Topic: Work mates that you can't stand

[BRdispatch05]

Can't wait for my co-worker to go home. Anytime he is sick (at least once a month), which I would assume 90% of the time is false, he comes in and immediately tells me all his symptoms, ailments he's tried, and his conclusion to what's wrong with him in the course of about 30 minutes. Then he proceeds to moan all day and threatens to leave, consistently reminding me why.

"(silence for 2 minutes)......*ssIIGGHHHH*....*groan*......ahhh...I might leave...I feel so bad....why me?....I feel awful"

What's worst is we are sitting all day, while we have co-workers that aren't allowed to sit. For instance, a 65 year old man that refuses to leave work, even when yesterday, he was diagnosed with Spinal Meningitis. While my co-worker has the audacity to sit here and complain that he gets slightly dizzy when standing, which happens to be one of his symptoms! The disease he diagnosed himself with, I've heard him tell three different people, is KNOWN to cause learning disabilities in small children    ...My God, he should go home and rest right now!

I want to punch him...right now

[Paul JH]

Shame it's not Paul JH - given that the fella who pisses him off sits opposite him and to his right, if the guy who pisses you off sits to your left it won't be him, because Paul JH would sit opposite you and to your right.

Game, Set and match.
Nice one mate!

[Grushko]

I think all of the people I work with are sound. Most of them think I'm a c*nt though.

[..Bruiser..]

Punch that sucker in the face!

[..Bruiser..]

*slow hand clap*
 

I worked with a nutter like that once, sent him flying at work and he crapper himself everyday after. The funny thing was that someone put a complaint about him annoying me!

[..Bruiser..]

Actually this thread's making me feel bad for the untold violence towards tards from a couple of jobs. Throwing one across a locker room and shoulder barging another into a rather unpleasant container.

It's hard putting up with nobs at work, much easier to let idiots off who you don't see every day.

[BRdispatch05]

Actually this thread's making me feel bad for the untold violence towards tards from a couple of jobs. Throwing one across a locker room and shoulder barging another into a rather unpleasant container.

Is that where your username derives from?

[..Bruiser..]

Is that where your username derives from?

Sort of but I've rarely lost it. An old boss said it's more a case of 'someone's going to get it one day'. I do like picking up cats and rubbing my face on them though.

[Rococo]

Game, Set and match.
Nice one mate!

Hadn't seen that and I still can't work it out!  Think I'm going to need to draw a picture before I concede

[Robert_B]

Only one I don't like on a personal level.

Quite a few I dislike because of their laziness / incompetence.

[Enemy]

Here's a few extracts of my work week that I posted on another forum:

Fat whale at work is talking about how her kittens keep playing with her thongs. I can only imagine how big those thongs are, plus the image of her in one makes me feel a bit nauseous.

One of the girls gave me a huge handfull of grapes too. Then while I was eating them she started to tell everyone in the office she was REALLY constipated so that's why she was eating grapes. Really appetising.

Also one of the fatties (thong beached whale) has been sweating all day but won't take off her jumper because "my t-shirt rides up". Don't know what's worse, fatty rolls hanging out the side of an office chair or fatty sweat.

It's as if when an office is full of women there is a sign on the door saying 'no discussion of bowel movements, bodily functions or shameful admissions is off limits'

It's not so much I hate some work colleagues, I just wish they didn't offend all my sensibiltiies on a daily basis.

[RyanBabelsFish]

Guy next to me who is completely rank.

First, he constantly picks his nose, proper picking, all day long - and doesn't seem to care it's an open plan office.

When he's not in search of buried nasal treasure, he pulls bits of skin off his back, inspects the piece he's pulled off, and the drops it on the floor. Also likes to pick his ears. Disgusting!

[caspertheghost]

Guy next to me who is completely rank.

First, he constantly picks his nose, proper picking, all day long - and doesn't seem to care it's an open plan office.

When he's not in search of buried nasal treasure, he pulls bits of skin off his back, inspects the piece he's pulled off, and the drops it on the floor. Also likes to pick his ears. Disgusting!

