Author Topic: Jeremy Kyle and his "lie detector" tests. (Read 16847 times)

BazC · « **Reply #80 on:** August 30, 2008, 07:48:01 pm »

Fuck Jeremy Kyle. I saw a Jerry Springer the other day for a minute, and in that minute he was being a right c*nt. They had the funniest people on though...LITERALLY Cletus from The Simpsons. The c*nt was pimping out his step 'mom' to his mates... Springer starts taking the piss a bit putting on a yokel type accent. Then they bring the whore victim out and she's about the size of a double decker give or take a few inches. They start arguing on the set, and she says to the fuckwit; "you have to get a job- I'm not being humiliated anymore." What he replied with made me laugh and switch it off as I thought it was a set up- he said he'd gone to "Burgur Kaing, MukDawnulds, I bin tur Pizzuh Huuht... and they aint gots no jawbs momma".

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #81 on:** August 30, 2008, 08:31:32 pm »

Quote from: BazC on August 30, 2008, 07:48:01 pm

Fuck Jeremy Kyle. I saw a Jerry Springer the other day for a minute, and in that minute he was being a right c*nt. They had the funniest people on though...LITERALLY Cletus from The Simpsons. The c*nt was pimping out his step 'mom' to his mates... Springer starts taking the piss a bit putting on a yokel type accent. Then they bring the whore victim out and she's about the size of a double decker give or take a few inches. They start arguing on the set, and she says to the fuckwit; "you have to get a job- I'm not being humiliated anymore." What he replied with made me laugh and switch it off as I thought it was a set up- he said he'd gone to "Burgur Kaing, MukDawnulds, I bin tur Pizzuh Huuht... and they aint gots no jawbs momma".

♠Dirty Harry♠ · « **Reply #82 on:** August 30, 2008, 08:41:11 pm »

Announcer - Hi Jeremy today we invite you to take your own lie detector test

Jeremy - No problem

Announcer - First question, who are you?

Jeremy - I'm Jeremy kyle

Machine - errrrrrrrrrrrr wrong, you are a c*nt

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #83 on:** August 30, 2008, 08:47:07 pm »

Quote from: ♠Dirty Harry♠ on August 30, 2008, 08:41:11 pm

Announcer - Hi Jeremy today we invite you to take your own lie detector test

Jeremy - No problem

Announcer - First question, who are you?

Jeremy - I'm Jeremy kyle

Machine - errrrrrrrrrrrr wrong, you are a c*nt

dont understand how he hasnt had a slap yet? shouting at people the way he does,and then has the fucking nerve to say 'IM TALKING NOW,SHUT UP'

BazC · « **Reply #84 on:** August 30, 2008, 09:01:45 pm »

Quote from: Capon Debaser on August 30, 2008, 08:47:07 pm

dont understand how he hasnt had a slap yet? shouting at people the way he does,and then has the fucking nerve to say 'IM TALKING NOW,SHUT UP'

This is what Springer said in the 1-2 minutes I was watching.

"Let me get this straight... you asked your friends to sleep with your mom for money for cigarettes? How did that go... *puts on hillbilly accent* "Hey Homurr, you wanna sleep wit my maa for sum muhnee?""

Took the piss completely... Maybe they should both be boiled alive

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #85 on:** August 30, 2008, 09:09:43 pm »

Quote from: BazC on August 30, 2008, 09:01:45 pm

This is what Springer said in the 1-2 minutes I was watching.

"Let me get this straight... you asked your friends to sleep with your mom for money for cigarettes? How did that go... *puts on hillbilly accent* "Hey Homurr, you wanna sleep wit my maa for sum muhnee?""

Took the piss completely... Maybe they should both be boiled alive

I like Jerry cos he doesnt really Preach,well i dont think he does? but the likes of Trisha,Kyle etc harp on as if there shit dont stink.drives me fucking nuts.

And they do it to people who wont learn a fucking thing from what they are saying anyway.so why the fuck do they bother

kinkytones · « **Reply #86 on:** August 30, 2008, 09:16:50 pm »

Kyle is a twat. I laughed my head off when i heard he was in a car crash.

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #87 on:** August 30, 2008, 09:17:13 pm »

Quote from: Dodgydon on August 30, 2008, 09:13:50 pm

Also I like the fact he moralises about the evils of gambling but his show also happens to be sponsored by ThinkBingo.

