Author Topic: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them  (Read 19442 times)

Offline SP

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #40 on: April 27, 2017, 02:38:35 pm »
Our boy is coming 19 months and is mad as a box of frogs, temper tantrums and fun in equal amounts.

He's had a fairly rough time of it to date; born 6 weeks premature and had severe silent reflux for the first 6 months, getting an ounce of milk into him was a nightmare; cried sometimes up to 14 hours a day so we did whatever it took to pacify him; so a lot of bad eating and sleeping habits have crept in.

He'll go down most nights about 8 but will wake between 11pm and 4am and will only settle if brought into our bed, we've tried several techniques and had some initial success with the cry it out method but after a bout of sickness it went to the wall, we tried it once more with no luck and we're not doing it again as the last attempt was brutal and felt cruel. We're exhausted nearly all the time and it's heartbreaking as getting the energy to play with him after a day at work is near impossible at times.

Our other concern is his interactions with others, kids in particular, he can be very aggressive with grabbing, biting, nipping etc. and we're at a loss as to what to do. He laughs when you say no or scold him. I'm not really sure if this is normal, other kids in the family don't display this behaviour. He's at daycare for the first time today as we think he just needs more time around other kids but we're concerned that he'll keep on attacking other kids, has anyone else got any experience of this behaviour and any tips on how to break it.

You have to break through the wall for them sleeping alone. Try bribery in tandem with the brutality. And then methadone style reduce the dosage for each subsequent night. You will never regret getting him back into his own bed all night.

As for interactions with other, at 19 months, it just has to have a consequence. If he snatches a toy, take it off him and give it back to the other child. When he gets a bit older, you get the "how do you think it makes the other child feel?" conversations.

Offline SP

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #41 on: April 27, 2017, 02:39:30 pm »
Sometimes, it's just "I dunno".

Oh, you rarely get them to tell you. You have to deduce.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #42 on: April 27, 2017, 02:48:24 pm »
By the way that post was for Dirty Harry,  that's not the name of my boy!

Offline Groundskeeper Willie

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #43 on: April 27, 2017, 02:50:19 pm »
I'm not a parent (although I hope to be in a few years time,) but him struggling to say sorry could be a very early symptom of Anxiety?

Maybe sit him down and speak to him about his temper, about what's on his mind ect and see if you can find a reason for the flip outs?

Thought has crossed our minds that there could be something behind it. I did speak to him about how he feels if there is something on his mind. He feels that I show the two youngest kids that I love them more. That he thinks I say it to them more often and hug them more etc.

Kind of broke my heart that but if I'm honest, I think I am more cuddly with our daughter (3) and youngest son (soon 5). I mean, I love them equal so why don't I show it. That's the most constructive talk I've ever had with him I think.

I am going to give/show him more affection and positive reinforcement.
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Offline Groundskeeper Willie

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #44 on: April 27, 2017, 02:51:02 pm »
Add a wee bit more water.

That cracked me up.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #45 on: April 27, 2017, 02:56:56 pm »
Thought has crossed our minds that there could be something behind it. I did speak to him about how he feels if there is something on his mind. He feels that I show the two youngest kids that I love them more. That he thinks I say it to them more often and hug them more etc.

Kind of broke my heart that but if I'm honest, I think I am more cuddly with our daughter (3) and youngest son (soon 5). I mean, I love them equal so why don't I show it. That's the most constructive talk I've ever had with him I think.

I am going to give/show him more affection and positive reinforcement.

It's natural to show younger children more affection, you need to help them know they can and always will be able to trust you for love, care and as a parent and a friend, and that you understand that they need more attention in some cases because their skills aren't as developed as your eldest yet, so finding the balance between showing that same attention to the older children can (i imagine,) be incredibly difficult.

Have you tried making some time during the week for just you and your eldest? Something to help show him that he does have the same affection from you that you're willing to set aside some of your own time during the week, just for him.

