Topic: Plausible lies

[ToneLa]

Geoffrey Capes was an avid birdwatcher

[Lfsea]

It was discovered, after the information became declassified, that a military rocket trajectory computer was accidentally delivered to the then EMI studios (which became Abbey Road) in late August 1962.

George Martin had ordered a bespoke sound mixing desk to be installed in Recording Room 2 the moment Brian Epstein had negotiated the Beatles' release from their contract with Bert Kaempfert in the early summer of '62.

The desk was to be largely made by legendary sound stage engineers Harrison in Nashville then shipped to Boeing in Seattle, who had made a bespoke chassis for the mixer and would also be handling its delivery to the United Kingdom. However, Epstein's brother who held a senior position at the avionics company wanted to covertly test a new audio passthrough device which Boeing believed would have superior static negating qualities in consumer audio.

Deciding that Brian (and George, who he knew vaguely) would be sworn to secrecy he had his engineers install the static reduction system (the original intention was to improve pilot to radio tower audio which had not progressed a great deal since the war) in the desk.

When it was due to be wrapped and shipped in July of that year, a rocket trajectory computer was on the same carnet - due to be delivered to RAF Halton, 30 miles away from EMI studios. Because both the machines looked incredibly similar - having been manufactured next to each other using the same materials and processes and were the same size, the factory manager simply labelled the two desks as SPDK1 and SPDK2 (Special package / Don't know), presumably not wanting to ask too many questions. They were then sent to the UK via Newark with the mixing desk delivered to the RAF and the trajectory computer ending up in north London.

Because both devices were so complicated and alien to the engineers at both locations, it wasn't until a month later that George Martin realised that he wasn't getting any audio from his missile guidance system and the RAF couldn't control missiles with cross faders and treble boosts.

Realising Boeing's mistake, the MOD had the devices swapped overnight and in great secrecy (note the speed, given both machines needed 19 days to be installed in the first instance) , 2 weeks before Please Please me began its recording sessions.

The static reducer never worked, due to dead capacitors on its logic board.

[The Gulleysucker]

...The static reducer never worked, due to dead capacitors on its logic board.

Nice touch.

[The Gulleysucker]

Michael Owen, in 1999 aged 20 and while playing for Liverpool, having been a member of the Sea Cadets while he was at school, was given permisssion by the club to apply to join the Royal Navy reserves at HMS Eaglet in Liverpool as a part time Officer but he failed to get the required marks in his second application interview.

[ToneLa]

The government are installing listening devices into smoke alarms.

[The Gulleysucker]

Climate Research scientists at the Petersen Climate Research Institute in Wallingford nr Oxford are appealing for anyone with 19th century or even older glass windows in their houses, to carefully and closely examine them, and if they find they have visible bubbles within the glass of air possibly trapped at the time of manufacture, to then notify the institute to enable them to send a team to sample of the air from within the bubbles to enable them to obtain a more accurate analysis of the change in atmospheric contamination for the last 400 years here in the UK.

The Institute currently has funding to recompense and reward owners with up to £80 per pane of glass on a scale dependent on its age.

For further details of how to participate in this research programme and also details of the compensation entitlement scheme possibly available, visit petersenresearch.co.uk or contact trappedair@petersenresearch.co.uk

[The Gulleysucker]

According to the writings of Pliny the Elder, the Roman soldiers garrisoned here in Britain in the days of the Roman Empire discovered that fresh leaves of the common stinging nettle, when vigourously applied to an erect phallus, would increase the size of a typical erection by upto 40%.

[The Gulleysucker]

A common misconception, eagerly promoted by the Cornish Tourism industry for fear of possible damage to the economy of the region, is that the so called China Clay mountains nr St Austell are the spoils of the china clay industry.



As can be seen, they are in fact the remains of a currently dormant volcano that last violently erupted in 814AD, a year known as the Dark Year in surviving old Saxon records of the period when the crops failed and the Sun remained hidden behind dark clouds and famine swept the land.

A team of Seismologists from Plymouth University and a Vulcanologist from the University of Santiago in Chile are currently closely monitoring the Volcano as recently some significant tremors have been detected and there are suggestions that the next eruption could occur within two years.

[The Bournemouth Red]

Although Groucho Marx famously said he "would never join a club that would have me as a member", he was actually a member of The Groucho Club.

[The Gulleysucker]

A reason you will never see a picture of him in either a short sleeved shirt or just swimming trunks is that in May 1976, while studying Economics and Medieval History at St Andrews University, Alex Salmond had a prominent tattoo of a Union Jack put on his upper right arm after one particularly riotous and liquid fuelled May Students Ball.