Doesnt he also have a Gambling problem ?

BazC · « **Reply #88 on:** August 30, 2008, 09:40:14 pm »

Quote from: Capon Debaser on August 30, 2008, 09:09:43 pm

I like Jerry cos he doesnt really Preach,well i dont think he does? but the likes of Trisha,Kyle etc harp on as if there shit dont stink.drives me fucking nuts.

And they do it to people who wont learn a fucking thing from what they are saying anyway.so why the fuck do they bother

I dunno- haven't watched these chat shows properly, ever. Just flicking through the channels and when you see a "Pimp My Mom" exclamation, you have to stop for a minute and see what happens!

What I didn't like about the Springer one was that he was mocking these people whilst everyone knew they were very, very low down in society in terms of intelligence, education, wealth etc. (hence why they're whoring out their mothers!) and yet they get mocked openly on an international show. Bit like calling a disabled person a spaz in my view- pretty shite.

Meh, I suppose this is the reason I don't watch this shite- stupid scummy 'guests' and the hosts come across as complete c*nts. Fuck them all to hell I say!

DowntheLine1981 · « **Reply #89 on:** August 31, 2008, 04:58:19 pm »

Knock yourself out, all you Facebookers:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=21988869361

I group I created dedicated sorely to Jeremy and his cuntish ways...

alonsoisared · « **Reply #90 on:** August 31, 2008, 10:52:11 pm »

Its so horrendously bad that i can't stop watching it. "Wang" http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=_s0ZxAVAcDw was probably the funniest person they've ever had on there. A total and utter "facking cant", but i couldn't help laughing my tits off at it.

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #91 on:** August 31, 2008, 10:58:19 pm »

Quote from: BazC on August 30, 2008, 09:40:14 pm

I dunno- haven't watched these chat shows properly, ever. Just flicking through the channels and when you see a "Pimp My Mom" exclamation, you have to stop for a minute and see what happens!

What I didn't like about the Springer one was that he was mocking these people whilst everyone knew they were very, very low down in society in terms of intelligence, education, wealth etc. (hence why they're whoring out their mothers!) and yet they get mocked openly on an international show. Bit like calling a disabled person a spaz in my view- pretty shite.

Meh, I suppose this is the reason I don't watch this shite- stupid scummy 'guests' and the hosts come across as complete c*nts. Fuck them all to hell I say!

You're right mate,i havnt watched it in years and i wasnt a regular viewer either for some reason.but since i did stop.i have seen him on other programs and liked him.

But,what your saying is spot on and it shouldnt be allowed.

Lush is the best medicine... · « **Reply #92 on:** August 31, 2008, 11:17:28 pm »

Quote from: alonsoisared on August 31, 2008, 10:52:11 pm

Its so horrendously bad that i can't stop watching it. "Wang" http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=_s0ZxAVAcDw was probably the funniest person they've ever had on there. A total and utter "facking cant", but i couldn't help laughing my tits off at it.

5.55

Kyle: 'Do you find him attractive?'
Girl: 'No'
Chelsea: 'You liar!'

utter c*nt, but an entertaining one

part 2 of that is here: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=b2G6chED5qM&feature=related

fudge · « **Reply #93 on:** November 26, 2008, 09:51:16 am »

Ha ha ha class, just caught one of these

the blokes just had his lie detector proving he had intercourse and the thick c*nt blurts out

"what constitutes intercourse"

oooh i may have to get a season pass now.

CHOPPER · « **Reply #94 on:** August 18, 2010, 04:01:42 pm »

Just watching this on ITV2+1 now (me bird likes it honest) and I've never seen a bigger gathering of spaz's in my entire life.
What makes these people go public.

Under the title - 'Three men, Three accusations, One lie detector test'

alonsoisared · « **Reply #95 on:** August 18, 2010, 04:03:51 pm »

Quote from: CHOPPER on August 18, 2010, 04:01:42 pm

Just watching this on ITV2+1 now (me bird likes it honest) and I've never seen a bigger gathering of spaz's in my entire life.
What makes these people go public.

the guy who's got witnesses who say that bird has slept with 125 people in the last 3 months cracked me up.

CHOPPER · « **Reply #96 on:** August 18, 2010, 04:08:18 pm »

Quote from: alonsoisared on August 18, 2010, 04:03:51 pm

the guy who's got witnesses who say that bird has slept with 125 people in the last 3 months cracked me up.