Offline Groundskeeper Willie

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #46 on: April 27, 2017, 03:30:34 pm »
"Have you tried making some time during the week for just you and your eldest"

From time to time yes. But it's that thing consistency. I will deffo start that up again and keep at it. In fact, I'm going to take him shopping with me in a bit. He likes that and I think he feels important when he gets to help with that.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #47 on: April 27, 2017, 04:36:03 pm »
How did you try to handle it while you were there?

Spoke to her mate. Just said would you do that in our house. She said no. Walked away. Did it again. She just wants attention all the time, it's impossible to give. The 2 year old was angelic though, which  was refreshing
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #48 on: April 27, 2017, 04:41:09 pm »
For the others in here. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it feels comforting that other people's kids are twats too from time to time. :)

 ;D my mum said to me many years ago that it's ok to want to kill them, it's just not ok to actually do it  ;D

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #49 on: April 27, 2017, 04:51:48 pm »
Thought has crossed our minds that there could be something behind it. I did speak to him about how he feels if there is something on his mind. He feels that I show the two youngest kids that I love them more. That he thinks I say it to them more often and hug them more etc.

Kind of broke my heart that but if I'm honest, I think I am more cuddly with our daughter (3) and youngest son (soon 5). I mean, I love them equal so why don't I show it. That's the most constructive talk I've ever had with him I think.

I am going to give/show him more affection and positive reinforcement.

Oh, the old 'you love them more than you love me schtick' - yeah - he tried that until I pointed out to him that its bollocks 'cos there's no favorites in our house - the fact that they don't act up as much and therefore don't get shouted at as much was far too logical for him accept  ;D

Also the fact that he's the only one who has to have the Reveille played to get up for school while the others are all self-managing appears to escape his teen-addled brain as a reason for the apparently 'different' treatment. :lmao

He'll grow out of it eventually - at this point I simply roll with most of it and try to keep consistent.  ;D

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #50 on: April 27, 2017, 04:59:00 pm »
With a kid, who has no clue how anything works, more fool you if you assume an existence of any shred of empathy or humanity.

It would be interesting to see if you felt that after having kids. It would also be interesting to hear if any experienced parent thought this too. I personally couldn't disagree more. I'll come back to this.


Have always hoped to see a some sort of thread about bringing up kids on here I think... a problem shared etc, and my! can it be problematic at times. Had to laugh at the OP for the Watford game - having a son who's a Chelsea fan. Fuck that. ;D

My son Sterling* is now 7 (Apr 01) and my daughter Mae is 4 in July. Both have their tantrums occassionally, and I'm very thankful that it is occassional. I think I'd be right in saying that every parent has experienced a complete meltdown in their children in public too... a supermarket or a party etc. People stop, and they stare, or they stop and move away... but you can tell in an instant who have or have had children, and those that have yet to experience the joy. I'd also be right in saying that everyone has seen a parent tugging and shouting at and pulling at and wagging fingers at a child who's melting incontrolably. That is NOT the way to do it. And of course, if a parent has resorted to giving their child a chocolate bar or some sort of other 'reward' if they calm down - then forget it, your life will be hell.

I'm not sure if we have an actual tactic to deal with a tantrum. It depends where and why, but we try to be calm. My son used to 'stomp' around the house when he used to have his tantrum. Waving both arms up and down the air screaming and stomping round the house... until one day, about 12 months back?... just as he was about to start his freak out... 'Oh hang on! We've got the Sterling Stomp coming!' I said, and I mimicked him - not in a mocking way, but in a fun way ... and I started stomping round the house waving my arms like John Cleese. My daughter joined in behind me... and before his tantrum had started, it had stopped. He started laughing through his tears and joined in along with Mae and myself. And ever since then... if one was brewing... I did the same thing and it always stopped them before it got going.

Every parent/child relationship is different. I've never read a book about parenting. But it felt a natural thing to do at that moment and it worked. Now his tantrums come out in a different manner, usually brought on because of fucking computers - but that's another story.



