Topic: Wayne Bridge gets a phone call.

[mickl]

" Wayne, it's Fabio Capello here. I just got a call from John Terry, he says he's lost the England captain's armband."
"Do me a favour and have a look under your bed."

[AB LFC]

Wayne Bridge just got his missus a giant chocolate cock made by Cadburys. She threw it in the bin straight away, insisting she prefers Terrys!

[Chat Rifles]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge walk into a pub. The bartender says 'Wow! John Terry and Wayne Bridge'.
'That's right' said Terry 'pleased to meet your acquaintance'
'Can I get you lads something to drink?' asked the landlord
'I'll have a pint of cider please' requested Bridge politely
'Just an orange juice for me please' said Terry 'I've got a game against Hull at 8 o'clock tonight'
'I know' said the bartender 'In fact this we like to show the games on TV'
'Too bad it's not on Sky' lamented the Man City full-back
'But Crystal Palace v Wolves is on ITV4' remembered Terry
'Not in this pub' added the bartender abruptly
'Why not?' asked Bridge incredulously 'Are you a Millwall fan?'
'No it's because you're not in England now. This is Hong Kong!'
'Oh crumbs!' exclaimed Terry. 'I've inexplicably travelled to Asia with former teammate and friend Wayne Bridge - the very person with whom I'm currently embroiled in a tabloid scandal. Now how on earth am I going to get to the KC stadium by eight to help the lads in our title quest?'
'I don't know' said the bartender 'in fact I don't really speak English 你識唔識講廣東話?'
'Quick Wayne' thought Terry 'let's make a dash to the nearest taxi stand'
'Hold on John' said Bridge 'I'm still injured remember. It's not like you to be inconsiderate'
'I'm sorry Wayne. Please finish your cider.'

[LFCfan4Life]

is that meant to be funny?

[Lent§]

WTF is that all about?

[Party Phil]

Chat Rifles' psychiatrist gets a phone call.

[sminp]

Eh? I must still be smashed lol

[BIGdavalad]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge walk into a pub. The bartender says 'Wow! John Terry and Wayne Bridge'.

Looks like I chose the wrong week to stop sniffing glue

[ollick]

What the fuck is that all about??

[C]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge walk into a pub. .....'I'm sorry Wayne. Please finish your cider.'

what planet are you on you meff

[amir87]

I really don't know why, but that made me laugh 

[Lent§]

I've read that post 4 or 5 times now, just incase i was being a div. I've come to the conclusion chat rifles is on crack.

[AriGold]

I was building myself up for a good punchline,  then realised its a load of drivel

[finchy1972]

Wtf ? 

[rotistgeil]

Google translate is really shit I guess 

[The Jackal]

   hahaha - it's funny cos it's so shit!!

[carling]

Haha you fucking lunatic!

Made me laugh out loud though so job done!

[SP]

Suspecting it may be a code, I put it through Google Translate - from English to French to German to Japanese to English. It now makes perfect sense:

John Terry, Wayne Bridge pub. Bartender, "Wow opinion! John Terry, Wayne Bridge."
"That's right," Terry said, "happiness as your friend," he said
Drinking "something that" questions of the host
"I please," he must be careful of the bridge in a pint of cider
"But for me, orange juice, thank you", "8 tonight, my clock," Terry says the match against Hull in
"I know," said a bartender, "In fact, our TV 'and want to play on show
"It is too full Sky, City regrets bad back
"But the Crystal Palace V wolf 'ITV4, Terry oblivion
"Do not publishing this," said the bartender suddenly
"Why?" He is with deep questions Bridge 'or a fan of the mill?
"That is, you are in England now. This is Hong Kong!"
"Oh crumb," said Terry. "I travel in some inexplicable reason, Wayne Bridge and his former teammate and friend to Asia - is, many of them now and I said I'm in the middle of tabloid scandal. Well, I do eight KC Stadium on earth comes from the title, Google search is all you help?
"I said," the bartender said, "Actually, I do not really speak English, I do not know 唔识 讲广 东话 你识?
Quick Wayne "Terry" Let's make a dash for the nearest taxi stand, "I thought
' "Said John Bridge hold state:" I'm still hurt the memory. It's not like a disease "
'I'm sorry Wayne. Please fill in your cider.
"Wayne and I'm sorry. Stops your cider."

[TonyTheRed]

  hahaha - it's funny cos it's so shit!!

