Topic: Stupid Things Your Wife / Husband / Partner Say

[Wait for it!!!]

A few years back when we had drawn Toulouse in the Champs League qualifiers I was sat with the mrs on my laptop

Me: The draws just happened..we're play Toulouse

Mrs: We're play to lose?  Why do we want to lose?

And another classic, on a boring evening ended up flicking round the telly and watched an old school Family Fortunes.  Les Dennis said "In our survey of 100 people we asked them...A number you would remember"

Me: Phone number
Mrs: (blurts out) EIGHT!


You were sat with the Mrs on the laptop!! Game on!!! grrrrr!!!!!

[macca888]

On my life, she's just come in from work and said "I believe Pink Floyd is dead."   

[Ciara (with a capital "C")]

On my life, she's just come in from work and said "I believe Pink Floyd is dead."   

 

[Mouth]

On my life, she's just come in from work and said "I believe Pink Floyd is dead."   

Technically she is correct.

[JimmyGrunt]

My birds sister came out with this tonight:

"Are Seaguls..............


Pigeon's?"

[Des Lynam]

Two recent ones include:

"Is punching someone illegal?"

And

when I was explaining to her that I'd been to Alcatraz a few years back, she had a worried look on her face. I asked her what was up and she said "Didn't all the prisoners try and attack you?" I had to explain to her that it closed in like 1963 and even then she thought I was lying.

There's plenty more...they honestly live on a different planet.

[rednich85]

I was heading to the shop last week

Me: "Heading to the shop, want something for a cuppa?"

Her: "Get me something nice"

Me: "Right, what do you want"

Her: "Anything....something nice, surprise me"

Me: "Every fucking time I go for something for a cuppa, you ask for a surprise, you complain that you didnt want what I got you"

Her: "I'll eat anything, surprise me"

I come back, give her an onion. "here you go, is that a surprise?"

Her: "I can't dip that into my tea"

No shit sherlock

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

I was heading to the shop last week

Me: "Heading to the shop, want something for a cuppa?"

Her: "Get me something nice"

Me: "Right, what do you want"

Her: "Anything....something nice, surprise me"

Me: "Every fucking time I go for something for a cuppa, you ask for a surprise, you complain that you didnt want what I got you"

Her: "I'll eat anything, surprise me"

I come back, give her an onion. "here you go, is that a surprise?"

Her: "I can't dip that into my tea"

No shit sherlock

Good lad

[macca888]

I was heading to the shop last week

Me: "Heading to the shop, want something for a cuppa?"

Her: "Get me something nice"

Me: "Right, what do you want"

Her: "Anything....something nice, surprise me"

Me: "Every fucking time I go for something for a cuppa, you ask for a surprise, you complain that you didnt want what I got you"

Her: "I'll eat anything, surprise me"

I come back, give her an onion. "here you go, is that a surprise?"

Her: "I can't dip that into my tea"

No shit sherlock

 

Same argument applies, every fucking time, if it's the chippy, booking a restaurant, renting a dvd, going the pictures etc etc. The other night, I askd her what type of film she wanted on."A horror" say she. So I stick something on. About ten minutes in, she says "Turn this off. I didn't mean a scary horror film."

Me =      "Well what type of fucking horror film would you like on then, you fucking lunatic?"

[rednich85]

Same argument applies, every fucking time, if it's the chippy, booking a restaurant, renting a dvd, going the pictures etc etc. The other night, I askd her what type of film she wanted on."A horror" say she. So I stick something on. About ten minutes in, she says "Turn this off. I didn't mean a scary horror film."

Me =      "Well what type of fucking horror film would you like on then, you fucking lunatic?"

Exactly, day to day is a fucking battle!!

[Ciara (with a capital "C")]

It sounds like you were just dealt bad hands, men. Ahem. 

[Oingy Boingy]

Took the dog and the girlfriend out for a walk out in the country on Easter Sunday, whilst walking past an old cross in a field she blerts out "so this is were Jesus died"...were the fuck do you start

[macca888]

It sounds like you were just dealt bad hands, men. Ahem. 

