Topic: Survivors: Talk about it, share it, we'll try to help

[Arthurs Bar]

Indeed it is Athur.  For what you endured then, for what you suffered bearing witness for your mate and for all those who died and their families, for the emotilonal pain you  have suffered, may God hold his hand over you, keep you safe and bless you for all the days of your life.               

I sent a PM to you Mag the other day.
Thank you so much. Their are hundreds maybe thousands going thru this. I hope they get through it in the best way they can.

[Maggie May]

I sent a PM to you Mag the other day.
Thank you so much. Their are hundreds maybe thousands going thru this. I hope they get through it in the best way they can.

I'm daft at PM's sweetie.  Yours, just read, touched my heart.  Thank you.  I hope they do.  I'm glad the service at Anfield is now being scrapped.  I swerved it after the 20th which was a circus and has carried on as such or so as I am told.   I just go to the local church and light candles now (tho I am a proddie dog - but it is High Church and has candles on hand).  In the past I've just been quiet at home.   The 96 rest.  The memories live on.  I think of all those who hurt.  I shall  light another candle tomorrow just for you Arthur.

[SwedenRed]

As we all know, tomorrow is the last memorial to be held. I have never been to one and I promised this year I would go. However as a survivor of that terrible day, I simply couldnt get myself to do it...Just not brave enough. Too many painful memories for me... And Ive suffered over the years and dont want any of the bad times to come flooding back. But respect to all who are attending...I will be watching live of course. Thoughts and memories to all... RIP Marion, RIP all of the 96,  respect to all the families and survivors. X

[Andy G]

As we all know, tomorrow is the last memorial to be held. I have never been to one and I promised this year I would go. However as a survivor of that terrible day, I simply couldnt get myself to do it...Just not brave enough. Too many painful memories for me... And Ive suffered over the years and dont want any of the bad times to come flooding back. But respect to all who are attending...I will be watching live of course. Thoughts and memories to all... RIP Marion, RIP all of the 96,  respect to all the families and survivors. X

God Bless Richard.

[Glorious Future]

As ever my thoughts are with anyone affected by what happened 27 years ago. God bless you all.

Live your lives with respect to the people just like you and I who had that choice and opportunity taken away.

I love every one of those people who lost their lives because I've been with you every hour of every day since we were stood but yards from each other, and I always will be with you.

xxxxx

[Maggie May]

As ever my thoughts are with anyone affected by what happened 27 years ago. God bless you all.
ely
Live your lives with respect to the people just like you and I who had that choice and opportunity taken away.

I love every one of those people who lost their lives because I've been with you every hour of every day since we were stood but yards from each other, andsay Im I always will be with you.
aman
xxxxx
[/q
Hello my lovely Glofut.   You are brave and wonderful.  I did once say I am the angel on your shoulder.  I still am. 

[Maggie May]

As we all know, tomorrow is the last memorial to be held. I have never been to one and I promised this year I would go. However as a survivor of that terrible day, I simply couldnt get myself to do it...Just not brave enough. Too many painful memories for me... And Ive suffered over the years and dont want any of the bad times to come flooding back. But respect to all who are attending...I will be watching live of course. Thoughts and memories to all... RIP Marion, RIP all of the 96,  respect to all the families and survivors. X

.

[Millie]

Another anniversary - they just don't get any easier. 

Haven't been to a memorial service for a couple of years but went yesterday with my son.  Phil Scraton's speech really got to me yesterday.  The raw emotion in his voice when he was speaking.  I really just don't know how he held it together.

I am just looking at the beautiful blue sky this morning thinking this time 27 years ago I was waiting for my lift back to the Northern General  Sheffield, having only just got back in the early hours.  It is all so vivid in my mind.

And now I have just turned on the tv to try to take my mind elsewhere and it was left on LFCtv - there is just a picture of the 96 on the screen. 

