Sorry to bother you Reds but does anyone have any good bereavement advice or know where to get some?
I lost my Father on 4th June. He was in his late 80s and been in hospital a few times in the last 6/7 months but he fell suddenly ill on the night of our Champions League win on Saturday, admitted into Hospital on the Sunday and gone by Tuesday morning.
It was still a shock how he fell ill and I’m really struggling to get the energy to move on. He was the best dad, so gentle and mild mannered. I can’t believe he is gone and will never see him again. I don’t really understand how I’m meant to live for how ever many years I have to without him anymore. Life feels pointless.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I can certainly empathise with you as in late 2017 I lost my father in law then my own dad in the space of two weeks. The loss of my dad was unexpected. He went into hospital, had tests then they said he had only days to live. We couldn't believe it and we are all still trying to come to terms with it.
The gut wrenching, desolate emptiness and gnawing pain are all normal and natural. As hard as they are to experience, please don't try to fight them. Try to be willing to feel your pain and emotions because doing so is all part of the process of bereavement and you will come through it quicker and in a more healthy way than if you try to block it out and fight against it.
If you feel numb, just go with it. If you need to cry, then do so. All manner of thoughts will go through your head and all manner of emotions will run through your body. If you can, just let them wash over you. They will eventually dissipate.
Counselling for bereavement isn't really recommended so soon after a loss. Everything is just so raw and everything is still up in the air and in chaos. Having said that, talking things through with loved ones, supportive friends etc is good if that's what you want/need. Basically, do whatever you feel you need to do in order to get through each day. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is only our way.
As horrific as things feel at the moment, what you are feeling is normal. No way would I even try to pretend that getting through this is in any way easy because it's not. It's horrible. It's painful in the extreme, but all I do know is that, somehow, we do manage to come to terms with things and learn to live with our loss. We don't forget, and we wouldn't want to either, but we learn to cope and make room for our loss.
I don't know where you are based but here in Liverpool there is the Liverpool Bereavement Service on Stanley Street. They are online and in the phone book. I'm sure they could offer advice and could maybe put you on the waiting list for bereavement counselling further down the line, when you are more ready for it.
If you don't feel you have supportive friends or family to talk things through with then I've found the Samaritans a good listening ear when I've had problems in the past.
I'm posting on my phone so can't link to the bereavement service, but you can find them online as I said. If you are not based in Liverpool then I'm sure there are similar bereavement services fairly local to where you are, unless you are out in the sticks somewhere.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you won't feel it now, but you will come through this. We just do. I don't know how we do, but we do.
Be kind to yourself, and take care.
Edit: If you are not aware of it, there is the Kubler Ross stages of grief which can be found online. It highlights the different stages we may go through when experiencing bereavement. I think just having a little understanding of the process can be helpful via normalising some of the things we think, feel and experience as we go through the process. It's not a rigid process, and we go through it all in our own unique way, but it gives a decent, basic insight to the process of grieving.