[INABITSKI]

Oh no's... Go hide away 

[sminp]

To the tune of "London Bridge"

Mrs Bridge is going down,
going down, going down
Mrs Bridge is going down,
on John Terry.

Takes his tool both back and front,
back and front, back and front,
likes it in her ass and c*nt
oh John Terry.

Likes to guzzle down his cream,
down his cream, down his cream
when she takes a breath she steams
oh John Terry.

Shoots his load over her tits
over her tits, over her tits
wipes it on her lower bits
Oh John Terry

Wayney Bridge walks in the door,
in the door, in the door,
catches them both on the floor.
He's not merry

Wades in with his feet and fists,
feet and fists, feet and fists,
bustes both of John Boy's wrists
boots his belly.

Terry's ribs they bend and bow,
bend and bow, bend and bow,
then his face takes a large blow,
turns to jelly

[CarlitoB]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge walk into a pub. The bartender says 'Wow! John Terry and Wayne Bridge'.
'That's right' said Terry 'pleased to meet your acquaintance'
'Can I get you lads something to drink?' asked the landlord
'I'll have a pint of cider please' requested Bridge politely
'Just an orange juice for me please' said Terry 'I've got a game against Hull at 8 o'clock tonight'
'I know' said the bartender 'In fact this we like to show the games on TV'
'Too bad it's not on Sky' lamented the Man City full-back
'But Crystal Palace v Wolves is on ITV4' remembered Terry
'Not in this pub' added the bartender abruptly
'Why not?' asked Bridge incredulously 'Are you a Millwall fan?'
'No it's because you're not in England now. This is Hong Kong!'
'Oh crumbs!' exclaimed Terry. 'I've inexplicably travelled to Asia with former teammate and friend Wayne Bridge - the very person with whom I'm currently embroiled in a tabloid scandal. Now how on earth am I going to get to the KC stadium by eight to help the lads in our title quest?'
'I don't know' said the bartender 'in fact I don't really speak English 你識唔識講廣東話?'
'Quick Wayne' thought Terry 'let's make a dash to the nearest taxi stand'
'Hold on John' said Bridge 'I'm still injured remember. It's not like you to be inconsiderate'
'I'm sorry Wayne. Please finish your cider.'

Best.  Joke.  Ever.

It's like a David Lynch film, I'll be trying to work out the meaning for years to come.

Congratulations sir.

[RossoBianchi]

Ashley Cole got caught speeding doing 104mph down the A3. When the police asked why he was going so fast he replied, 'I just heard John Terry's car was parked outside my house!'

[TipTopKop]

good opening post, no idea what that Hong Kong story was about though

[redgriffin73]

This thread is hilarious.

[Livid]

Wayne Bridge has refused to play for England after finding out his girlfriend cheated on him with John Terry. Unconfirmed reports claim Fabio Capello has given Terry two Viagras and sent him round Emile Heskey's house.

[Ultimate Bromance]

That Hong Kong story, fucking hell

[safhossain03]

'Oh crumbs!' exclaimed Terry. 'I've inexplicably travelled to Asia with former teammate and friend Wayne Bridge - the very person with whom I'm currently embroiled in a tabloid scandal. Now how on earth am I going to get to the KC stadium by eight to help the lads in our title quest?'

I found this bit amusing.

[Crosby Nick]

am i the only one who got that joke then?

[C]

am i the only one who got that joke then?

please tell, because im dying to see the humour in it.

[In the Name of Klopp]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge walk into a pub. The bartender says 'Wow! John Terry and Wayne Bridge'.
'That's right' said Terry 'pleased to meet your acquaintance'
'Can I get you lads something to drink?' asked the landlord
'I'll have a pint of cider please' requested Bridge politely
'Just an orange juice for me please' said Terry 'I've got a game against Hull at 8 o'clock tonight'
'I know' said the bartender 'In fact this we like to show the games on TV'
'Too bad it's not on Sky' lamented the Man City full-back
'But Crystal Palace v Wolves is on ITV4' remembered Terry
'Not in this pub' added the bartender abruptly
'Why not?' asked Bridge incredulously 'Are you a Millwall fan?'
'No it's because you're not in England now. This is Hong Kong!'
'Oh crumbs!' exclaimed Terry. 'I've inexplicably travelled to Asia with former teammate and friend Wayne Bridge - the very person with whom I'm currently embroiled in a tabloid scandal. Now how on earth am I going to get to the KC stadium by eight to help the lads in our title quest?'
'I don't know' said the bartender 'in fact I don't really speak English 你識唔識講廣東話?'
'Quick Wayne' thought Terry 'let's make a dash to the nearest taxi stand'
'Hold on John' said Bridge 'I'm still injured remember. It's not like you to be inconsiderate'
'I'm sorry Wayne. Please finish your cider.'