Crying like a baby now

[SuperStevieNicol]

Going on Friday has already proved a massive relief. Very emotional and spent most of the  service just staring at the main stand but it helped me. Phil Scraton and the Bishop really hit a chord with me with their words. I cannot find words to describe the admiration i have for the families. Courage and dignity in bucket loads. Justice soon.

Someone who is fast becoming a very big part of my life also helped just by sitting with me holding my hand and giving me hugs

[the 92A]

Going on Friday has already proved a massive relief. Very emotional and spent most of the  service just staring at the main stand but it helped me. Phil Scraton and the Bishop really hit a chord with me with their words. I cannot find words to describe the admiration i have for the families. Courage and dignity in bucket loads. Justice soon.

Someone who is fast becoming a very big part of my life also helped just by sitting with me holding my hand and giving me hugs

I was hoping that you would be alright and the day wasn't too much for you

[Speedy Molby]

Going on Friday has already proved a massive relief. Very emotional and spent most of the  service just staring at the main stand but it helped me. Phil Scraton and the Bishop really hit a chord with me with their words. I cannot find words to describe the admiration i have for the families. Courage and dignity in bucket loads. Justice soon.

Someone who is fast becoming a very big part of my life also helped just by sitting with me holding my hand and giving me hugs

Pleased to read that mate.

[24/7]

Someone who is fast becoming a very big part of my life also helped just by sitting with me holding my hand and giving me hugs

I really like this bit here

[SuperStevieNicol]

Thanks all on here for the comments and support as well, much appreciated. Without ever meeting it makes me feel part of the RAWK family 😄

[Glorious Future]

As ever my thoughts are with anyone affected by what happened 27 years ago. God bless you all.
ely
Live your lives with respect to the people just like you and I who had that choice and opportunity taken away.

I love every one of those people who lost their lives because I've been with you every hour of every day since we were stood but yards from each other, andsay Im I always will be with you.
aman
xxxxx
[/q
Hello my lo

As ever my thoughts are with anyone affected by what happened 27 years ago. God bless you all.
ely
Live your lives with respect to the people just like you and I who had that choice and opportunity taken away.

I love every one of those people who lost their lives because I've been with you every hour of every day since we were stood but yards from each other, andsay Im I always will be with you.
aman
xxxxx
[/q
Hello my lovely Glofut.   You are brave and wonderful.  I did once say I am the angel on your shoulder.  I still am. 

God bless you, MM. Thank you xx

[John C]

I've been asked to post this heart-wrenching article.
Have a read about the pain and suffering of one of our own.

Why do I still feel so alone?

I am still angry and hurt.  Hillsborough has been a part of my life for 27 years.  It changed my life and it made me ill, very ill.  But worst of all I feel so alone. 

I was not at the game but my ex husband was.  I always feel bad calling him my ex - it just sounds wrong in the context of Hillsborough because he was my husband then.    He was injured, badly injured.  So much so that he is still in pain to this day. 

Part of our story is in the brilliant piece written by That Kennedy Moment (link
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2009/mar/15/hillsborough-disaster-survivors  )

As alluded to in the above article I was suffering inside (screaming inside) - I needed help - badly.  In 1994 I eventually shut down - my mind that is.  I just collapsed.  I can’t remember the next 3 weeks.  I just remember being in hospital with a drip being taken out of my arm.  I was (to my horror) in a High Dependancy Psychiatric Ward.  That is what Hillsborough did to me.  I was in hospital for almost 6 months.  It was that bad I was sectioned.  I was totally out of it.  I actually believed that my husband was a murderer and had single handedly caused Hillsborough - I thought he was some sort of devil.  Can’t say for certain but a certain newspaper may be responsible for that and I am still suffering  - I don’t feel it’s ever going to go away.

My daughter is nearly 30 now!   and my son nearly 25. They  known nothing else but their mother and father affected by this event.  I have just listened to the brilliant podcast “The Truth” on Radio 5 Live - and Phil’s words at the end resonated so strongly about how this has affected children.

