Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny  (Read 665131 times)

Offline Barneylfc∗

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #200 on: July 6, 2016, 03:30:37 pm »
Bonnie Tyler has released a video of goalkeeping blunders - it's just totally clips of Joe Hart
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Offline SOHC

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #201 on: July 11, 2016, 06:38:10 am »
A girl returns to her family home in Cork after years of estrangement to find her father standing in the doorstep

Father: "We haven't seen you in years. Before I let you back in this house you have to explain what path in life has kept you away with no contact for so long"

The daughter looks to the ground and wells up with tears

"I can't, it's too shameful"

Father: "I'm still your father, love. Whisper it to my ear if you're ashamed"

The girl leans to her father's ear and begins to whisper as a dark cloud falls over her father's face

After hearing what she had to say he roars with anger "Get out of my site, you're no daughter of mine!!!"

Desperate, the daughter breaks down in tears.."father....I'm so sorry!! I had no money and nowhere to go and had no choice but to become a prostitute!"

Father: "PROSTITUE?? Fk me love, I thought you said you'd become a protestant. Come on in, I'll put the kettle on"

Online TepidT2O

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #202 on: July 11, 2016, 06:58:09 am »
:lmao
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
“Generosity always pays off. Generosity in your effort, in your work, in your kindness, in the way you look after people and take care of people. In the long run, if you are generous with a heart, and with humanity, it always pays off.”
W

Online oldfordie

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #203 on: July 20, 2016, 10:34:08 am »


Lionel Messi has been offered a new contract with Barcelona on a massive £450,000 a week!!

Which after tax is about £450,000 a week.

It might take our producers five minutes to find 60 economists who feared Brexit and five hours to find a sole voice who espoused it.
“But by the time we went on air we simply had one of each; we presented this unequal effort to our audience as balance. It wasn’t.”
               Emily Maitlis

Offline bigbonedrawky

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #204 on: July 24, 2016, 10:39:43 pm »
A girl returns to her family home in Cork after years of estrangement to find her father standing in the doorstep

Father: "We haven't seen you in years. Before I let you back in this house you have to explain what path in life has kept you away with no contact for so long"

The daughter looks to the ground and wells up with tears

"I can't, it's too shameful"

Father: "I'm still your father, love. Whisper it to my ear if you're ashamed"

The girl leans to her father's ear and begins to whisper as a dark cloud falls over her father's face

After hearing what she had to say he roars with anger "Get out of my site, you're no daughter of mine!!!"

Desperate, the daughter breaks down in tears.."father....I'm so sorry!! I had no money and nowhere to go and had no choice but to become a prostitute!"

Father: "PROSTITUE?? Fk me love, I thought you said you'd become a protestant. Come on in, I'll put the kettle on"
So was the father a Builder or a Traveller ?

Offline Barneylfc∗

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #205 on: July 24, 2016, 10:41:35 pm »
I walked past the fridge the other night and thought I could hear an onion singing a Bee Gees song. Turned out it was just the chives talking
Craig Burnley V West Ham - WEST HAM WIN - INCORRECT

Offline Shady Craig

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #206 on: July 24, 2016, 11:56:11 pm »
I walked past the fridge the other night and thought I could hear an onion singing a Bee Gees song. Turned out it was just the chives talking
This shite joke surely must of broke the servers.

Offline Barneylfc∗

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #207 on: July 24, 2016, 11:58:57 pm »
It must have.
Craig Burnley V West Ham - WEST HAM WIN - INCORRECT

Offline Andy Hunter

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #208 on: July 25, 2016, 10:50:47 am »
What did one eye say to the other?

In between us something smells
Did Shevchenko score his rebound?
Why was there an ambulance behind the goal for Tommason's Penalty?
HOW DID GUDJOHNSEN MISS??

Offline jed the red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #209 on: July 27, 2016, 11:21:54 pm »
The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia while trekking across the Antarctic.



 Paramedics said he could have done with another coat.

Offline Purple Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #210 on: July 27, 2016, 11:23:28 pm »
Got very emotional at the petrol station today.

Started filling up and everything.

Offline Les Willis

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #211 on: July 27, 2016, 11:28:13 pm »
If David Schwimmer ever appeared on a 70's kids TV programme it should have been Why don't you.. It would have been Ross on Why don't you...

(I made this up...)  :-X

Offline aggerdid

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #212 on: July 28, 2016, 08:28:42 am »
I have a car made out of spaghetti. Me mum didn't believe me till i drove past her(pasta)
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey - Kenji Miyazawa

Offline steviek

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #213 on: July 28, 2016, 03:21:42 pm »
My girlfriend left me when she discovered my Pasta fetish,

So i'm feeling Cannelloni now.

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #214 on: July 28, 2016, 03:36:16 pm »
If David Schwimmer ever appeared on a 70's kids TV programme it should have been Why don't you.. It would have been Ross on Why don't you...

(I made this up...)  :-X


Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #215 on: July 28, 2016, 04:00:09 pm »

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #216 on: July 28, 2016, 04:45:31 pm »
Anyone heard about these new corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines everywhere.
Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #217 on: July 28, 2016, 04:48:05 pm »
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.