[ToneLa]

This gender exists

Circgender– A gender that feels so magical and grand as to be indescribable.

[Lfsea]

The original formula for MiracleGro was created in the early 40s, when the wife of founder Horace Hagedorn, threw out a putrid glass of orange juice that had been sitting in the sun for a number of days. It landed on the lawn and within 2 days, despite a hot, rainless climate in Phoenix at the time, the grass that the orange mess landed on flourished, while the grass around it died. The key was ascorbic acid reacting with vitamin C at a certain temperature.

When Hagedorn died in 1998, he was worth $1.2bn. All because he forgot to finish his OJ.

[The Gulleysucker]

Oak galls, also known as oak apples, are round growths found on the branches of oak trees and are the result of a cynipid wasp Biorhiza pallida laying her egg inside a developing leaf bud.

These galls have secretory cells that ooze sugary substances similar to "honeydew" produced by aphids and it is speculated that the galls produce this sugary reward to bribe biting and stinging "gall protectors" that protect the helpless gall-making wasp larvae located within the galls from the unwanted attention of predators and parasitoids

A little known and largely forgotten historical fact is if the galls are harvested and ground down into a powder and placed in a jar of warm water in a ratio of approximately 100 galls per litre and then the mixture placed in an airing cupboard for two weeks, this sugary substance then ferments and produces a particularly potent and highly alcoholic drink, historically called gall wine.

It was reportedly widely drunk in early medieval Britain but rapidly fell into disuse when Henry III wanted to raise more taxes from selling beer and banned the peasantry from producing or drinking their own gall wine under the severe threat of any miscreants having their tongues cut out.

[The Gulleysucker]

The development of the modern womans sanitary 'Tampon' is largely due to the pioneering work of the North American Rayon Corporation of Tennessee in the US who developed a moisture driven self expanding cotton 'gromit' designed to quickly expand and plug bullet holes made by the opposing Japanese defenders in the assault landing craft used by the US Marines in their Pacific Island hopping campaign against the Japanese during the latter part of the Second World War.

[The Gulleysucker]

For reasons of manufacturing economy and component supply harmonization, all basic computer CD drives manufactured in South Korea (ROK) from September 2002 onwards had identical internal hardware and logic circuits capable of working also as either a standard DVD R/W but also a Blu-Ray R/W, the precise level of upgraded functionality being unlocked by the simple expediant of downloading and then applying an appropriate manufacturers hardware bios update to the onboard chipset.

[The Gulleysucker]

In Tech News Today, Singapore Advanced Technologies Kinetics Ltd (SAT Kinetics), an arms manufacturer based in Singapore, have announced they have successfully developed a compact hand held device the size of a pocket torch that employs a pair of high power ultra violet lasers to instantly generate two ionized air paths to a target at up to 1000 metres range over which a 25,000 volt electric charge is then passed and discharged in a burst, and they claim it is capable of electrocuting and stunning the target with up to approximately 5 watts of energy invisibly and without any wires.

It is expected that the wholly electronic device will become available later this year for less than $150 retail, including a specially developed ultra high power but compact rechargeable lithium-ion-deuterium battery to power it for up to 500 discharges.

Several Governments, fearing that the cheap availability of the device will cause a dramatic rise in crime, chaos and anarchy, have expressed deep concern at this development and are considering ways of supressing and censoring both the news of this development and the availability of this device to the general public.

[The Gulleysucker]

In his later years, sated with normality and unbounded in inhibitions, the increasingly decadent and debauched King Louis XIV of France (le Roi Soleil - The Sun King), in his desire to fully explore excess and stave off boredom, became a coprophiliac and would sometimes command that any current favourite mistress would consume only pure marzipan cakes for three days and then have her resultant motions served up for his perverse delectation as the centrepiece of a magnificent large silver platter decorated with a particularly fine engraving of a scene of Neptune overseeing a vividly depicted orgy of copulating mermen and mermaids.

This silver platter is currently in the possession of the Hermitage museum in Saint Petersburg having been looted by the Nazis when France was occupied during the 2nd World War and then having been found by the advancing Soviet forces in East Prussia in early '45. The French Government are negotiating for its return in order for it to be displayed at the Palace of Versailles.

[The Gulleysucker]

The Microsoft Windows Peer Name Resolution Protocol service was specifically designed  in November 2001 shortly after 9/11 by order of the US Government on behalf of the NSA as a mechanism for Government agencies to be silently kept informed of your web browsing and application activities whenever your computer is running.