It’s hard to put into words how I feel but as a wife and my role in trying to keep a family together and look after Mike without anywhere to turn has left me so scarred.  The bereaved had the HFSG.  The survivors had the HJC.  I have had no one.  Maybe that’s not fair.  I have spoken to fellow fans (some who post on here) but I have never been able to open up truly about the affect this has had on me and my mental health. 

Before 15 April 1989 I was a strong person.  Nothing much really phased me.  I had gone travelling around Europe on my own in 1984 without a care in the world.  Made friends easily wherever I went and never felt alone on that journey.  I went on to have a pretty good career.  I was PA to a partner in a Law Firm and absolutely loved that job.  But I lost it all in 1994.  I remember going into my boss and saying “I think I am having some sort of breakdown”.  He said “don’t be silly if that was ever going to happen it would have happened five years ago”.  He sent me home, fully expecting me back the next day.  I never returned to work.

The Club were great at the beginning - making sure counselling was available for Mike.  Providing us with tickets for the service at the Anglian  Cathedral following Hillsborough and the first Anniversary Service at Anfield.  But that was kind of it.

After that we were just pretty much left to get on with it.  Never been contacted since.  That hurts - it just so fucking hurts.

I have moved on with life to a certain extent.  I have remarried and I love my husband dearly.  But he is not from the UK and whilst he tries his best to be supportive he can’t really understand.

I want to the vigil at Lime Street last night and I still felt alone.

I feel guilty even writing all this because I don’t even feel worthy.  Mike didn't die and so I feel so  bad about how I feel.

I can’t write anymore I am too emotional. too angry. and too upset.

Justice for the 96 and Justice for all.

[BoRed]

I've been asked to post this heart-wrenching article.
Have a read about the pain and suffering of one of our own.

Heartbreaking. The ripple effect has been devastating and the damage irreparable.

[Moray]

I've been asked to post this heart-wrenching article.
Have a read about the pain and suffering of one of our own.

I speak as someone whose life wasn’t touched by Hillsborough at all. I was still a kid in 1989, and my family had left Liverpool some years before. The only thing I remember crying about that season was Michael Thomas’ goal. So, all I know about Hillsborough is what I read years after, and my tiny contribution since has been educating a few friends as to what really happened. Regardless, many little things have made me emotional over the last few days, but In Fowler We Trust’s comment about “finding it hard to get fired up” for the Villarreal game is the one that’s been bothering me. 

It made me think there will likely be a lot of people who have spent a huge chunk of their lives waiting for what happened on Tuesday to happen, but who have found it didn’t change what they’ve been feeling since 1989. As the rest of the world moves on thinking that the correct inquest verdict represents the top of the hill having been reached, it’s worth remembering that many are still climbing, and will continue to do so regardless of the inquest verdict, regardless of their (or their loved ones) exoneration, and regardless of the outcome of any criminal prosecutions that might follow. The wider world feeling that Hillsborough has been dealt with now might make their climb a little harder over the coming days, weeks and months.

I don’t have any family or friends who were affected by Hillsborough in any way, but if you do, now might be a good time to reach out to them. Let them know they’re not alone.

[24/7]

I've heard IFWT's story first-hand and I can tell you all she's a wonderful woman whom I greatly admire. I have seen the effects it has had on her yet I also see someone desperately wishing to overcome the effects she describes. I hope now that the events of this week will enable her to take massive steps towards that.

Her suffering is an example of the extended horror of the events from that day and also serves as testimony to the shattered lives that extend beyond the ground. Perhaps she and others like her could have been spared that pain had the authorities acknowledged truth and delivered justice much, much, much sooner?

Maybe we'll never know the answer to that question - but I sincerely hope that she and others in her position, as well as survivors from the day and relatives of the deceased, all derive much comfort from the knowledge that collectively we have won the war.

Now for the trials to address the crimes that have been perpetrated and have caused so much unnecessary, cruel and pernicious pain amongst our extended family.