Teacher: These white boards really are great!
Johnny: Yes,they're remarkable.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2016, 04:52:12 pm by Medellin »
Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline kopite17

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #218 on: July 28, 2016, 04:51:02 pm »
just been tesco and exchanged 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

i cant believe the currant exchange rate.

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #219 on: July 28, 2016, 08:23:42 pm »
What was Forrest Gump's password?

1Forrest1

Offline Les Willis

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #220 on: July 28, 2016, 09:02:29 pm »

Offline jed the red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #221 on: July 28, 2016, 09:39:05 pm »
Did you know?

The average human body contains enough bones to make a skeleton!

Offline AlphaDelta

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #222 on: July 29, 2016, 08:28:38 am »
I went to a fancy dress party last weekend dressed as a loaf of bread, it was great - the birds were all over me.....  :D
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Offline Barrow Shaun

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #223 on: July 29, 2016, 03:44:21 pm »
In an interview for a job at a chemical plant the interviewer says:

"Right, I'm now going to test your knowledge of chemicals. What do you know about nitrate?"

Interviewee: "Well I'd think it'd be time and a half or something?"
officially accepted RAWK source of information

Offline capt k

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #224 on: August 3, 2016, 07:19:57 am »
My partner asked me if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the battery out of the smoke detector !!!!!
JFT 96

Offline Solomon Grundy

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #225 on: August 4, 2016, 05:39:50 am »
In an interview for a job at a chemical plant the interviewer says:

"Right, I'm now going to test your knowledge of chemicals. What do you know about nitrate?"

Interviewee: "Well I'd think it'd be time and a half or something?"

;D

Offline Solomon Grundy

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #226 on: August 4, 2016, 05:40:30 am »
I went to a fancy dress party last weekend dressed as a loaf of bread, it was great - the birds were all over me.....  :D

 Haha! :D

Offline only6times

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #227 on: August 4, 2016, 08:36:21 am »
What type of bees produce milk?

Boo.
bitter,not me.a granddad,but I'm not even 40

Offline liversaint

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #228 on: August 7, 2016, 08:59:25 pm »
What do you do if a bird shits on your head?




Finish with her....
You say Honey? I say Fuck off.

You dont win friends with Salad

There is another option. Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.

Offline bigbonedrawky

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #229 on: August 8, 2016, 12:36:27 am »
Neighbour came around the other day with newborn baby. I even offered to hold the baby and she said "No you might drop her"
Yeah right... Like I haven't got a hundred and fifty seven different ways to hurt that baby.   

Offline terrible suits

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #230 on: August 8, 2016, 03:12:17 am »
My life.

Offline Bucke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #231 on: August 8, 2016, 09:35:04 am »
Neighbour came around the other day with newborn baby. I even offered to hold the baby and she said "No you might drop her"
Yeah right... Like I haven't got a hundred and fifty seven different ways to hurt that baby.   

I dont get this
@johnbuckels

Offline Jimmy Conway

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #232 on: August 8, 2016, 12:38:52 pm »
I went to a fancy dress party last weekend dressed as a loaf of bread, it was great - the birds were all over me.....  :D

My father in law cracks a similar one on a weekly basis.

"I've got a new after-shave called breadcrumbs. The birds love it"

Offline bigbonedrawky

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #233 on: August 8, 2016, 03:12:08 pm »
I dont get this
That's because you're a good person  :)

Neighbour came round yesterday. Three days lying face down in a pool of vomit ... In MY f*cking bathroom, cheeky twat.         

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #234 on: August 8, 2016, 08:10:37 pm »
A few..

Always borrow money from a pessimist.
He won’t expect it back.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.

Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline Andy Hunter

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #235 on: August 9, 2016, 05:16:08 pm »
Why did 6 get scared?

Because 7 8 9
Did Shevchenko score his rebound?
Why was there an ambulance behind the goal for Tommason's Penalty?
HOW DID GUDJOHNSEN MISS??

Offline terrible suits

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #236 on: August 9, 2016, 05:51:19 pm »
Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9

Fixed that for you.

Offline bigbonedrawky

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #237 on: August 9, 2016, 05:56:42 pm »
Guy walks up to me in a pub and called me a "c*nt". So I told him staight ...
"Listen pal that's f*cking fighting talk where I come from"
"So why aint you fighting you f*cking c*nt "   
"Oh I've moved now you know".

Offline Party Phil

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #238 on: August 9, 2016, 06:55:33 pm »
Guy walks up to me in a pub and called me a "c*nt". So I told him staight ...
"Listen pal that's f*cking fighting talk where I come from"
"So why aint you fighting you f*cking c*nt "   
"Oh I've moved now you know".

They're meant to be bad and funny, not just bad
If you're lying, I'll chop your head off.

Offline bigbonedrawky

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #239 on: August 10, 2016, 11:00:15 pm »
They're meant to be bad and funny, not just bad
I'm sure the millionaire comedian I shamelessly stole it from agrees  ...

Stood outside shop 2am in the morning when a Police car pulls up. Copper leans out and says "on your way, you're loitering" I told him though "Shopkeeper told me to mind that dogsh*t and he hasn't come back yet "

Once camped out for the New Year Sales and got arrested in the early hours... loitering within tent.