Dude, you need to stop smoking all that weed 

[TipTopKop]

Dude, you need to stop smoking all that weed 

that's my only conclusion !

[phonic]

This is a cracking thread! I'm glad that I'm not the only one confused by that Hong Kong thing.

[Raul!]

Calls for a reprise of that famous Rod Marsh - Ian Botham gag.

Botham walks in to bat and Marsh says to him:

"Hey Ian!  How's your wife?"

















"and my kids"

[Chivasino]

Calls for a reprise of that famous Rod Marsh - Ian Botham gag.

Botham walks in to bat and Marsh says to him:

"Hey Ian!  How's your wife?"

"and my kids"

I think the reply was "The wife is fine, the kids are retarded."

[Caffeine]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge walk into a pub. The bartender says 'Wow! John Terry and Wayne Bridge'.
'That's right' said Terry 'pleased to meet your acquaintance'
'Can I get you lads something to drink?' asked the landlord
'I'll have a pint of cider please' requested Bridge politely
'Just an orange juice for me please' said Terry 'I've got a game against Hull at 8 o'clock tonight'
'I know' said the bartender 'In fact this we like to show the games on TV'
'Too bad it's not on Sky' lamented the Man City full-back
'But Crystal Palace v Wolves is on ITV4' remembered Terry
'Not in this pub' added the bartender abruptly
'Why not?' asked Bridge incredulously 'Are you a Millwall fan?'
'No it's because you're not in England now. This is Hong Kong!'
'Oh crumbs!' exclaimed Terry. 'I've inexplicably travelled to Asia with former teammate and friend Wayne Bridge - the very person with whom I'm currently embroiled in a tabloid scandal. Now how on earth am I going to get to the KC stadium by eight to help the lads in our title quest?'
'I don't know' said the bartender 'in fact I don't really speak English 你識唔識講廣東話?'
'Quick Wayne' thought Terry 'let's make a dash to the nearest taxi stand'
'Hold on John' said Bridge 'I'm still injured remember. It's not like you to be inconsiderate'
'I'm sorry Wayne. Please finish your cider.'

Congratulations. That's the worst joke I've ever heard. It's not even an anti-joke. Massive fail.

[Caffeine]

Suspecting it may be a code, I put it through Google Translate - from English to French to German to Japanese to English. It now makes perfect sense:

[INABITSKI]

I think the reply was "The wife is fine, the kids are retarded."

 

[Bennyo]

John Terry and Wayne Bridge walk into a pub. The bartender says 'Wow! John Terry and Wayne Bridge'.
'That's right' said Terry 'pleased to meet your acquaintance'
'Can I get you lads something to drink?' asked the landlord
'I'll have a pint of cider please' requested Bridge politely
'Just an orange juice for me please' said Terry 'I've got a game against Hull at 8 o'clock tonight'
'I know' said the bartender 'In fact this we like to show the games on TV'
'Too bad it's not on Sky' lamented the Man City full-back
'But Crystal Palace v Wolves is on ITV4' remembered Terry
'Not in this pub' added the bartender abruptly
'Why not?' asked Bridge incredulously 'Are you a Millwall fan?'
'No it's because you're not in England now. This is Hong Kong!'
'Oh crumbs!' exclaimed Terry. 'I've inexplicably travelled to Asia with former teammate and friend Wayne Bridge - the very person with whom I'm currently embroiled in a tabloid scandal. Now how on earth am I going to get to the KC stadium by eight to help the lads in our title quest?'
'I don't know' said the bartender 'in fact I don't really speak English 你識唔識講廣東話?'
'Quick Wayne' thought Terry 'let's make a dash to the nearest taxi stand'
'Hold on John' said Bridge 'I'm still injured remember. It's not like you to be inconsiderate'
'I'm sorry Wayne. Please finish your cider.'

That, combined with your avatar is fucking. genius.

*edit* In fact the more I think about it, I think it's one of the all time greatest posts on here.

[AndyInVA]

lifted from sickopedia
but definetly in that "oh dear" category

The Terry's diet - i hear it makes you shed a few pounds instantly.