Justice for the 96, justice for the survivors, justice for the campaigners, justice for each and every individual caught up in the horror of what the police and others have forced us to endure.

[reddebs]

For all the thousands of us that breathed a collective sigh of relief, cried with joy and sadness, hugged those around us and generally went crazy when the verdicts came in last Tuesday, there will be thousands of others that will still be experiencing turmoil and trauma for what they experienced and how their lives have been changed over the last 27 and a bit years.

I know the faces, names and ages of the 96 who perished that fateful day.  I know the names and faces of those who lost their loved ones, those who campaigned for Justice, the Public face of the campaign if you will and like many others I applaud their work, their drive, their determination to see this through and never gave up but I don't know the many thousands who have also suffered, like the lady who still feels alone.

I don't know your real name "In Fowler We Trust" but I am deeply and profoundly sorry that you and many, many others have been alone in your struggles and that you have gained little or no comfort these last few days.  May you somehow find the strength in the coming years to put the pieces of your life back together.

[Craig67]

After the verdicts I've been thinking I'd post something in the Inquest thread, or the Kenny thread - but didn't know what to say - I still don't. My head's spinning, screaming almost, but I can't think of a single coherent thing to write or say. 

I just feel lost. What those bastards, absolute bastards did, carried on doing!

How people far more impacted than me have kept going is beyond me. Courageous is too much of an understatement. And the gratitude I owe so many people I’ve never met is immeasurable.

[Andy G]

After the verdicts I've been thinking I'd post something in the Inquest thread, or the Kenny thread - but didn't know what to say - I still don't. My head's spinning, screaming almost, but I can't think of a single coherent thing to write or say. 

I just feel lost. What those bastards, absolute bastards did, carried on doing!

How people far more impacted than me have kept going is beyond me. Courageous is too much of an understatement. And the gratitude I owe so many people I’ve never met is immeasurable.

There is no scale of how much people are effected by Hillsborough, it is a simple Yes or No - You can't be half pregnant.  If the answer is yes, which it is for you, then the courage staement applies there too.  We are all "all over the place" at the moment, so many can empathise and relate to your feelings.  Just say what you can and when you can.  PM me or anyone else on this forum if you want to talk in private, and God Bless.

[Swoop]

I've had a little quiet time today to reflect.

Bloody hell, the families, the survivors, the campaigners.  What stamina, what determination. I played a small role in Truth day and the following McKenzie stuff and to be honest I was burnt out after 2 years and whilst always helping where I could, just couldn't take it.

In truth until I spoke to Operation Resolve last year I still hadn't realized how much of a toll it had taken.  But To any of you reading this that have suffered in silence all these years maybe now is the time to talk, plenty here will help.

I seriously cannot say thank you to everyone that has helped over the years, they are to numerous.

[Craig67]

There is no scale of how much people are effected by Hillsborough, it is a simple Yes or No - You can't be half pregnant.  If the answer is yes, which it is for you, then the courage staement applies there too.  We are all "all over the place" at the moment, so many can empathise and relate to your feelings.  Just say what you can and when you can.  PM me or anyone else on this forum if you want to talk in private, and God Bless.

Thanks for the reply - it's really appreciated. I think just knowing someone has read it helps.

[ATEAMOFCARRAGHERS]

Spoke about a bit recently. To mates. Family. On here a bit. To mates in work. Finding it easier to let go a bit. Still wish my dad was around though.  Proper hero that day. Saved me from  the worst.

I remember everything that day. The car me dad and his mates hired from Avis. A white merc. I remember where we parked. Right by a limo near the crucible. I thought it was Steve Daviss. I remember what the roast dinner I ate. The sachets of mint sauce. I remember the walk to the ground. I remember after what happened in 88 my dad telling us all to meet outside the barber shop outside the leppings lane end if we got separated

I remember it being worse than 88. I remember the crush. I remember the police man on a horse swirling his finger and the consatina gates opening. I remember having my ticket in my hand as my feet got swept away. I remember my dad grabbing me by the collar as the crowd swelled. I remember the smell of the tunnel. Everything after I've struggled with. I was 13 years old. I saw things no kid could see. I was never aloud to talk about it. Me and my dad saw counselling. When home it was taboo. I'm hoping my dad is up there now. Smiling with Shanks Emlyn Paisley and Fagan. RIP Dad. YNWA.