We have a dirty bastard in our place as well - he does what I've highlighted but has also been seen by the rest of us to scratch his balls then smell his fingers. He also chews his food with the hole under his nose wide open, cue Casper leaving the building to have a smoke as the noise is stomach churning.
He's also a yappy fucker - anyone who's reported him about his manners has had a visit from the HR Geheime Staatspolizei

[Lent§]

I'm on a training course this week and there is the biggest twat in the world on it, he questions everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Would our 29 year old Ferrari driving trainer be telling us stuff if it was wrong, or would it because he's clearly right. He's evidently getting paid a decent sum to teach us, he's clearly right so stop trying to be a fucking clever dick and questioning everything he says!? It puts people off, stops us concentratings or mishearing when we're trying to take notes and stuff. If you don't wanna be there, and learn, then fuck off and leave us to it you stupid c*nt.

[The Jackal]

I'm on a training course this week and there is the biggest twat in the world on it, he questions everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Would our 29 year old Ferrari driving trainer be telling us stuff if it was wrong, or would it because he's clearly right. He's evidently getting paid a decent sum to teach us, he's clearly right so stop trying to be a fucking clever dick and questioning everything he says!? It puts people off, stops us concentratings or mishearing when we're trying to take notes and stuff. If you don't wanna be there, and learn, then fuck off and leave us to it you stupid c*nt.

does he look like this?

[Scarlet`]

Used to be a receptionist to some old people's home.  Not co-workers but there are a few visitors which were quite annoying to say the least.

One of them complains about life everyday while the other is a Jehovah's Witness.  I swear, she's tried to convert me every week.

[paulrazor]

there was a brilliant one the other day

a good few of us were out for a meal when this oul wan was going on about a place where she keeps her change.

and it was unfortunately titled.

"i went and got it from my pink box"

i kept a straight face but the lads sitting a couple of rows back nearly fell off their chairs.
 

[ChaChaMooMoo]

As an external employee of this company, I find it hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes when this colleague/boss with whom I collaborate finds ways to belittle me by saying/doing things that he says it has to be done his way. I have been working in this same field for 6 years and I have a method of doing things. He has 25 years of experience and he has a way of doing things. The method of getting shit done is different but the end result is the same. I find it hard to contradict him sometimes because me defying his methods might seem like me defying his order. And he doesn't seem to keen to focus on the end result. He is quick to jump the gun and say that I am wrong even when he is the one at fault. And when he is wrong, he just keeps his mouth shut and continues to work. I had a talk about this to a few friends from other companies and they had this to say about why he probably is behaving like a fucktard jackoff - he is probably jealous of what I am doing. Like I am doing things at 30 with 6 years of experience that he does at 55 with 25. I am only silent for the most parts as I am an external employee and I don't want any dirt on me or my parent company. Also because this contract is only until December. After that I am back to my parent company.  But this guy is sucking the soul out of what I love doing. I love coming to work early, leave home late, and I don't complain. But this asshole just manages to make me complain about the thing I love doing the most.

Have any one of you faced this situation? If so, I could do with your feedback about how I can let him know about how I feel about this. I don't want to have all the anger bottled up inside, only for it to explode one fine day and we find us sitting in front of the HR office with my boss by my side.

P.S. He is not a work mate. He is just a work person. And a grade-A Asshole.

[Pistolero]

just accept that some people are gobshites ....blank the c*nt for 8 weeks and then you're out of there anyway

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

As an external employee of this company, I find it hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes when this colleague/boss with whom I collaborate finds ways to belittle me by saying/doing things that he says it has to be done his way. I have been working in this same field for 6 years and I have a method of doing things. He has 25 years of experience and he has a way of doing things. The method of getting shit done is different but the end result is the same. I find it hard to contradict him sometimes because me defying his methods might seem like me defying his order. And he doesn't seem to keen to focus on the end result. He is quick to jump the gun and say that I am wrong even when he is the one at fault. And when he is wrong, he just keeps his mouth shut and continues to work. I had a talk about this to a few friends from other companies and they had this to say about why he probably is behaving like a fucktard jackoff - he is probably jealous of what I am doing. Like I am doing things at 30 with 6 years of experience that he does at 55 with 25. I am only silent for the most parts as I am an external employee and I don't want any dirt on me or my parent company. Also because this contract is only until December. After that I am back to my parent company.  But this guy is sucking the soul out of what I love doing. I love coming to work early, leave home late, and I don't complain. But this asshole just manages to make me complain about the thing I love doing the most.

Have any one of you faced this situation? If so, I could do with your feedback about how I can let him know about how I feel about this. I don't want to have all the anger bottled up inside, only for it to explode one fine day and we find us sitting in front of the HR office with my boss by my side.

P.S. He is not a work mate. He is just a work person. And a grade-A Asshole.