[ToneLa]

Making three consecutive posts on any forum automatically gives you moderation privileges to delete posts in that thread in most forum software

[The Gulleysucker]

The inspiration for the Light Sabre used in the Star Wars films owes its origins to the verbal testimony of Albert Sprecht (Dipl Chem & Dr Chem), a senior research scientist and also member of the Allgemeine SS from Nazi Germany who committed suicide while held for interrogation in a US run de-nazification programme compound at Cologne in September 1945.

Due to the acute shortage of oil because of the heavy allied bombing campaign of their synthetic oil plants together with the loss of the Romanian Ploieşti oil fields, in the very closing stages of the 2nd World War Sprecht worked at a research facility in Magdeburg with a team of other scientists investigating the possible use of coal dust as a hybrid rocket/jet engine fuel for a proposed cheaply produced and Hitlerjugend piloted disposable supersonic interceptor fighter aircraft to be developed from the experimental Lippisch P.13a.

During their research, Sprecht described how they discovered that applying a continuous 12000v spark from a modified car ignition circuit across a narrow jet of finely ground particles of Lignite coal generated by the particles being blown through a simple 1mm nozzle paint spray gun that was driven by a source of compressed air at 60PSI, a 1 metre long ferociously hot plasma flame capable of cutting through a plate of 30cm thick high tensile steel would be generated but that also had the peculiar property of itself behaving like a solid bar of metal, or as he described it, a Schwert des Feuers

The original research papers written by Sprecht were confiscated by the US during Operation Paperclip, the trawl by the US of all Nazi high tech developments including scientists like Wernher von Braun who went on to drive the US Rocket Programme, and they are still regarded as classified and have yet to be released for examination.

[The Gulleysucker]

Harry Redknapp holds a licence to commercially trap eels in the river Thames and its tributaries.

[Ray K]

UEFA became so concerned with the fluctuating price of sterling vs the euro during the Blair years that they lobbied the British government to join the euro with Gordon Brown becoming a strong supporter, as he hoped that a stable European-wide transfer market would trickle down and help Scottish clubs avoid administration.

[liversaint]

lardy-arsed cockwomble, Eamonn Holmes needed emergency surgery to his penis after being overcome with lust whilst eating a Greggs steak slice.

[The Gulleysucker]

I think you might mean....

It has been reported in tonights Evening Post that a famously unpopular Irish born daytime TV show presenter was admitted to Manchester Infirmary Hospital earlier today for emergency surgery following a bizarre accident involving self inflicted severe damage to his penis that allegedly occured while he was in the process of eating several hot meat pies as a light mid morning snack that had been purchased from a well known high street fast food chain.

His wife, a co-presenter on the same daytime show, was later seen leaving the hospital and when asked for details about how the accident happened, and also if her husband would take the opportunity while he was in the hospital of having a gastric band fitted to solve his well known weight issues, refused to comment.

[The Gulleysucker]

The old market town of Ormskirk in Lancashire is precariously built on top of a colossal (estimated at over 55 cubic kilometre) underground aquifer carved out by and containing pure melt water from the end of the Ice age.

The underground chamber has never been explored, the original and only access to the simply cavernous aquifer being via an old well behind the Saracens Head pub in Halsall which collapsed in 1876 and whose precise location has now been lost over time.

[liversaint]

I think you might mean....

It has been reported in tonights Evening Post that a famously unpopular Irish born daytime TV show presenter was admitted to Manchester Infirmary Hospital earlier today for emergency surgery following a bizarre accident involving self inflicted severe damage to his penis that allegedly occured while he was in the process of eating several hot meat pies as a light mid morning snack that had been purchased from a well known high street fast food chain.

His wife, a co-presenter on the same daytime show, was later seen leaving the hospital and when asked for details about how the accident happened, and also if her husband would take the opportunity while he was in the hospital of having a gastric band fitted to solve his well known weight issues, refused to comment.

😀

[The Gulleysucker]

According to Stephan van de Gruud, the then Chief Planning Officer for the Amsterdam Transport Authority (ATA) in the Netherlands, the constant delays and expensive pumping required due to flooding occuring during construction of the Amsterdam Underground Metro railway extension, especially after the incidents at the Vijzelgracht in June 2008, led the ATA to set up a contingency planning committee to investigate the feasibility of instead employing the tunnels as underground canals with a fast commuter boat service running on them between the then proposed stations.