[Nottsred]

Why am I so angry, justice is being served and accountability will now run it course.
I have read the article in the guardian, I have watched the film again and I am angry. Angry that so many lies so many cover ups have been believed by so many. So many lives destroyed, so many marriage break ups, so much torment.
McKenzie, I hate him, I hate him with an absolute passion, he pedalled so much rubbish so much lies and the masses swallowed it and believed it.
I want the anger to go away but really really need the justice now. The usual suspects should be in the dock but please get Mckenzie for slander,bet it won't happen but he is responsible for so much pain

[only6times]

The guilt of not doing enough wrecks me. We got onto the pitch and some of the old heads we were with came and found us and took us out the ground. You're in the pen and you think it is a dream and then on the pitch you see lads with their t-shirts over their head and chests caved in and their jeans soaked. It then becomes clear the pens weren't a dream but the fucking biggest horror imaginable.

I was 19 and my daughter was 11 months old at the time and I have watched her grow to become a wonderful mum herself. I can't get over the fact of the life I would have missed watching her grow and the birth of my other 2 amazing kids and my grand kids.

I feel sick at the thought of what it would have done to my mum who died 6 years ago if I hadn't made it out that day and my partner bringing up our baby alone.


They knew what they had done and still kept up the lies. Forgiveness will never be theirs.

[The Scouseologist]

I'm the child on this man's shoulders. I'd appreciate if anyway an administrator could possibly help me in trying to find him to thank him for everything he did for me
 

[The Scouseologist]

Hi I was hoping there was a way through power of Internet of me finding the gentleman who's shoulders I am sitting on, on this image. I owe this man my life, and have always tried to find him. If anyone may recognise him please let me know.

[MichaelA]

Hi I was hoping there was a way through power of Internet of me finding the gentleman who's shoulders I am sitting on, on this image. I owe this man my life, and have always tried to find him. If anyone may recognise him please let me know.

We can put this out on the RAWK Twitter account. Can you please check your twitter profile, the link in your signature doesn't work.

[The Scouseologist]

Thanks pal, I've amended it!

[Branno]

The guilt of not doing enough wrecks me. We got onto the pitch and some of the old heads we were with came and found us and took us out the ground. You're in the pen and you think it is a dream and then on the pitch you see lads with their t-shirts over their head and chests caved in and their jeans soaked. It then becomes clear the pens weren't a dream but the fucking biggest horror imaginable.

I was 19 and my daughter was 11 months old at the time and I have watched her grow to become a wonderful mum herself. I can't get over the fact of the life I would have missed watching her grow and the birth of my other 2 amazing kids and my grand kids.

I feel sick at the thought of what it would have done to my mum who died 6 years ago if I hadn't made it out that day and my partner bringing up our baby alone.


They knew what they had done and still kept up the lies. Forgiveness will never be theirs.

The thought of me being pulled up into the stand then watching what happened below has always haunted me. But like you...I'm here to this day to watch our wonderful daughters grow up. Every day from now we move on, we look forward not backwards, we enjoy the 27 years we had, we pray for 27 years more. We are here, we can wake up everyday, we can start LIVING and stop SURVIVING. It's a new dawn...everyday now just gets a little bit better and not worse. Always here now and not there

[Andy G]

Hi I was hoping there was a way through power of Internet of me finding the gentleman who's shoulders I am sitting on, on this image. I owe this man my life, and have always tried to find him. If anyone may recognise him please let me know.

I have shared this on facebook and asked if anyone knows who he is to contact the mods on this website.  Is that OK?