Can he influence your career after the 8 weeks? If he can't to any great degree, you can tell him off firmly  on a technical issue clash. Firmly, mind, not a raving cussing nutcase.

If he can, be civil for 8 weeks and gtfo. Be thankful it's only a temporary situation.

[paulrazor]

i wouldnt be afraid to speak my mind after so long ccmm

the guy is a dick obviously. call him out on some of the things he is wrong on

id keep note of such instances where he is being a dick

[ChaChaMooMoo]

There is jackshit he can do after 15.12. Its only until then that I am bothered about. I told him off once. Pulled him aside to the coffee machine away from the 15 other employees and told him that what he says/does is in no way, being professional. He might be under a lot of stress. But an employee/boss who cant channel his stress, is no employee/boss. Things were fine for a day or two. But it started again, albeit intermittently. And it reached my boiling point yesterday when he did something that I absolutely despised. I was 5 seconds away from packing my bags, giving him the finger, and leaving. The only thing that stopped me was me thinking that I am a professional. I am having an informal meeting with my boss (from my parent company) next Friday. Should I mention about this to him in a passing tone? Just give him a heads up about what's happening. I don't want him thinking there is a crisis or something.

id keep note of such instances where he is being a dick

Like a journal with dates and events?
If so, I think it would be easier to write the days when he wasn't a dick - the days when he took off on holidays or called in sick.

[ChaChaMooMoo]

And during that coffee meeting, I told him that I respect him and that I would love his feedback. His experience is invaluable. And there are times, when I showed him how things could be done in 20 minutes and 2 steps, something that takes him 2 hours and 5 steps. But him being a massive dick doesn't help or motivate me to go out of my way and ask him for his opinion. Its just like, meh who cares.

But one thing is for sure. You learn different things from different people around at work place. From some, its their organizational skills. From some, its the way they get shit done. From some, the way they network. From him, I learnt - how not to be a dick. But I can only be a good guy for so long.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

If your parent company has sent people to this guy before, they'll probably already know. Keep your footprint small in a professional work setting, in specialised fields everybody knows everybody else and there will be bonds there you will not be aware of. People are animals, man, it doesn't matter if you are in the right, it only matters who has control. Without knowing the nature of the relationship between your parent company boss and this guy, you just open yourself to luck by complaining about him.

Before you instigate anything when it comes to people, know the terrain. If it's a guy you'll never see again, that's party time. Scrap all you want, fill his head in, go your merry way. Work setting, neighbourhood, essentially repeated contact or influence with the same people, you have to plan it with the head first, your righteous anger second.

8 weeks, smile, get out.

[CraigDS]

Def mention it to your boss, not just in passing but as a proper issue with examples. If anything does happen then will help a lot that you’ve done so.

[El Lobo]

Meh if its only until December, I'd just suck it up until then. You wont see the guy after that.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

It strikes me as your first real experience with a defective human resource to be honest, the kind you can't just instantly walk away from. It's all good, it'll bring it home how important it is to go independent if at all possible. As long as you are bound to people (that you cannot filter out instantly), you will never be at 100 percent. Imagine the time wasted you just spent thinking / talking about this guy and it's opportunity cost.

[paulrazor]

Like a journal with dates and events?
If so, I think it would be easier to write the days when he wasn't a dick - the days when he took off on holidays or called in sick.

yep. i know someone did that on me once as they were out to get me

so i start keeping track of all they days they were late and all the days they vanished off out for an hour for no reason (pretty much every day) all the times they didnt bother to come back from lunch until 3 and all the times they sat reading a paper

had i been called into a meeting for allegedly not pulling my weight (even though i was) they really would have shot themselves in the foot. (as you can tell from the lines above they clearly were doing nothing themselves)

[ChaChaMooMoo]

My parent company doesn't have a direct contact with this employee. They have contact to his boss who is a nice person. And this particular project has been assigned to this employee who requested that he needs external support. And this is where I came in. I don't care what he does or how he expects me to get shit done. I get things done, and he should be happy about it. I am here only until 15.12. So, as you say, Eel Lobo, suck it up until December, and GTFO mooning him on my way out.

