Topic: Stupid Things Your Wife / Husband / Partner Say

[SMD]

I'd be here for hours if I was to note everything down....

If you practice, you can write faster.

[LFCMunkee]

Will you marry me?

[jason42]

You've lost me there...... 

Ban me?? How nasty

Sorry - missed the G off

[paulrazor]

i hate when i ask
"why did you do that?"
"why do we have to do that"
"why did you forget"

and its answered "just"

"JUST WHAT"
"just"

what sort of an answer is "just"

[Brian Blessed]

MIne just said to me "I think Miley Cyrus is a decent actress. She's really good in Hannah Montana."

["Nookie".]

MIne just said to me "I think Miley Cyrus is a decent actress. She's really good in Hannah Montana."

Police are on their way.

[Lent§]

Police are on their way.

I'd stove it in, Hannah Montana or not.

[jambutty]

(for Scousers only)

Watching a show on the Pacific Islands, my wife asked 'Where's Sarawak?'

I responded, 'I dunno, chuck.'

["Nookie".]

I'd stove it in, Hannah Montana or not.

Wrong joke. Miley Cyrus is 

But the only people to think shes a good actress are about 13

[Lent§]

Wrong joke. Miley Cyrus is 

But the only people to think shes a good actress are about 13

I meant to quote the original poster, sorry

["Nookie".]

I meant to quote the original poster, sorry

Allowed

[Jonno]

(for Scousers only)

Watching a show on the Pacific Islands, my wife asked 'Where's Sarawak?'

I responded, 'I dunno, chuck.'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarawak

 

[Sir Harvest Fields]

'put it in for me'  her reply ' it is ' whoops.

[fd1]

i was out on secondment for a few weeks and a bit busy at work in the 2 weeks i've been back, so have not been out much (if at all) for the last 5-6 weeks. she has just been chatting about it with me, and come out with the following...

girlfriend: you've become a hermit
girlfriend: ... like the frog
me: you mean kermit?

 

[Chaztastic]

'put it in for me'  her reply ' it is ' whoops.

 

[Sir Harvest Fields]

i was out on secondment for a few weeks and a bit busy at work in the 2 weeks i've been back, so have not been out much (if at all) for the last 5-6 weeks. she has just been chatting about it with me, and come out with the following...

girlfriend: you've become a hermit
girlfriend: ... like the frog
me: you mean kermit?

 

thats funny. sat here chukling away.

[Una cerveza, por favor]

'Do you think that girl over there is hot?'

There is no proper answer to that.

So I just burp out loud and kill the convo. 

[Sir Harvest Fields]

not my gf or partner, but i was chatting to an american friend and winding her up as shes from the deep south. going on about inbreds etc and webbed feet. shes a typical dumb blonde so i said she had webbed feet, she said fuck off, im not inbred. i asked her how many toes she had. her reply?       

" four, and one big one "

dont think ive laughed so hard for ages

[Mr Boat]

When my mrs was a kid she used to think that Robin Reliant drivers only had one leg.

[Una cerveza, por favor]

HF, where in the deep south? Sounds like Alabama or Mississippi from your description?

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Arkansas. i think thats classed as deep south.

[rednewbie]

When my mrs was a kid she used to think that Robin Reliant drivers only had one leg.

pmsl!

[macca888]

Okey cokey then Mrs Macca, you've surpassed yourself big time. We went to Leeds for the weekend a couple of weeks back. On the M62 on the way home and we see a lorry load of pigs all packed in, their little ears flapping in the breeze. Now I'm a fan of pigs as it goes, cute little bastards aren't they, but not apparently to the extent that Mrs macca holds them in high regard. This is the conversation that took place, some of which may be slightly paraphrazed -

Mrs Macca - "Ahhhhhh, just look at how cute they are."

Me - "Mmmm, I know sweetheart, cute aren't they?"

Mrs Macca - "But how sad is it them all being crammed in there like that. It reminds me of Schindler's List."

Me - "What the fuck?"

Mrs Macca - "You know the bit where they're all on the train on the way to the concentration camp, and Liam Neeson is looking for Ben Kingsley?"