[Pheeny]

I have shared this on facebook and asked if anyone knows who he is to contact the mods on this website.  Is that OK?

as have I also linked a few from the HJC.

[TheTeflonJohn]

The guilt of not doing enough wrecks me. We got onto the pitch and some of the old heads we were with came and found us and took us out the ground. You're in the pen and you think it is a dream and then on the pitch you see lads with their t-shirts over their head and chests caved in and their jeans soaked. It then becomes clear the pens weren't a dream but the fucking biggest horror imaginable.

I was 19 and my daughter was 11 months old at the time and I have watched her grow to become a wonderful mum herself. I can't get over the fact of the life I would have missed watching her grow and the birth of my other 2 amazing kids and my grand kids.

I feel sick at the thought of what it would have done to my mum who died 6 years ago if I hadn't made it out that day and my partner bringing up our baby alone.


They knew what they had done and still kept up the lies. Forgiveness will never be theirs.

No one should feel guilty mate, I know that`s easy to say but you can`t be blamed for anything that happened.

There`s only one direction the blame flows and that`s SYP.

[The Scouseologist]

as have I also linked a few from the HJC.

Thanks everyone it's gone mental as am sure most have seen x

[Branno]

Guys...I need help. Since the inquiry finished I've had several anxiety attacks. Things I've kept bottled up for 27 years now have come back. Wounds reopened...I need help but I need to speak to someone specific about Hillsborough...any advice would be greatly appreciated

[24/7]

Branno, I am no expert but know some people who are. There is a chance you might be suffering from delayed PTSD, symptoms of which can include anxiety attacks, flashbacks and the like, triggered by the resurfacing of emotions relating to what you would have seen/heard at Hillsborough. My first suggestion would be to make an appointment with your General Practitioner and explain the circumstances, with specific reference to Hillsborough and the fact that you are enduring related stresses and anxieties since the unequivocal exoneration of survivors. You will not be alone in that particular boat, that's well known right now!

There is a specific treatment for PTSD that has proven to be incredibly effective in helping people overcome anxiety and flashbacks. It's called Human-Given Therapy and implements what is known as "rewind technique".

There was a GP in Garston who was trained in this therapy although this is going back about 8 years or so. There are other people out there trained in this. Of course, it all depends on where you are located too, but I hope the above can help in some way towards getting you the help you clearly seek and need.

It might also be worth contacting the HJC shop on 0151 260 5262, as they have pledged to continue offering support and advice to people affected. They may be able to point you towards an interim counselling resource to help you in the moment whenever you feel anxious and need to talk about what's happening to you.[/size]

Hang in there brother. There are many around who can help and I'm sure you'll receive other responses from the seemingly inexhaustible resources that RAWKites possess.

[Branno]

Thank you. MTL. Being in Melbourne it's hard to get proper help as I'm having to spend so much time explaining the whole story. you are right though its ptsd. I'm coming back for a few weeks in September so will see what I can line up. Thank you again. Never saw this coming after 27 years ffs 😡

[24/7]

Thank you. MTL. Being in Melbourne it's hard to get proper help as I'm having to spend so much time explaining the whole story. you are right though its ptsd. I'm coming back for a few weeks in September so will see what I can line up. Thank you again. Never saw this coming after 27 years ffs 😡

(Psst it's really 24/7) - remember again, you're not alone. There are other reds in Oz and if memory serves me right there's another survivor that I know of - I am gonna try to remember his name and see if I can put you in touch with him......

[ATEAMOFCARRAGHERS]

I've been to see a therapist about a few things going on in my life. Don't wanna go into that here. Spoke to the therapist about my experience at Hillsborough and the last 27 years of not being able to to talk about it. (mum and dad told us not to. Even turn the TV off when mine and dads face all over it.) therapist said she had help quite a lot of survivors since the inquests. She really knew here stuff. Happy I've finally been able to spill the beans about my day on the 15th April. Wife still reckons mum and dads approach was wrong. Just felt good telling someone and not have it replay in my head at night while trying to sleep.