You're way too young for me, but thanks for asking   

Took the dog and the girlfriend out for a walk out in the country on Easter Sunday, whilst walking past an old cross in a field she blerts out "so this is were Jesus died"...were the fuck do you start

You should have said "No. It's where you're going to be buried. Then hit her over the head with a shovel, bury her, and get one of your mates to vouch that you were in the alehouse with them all night. Not that I've though this through or anything, you understand   

[Terry de Niro]

"Let's get married?"

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

"Let's get married?"

I'd Throw my best pumps on,and..................FUCKING LEGGIT!!

'YOU WONT CATCH ME YA SOFT COW'

[Mouth]

"Let's get married?"

[lainey]

My wife- I don't want nothing for my birthday.

she's right there :-)

[VintageRed74]

I was stuck in a loveless, sexless boring relationship for 13 years (you do less for murder) and in all honesty i only put up with it because of our two children. Anyways my new girlfriend is lovely, we laugh, we have fun, the sex is great and im crazy about her, however over the past few weeks she has started to say things like "what are you thinking ?".

What is that all about and is it just a woman thing ?

[Mouth]

I was stuck in a loveless, sexless boring relationship for 13 years (you do less for murder) and in all honesty i only put up with it because of our two children. Anyways my new girlfriend is lovely, we laugh, we have fun, the sex is great and im crazy about her, however over the past few weeks she has started to say things like "what are you thinking ?".

What is that all about and is it just a woman thing ?

Havent you realised yet that you arent even allowed to be alone in your own head? They must know and control everything. Next time she asks, just say "you" If she wants you to elaborate, say you were just thinking how lucky you feel you are to be with her.

Never tell the truth, never say nothing, they dont believe that and saying titties and football is a no go as well.

[Ciara (with a capital "C")]

I was stuck in a loveless, sexless boring relationship for 13 years (you do less for murder) and in all honesty i only put up with it because of our two children. Anyways my new girlfriend is lovely, we laugh, we have fun, the sex is great and im crazy about her, however over the past few weeks she has started to say things like "what are you thinking ?".

What is that all about and is it just a woman thing ?

Should we not say things like this? 

What was your response VR74?

[Welshred]

Should we not say things like this? 

No, because the majority of the time we give the answer that is the truth "nothing" which is unacceptable apparently as we must be thinking something. Well, never underestimate a man's ability to be vacant!

[Brian Blessed]

I have actually started answering the "what are you thinking" question. The problem is, it's always some random thing, and then I have to explain why I am thinking it.

"I was wondering if grass is tasty."

"Why were you thinking that?"

"Well, I was thinking about the trip we're taking to Disney in December, and that made me think about Goofy, and I started wondering what species he is, and decided that he had to be at least part cow. Then I started wondering if he ate grass likes cows, and hence what grass tastes like."

I love it always turns out that I appear to be the crazy one.

[Party Phil]

Should we not say things like this? 

95% of the time the honest answer would be 'nothing', 'football' or 'tits' so it's probably not worth the effort of asking

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

Another question that does my fucking head in,is 'What you done today'

You tell them 'Nothing really' even if you have done something,but cant be arsed talking about,and they get in a huff.and when you ask them,they come out with some shit about Soaking in the bath or painting their fucking toenails.

They think thats actually worth fucking discussing give me fucking strength

[Mouth]

Apparently the world doesnt revolve around Liverpool football club.

[macca888]

I was stuck in a loveless, sexless boring relationship for 13 years (you do less for murder) and in all honesty i only put up with it because of our two children. Anyways my new girlfriend is lovely, we laugh, we have fun, the sex is great and im crazy about her, however over the past few weeks she has started to say things like "what are you thinking ?".

What is that all about and is it just a woman thing ?

Right, get yourself ready for some decent advice mate -

Next time she asks, stare blankly at the floor for a little while, start shaking and then burst out crying. Act as if you're in one of those PTSD situations, and she's just rocked you right back into "the moment." Then tell her that your ex always used to ask you questions like that, and she totally destroyed your self confidence, because no answer was ever good enough for her. Then tell her how different you thought she was from other girls, and that you thought you might have something special, but the very fact that she asked that question might make you doubt that. She'll feel as guilty as fuck, and rather than ask you any more daft fucking questions, you might get a bit of fucking peace and quiet, and possibly a blow job to cheer you up. It's worth looking like a soft c*nt for half an hour for a lifetime of peace.

If however, she doesn't take the bait, just tell her that you were wondering if the bird out of In Bruges takes it up the tailpipe.