Before I go... both my children used to bite others DirtyH... when my daughter was still in a buggy she got bitten by another child while out shopping with her mum, and the teeth marks were still visible a good few hours later. Was quite glad I wasn't there.  They didn't do it often, and if they did, it was usually pretty light... but one time at a party, it wasn't very light. It's a horrible thing - hugely embarrassing for me and his mother and you can't apologise enough to the child and their parents... we just calmly left the party and it was very quiet at home that night. He didn't do it again.


* No, not named after him.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #51 on: April 27, 2017, 05:24:54 pm »
;D my mum said to me many years ago that it's ok to want to kill them, it's just not ok to actually do it  ;D

This is right.

The missus and I keep telling ourselves the following: "we love our kids, we love our kids, we love our kids, we love our kids......"
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #52 on: April 28, 2017, 12:24:04 pm »
I'm about to take shipment of my first one in a month. I'll be back then to ask for advice when I think its broken.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #53 on: April 28, 2017, 10:22:24 pm »
I'm about to take shipment of my first one in a month. I'll be back then to ask for advice when I think its broken.

Best of luck mate. If it's a month to go, I'd be making sure you organise at least one good blow out with some mates now instead of later on nearer the date, as you may be needed to drive a car ;) You don't get a chance after the birth for some time ;D

And if I may pass on one tit-bit of advice regarding birth... make sure you listen to your wife/girlfriend over a midwife. We go into hospitals thinking that a midwife has the experience and knowledge at her fingertips... but actually, your wife has all the info as to what's really going on. It's a day to tick that 'let the wookie win' box 100%.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #54 on: April 29, 2017, 10:54:01 am »
I'm about to take shipment of my first one in a month. I'll be back then to ask for advice when I think its broken.

Things I've learnt from having 2 boys, a lot of it passed on from others - first one is personal choice but my wife insisted they didn't have dummies and I was really grateful for that, had none of the problems you see parents having.
Never ever let them sleep in your bed, you'll come to regret it (we didn't because others who had suffered warned us).
Don't pick them up all the time, let them lie on the floor while you get on with stuff, helps stop them being clingy
Every time they wake in the night don't get up to them - we did this with our first and he used to cry for us every night, we had awful disrupted sleep - we asked the health visitors for help and they said stop getting up, he's only doing it because you come, stop going he'll stop.
If you want to go on holiday abroad, go. Ignore the tutters on the plane if the baby cries, you've paid as much as them and every right to be on the plane - our two have been on over 30 flights.

This is right.

The missus and I keep telling ourselves the following: "we love our kids, we love our kids, we love our kids, we love our kids......"

Sometimes I so wanna throttle my two. This morning I had to go and MOT the wifes car, I was picking it up from her work, leaving the kids with her, getting it done then picking the kids up - so they decide to fuck about, refuse to do what I ask, kicking off as they are playing on the XBox and can't save the game - they didn't ask could they go on it, just did while I was hanging washing out, wouldn't finish getting dresses until I lost my rag. Then its all "why are you getting angry Dad?" I just about got to the garage at half 8 as booked.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #55 on: April 30, 2017, 02:57:03 pm »
And be prepared to lose your weekends doing stuff like this. I was searching for two small pieces from Obi Wans starfighter



Jurgen, you made us laugh, you made us cry, you made Liverpool a bastion of invincibilty, now leave us on a high - YNWA

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #56 on: May 2, 2017, 04:38:20 pm »
Eldest (girl) is 11, middle (boy) is 9 and youngest (girl) is almost 2.

The elder 2 are constantly at each others throat.

I've got my facial expression of "why did you just do that?" down to a T and 9 times out of 10 that's enough to stop any kind of argument happening. Although this doesn't work with the youngest, for her I just keep sharp stuff and and any potentially poisonous stuff out of reach.