I'm surprised any of them have slept with anyone.

Thers is ugly and there is weird, but I've never seen the two put together in one head.

And in so many people!

CHOPPER · « **Reply #97 on:** August 18, 2010, 04:13:06 pm »

Oh dear, we've got tears......ooooooooooooh and lies!

It's like Papa Lazarous circus has gone tits up.

CHOPPER · « **Reply #98 on:** August 18, 2010, 04:16:14 pm »

Wow, the last time I saw that many mongs together Joey Deacon was pulling all the strings.

I think I deserve a Blue Peter badge after watching that.

pascoli · « **Reply #99 on:** August 18, 2010, 05:47:42 pm »

Anyone else remember the security guard from the megabowl, opposite the switch car site going on it?

It turned out that the 3 kids he had with his mrs, werent his after all, after he'd brought them up.

He was in bits for months afterwards, and i believe he packed his job in and everythin.

RedSandgrounder · « **Reply #100 on:** August 19, 2010, 04:36:09 am »

Probably got this out of this very thread, I know it was probably off this forum, but still, funny as fuck!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1Fb1xmpp4M

Azi · « **Reply #101 on:** August 19, 2010, 05:43:42 am »

Quote from: RedSandgrounder on August 19, 2010, 04:36:09 am

Probably got this out of this very thread, I know it was probably off this forum, but still, funny as fuck!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1Fb1xmpp4M

ive just spent the last hour watchin this episode on youtube

Damo58 · « **Reply #102 on:** August 19, 2010, 05:15:56 pm »

Quote from: RedSandgrounder on August 19, 2010, 04:36:09 am

Probably got this out of this very thread, I know it was probably off this forum, but still, funny as fuck!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1Fb1xmpp4M

Where's the rest of it?! Stopped at a cliffhanger!

Ciara (with a capital "C") · « **Reply #103 on:** August 19, 2010, 10:43:26 pm »

I love that these kind of shows wind people up so much. Don't watch it if it bugs you so much.

I'd hazard a guess that alot of people who watch this show, whether it's at home or sitting in the audience, know not to take it too seriously, and are watching it for some of the hilarity that it produces. If I'm not at Uni or not working and I'm up, I'll stick it on for a laugh. It's brainless, easy TV and makes you feel gratefuly you're not one of those ch@vvy-muppets.

SP · « **Reply #104 on:** August 19, 2010, 11:03:12 pm »

I apologise for the following piece quoting the Sun. I don't apologise for it making Kyle look like a fucking cock.

Quote

Jeremy Kyle wages war on idleness
The Sun columnist and TV presenter attacks 'benefit scroungers' and praises the coalition's austerity cuts

Jeremy Kyle worries that too much benefit money is spent on alcohol. Photograph: ITV
Once again, Lost in Showbiz must take up its well-thumbed copy of the Book of Revelation, and search through the apocalypse harbingers for the words: "And it shall come to pass that Jeremy Kyle shall imagine himself a serious thinker . . . "

Jeremy, of course, has always taken himself seriously. How could he not? His job is revealing the results of DNA tests on telly. That's the adorable thing about babies: they're too stupid to have even heard about release forms.

No matter that a judge famously described his programme as "human bear-baiting", or that ITV has had to issue a litany of excruciating denials about how guests are treated before going on air, my favourite being their response to accusations that they fired up some of them with booze. With exquisite indignance, the network chuntered: "Two of the guests were given alcohol to counteract withdrawal symptoms." Ah, I see. Do forgive the error.

Now, with a US version of his chatshow in the pipeline, Jeremy's self-confidence remains undimmed. You may care to know that the trait he most deplores in himself is "people-pleasing". Asked recently what the worst thing anyone had ever said to him was, he revealed: "A rent-a-yob once bellowed, 'Oi, Kyle, you're a c*nt!' through my car window as my then teenage daughter sat frozen beside me."

Can you bear it? The coarsening of public life must be a particular agony for the steward of shows such as Brother, I'll Prove I'm the Father of Your Ex-Girlfriend's Baby. Indeed, perhaps it is this puritan zeal that is driving Jeremy in increasingly ambitious directions.