[VintageRed74]

Thanx guys and gals, forgot to check for any answers last nite as the little men in my head were running around in a blind panic trying to come up with something significant or romantic to say to her when after sex she asked the what are you thinking ? question again, i told her that i never imagined sex could feel like that, to be honest i was thinking what aquliani will be like when he gets fit and if when he is fit will rafa revert to playing stevie off nando 

[rednich85]

Thanx guys and gals, forgot to check for any answers last nite as the little men in my head were running around in a blind panic trying to come up with something significant or romantic to say to her when after sex she asked the what are you thinking ?

Just do what I do

Nice prompt reply

"Anal next"

[Chivasino]

Another question that does my fucking head in,is 'What you done today'

You tell them 'Nothing really' even if you have done something,but cant be arsed talking about,and they get in a huff.and when you ask them,they come out with some shit about Soaking in the bath or painting their fucking toenails.

They think thats actually worth fucking discussing give me fucking strength

This is spot on.

Get home from work, and you get the enevitable question "so how was work today?"

"Was alright. How was your day?"

Half an hour later and I'm still listening to details on clients, partners, cases and the latest exploits of the nympho secretary (which can be mildly interesting).

What I couldn't believe was how my Mrs could discuss a parking ticket we got with her best mate for twenty minutes. I didn't feel the need to discuss it with anyone. Pay it and move on.

[waittillmay]

You know how the 'Villa' in David Villa is pronounced? An ex of mine used to reckon Aston Villa was pronounced that way.

I once knew someone who pronounced Barca(as in barcelona)- Barka(sounded the c as a K not a "s")
Also knew someone who swore that a dressing gown was infact called a dressing down...cos you dress down when youre in it at home. ahem.


but then we've all done and said and thought stupid things too.

[kitano]

Just a mate, but just then, heres how the conversation went:


Me: "Staying up for the boxing on at like 4am"

Her: "anoo i wana wait up n watch it bu dnt think im guna be able to manage it haha"

Me: "undercard not on till 2 either"

Her: "Dnt kno him ??"

Hmmmm.....

[macca888]

Just a mate, but just then, heres how the conversation went:


Me: "Staying up for the boxing on at like 4am"

Her: "anoo i wana wait up n watch it bu dnt think im guna be able to manage it haha"

Me: "undercard not on till 2 either"

Her: "Dnt kno him ??"

Hmmmm.....

You should fuxking box her round her ring for two hours for saying that!

[7777]

"It's tomorrow isn't it"

 

[Valore]

I once knew someone who pronounced Barca(as in barcelona)- Barka(sounded the c as a K not a "s")

Actually a lot of people myself included do that

I pronounce the full Barcelona with the 's' sound, but when its abbreviated, I call it Barka. It sounds right, and if I pronounce it Barse, I always find a part of me wanting to say the whole thing wasting the whole point of the abbreviation anyway

An ex of mine, who I still miss, once asked me for a kidney. I could not tell if she was joking or serious.

[MBL?]

"Wrong hole".

[macca888]

"Wrong hole".

To which your immediate response should have been - "Why, am I in your minge?"

[Lo]

Did you all go to the same "stupid party" to meet these woman? I have never known such a group of complete idiots as the woman you ALL seem to have found, coincidence? or not you choose........

[waittillmay]

Did you all go to the same "stupid party" to meet these woman? I have never known such a group of complete idiots as the woman you ALL seem to have found, coincidence? or not you choose........

no, men love idiotic women.

[Mouth]

Did you all go to the same "stupid party" to meet these woman? I have never known such a group of complete idiots as the woman you ALL seem to have found, coincidence? or not you choose........

Nah, its just that generally all woman be stupid.

[macca888]

Did you all go to the same "stupid party" to meet these woman? I have never known such a group of complete idiots as the woman you ALL seem to have found, coincidence? or not you choose........

In all fairness Lo, this is the "stupid things they say" thread, not the "intellectual and stimulating debates we have with our wives" thread and isn't intended to paint them in the greatest light. So it might not be an accurate representation of our wives. Put a youtube compilation clip of Torres' worst moments together and you'd think he was a shite footballer if you didn't know him wouldn't you? Having said that, Mouth and Capon only go out with complete fucking retards