It's not an easy gig being a parent but it's worth it.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #57 on: May 2, 2017, 04:39:22 pm »
And be prepared to lose your weekends doing stuff like this. I was searching for two small pieces from Obi Wans starfighter



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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #58 on: May 2, 2017, 10:35:19 pm »
And be prepared to lose your weekends doing stuff like this. I was searching for two small pieces from Obi Wans starfighter


My lad drives me up the wall with his inability to look for something himself. He just looks for a split second then complains he can't find it. Thing is, it does my head in but I can't really blame him, as I am exactly the same and do my other halfs head in with my shit searching skills ;D
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #59 on: May 3, 2017, 02:11:57 pm »

My lad drives me up the wall with his inability to look for something himself. He just looks for a split second then complains he can't find it. Thing is, it does my head in but I can't really blame him, as I am exactly the same and do my other halfs head in with my shit searching skills ;D

The other morning drops them at school, Adam is in juniors so he's off one way, me and Ben head to the infants. Next thing Adam appears, he's not got a jumper on. Runs him home, all the while he's blaming me for not putting the jumper out and won't have it that it was on the floor next to him in their bedroom. Runs in the house, tells him grab your jumper while I run the bog. Dad it's not here, yes it is, where then? Right next to your left foot !!!!!!!!!

The Lego depressed me a bit, that's one of the four boxes filled with pieces, suddenly realised how much money has been spent on it..They keep asking for more sets as they've nothing to build. Reality is too lazy to root for pieces
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #60 on: May 3, 2017, 02:24:24 pm »

Harry, our son had really bad reflux early on. Was like something from the Exorcist at times when trying to get a night feed into him! Early on we also thought he had bad colic as he was very unsettled a lot. Turn out he had a dairy allergy and we were trying to force it down him, the poor kid.

A look that is now resolved and thankfully he's grown out of the dairy allergy but he is severely allergic to nuts and eggs. Nuts in particular scares me.

As a result (we think) he's very wary of eating new things. He eats what he likes well but it's very hard to get him to try new things so getting enough vitamin C into him is a struggle. He likes certain fruit which is a start but will gag if you try and get some peas down him.


Could be a coincidence but we think his wariness around food might be the traumatic experiences he's had in the past. Although that could he bullocks to try and convince ourselves it's not our fault!


We've come to the same conclusion regarding traumatic experience, he winces sometimes even when swallowing milk, we've been to the ENT and they can find nothing wrong and the specialists don't think reflux is an issue any more, so it may just be a psychological thing. He's healthy and gaining weight (although small for his age) so we'll keep an eye on it.




You have to break through the wall for them sleeping alone. Try bribery in tandem with the brutality. And then methadone style reduce the dosage for each subsequent night. You will never regret getting him back into his own bed all night.


As for interactions with other, at 19 months, it just has to have a consequence. If he snatches a toy, take it off him and give it back to the other child. When he gets a bit older, you get the "how do you think it makes the other child feel?" conversations.

What do you mean by breaking the wall? Just push through the crying? I honestly don't think I can, I'm usually the guy that has to play bad cop (is it a dad thing?) but I think this may be a bridge too far for me.

The last time we tried the cry it out we let it go for 1h 30 mins, I was in tatters myself and in the end up he was sick he was crying so sore; there has to be another way as I'd rather endure than put him (and us) through that again.

Some good news was he done great at daycare, interacted with other kids and only had some minor grabbing (more curiosity than anything else) and didn't even realise that we'd gone. We're going to put him in for the full day tomorrow to see how it goes.

It's nice to see that you're not alone with a lot of this stuff.  :wave

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #61 on: May 3, 2017, 03:04:40 pm »
I would put things into perspective, as long as theres no malice in the child then your raising a decent kid who needs a bit of firmness.we've all seen thousands of kids throw bad tantrums and they turn out fine, it's the kids who show malice in their early years who turn out bad so I wouldn't get too upset and ive been through this as well.
You have to be fair and consistent. kids know exactly when to play up and they will do it more and more if it gets results. the more you've gave in the more harder your making it for yourself.
Ive never been one for telling kids not to do something and replied because I say so. so I would carry on giving a logical explanation for why he's not getting his own way.
I would try and stop getting emotional when he kicks off, if he sees it's getting to you then he must feel theres more chance of getting his way, my reaction used to be disappointment in their attitude rather than anger. he's immature so an apology will only come when he feels he's let you down.
I would be telling him to start growing up and stop acting like a child. if he wants to act like a child you will treat him like a child. no emotional speeches about getting you upset. be firm and consistent, a threat of punishment has to be carried out even if he does show remorse.
I wouldn't get too upset, ive been through this myself after a divorce, kids younger than 9 at each other throats but I knew they were lovely kids at heart and they both turned out brilliant and that's the main thing.


