Here's another sign of how social media destroys people. It's the story of a relatively popular pop singer in the US named Demi Lovato. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demi_Lovato
I feel for her as she had (has?) addiction problems and a boyfriend who had committed suicide. Anyway, she's always on social media posting pictures of herself in a bikini, usually at some exotic place. It turns out many of these were photoshopped to some extent to hide her cellulite. Many do this, I suspect.
Anyway, last week she posts a photo that shows her in a bikini in a bathroom showing cellulite, with a message about how she isn't afraid anymore, it's "empowering" etc. And another one this week. And all of these women and news stories are out proclaiming how "brave" she is.
My question is -- to her and the dozens of "celebrities" like her -- why the heck do you feel the need to post all of those photos of yourself half-dressed? Is that how you value yourself? As someone replied, why don't any of these women post photos of the degrees they've earned instead?
I don't know what's worse -- women like her having zero self-worth, or the millions of young girls defending them on social media for their "bravery" and "empowerment". The world is fucked.
I think self-esteem and approval plays a massive part in many peoples' use of social media. Personally, I avoid it. I have never used Twitter or Facebook and doubt I ever will. The way society is set up sorts of makes it quite difficult to self-validate these days. We see this in counselling all the time. People have lost touch with their own valuing systems and seek value via external approval instead. This basically leaves a person needy. If they feel approved of, they can feel happy, but if they feel disapproved of, they can feel wretched.
Although no fan of the group or their music, I saw a programme the other week on a girl group in the UK called Little Mix. Well, it was more specifically about one member of the group, Jesy Nelson, who was slated on social media for supposedly being ''the ugly, fat one'' in the band. It got so bad for her that she eventually avoided turning up to group commitments, and in her darkest moments she took an overdose and tried to kill herself. At the most successful (career-wise) time of her life, she felt at her lowest.
It was interesting how she also posted lots of pictures of herself on social media, but only when she was heavily made-up and looking 'perfect'. That actually struck me as part of the problem itself. Even she was posting unrealistic pictures up online that other insecure females would feel they had to try to live up to, too. Give her her due, she did acknowledge this in the programme. People are so afraid of looking 'imperfect' that they post only the most glamourous, and often airbrushed, touched-up, photoshopped, pictures of themselves. This makes others feel inadequate, so they do the same. In the end, people think the illusion is real. People only seem to post about the good things that happen in their lives, be they true or made up. They don't talk about the mundane routine of putting the bins out or walking to the school in the rain to pick the kids up. All this highly selective posting gives the impression that everyone is glamourous and living a wonderful life in Utopia, and it's only us who are missing out. No wonder so many people feel inadequate, and deeply unhappy as a result.
Being in counselling is an eye-opener, because you get to counsel these supposedly perfect people with perfect lives, and I can tell you that they are as messed up as everyone else and just as unhappy and unfulfilled. Plenty of those with (subjective, of course) good looks, good jobs/careers, plenty of money, car, house, kids etc feel like utter shit inside and are far from content and happy, and probably a million miles from the image of themselves they portray on social media.
The problem with having to seek external approval in order to feel good about yourself is that the need is never satisfied. It's like trying to fill a bottomless pit. Social media is a risk in that it can bring a person all kinds of 'likes' which help prop-up self confidence and esteem, but criticism can really break you. You can leave yourself open and end up only feeling good about yourself if others approve of you. It gives faceless outsiders an awful lot of power over you if you let it. The proof of this is in how many people have committed suicide over their social media experiences. Counselling attempts to help a person to get back in touch with their own valuing system so they can learn to self-validate and feel ok about being themselves, but the way the world is set up these days it makes it so difficult. Most people are consumed by the desire to gain external approval from others, and social media is one potential avenue for that, although it can turn very negative in many cases too. Basically, people will post what they think will gain them approval. That may be on a conscious or subconscious level.
Airbrushed bikini shots will get many a girl approval, but so too will 'brave' and 'empowering' 'warts and all shots', although for different reasons. I think the bottom line is people just need to be liked and approved of, and if they find it difficult to self-validate, they will seek it via other means. It's sad, but the way of the world these days is all about superficiality. All about how we look, what we have. The crazy thing is that we end up wit so many people pretending they are perfect and lead perfect lives, whilst so many of them are a complete mess inside and are falling apart.