Me - "Are you fucking insane? Aside from the obvious cultural insensitivity, are you seriously comparing a lorry load of fucking pigs being driven to the bastard slaughter house with the attempted extermination of an entire race of people by a psychotic megalomaniac, you fucking idiot?"

Mrs Macca - "I was just fucking saying how sad it is for them, so there's no need to imply anything more into it. Anyway, it's probably even worse for the pigs when you think about it."

Me - "How the fuck can it be worse? I'm dying to hear this."

Mrs Macca - "I obviously don't mean slaughtering pigs is worse than humans soft arse. Bul when you think about it, the people on the trains knew that a terrible fate awaited them. Those poor pigs are happy as Larry thinking they're off on a nice drive but they're really off to get a bolt through the brain."

Me - ***Shakes head quite violently in abject disbelief, slips on a Nirvana CD on high volume and hums until the M57***

[Finn Solomon]

[Andy G]

My Dad once described me as a "chip off the old shoulder". 


My secretary in Texas to a German lad working with us:
"So Karsten, you are German!"

"Yes"

"Do you speak any German at all"?

"Yes"

"Oh fantastic.  Did you learn that is school then"?

"Well, yeess"

[Party Phil]

she's got a point macca

[Terry de Niro]

I'm with Mrs Macca on this one and don't think it was that daft a comparison to make.

Me too.

*Scoffs bacon sarnie*

[macca888]

Me too.

*Scoffs bacon sarnie*

No, she's comparing a scene in a film where people are being transported to ultimately be slaughtered to a lorry load of animals being transported to ultimately be slaughtered. If she'd said that the lorry-load of pigs reminded her of the holocaust then I think you might have a point. But she didn't, because she's not claiming that we're systematically trying to slaughter all the pigs in the UK, just that these are being carted off in cramped conditions to die like people were in the scene in Schindler's List.

I'm with Mrs Macca on this one and don't think it was that daft a comparison to make.

But you're siding with her without the full story. I missed out the bit where she referred to the lorry driver as Adolf Oinkman, the farmer as Heinrich Sizzler and two of the pigs as Babe Kingsley and Pol Pot Bellied Pig.

[The Manhattan Project]

When I was at school, a girl I knew thought that "quiche" was pronounced "kwee-chee"

[Party Phil]

When I was at school, a girl I knew thought that "quiche" was pronounced "kwee-chee"

my aunt used to pronounce lychee as "lee-shay"

[Rafas Christmas Coats]

My Dad once described me as a "chip off the old shoulder". 

Married to your dad?

[SMD]

Not so much stupid as more 'what the fuck?'

At around 4 in the morning, I wake up to find the TV on and blaring, on BBC Parliament no less. Fuck knows how it's on, let alone that channel but I just want to go back to sleep so I just scrabble around to find the remote to turn it off.
This probably woke her but I won't know because she looks at me and goes 'what's crumpy?'

I just stare at her and then burst out laughing, trying to figure out what the hell that means. Then she laughs and goes "I don't know!" and she just goes back to sleep.

We still don't know what the fuck that was about.

[lfcgeez]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=crumpy

[se9R.F.L]

"How come Torres doesn't play for England?"

Bless her.

[SMD]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=crumpy

Which now begs the question why she was asking me at 4 in the morning...and she doesn't even know why she asked.
 

[Roughie Scouse]

do you want an other drink?



........yes

[blurred]

Should we not rename this thread 'Thickipedia'?

[rotistgeil]

Boating holiday in France, several ducks are on the water. We feed them some bread and after that make our way through a lock. Wife has one of her moments by asking:" So, is this how the ducks get up or down the river too?"

[Mouth]

I'm with Mrs Macca on this one and don't think it was that daft a comparison to make.

Got to side with Macca, they are pigs, its not like they are going to turn up at the meat factory and all kick off because they thought they were on a day trip to the seaside! They are pigs, smart animals yes, but still not that smart. It would work if the comparison was going the other way, but not when its about tasty piggies who arent self aware or aware that their situation is actually not that great a one to be in.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Boating holiday in France, several ducks are on the water. We feed them some bread and and after that make our way through a lock. Wife has one of her moments by asking:" So, is this how the ducks get up or down the river too?"

how much is a divorce