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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #62 on: May 4, 2017, 11:27:04 am »
I was raised by a father who regularly whacked us & was pretty much for fuck all too,i have raised my kids without resorting to brutality & you dont have to whack them to keep them in line.
I have raised mine thinking they'd get whacked if they ever stepped outta line in a big way..some may not agree but you have to show who is the boss from a very early age,mind games with kids,how shitty does that sound.
My kids are now well on their way to successful careers after being raised in a pretty tough area full of distractions & wrong routes to take & i think they fully appreciate the way they were brought up.
Couple of tips i will share..the internet is a very dangerous place to be as you should already know,take time out randomly to keep tabs on them whilst they are young & altho i have never used facebook etc..dont feel you are being too intrusive to check what friends they have when they reach that age of using it.
Also..when they get their first fone,pay as you go with just a bit of data..
Wifi blackouts at home is a very powerful tool to have!
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #63 on: May 4, 2017, 02:30:56 pm »
The other morning drops them at school, Adam is in juniors so he's off one way, me and Ben head to the infants. Next thing Adam appears, he's not got a jumper on. Runs him home, all the while he's blaming me for not putting the jumper out and won't have it that it was on the floor next to him in their bedroom. Runs in the house, tells him grab your jumper while I run the bog. Dad it's not here, yes it is, where then? Right next to your left foot !!!!!!!!!

The Lego depressed me a bit, that's one of the four boxes filled with pieces, suddenly realised how much money has been spent on it..They keep asking for more sets as they've nothing to build. Reality is too lazy to root for pieces

Yeah sometimes it's harder for them NOT to see the bloody thing they're looking for, and they still manage it ;D

Our four year old has just started to create for himself with Duplo, I've found it quite gratifying as its 90% stuff that I kept from my childhood and as such there's no 'sets' or instructions, so after a few months of getting me to build him stuff, he's now started coming up with his own creations, and he'll bring over a bunch of bricks stuck together and tell me its a Mega Snowmobile or a Dragon Slaying Rubbish Truck or whatever, its super cute.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #64 on: May 4, 2017, 03:52:54 pm »
My wife is always on at me to show more patience with my two and not to snap so quick when they don't do things, which is really hard when they just ignore me and carry on in their own little worlds - mornings are the worst. I used to be quite a patient person, but I don't know if its getting older (50) or a change in myself that happened after heart surgery at 32 - I did seem to turn into a grumpy fucker after it.

She keeps saying you never know how long you've got so chill. She's right. Her step dad died suddenly 12 months ago and an old fella at work who she thought the world of had a heart attack and died today.
Jurgen, you made us laugh, you made us cry, you made Liverpool a bastion of invincibilty, now leave us on a high - YNWA

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #65 on: May 4, 2017, 03:56:20 pm »
For those of you with children that need to know about household chores, here's a method I devised to teach them how to earn.

Assign a 'time' reward for things like putting out the trash, washing dishes, sweeping, running messages, etc. which basically pays double the amount of work done.  15 minutes of work = 1/2 an hr of Time which can be accumulated and used to stay up late, use their device or worreva play activity they love.  It's also transferrable into cash 1 hr= £1 for their own disbursement. 

Use a small scrip of paper, write out the denomination and sign it, it becomes family currency (forgeries are hilarious).

One caveat.  They can't 'buy' time with money, only work.

When they ask for privileges or extravagant expenses, invent tasks that they can do for pay. 

I've found the system teaches them many things, and I've got 4 hard working, constructive and well paid members of the work force to show for it.




