling with all sorts of different expectations, and many of them are unrealistic. I'd maybe think that over before paying for a private therapist.
The good thing I find with Person Centered Therapy is that there aren't actually any techniques to master and practice. Movement comes from talking. It's more about reaching your own conclusions and arriving at your own lightbulb moments. Learning things about yourself as you go. I've had CBT in the past and I took useful things from it, but I never go back over techniques because I don't use them. Some people love techniques, some loathe them. When looking for a therapist it's worth researching whether their model of therapy is one that might suit you personally. One you can engage with and retain interest in.
No model of therapy has ever been proven more effective than the rest. They are all just theories. So.pick one that you feel could suit you and your way of working. If you want to discuss how you feel, then go for Person Centered Therapy. If you want to work on the way you think then behave on the strength of those thoughts, do CBT instead. There are other models out there too. CBT is only being pushed more than most because it's the flavour of the month currently, not because it's any better than anything else. It's just seen as quick and cheap to deliver, so cash strapped services go for it. It's never been proven any more effective than other models though.
A good self awareness test for me would be taking a really honest look at what you feel is stopping you from focusing fully. A genuinely honest look at that may, or may not, be revealing. For instance, some people want to be seen to be addressing their issues by attending therapy, but they'd also rather stay stuck in their malaise because it's basically more comfortable than working on moving forward. Such people then say "therapy didn't work" or they blame the therapist themselves for the lack of progress. This allows them to remain comfortably stuck.
I'm not suggesting for a moment that's you. I'm just saying that this happens. So does the client who basically surfs through every model of therapy out there then proclaims none of them "work". The reality is no therapy "works". It can be helpful, it can be useful, it can be revealing, but it's the client that does the work. The therapist simply facilities that work. Therapy is about the clients process, not the therapists process.
Other conclusions people can come to when pondering over their lack of application could simply be the therapy model doesn't suit them. ACT and Person Centered Therapy suit me. CBT does not. I will give anything a go though, because there are always things to be learned from any experience.
When you get to know yourself, know your strengths, know your values and have a willingness to work with them and develop them, you don't need a rucksack full of techniques strapped to your back to tell you how to be and what to do. You'll just know. You can then just be you, warts and faults and all.
I hope you find what you're looking for, mate. All I'd add is that I used to think I'd have to travel to the ends of the earth to find what I needed. It took me well over 40 years to work out that I didn't actually need to go anywhere because the answers were within me. I just needed to look inside, sometimes with the assistance of a listening therapeutic ear, to find my own answers. They're all in there. They really are.