It began with his most recent book, described by the publisher as comprising Jeremy's pensées "on a huge variety of topics: from the craziness of becoming a household name and the struggles of parenting when organising his baby son's 150-strong christening to the pitfalls of middle age and his strong views on the current government". This compendium of rants is entitled You Couldn't Make It Up, which would seem the crudest of attempts to insert himself into the notional gap between Richard Littlejohn and Jeremy Clarkson. (Note: the thought of Jeremy inserting himself into a physical gap between Richard Littlejohn and Jeremy Clarkson is too "specialist" a riff even for a column with a taste bar as low as this one. We merely throw it out there for the benefit of Richard, who spends a substantial part of each morning Googling himself, and will now have confusingly enticing thoughts of himself and Clarkson sandwiching Kyle as today's mental screensaver. Expect another frothingly insecure column about how gay people are destroying Britain by Monday.)

But even the book now seems small beer, with recent developments indicating that Jeremy sees himself as not so much a TV presenter as part of the very social fabric of the nation.

Witness the comment piece he penned for Wednesday's Sun. "When economist William Beveridge dreamed up the postwar welfare state," began Jeremy, "he wanted to fight five 'giant evils' – want, disease, ignorance, squalor and idleness. Fast forward 65 years and it seems the last New Labour government grew an Unfair State that fuelled – not fought – one of those evils: idleness."

Mmm. There's no sense pointing out that without idleness, Jeremy's daytime polygraphs-and-pissheads show would have no viewers. Jeremy is a former gambling addict whose programme has been sponsored by a gambling website, so he's hardly going to worry about a little contradiction like that. Indeed, in many ways he is the perfect celebrity face for the Sun's recently launched "war on benefit scroungers". (God, don't you wish it were an actual war? Could there be any more satisfying spectacle than seeing the paper's staff face up to said scroungers in a pitched battle on a vast plain? I won't insult you by stating the obvious outcome, but suffice to say it would be like Zulu Dawn out there.)

Anyway, were Wednesday's outing not enough, yesterday Jeremy was back with a whole page column in which he penned a hymn to the coalition's austerity cuts. The evidence seems plain. Slowly but undeniably, Kyle is positioning himself as a social reformer, at the same time as penning such crass little love-letters to the Cameron government that the suspicion can only be that he is angling for some kind of confected czar role.

Or as Jeremy puts it: "Nowadays I wonder if we need a 'beverage report' to see how much of the £192bn welfare budget is wasted on booze."

You may be on the point of spotting who regards himself as just the public intellectual for the job.

Ultimately, though, there's a certain irony to the fact that Jeremy regards the existence of scroungers as evidence of how far we have degenerated as a society in the decades since the Beveridge report. After all, surely that same degeneration would be far more eloquently illustrated by the unstoppable rise of a man paid to violate children's right to privacy on national telly?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/lostinshowbiz/2010/aug/19/jeremy-kyle-sun-benefit-scroungers

Paul-LFC · « **Reply #105 on:** August 20, 2010, 12:54:33 am »

Quote from: Captain Tsubasa on August 30, 2008, 04:01:22 pm

Yeah mate,23 it got too.and the daft cow still said she was 100% sure everytime they brought a new bloke out

That is mental. The only episode I've seen of Maury was the phobias one, where some guy was scared of peaches.

CHOPPER · « **Reply #106 on:** January 22, 2016, 09:36:09 am »

Jeremy Kyle v's Kenny Sansom. ITV noooooooooooooooooooooow!

CHOPPER · « **Reply #107 on:** January 22, 2016, 09:52:31 am »

Quite sad watching anyone cry, but a supposed 'star' blubbering over his mam and his predicament, sort of hits home on the whole fragility of 'celebrity'.

Ziltoid · « **Reply #108 on:** January 22, 2016, 10:17:42 am »

Just read that Kyle asked Sansom if he was an alcoholic and Sansom said Yes and Kyle replied "Was it worth it?" What kind of question is that? "Oh aye Jeremy, i lost everything and i'm now on your cunting show in tears - of course it was worth every drop"

Pistolero · « **Reply #109 on:** January 22, 2016, 01:53:20 pm »

Hit him on the head. Hit him on the head. Hit him on the head with a baseball bat.