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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #66 on: May 4, 2017, 07:38:04 pm »
Nice one. Will try. Although we do make them help out, it could be good to make it more alluring and organised.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #67 on: May 5, 2017, 05:29:16 am »
By push through the wall, I meant persevere. My son is autistic, the wall on sleeping was tougher than for most. It took a lot of feeling like a right bastard and absolute consistency, but we kept at it and established a routine. You know you have cracked it when they correct mistakes in our routine.

We found, against most advice than letting him have an iPad in bed, with a 10 minute sand timer denoting turn off time, allows him to wind done, and sets an expectation about when it is turned off. Sand timers are brilliant for timing the end of activities - especially things like bed times.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #68 on: May 6, 2017, 09:52:50 pm »
Third consecutive night in Alder Hey tonight.

So lucky that we live in such a great city with wonderful facilities like this, and the lovely people who staff them.

Heartbreaking being among so many brave children with various horrific illnesses.

Not sure you can experience quite the level of dread and fear you have when your child is ill unless you're a parent. A bollocks thing to say maybe, but I've certainly felt nothing like it before. Having your mum or dad ill is horrible, but they're adults. Poor little kids. Innocent and defenceless.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #69 on: May 6, 2017, 10:03:50 pm »
I've had a few of those, thankfully not many. It's not nice.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #70 on: May 6, 2017, 10:10:30 pm »
Third consecutive night in Alder Hey tonight.

So lucky that we live in such a great city with wonderful facilities like this, and the lovely people who staff them.

Heartbreaking being among so many brave children with various horrific illnesses.

Not sure you can experience quite the level of dread and fear you have when your child is ill unless you're a parent. A bollocks thing to say maybe, but I've certainly felt nothing like it before. Having your mum or dad ill is horrible, but they're adults. Poor little kids. Innocent and defenceless.



Lost my Mum to cancer in 2007 and it was very tough, especially as we were holding her as she died, but when my eldest lad was 3 and he had to have a minor op, I went in while they sedated him, I watched him go under and I just cried my eyes out, even though I knew he was just under anaesthetic, it was the worst thing I've ever experienced.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #71 on: May 7, 2017, 12:43:58 am »
Third consecutive night in Alder Hey tonight.

So lucky that we live in such a great city with wonderful facilities like this, and the lovely people who staff them.

Heartbreaking being among so many brave children with various horrific illnesses.

Not sure you can experience quite the level of dread and fear you have when your child is ill unless you're a parent. A bollocks thing to say maybe, but I've certainly felt nothing like it before. Having your mum or dad ill is horrible, but they're adults. Poor little kids. Innocent and defenceless.



Hope he's on the mend Sam, good luck to you and the family.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #72 on: May 7, 2017, 12:47:48 am »
Jesus parenting can be hard.

Fingers crossed, Sam and good luck to all the parents on here...

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #73 on: May 7, 2017, 11:06:32 am »
Thanks all.

We've just got home, the boy insisted on wearing his Spiderman costume home and is very pleased to be back to normal after three days on the ward.

Again, can't stress enough how lucky we are to have Alder Hey, the staff were amazing. Probably going to have a good cry later as I've kept it all in so far ;D
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #74 on: May 7, 2017, 07:44:33 pm »
Wonderful news.

We've had 3 of ours in hospital for a period of time. Last time, our 3rd kid, youngest son, had a seizure due to high fever from the RS virus. He stopped breathing and became limp in my wife's arms. Luckily he came to after a short time, but was rushed to hospital for 3 days. It was horrible seeing the little lad, he was 6 months at the time, tubes up his nose and everywhere.

To have your kid fall ill, is the worst. I can only imagine what families with kids who have cancer go through.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #75 on: May 7, 2017, 07:46:14 pm »
To have your kid fall ill, is the worst. I can only imagine what families with kids who have cancer go through.

I was walking round the hospital and I couldn't believe the strength in the face of adversity parents and children alike were showing, in the face of horrible illnesses and life-threatening diseases. I was full of admiration for the human race. And that doesn't happen that often if I'm honest.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #76 on: May 7, 2017, 08:40:54 pm »
Really good thread this. Props for the Op.

