Have had some form of social anxiety for most of my life... <Snip>
Hi mate. I feel your pain on this. I'm a lifelong sufferer of Social Anxiety Disorder which has also gone on to cause other issues such as depression, self-injury*, excessive drinking*, vastly limited life/job opportunities, very poor educational attainment, suicidal ideation, relationship issues etc...
My issues with severe facial blushing when anxious drove me to extreme lengths of avoidance because it's something so visible and people would point it out. I was so suicidal over it my GP, on my request, sought out a surgeon who would perform an Endoscopic Transthoracic Sympathectomy (ETS) operation on me. This cuts the sympathetic nerve chain along the spine and can stop you blushing. Problem is, where they have to cut is so very close to a part of the chain that affects the eyes. You can end up with Horners Syndrome, where the eyelid permanently droops and can require plastic surgery to correct. It also stops you sweating above the nipple-line so, you're body has to sweat excessively elsewhere to regulate body temperature. After weighing up the pros and cons I decided against the op. As the surgeon said, it's a physical attempt to try to address what is a psychological problem. A sledgehammer approach at cracking a troublesome nut. I only post my account there so you know I get the gravity of your feelings on the subject. It wrecks lives.
I had to write my entire school education off because I simply couldn't cope with the classroom environment. I've walked out of jobs in sheer terror and panic and never gone back. With this in mind I have to say that I hope you know how remarkably well you have done to get where you are in life when having to deal with this along the way. You must have some pretty effective coping strategies and no shortage of guts and determination.
You are right about keeping your exposure levels up, despite it being difficult. The worst thing you can do when you have SA is to retreat inwards. Once avoidance sets in, it's a downward spiral. The less you do, the less you feel able to do. You can retreat into your home, then eventually into your own head. I know that one because I lived my entire life inside my own heads for many years. The longer you do that, the harder it is to come out again. By sticking in there and forging ahead regardless you have definitely done the right thing.
I've no idea if you've had any treatment for SA or if you've gone down the therapy or self-help route at all. One book (you may already know all about) SA sufferers tend to find useful is 'Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness' by Gillian Butler.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Gillian/dp/1849010005This uses the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approach to the issue. I know many people find it helpful. There are other books out there on the subject which use different approaches too.
It;'s also worth highlighting here that anxiety is completely normal. We wouldn't actually survive without it. We need the fight, flight or freeze response and it's been with us for as long as humans have roamed the earth. It's also entirely normal to feel a certain level of anxiety in interviews, when meeting new people, when presenting, in meetings where the focus falls on you. In such situations it's best not to fight against anxiety, but rather understand that it's quite natural then let it run its course. It always does so, as the fight, flight, freeze response kicks in very quickly but burns out quickly too. The only thing that keeps it going for longer is if we fuel it further by having anxiety over having anxiety. So, it's best to accept its presence, make room for it, and let it burn out as you carry on doing what you are doing.
Personally speaking, I find the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approach helps he more than any other. It is Mindfulness based and teaches you to make room for things you cannot change, whilst you get on with doing the things in life you value regardless of the discomfort involved. This works so well for me when it comes to anxiety. The problem with things like anxiety and fear is that you can further fuel both by being anxious and fearful over them. You then fully expect an anxiety attack to roll up when you least want it to. In turn, this guarantees the arrival of the attack you desperately feared.
Ironically, the best way to cope with anxiety, in what we know are not actually life-threatening situations, is to actually be willing to have it. Now I realise how counter-intuitive that sounds but it is actually rather effective. With anxiety, the more you fear it, the more you have it. The more you fear a panic attack, the more likely one is to appear. So, if we are willing to make room for anxiety and not fear it, we rob it of the fuel it needs to burn. It's quite a brave move to let yourself be open to it and make room for it, but if you do, it will dissipate far quicker. If anxiety shows up, ok, just acknowledge it, but make that bit of room for it and let it burn out. In the meantime, carry on with what you are doing.
ACT doesn't ask people to put up with feelings they don't like just for the hell of it. It's more about making room for those feelings while you get on with doing all the things you value in your life. I find it better than CBT in that CBT always seems to have you in conflict with feelings and thoughts by constantly trying to rationalise them and dispute their validity. With ACT, you don't fight your thoughts or feelings. You acknowledge them, let them come and go, but do so while living a life you value.
Of course, other things can help with anxiety generally. Give caffeine a miss. Get enough sleep and relaxation. Make time for yourself and those you love. Eating well and exercise all come to mind too, as does breathing exercises, mindfulness exercises and pretty much anything else you find that personally enriches your day to day living.
Your trip to Anfield is a good example of making room for uncomfortable thoughts or feelings that might bring on anxiety, whilst doing something in your life that enriches it and which you value. So, if we have to deal with discomfort, at least make it worth it.
We make room for the angst in order to live the life we value.
I hope some of this makes some sense for you. I did an even longer post in reply last night but I was so full of cold, with eyes and nose streaming that I couldn't really articulate it that well. I scrapped it in the end. Hopefully this one is a little better, although I'm still feeling like crap.
Social Anxiety at disorder levels of severity is horribly crippling. I know that to my cost, and could write an entire book on the subject. A lot of people don't understand it and think it's just shyness. It's actually not though. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I feel for you and everyone else affected by it.
Anyway, I hope this is not too long and rambling to read, and I hope it makes some sense to you in some way.
Take care, and all the best to you.
*Maladaptive coping strategies.