Oh yes

Oh yes

Sally · « **Reply #110 on:** January 30, 2016, 07:01:41 pm »

Quote from: BazC on August 30, 2008, 07:48:01 pm

Fuck Jeremy Kyle. I saw a Jerry Springer the other day for a minute, and in that minute he was being a right c*nt. They had the funniest people on though...LITERALLY Cletus from The Simpsons. The c*nt was pimping out his step 'mom' to his mates... Springer starts taking the piss a bit putting on a yokel type accent. Then they bring the whore victim out and she's about the size of a double decker give or take a few inches. They start arguing on the set, and she says to the fuckwit; "you have to get a job- I'm not being humiliated anymore." What he replied with made me laugh and switch it off as I thought it was a set up- he said he'd gone to "Burgur Kaing, MukDawnulds, I bin tur Pizzuh Huuht... and they aint gots no jawbs momma".

I don't think Lie detectors have any credibility within the scientific/research community anyways and are too ambiguous to be used on a practical level

gazzalfc · « **Reply #111 on:** May 15, 2019, 10:43:49 am »

ITV permanently cancel production of The Jeremy Kyle show.

Good riddance

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #112 on:** May 15, 2019, 10:44:53 am »

Good riddance I deed. Disgraceful show and a c*nt of a presenter

sms1986 · « **Reply #113 on:** May 15, 2019, 10:49:39 am »

Programmes like this are the television version of tabloids, hopefully this leads to more of them being scrapped. Same goes for "reality" tv programmes too!

CraigDS · « **Reply #114 on:** May 15, 2019, 10:50:31 am »

No doubt it’ll end up getting picked up by another channel. Unfortunately.

Trada · « **Reply #115 on:** May 15, 2019, 10:52:15 am »

I have never watch this or Love Island.

But very strange they cancelled this right away after a suicide after the shows been running for 14 years but not Love Island after isn't two deaths over the last few years.

sms1986 · « **Reply #116 on:** May 15, 2019, 10:52:53 am »

Quote from: Craig 🤔 on May 15, 2019, 10:50:31 am

No doubt it’ll end up getting picked up by another channel. Unfortunately.

Channel 5 would probably like to, but would even they do that?

CraigDS · « **Reply #117 on:** May 15, 2019, 10:53:59 am »

Quote from: Big Jezza’s Jizza on May 15, 2019, 10:52:15 am

I have never watch this or Love Island.

But very strange they cancelled this right away after a suicide but not Love Island after one.

I’m not sure the two can be compared directly behind such a way. This latest suicide was linked directly to what happened on the show, where as the other was seemingly more linked to them not handling the fame and issues surrounding that after the show.

Fiasco · « **Reply #118 on:** May 15, 2019, 12:07:36 pm »

Kyle is a prick. You see him and his team on the show talk about addiction and how a certain guest has to get clean. How they have to ditch the drink or drugs for good or lose their wife/kids/job.

Yet this fella is a gambling addict who still has an 'occasional flutter' and is actively involved in owning horses. Why doesn't he practice what he preaches? He doesn't because he's a hypocritical c*nt who doesn't care about his guests, he only cares about his pay packet and his ratings and being buddies with B list celebs. He has my sympathy for his gambling problem and I'm not judging him for that by any means, but he sits there on TV pontificating about drink and drugs yet thinks he can be a functional gambling addict and not see the hypocrisy. I'm glad his show is off the air but as has already been said someone else will pick it up.

Statto Red · « **Reply #119 on:** May 15, 2019, 12:13:58 pm »

Quote from: Fiasco on May 15, 2019, 12:07:36 pm

Kyle is a prick. You see him and his team on the show talk about addiction and how a certain guest has to get clean. How they have to ditch the drink or drugs for good or lose their wife/kids/job.

Yet this fella is a gambling addict who still has an 'occasional flutter' and is actively involved in owning horses. Why doesn't he practice what he preaches? He doesn't because he's a hypocritical c*nt who doesn't care about his guests, he only cares about his pay packet and his ratings and being buddies with B list celebs. He has my sympathy for his gambling problem and I'm not judging him for that by any means, but he sits there on TV pontificating about drink and drugs yet thinks he can be a functional gambling addict and not see the hypocrisy. I'm glad his show is off the air but as has already been said someone else will pick it up.

Apparently, he stole from his first wife's savings & faked illness to get more money, so how the fuck he stands there lecturing a guest, fucking hypocrite, i despised his show.