I've got 2 boys aged 8 and 3 and I've also been a primary teacher for 13 years so I reckon I've got a reasonable handle on kids and their upbringing /behaviour.

With my lads, they followed a classic pattern with the first one causing my wife and I some anxiety about whether we were doing  the right things when it came to feeding, crying, bed times etc. As the first born he relied a lot on us to stimulate him and it wasn't until he started school that he was happy playing by himself. He was a nightmare to get to sleep, taking between 1-2 hours to go down up until about 3 years old. Our second boy was much different. He was much more chilled from day one and has gone to sleep straight away since he was just a few months old. One thing we did differently with him was to let him fall asleep during a feed (they were both breastfeeding fed) then put him down instead on having a set time. Worked like a charm. Our second boy has a much better capacity to play independently but then he has had his brother to interact with instead of just his parents.

With regard to discipline, at both school and home I place a high value on firm but fair. Even dead young kids (like 2 years and up)  understand most if not all of their actions and explaining why behaviours are good and bad will have an effect. You have to be consistent and back up what you say, making sure you and any partner are in agreement. You can try with grandparents but my kids' are as soft as shite and spoil them - you have to accept that to a certain extent. Don't go mental at them if it's the first time they've done something wrong, especially if they're young and might not have known better. Their brains are still developing, particularly the rational parts, so they'll often do stupid stuff as alot of the time they are running on instinct.

It's really important to steer them in the right direction but not do things for them that they could do themselves or try themselves. Don't try and make all their problems go away, especially at school. Be there for them if they are really upset about something but otherwise just give them advice and get them to take control or have a quiet word with their teacher. It's also important to realise that children will often tell you what they think you want to hear rather than the truth.

Finally , I don't think there's any harm in a tiny proportion of fear. It sounds really reductive and anachronistic but I think it's  healthy for them to know that there is a kind of hierarchy and that you are in charge. If you keep your powder dry and don't shout and get angry all the time, you can use that angle if you really have to. Just make sure you try and remain calm inside while pretending  get to act cross - a good skill to master as a teacher!

This stuff is no guarantee and kids are all different. They do act differently at school compared to home a lot of the time just as adults behave differently at work, home and with mates.

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #77 on: May 7, 2017, 08:43:32 pm »
Thanks all.

We've just got home, the boy insisted on wearing his Spiderman costume home and is very pleased to be back to normal after three days on the ward.

Again, can't stress enough how lucky we are to have Alder Hey, the staff were amazing. Probably going to have a good cry later as I've kept it all in so far ;D
Great news, amazing how strong and brave kids are, spent many days and night over they years in Alder Hey myself, months on one occasion and it's a strain.
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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #78 on: May 8, 2017, 10:06:36 am »
Thanks all.

We've just got home, the boy insisted on wearing his Spiderman costume home and is very pleased to be back to normal after three days on the ward.

Again, can't stress enough how lucky we are to have Alder Hey, the staff were amazing. Probably going to have a good cry later as I've kept it all in so far ;D

Great to hear that all ok.

Our 4 month old is due for open heart surgery to repair a hole at Evelina London at the beginning of June. Seems a huge op for someone so small but the Docs are so matter of fact that it cant help but inspire confidence.

I have never been so nervous about something in my life and trying to balance work, being a new parent and trying to adjust our lives to the new "normal" is incredibly hard.

Really not sure how we will react when he goes down for the op as its all just been in the distance since he was diagnosed. Now all a bit too real!

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Re: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them
« Reply #79 on: May 8, 2017, 02:05:23 pm »
Great to hear that all ok.

Our 4 month old is due for open heart surgery to repair a hole at Evelina London at the beginning of June. Seems a huge op for someone so small but the Docs are so matter of fact that it cant help but inspire confidence.

I have never been so nervous about something in my life and trying to balance work, being a new parent and trying to adjust our lives to the new "normal" is incredibly hard.

Really not sure how we will react when he goes down for the op as its all just been in the distance since he was diagnosed. Now all a bit too real!

Thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
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