It is actually my second encounter with a defective human resource. The first one wasn't a nightmare or a complete dick. The files were just saved erratically everywhere. In his opinion, they worked. And I was surprised to see it that way. It was a complete shock. And the windows search was the most used function. File names like sdsfsdfs.xlsx or sdfsdfsd.pptx weren't uncommon and saved on the desktop. I spent over a couple of weeks organizing them into folders segregated into projects, PPTs, spreadsheets, data in, data out etc and then told him that I don't care what he does in his temporary work folder. But in the project folder, it has to be structured and a weekly log has to be maintained in case one of the 4 others were sick or went on a holiday. There has to be accountability and an over sight into what was done, and what remains to be done. It was hard convincing him at first. But he got there, and now there is structure in the project folder. But this guy is something else.

the kind you can't just instantly walk away from. It's all good, it'll bring it home how important it is to go independent if at all possible. As long as you are bound to people (that you cannot filter out instantly), you will never be at 100 percent. Imagine the time wasted you just spent thinking / talking about this guy and it's opportunity cost.

I agree with this 100%. This experience has taught me something other than just patience and how not to be a dick. That going independent and having your own work space and work ethics is the way to go on about.

[ChaChaMooMoo]

Def mention it to your boss, not just in passing but as a proper issue with examples. If anything does happen then will help a lot that you’ve done so.

Just mailed my boss saying I need to talk to him about something important next week and it has something to do with my work environment here. Lets see how it goes next week.

[Tesco tearaway]

I would have a fuckin boss laugh if he worked in our place. Defo a meerkat.
Send him over.

BTW - I think there is an existing thread on this subject.

The signs were always there 

[El Lobo]

The signs were always there 

Fuck sake, always annoying to miss a chance to make an Effes joke

[ChaChaMooMoo]

The signs were always there 

hahahahahaa

[AlphaDelta]

There is a woman who is on my team but thankfully sits a few desks away from me, who literally burns my head out. She looks like Miss Trunchball only shorter and fatter and with the voice which is a cross between Margie Clarke and Ricky Tomlinson!

What annoys me is she is so loud its annoying everyone, she is constantly cackling, shouting effing and blinding and sneezing or coughing without covering her gob.

She has a mirror on her desktop so she can see who is coming up behind her and literally hasnt got a good word to say about nobody.

I used to think the old dog was in her 50's but fook me, seen her date of birth this week and she is only 43!!?!?! 

[paulrazor]

the noises out of some people in here would do your head in

one upstairs as i mentioned a million times constantly clearing her throat

another fella is doing it all the time now. ive invested in earphones to block them out. the fella sounds like hes had really painful sex

[TheTeflonJohn]

As an external employee of this company, I find it hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes when this colleague/boss with whom I collaborate finds ways to belittle me by saying/doing things that he says it has to be done his way. I have been working in this same field for 6 years and I have a method of doing things. He has 25 years of experience and he has a way of doing things. The method of getting shit done is different but the end result is the same. I find it hard to contradict him sometimes because me defying his methods might seem like me defying his order. And he doesn't seem to keen to focus on the end result. He is quick to jump the gun and say that I am wrong even when he is the one at fault. And when he is wrong, he just keeps his mouth shut and continues to work. I had a talk about this to a few friends from other companies and they had this to say about why he probably is behaving like a fucktard jackoff - he is probably jealous of what I am doing. Like I am doing things at 30 with 6 years of experience that he does at 55 with 25. I am only silent for the most parts as I am an external employee and I don't want any dirt on me or my parent company. Also because this contract is only until December. After that I am back to my parent company.  But this guy is sucking the soul out of what I love doing. I love coming to work early, leave home late, and I don't complain. But this asshole just manages to make me complain about the thing I love doing the most.

Have any one of you faced this situation? If so, I could do with your feedback about how I can let him know about how I feel about this. I don't want to have all the anger bottled up inside, only for it to explode one fine day and we find us sitting in front of the HR office with my boss by my side.

P.S. He is not a work mate. He is just a work person. And a grade-A Asshole.

“To know your Enemy, you must become your Enemy.”
― Sun Tzu

“If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected .”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

“Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.”
― Sun Tzu

Just some everyday advice mate.

Your welcome.

[CraigDS]

Does the bridge need to actually be golden? As that sounds expensive.

[TheTeflonJohn]

Does the bridge need to actually be golden? As that sounds expensive.

Don`t think you`ve grasped this Craigeye.

Give the twat an escape route, bridge or no bridge 

[Chakan]

Don`t think you`ve grasped this Craigeye.

Give the twat an escape route, bridge or no bridge 

All those wise inspiring words, ruined by "Your Welcome".

[CraigDS]

All those wise inspiring words, ruined by "Your Welcome".

Woah. If you're gonna have a go at the guy at least build the fucker a bridge too.