This plan was only rejected due to uncertainty as to how the change might effect the EU funding that the project had so far received, and also as Authorities in Italy were said to be furious at this possible alteration to the original ATA plans after their own proposal and request for EU funding back in 2003 to construct an underground canal transport system under Venice to relieve Gondola congestion was rejected out of hand by the EU Transport Infrastructure Funding Committee.

[SP]

The original formula for MiracleGro was created in the early 40s, when the wife of founder Horace Hagedorn, threw out a putrid glass of orange juice that had been sitting in the sun for a number of days. It landed on the lawn and within 2 days, despite a hot, rainless climate in Phoenix at the time, the grass that the orange mess landed on flourished, while the grass around it died. The key was ascorbic acid reacting with vitamin C at a certain temperature.

When Hagedorn died in 1998, he was worth $1.2bn. All because he forgot to finish his OJ.

But absorbic acid is Vitamin C.

[SP]

Geoffrey Capes was an avid birdwatcher

It is probably that he does watch the budgies that he famously keeps.

[Lfsea]

But absorbic acid is Vitamin C.

I have tried to make all my posts in here a nice mix of contradiction, truth and lies.

[SP]

I have tried to make all my posts in here a nice mix of contradiction, truth and lies.

Was that "in here" necessary?

[The Gulleysucker]

Authorities in Cornwall have issued an urgent warning for people to not swim in the sea off the south coast after tests confirmed the presence of exceptionally high levels of Dihydrogen Monoxide.

An investigation has yet to indicate the precise cause, though there have been suggestions that it may be from a French Nuclear Power station that is known to use huge quantities of Dihydrogen Monoxide within the coolant system.

[The Gulleysucker]

In a follow up to his widely known 1848 pamphlet, The Communist Manifesto, in 1872 Karl Marx published a now largely forgotten and suppressed pamphlet in Germany called Neoliberalismus, der Weg in die Zukunft..

[The Gulleysucker]

The advisors to the court of Byzantine Emperor Justinian 1 (527-565), employed what was known as a decision stick, referred to as The Holy Staff of Uncertainty.

This was a branch of an ancient ash tree that had been made into a wooden shaft approximately 2 metres in length that had a peculiarly coiled section of bark towards its top, legend saying this coil like feature having been the result of the touch of King Solomons hand.

The Holy Staff of Uncertainty would always be held in the right hand just below the coil in order to divine the correct advice to give the Emperor on questions of political matters and also to determine his choice of mistress for his evenings relaxation and pleasure.

After Justinians death, the staff was placed on his tomb and remained there until the fall of Constantinople in 1453, when it was removed and presented in tribute to Mehmed the Conqueror, the seventh sultan of the Ottoman Empire, and it is now held in the Topkapi Palace, Istanbul.

[SP]

Authorities in Cornwall have issued an urgent warning for people to not swim in the sea off the south coast after tests confirmed the presence of exceptionally high levels of Dihydrogen Monoxide.

An investigation has yet to indicate the precise cause, though there have been suggestions that it may be from a French Nuclear Power station that is known to use huge quantities of Dihydrogen Monoxide within the coolant system.

You forgot to mention that it is toxic - Hyponatremia.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/technology-science/science/drinking-much-water-killed-14-5976264

[The Gulleysucker]

Expanded polystyrene, the until recently commonly employed packaging material, was originally an invention by Sandia Labs to facilitate a high energy plasma coupling mechanism to efficiently communicate the colossal energy released as x-rays by a primary (fission) stage into the secondary (fusion fuel) stage to start the ignition process.

Largely due to health and safety concerns over the handling of expanded polystyrene, a suspected carcinogenic, Aerogel is instead now largely employed as the inter-stage coupling material.

[The Gulleysucker]

The heavily customised Boeing 767 private jet owned by Roman Abramovich has a portion of the cabin between the conference section and the master bedroom to the rear of the fuselage containing an ornate 18th century baroque style Italian Marble bath converted into a Jacuzzi and capable of seating 10 people.

[Lfsea]

Yakult, the globally famous probiotic supplement drink, invented by Minoru Shirota owes its unusual name to Shirota's son Shinjii. When Shirota first took a sample of Yakult home for his family to try, Shinjii exclaimed "それはうんざりです!" translated "That is disgusting!" - Shirota quickly realised that a neat portmanteau of that phrase was Yakult and he adopted it immediately and never looked back.

[sparkiemark73]

Fish cannot see photographic negatives.

[The Gulleysucker]

Prince Henry of Wales KCVO, familiarly known as Prince Harry, sells old silver cutlery and fine bone tea services on Ebay.